Broken
by vixangel
Summary: Buffy isn't handling Angel leaving, she's all broken so lets fix her! Buffy S4, Angel S1. Starts slow but gets better! Definate M. NOW COMPLETE..FINALLY lol. Thank you so much for your support. A good read I've been told, you know you want 2 D xxxx
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing. Unfortunately. I am slightly in love with David Boreanez (as I presume most of you are lol) its slightly unhealthy but what's a girl to do ey? But what I wouldn't give to own him! Well not own him but ...lol who am I kidding DB or Angel..mmmmmmmm (new series of Bones last week- Yum! And how frikking funny!) oh right fic...lol anyhooo...

Pairings: B/A of course!! I haven't decided on the others just yet, Obviously W/O but I'm not sure on the others. TBH I'm not sure who is gonna turn up and whose not, we will both have to wait and see!

Spoilers: Cannonish up till S3 BTVS. Bits and Bobs (have not said that in like forever!) from BTVS S4 and A:ts S1 but will go my own way from there. Ohhh yeh Pretend Earshot didn't happen, because I'm quite tempted to put my own spin on it at some point during this fic, hehe!

Summary: Buffy's not doing so well without Angel, so lets get our favourite couple back together! Very bad summary, so bad you wouldn't believe, so please read! Basically starts getting our couple back together, eventually. Then my own little B/A series. Like a world of goodness. I can't wait!

A/N 1 I have yet to decide on the appearance of Dawn in this fic. TBH I cant stand the whiny brat but let me know in reviews if you think she would be beneficial to add anywhere.

A/N 2 I also really really can't stand Riley! What a completely useless, badly scripted, totally pathetic cow loving loser he is! (I feel very passionate about this lol and think it was completely wrong for all the characters and joss would be ashamed till his dying day!) So no offence to Riley lovers out there, each to there own (even if it does make u slightly erm, deranged ;) in a nice way of course lol) but if he does show up, I doubt it will be pleasant.

A/N 3 **_Angelus' thoughts/words are like this_**

**Thoughts, Feelings and a General Beginning**

Her picture seemed to mock him with its brilliance, although he could touch it all he liked, he could never truly be apart of it. Not any more, not since he left her. Now his life, once again was surrounded by darkness. This may seem ironic considering the he in question is a vampire and has been for over 200 years, but briefly, for a three year reprieve, he was bought out of the darkness and into the light by the object of his affection. The Slayer. _Slayer comma The,_ _look it up_. Buffy.

The one thing that made this particular vampire unique was itself, in shatters. His soul. The soul that resides in this body, once over run by the demon, lay in pieces, searching out for its mate who he had voluntarily left behind, who now also lays in shatters.

_I want my life to be with you_

_I don't_

The greatest lie he had ever told. Ever. Not once during all his soulless up most evil years, or his human drunk whoring years had he ever told a lie so profound and now, now he was paying the consequences. Alone in the City of Angels. Not the best description he thought. LA. Los Angeles. A hot bed of crime, sin and unspeakable acts, from both demon and human alike. Oh yeh he fit right in. A city full of people who are out for themselves, out to get others, people who have made the wrong turns and then the people who have no where else to go. Some stuck after seeking fame and fortune in the sunny fake gold lined streets only to find under all that glamour and dreams, there was nothing but dirt. Under paid jobs, flaunting your body and a city lacking morals, truth and heart. Then of course, there is one who came to this particular city, yes to fight against the demons and their crimes, to protect the innocent and those too naïve to protect themselves. Mostly however, there is one that came to the city of angels, purely because he could not bring himself to be any further apart from what he had left behind.

His demon, buried deep inside him, under the shattered layers of soul cursed with rage at the feelings provoked from being apart from its mate. It had come to light after the re-ensouling that the demon had also found its mate in Buffy Summers. At first the demon had denied it, hell bent on destroying what provoked these feelings. So profound as they were, his mission was to destroy the slayer on every level to the same extent he himself felt violated.

A demon did not love, so he turned to the flip side of love. Hate. A demon did hate. For months he kept up the torture, against her, her friends and the innocents she was born to protect. Despite his 'best' intentions he began to notice something. Although he saw torture as an art from and had infinite wells of patience, he looked at what he had accomplished over there time together. Yes he had killed innocents, the only ones directly connected to Buffy however had been a classmate. Yes he had inflicted mental torture and caused her emotional pain, but what had he The Scourge of Europe really done?

Killed some goldfish.

A hundred years of murder, rape and torture and to extract his greatest revenge, he had killed fish. It drove him insane. By then her friends should have been laid out tortured and drained for her to find. Her family kidnapped and turned for her to find and try and turn to dust. But no. He had killed some fish.

The rage consuming him had led to extreme lengths, to get away from what he was becoming, the whole world would suffer. Acathla. The world sucked in to hell. More importantly, a 17 year old petite blond girl who had bought about the destruction of the great Angelus. Without even trying. And a slayer at that. Irony always was a bitch.

Determined, rage running through his veins with dead and borrowed blood, the demon found himself back on track with a vengeance. Once more himself and wanting to stay that way had to led to one of his proudest moments. Jenny Calender. The death. The seduction scene. The previous betrayal. The watchers love. The pain. The tears. The rage. The Cure.

His finest moment, taking away that shred of newly sprouted hope that the soul should be returned and the pain would stop. However his girl had stayed strong and he had been beaten. The one shining ray had been that it was the soul who had been sent to hell and the knowledge of what that would have done to hiss little slayer. This was short-lived however, because after all, he was right there with the soul, along for the ride.

Packed away under the soul once more the demon had made an acceptance. The slayer was his mate and a worthy one at that. Not that he could do anything about it. She had fought him to the end, kept her spirit despite what she would say and never gave up. Turned she would be truly magnificent, an evil above all else in strength and malice. A demon so dark even he would shudder. But the changes would come at a cost. One the demon had realised he would not be willing to make. The spark inside her, what made Buffy her. What made the slayer exceptional. Her soul. Condemned to a life in darkness. Ah the demon was not as moronic as he thought his soul to be. He understood that the slayer would forever be in darkness, but as she stands she is light herself. His slayer would never have the normal life his soul craved for her. She wouldn't get the picket fence or the kids and grand kids. He could and did accept it. Buffy could and did accept it. The soul would not.

He wanted her to have a normal life he felt she deserved. To have a family that loved her. A life outside of the darkness he lived in. A husband who could take her into the light, make love to her and apparently, take her on a picnic. Apparent this was enough for him to leave her. The hope that whe would one day get all of this. It gave him the strength to walk away. The strength after claiming her as his own. Marking her previously unblemished skin with his brand. A mark that will be a permanent fixture, unlike himself if he has his way. A connection between the two halves of a whole denied due to misconcieved good intentions.

A primal bond between soulmates that starts deep down in the depths of the greatest love and desire and ends in the furthest reaches of passion and loyalty. The bond which is now being denied and causing pain to each of the broken halves.

What he didn't understand, but soon would, was that all she ever needed and all she ever wanted was him. Without him, she is broken.

_A/N OK I am so nervous about this you wouldn't believe. I've not written anything before so be gentle lol. This part turned out slightly different that I expected it to lol. I suppose it sums up a few things and feelings from both Angel and Angelus. It will be a proper fic with dialogue and everything I promise lol. I just started writing and this is what came out. _

_I'm trying to capture the characters as much as I can but still mould them to fit the story. Cannon so far with a few tweaks here and there to fit what I was trying to say. But hey, I'm the author. I'm allowed! _

_Look at me going on, see this is why the chapter didn't turn out how I planned, I cant stop myself! :)_

_SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW, I've never posted a fic before and I wont know whether to keep going if you don't tell me what you think! XXXX_


	2. Chapter 2

OK, so we have just set the scene for Angel and Angelus a bit. Eased you in there. That wont be how the fic is throughout though as it will turn into like a series type thing. With dialogue and all sorts of yummy events happening for your entertainment! Im just starting each chapter with an idea of what I want and seeing what my magic fingers can do. (OK that was wrong. I rephrase...) Im just started each chapther with an idea of what I want and letting my imagination do the rest. (much better).

**Thoughts, Feelings and General Beginnings pt 2**

Broken. Buffy Summers, slayer extraordinaire, was broken. Statue still and alone the slayer sat atop a headstone, empty eyes staring into dark abyss. Or at least thats how she felt. In actual fact they were staring straight ahead, focusing on, well, nothing. Her reason to go on had left. Yes she had the world on her shoulders, but that was her calling. Her job. What she had to do. He, he was _her_ reason. She fought for her life and the lives of others for him. Her friends and family too, but more for him. To make him proud, to keep him safe, to be the person he saw her as. Although that was a double sided coin. On one side, she could be herself, Buffy, Slayer, Woman. No pretenses, no fake smiles or cheer. With him she could just be. On the other side, she felt he put her on a pedestal that she felt she had to strive to live up to. The image that she was pure and good and needed the sunlight and a normal life, when in fact, she was just as much in the dark as he. She was allowed forgiveness and salvation where as he was not. Or rather, where as he would not allow himself it, for she had offered it to him. Gift wrapped. Made him drink from her to save his life. Despite saying she trusted him to stop, she wouldnt have cared if he didnt. In a second she would give her own life for his and do it smiling. Whats more, in fact what was scarier, was that the slayer realised she would take another life for his.

Whilst denying himself this salvation and light in his normally dark life, he also denies hers. The one thing he is trying not to do. She has seen, understood and thrown out his logic. He was scared pure and simple. Either that or he didn't love her. She could quite easily believe that if she was so inclined. A 244 year old legendary vampire with a soul, in love with a 17 year old ex-cheerleader who had sent him to hell? As it was that thought was so utterly horrifying it had been banished almost as soon as it had been created. No she was not so inclined to think that. So settling on him being scared, her thoughts evolved.

She knew his thoughts and his reasons, she understood them despite what he may believe. She is not someone that loves lightly or who is immature in her choices, especially when they literally mean the world. Her life was not going to be long enough to warrant half way feelings or settling for second best. They even make her love him a little more if it were possible. But they were still crap.

He didnt think he was good enough for her and thought he knew best. He didnt trust her love for him to not turn to dispair at their circumstances. Mostly, he didnt trust himself around her. They had opened the door to their passion and keeping it closed was more than he could bear. The slayer understood. Really she did, but she had not given up on him. Never would she turn her back on their love. Despite her actions of unnattention during training or complete dislike of all things books, she had studied and absorbed more facts of demons and vampires than any others realised. She knew what the mark on her neck meant and she knew it would never leave nor did she want it to. It was his mark and she knew it meant she belonged to him. She also knew vampires do not leave there mate once they are marked. He did, he left her after marking her and that broke her heart.

There was no search for a way to bind his soul. There was no vow stay through the bad times. There was no consideration for what she wanted or what she needed. There wasnt a goodbye.

He had given up, and now, so had she.

So now Buffy sat like an empty shell as the newly risen vampire she had been waiting for approached her from behind. She didn't move or flinch or turn around as he got closer and eventually let out a low growl to try and illicit some response or fear from the small girl. The vampire drew his hand back ready to attack and the slayer finally responded twisting and grabbing the fist heading towards her head, plunging her stake into his heart before turning back to resume the exact position as before.

He promised her forever. She was still waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N What has happened since Angel left...He went to LA, met up with Doyle & Cordelia. When Doyle died, Wesley joined the gang too. Gunn has made an appearance. IWRY happened but no gem of Amara, no Faith back, no Yoko Factor, in fact no Riley (god I hate that chump! Watched the one with Tara's birthday yesterday and he pissed me off something chronic and he's hardly in it, all that perfect boyfriend crap..puh-lease!!) I might bring him in to die a painful death or something, now that's always fun.**

Angel walked slowly into the elevator and leaned wearily against the wall. He run a hand down his face and tried to alleviate his tiredness. He had waved off Cordelia's efforts to look at his wounds in favour of returning as quickly as possible to the dark comforts of his apartment. He knew she meant well but sometimes being around her, or people in general was too much and he ached for the confines and solitary existence of his apartment. It was there he could relax and think about what he had left behind and maybe, just maybe get through a night with out having to forcefully stop himself from running full speed back to her.

Earlier that nightCordy had had a vision that had sent the pair along with Wesley and Gunn over to a college party. There someone had inadvertently let in a group of vamps that had decided to make it an all you can eat. Alcohol and hormones had made easy pickings and had made the Powers that be send in the cavalry.

Despite the vamps not being particularly old compared to Angel they had managed to cut a deep slash into his side and his arm whilst he had been distracted. Around the room he could smell the sex and alcohol from the teenagers from before the attack and allowed himself to be distracted when he imagined Buffy in a similar situation now she was attending college. Now his heart ached as he thought of her surrounded by men her own age out in the sunlight laughing and talking about their classes like most people her age. Deep down he knew she was not most people and still had her calling to answer to, for some reason that did not penetrate his mind enough to realise that she was not living the life he had left her to. The life of normality, sunlight, picnics and a future.

He took of his duster, hanging it up and sunk down into his leather chair. Picking the book up from the small table beside it where light from the lamp softly illuminated the room. He let the book fall open to the last page he was reading but did not even pretend he was going to pick up where he left off, instead he picked up his page marker. The same object he had used since he arrived in LA, a picture of Buffy. Granted he changed between the other few pictures of her he had, but always the same subject. This particular picture was one of her in her white dress at the dance after she killed the master. Willow had taken it that night and had given it to him. He rarely used this picture because of the memories that night evoked but for some reason he was a glutton for punishment these days.

Angel sighed heavily and fell into his mind reliving that fateful time. Giles informing him of the prophecy, tell him she was going to die and Buffy hearing him. It had made his long dead heart ache when he heard the fear in her voice and the denial. No one should have to go through knowing when and how they were going to die, especially not a 16 year old girl who should have her life ahead of her. As usual he had the thoughts that he wanted to pick her up and carry her away to protect her from all the evil and hurt and let someone else carry the load, unfortunately it was not an option, it fell to her. Even after she quit he knew she would not turn her back on the world or her friends and would step up and do her duty, which whilst made him proud and love her more, it also terrified him more than anything that she would be taken away from him. He had left to return to his apartment and contemplate what it was he could do to help and how he would cope if the prophecy came to pass and she was taken from him. He didn't think he could live without purpose again and found no need in him to save a world that she wasn't in so greeting the sun seemed a mighty fine choice to him. That is if he couldn't save her later that night, however that was when Xander had knocked at the door to inform him she had already gone. He tried to act nonchalant to see where Xander stood and realised the boy felt himself in love with her.

_You're in love with her._

_Aren't you?_

Yes, he was. Had been since he saw her on the steps of Hemery. However there wasn't a being on this damned earth that would make him give this boy an answer, even if he did already know. Xander showed no fear from him and used the guilt Angel felt over what Angelus had done to find the courage to treat him with such disregard. The fact that Angel felt he deserved it enabled the boy to treat him as such. That and the fact he knew Angel would never harm him, once because of his soul but mostly because of Buffy.

His memories of that night was so vivid he tensed in his chair with fear as he saw Buffy lying face down in that pool all over again. They had been through so much since then and all of it played over and over in his head most nights. Normally he focused on a particular time or too and wondered if he could have done anything different or if he could have stayed away from her if he had tried harder, to save her the pain of Angelus. Also to prevent the damage caused by Angelus. At first he had been surprised by the fact that the damage inflicted was not worse, after all Angelus had been trapped for a hundred years in a body with a soul, unable to feed or kill. He understood now though, Angelus was obsesses with Buffy too, even thought himself in love with her.

**_I do love her soul boy._**

You don't know what love is.

_**The hell I don't. I wouldn't have left her like some pansy ass did!**_

Only because of the chance you could get free again.

**_Well, there is that. Angelus smirked slightly before continuing. You know what being separated from us must be doing to her though. Shes broken. But no, Mr Noble has to sacrifice everything for a fucking picnic!_**

She'll be alright. She doesn't know what the mark means, besides she's at college now, surrounded by boys her own age.

He felt Angelus' anger vividly and sighed again before blocking the curses and shouts from Angelus as well as the thoughts his own words provoked. Move on he had told her. Told her that's what he wanted, yeah right, as much as he wanted Angelus loose or Darla back.

A while and some brooding later Angel slipped into a deep sleep unconsciously searching for his mate. He saw her sitting stock still on a gravestone in one of the many cemeteries in Sunnydale. A crypt behind her and a fresh grave in front of her. He watched silently as she seemed to acknowledge nothing around her and got angry at the complete disregard she was having for her safety. When he saw the fledgling start to rise he panicked as Buffy had made no indication that she knew what was going on. He saw the vampire advancing and the confusion on its face that Buffy had not moved. He called out when the vamp bought its fist back ready to strike but was cut short as Buffy finally reacted with a precision he knew was instinct alone, dusting the vamp before resuming the exact position as before as if she had never moved.

He took his time to run his eyes over her, absorbing every detail like he was starving for a look at her. After getting over the beauty he saw in her he noticed the changes. She was thinner, her shoulders were slumped, the was no banter or wit with the vamp and her eyes were missing the bright spark of life he usually saw there. Her movements were basic and formal unlike her usual flair and passionate style. This was not what was supposed to happen. She was meant to grasp hold of everything good in her life, appreciate it and absorb the light he had left her in. He watched as she slipped off the gravestone to walk forlornly out of the cemetery, no spring in her step, no sway of her hips just a steady left right of her feet with her arms wrapped round her middle. As she left his sight he turned round only to be face to face with her.

"Buffy?" He asked quietly, wondering how she appeared behind him, but still in the questioning wonder his voice seemed to caress her name.

"Angel" She replied in the same way, as if her very soul was comforting his as her mouth formed his name.

"What's going on with you Buffy? What's happened to you?" Angel panicked and took a step towards her.

Buffy retreated a step and looked up directly into his eyes, "You happened to me lover. You left me. You left me and now I'm broken"

"No Buffy, you will be fine. I left for the best. You will be OK without me", he tried to reason with her, maker her understand with his eyes that he left for her own good, not because he wanted to.

"You keep telling yourself that lover" Buffy turned to walk away before finishing "I am broken without you and soon it will be too late to fix me"

"Too late?" He said to himself before moving after her "What do you mean too late?" He called out running after her but getting no closer to her retreating form. Suddenly he found himself awake back on his leather chair, the remains of the dream still stirring through his head.

She'll be fine will she? Idiot

He didn't even bother to answer as he went through every step of the dream in his head. The beginning had felt so real up until she walked away, however when he turned he knew that had not happened. He knew he had made the right decision, although watching her at first had worried him with her behaviour he figured it was just remnants of there break up and the difference from high school to college so she would be back on track in no time. The rest he figured was just worry after the vision from earlier and thoughts manifested from Angelus' taunting earlier. Deep deep down a part of him worried that it was more than that, that it was her soul speaking to him but it was deep enough down for him to ignore. Angelus however, was not.

_**Too right soul boy, what are you playing at. You claim to love her don't you? She's our mate and you know you can feel her calling out for us.**_

MY mate, she is mine! I don't claim to love her, I do, with every inch of my being.

**_Yeh well that includes me idiot. If you loved her so much you would never have left. If you loved her so much then any doubt for her safety should send you running to her side. If you loved her so much-_**

Enough!

**_Getting to you soul boy? You know I'm right, so how about you let me out so I can go save MY mate from your foolishness._**

Never, and she is not your mate, you really think she would ever love you or want to be tied to you?

**_Got me there soul boy, but I know she would rather have me than neither of us at all. And I know she loves me because I'm part of you! I see that, why do you think she couldn't kill me? I guess I am just smarter than you soul boy. We both know that though don't we._**

Stop. Just leave it, she will be fine.

**_You just keep telling yourself that_**

The words so similar to dream just let Angel believe more that it had been Angelus' words that had triggered the end and not a warning. Of course some part of him didn't even believe himself and he made a mental note to give Willy a call. Pushing the dream aside he reached down the side of the chair to pluck one of the whiskey bottles he had left there from the floor. Not bothering with a glass, after all who was there? He uncapped the lid and drank deeply from the bottle. Perhaps tonight it would be enough to block everything out. He doubted it, it took a lot for a vampire to get drunk, but then, he had a lot of whiskey in his apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Yay the story is finally getting started. I wonder if perhaps this is bordering on obsession, its been a while since the shows finished, and even longer since B/A but I cant seem to let it go. As much as I want to enjoy the shows I cant help but feel mad at them for making changes that just aren't right, it makes me want to inflict punishment on Mr Whedon (who owns them along with Fox or Mutant Enemy or whoever else may be tempted to sue me if I didn't state that they no way belong to me) I also think my slight obsession with David Boreanaz may have something to do with it (Speaking of, how funny is the new series of Bones?? Love it..getting ideas for a Bones/Buffy crossover too but I'll finish this first dw). Sooo anyways, here we are years after the fact, still obsessed (but isn't that what makes them so great?) and still correcting the wrongs that were committed. Please review and let me know if I need to stop blabbering at the beginnings of my chapters lol...oh and about my story too of course. Constructive criticism welcome, just plain mean...not so much. **

The first movement Buffy gave out except staking the vamp was a slight stiffening of her spine as she felt a very faint stirring of the tingle that let her know when her mate was near. She tried to concentrate on it but it was almost like an echo or a shadow so she told herself it was just wishful thinking. She got up from her perch atop the stone and headed out of the cemetery deciding there was going to be no further action that night.

Walking slowly back to her dorm which she now shared with Willow, she wished for the night to end. Tomorrow morning, she would wish for the day to end and night to have fallen. She didn't so much notice the days and nights these days. On her outer level she did, the one that had the fake smiles ready for her friends and the updates for her watcher. That Buffy could fool a king into buying his own castle off her.

She attended her classes and after the first week of getting nothing she actually started to absorb the information they were giving her. During the day she buried herself into study yet keeping most of it to herself so that not even Willow noticed her sudden academic abilities. She stared at her text book for endless minutes that Willow thought were because she did not understand the work or because she was bored. It was however because Buffy had read and absorbed the information the first time and during class and was free to settle back into her empty shell.

It helped that Willow had Oz and was wrapped up in her studies so had less time to spend with Buffy. Of course that could also be the major avoiding techniques Buffy was using on not just Willow but Xander, Giles and her Mom too. It wasn't as if they made an effort either and she found there really wasn't much to talk about with them any more. They expected her to be over Him, to be able to move on just like that. Like when she had runaway after she sent Him to hell, it had been selfish apparently.

It was alright for them, they had moved on to there jobs or college life, Giles even had dates but for Buffy it was still nightly patrols and the constant nagging about new dangers. In high school they had wanted to be a part of the slaying, insisted against her wishes, now however its like they suddenly thought all that stuff had gone away.

When she had seen Willow she was pushing her to go out and socialize more, go on a date etc. Xander had agreed the one or two times she had seen him recently. A few times when Buffy had turned up at Giles he had been on his way out so after a brief chat had left Buffy to lock up. It was those times Buffy took advantage of Giles extensive book collection without raising any suspicion of what she was doing. Not that she knew exactly what she was doing but she had to fill the emptiness with something.

It was also why she was taking extra classes now. She found a scheme at the college that assigned you a supervisor and work for the course that let you do the course in your own time around your main studies, as long as you kept your grades up you could take part in the schemes. She suspected Willow thought she was getting help with her current classes if she noticed anything at all and Buffy did nothing to change that. Through this she had almost finished the qualifications for History and English Literature, she was just waiting for the final assignment to be marked. She knew He was the reason for her sudden taking to these subjects, glutton for punishment sprung to mind. Only Psychology was with Willow so she didn't have to make excuses up for any other time she spent on campus and for that she was grateful. This was something she was doing for herself and it was no one else's business. If she put a name to it she would have to call it a survival technique. She was keeping her mind busy away from anything else. It just so happened it kept her cooped up inside a lot away from people and sunlight and she was fine with that.

Whilst Buffy was empty, her days were filled with academic study, her evenings spent pretending to normal to her friends or Mom or watcher or spent with demonic study and her nights filled with patrol and sleeplessness. It was then that everything she tried so hard to ignore during the day, the thoughts of Him surfaced. No matter how much she filled her day, the night made her fade a little more. She trained harder that ever and normally for longer than she used to, but even then the movements were methodical and she rarely used the extra strength during patrol anyway.

At first Giles had been impressed with his slayers new found focus on her slaying ad had been proud of her. Although he was still, he was now worried as well. He looks upon her as a daughter and therefore perhaps notices more than he should. She is paler and thinner than before, with her eyes growing darker as each day passes. At first he knew she was suffering from heartache and would need some time so he was pleased at her focus. He knew Willow and Xander would be there for her too so hadn't worried too much as he was taking advantage of his new found freedom too.

Then he has started to notice little things, books slightly out of place, the number of times he had seen Buffy, Willow and Xander all in one place for anything other than research. Her lack of complaining at said research and her sudden competence at withdrawing information from texts and finding answers, sometimes even quicker than himself. Whilst he always knew Buffy was smarter than she let on, it still sparked a warning within him. This only got worse as he noticed her physical changes. He had left her to finish of her training once and when he had returned for a jacket an hour later she had still been training even after their session had been longer than usual. He also took note of her change in style. Paying extra attention after this he had noticed her lack of wit and remarks although there were a few here and there which she seemed to give only to placate her friends and reduce attention to herself. She smiled but it fell as soon as the other person had turned away and never, not once had he seen it reach her eyes. His slayer was very very clever he realised, whether she knew it or not. She gave just enough to seem some what normal but not enough for it to be real. As the weeks and then months had passed, his worry had grown.

He tried to deny it as long as he could but he knew the reason she was this way. Angel. He knew she was in love with him but it had taken the past few months to contemplate the depth of their feelings for each other. He knew Angel hadn't wanted to leave, not really, and had only done so because he had believed it best for Buffy. As had he until recently. She had not bounced back as usual, she had not confided in her friends, in fact she did everything in her power to seem fine. Exactly as they all expected her to be he realised.

It had taken some time but he knew Angel was not his demon and had he been in control Jenny would still be here. It was never Angels fault to begin with, he hadn't known about the curse and he was not a soul less demon. Yet he had tried to make amends, amends for sins that were not his to begin with. He finally put his angst aside and realised he had also missed the intellectual conversations they had been able to have together and the worry that had been reduced knowing Buffy had Angel watching her back. Now he was faced with the dilemma of how to fix the problem. He had spoken to Wesley and found out that he had met up with Angel and had been working with him in LA. He was surprised by this at first after all Wesley had been one of the ones who was down the line and by the book when he had first arrived in Sunnydale. As time had gone by their telephone conversations had gotten longer and he had noticed the changes in Wesley, he had enjoyed conversations about both different demons and theories and worry over their champions. Angel was not the most talkative or social person to begin with apart from with Buffy but now it was even worse. He was cutting himself off from most interaction which was a pretty amazing feat considering he was working with Cordelia as well now. Giles and Wesley had both been researching in everywhere imaginable to find a way to bind Angels soul, at first for safety but increasingly more so for his slayer. They had finally had a breakthrough yesterday and Wesley went to apparently sing for a demon verifying the ritual. Not sure how to broach it with Buffy had left the book out with a few pages bookmarked so she would find it but hopefully not be suspicious. She hadn't said anything during their calls though and he wondered if she had found it at all.

Buffy arrived back at the dorm and methodically got ready for bed, she didn't want to sleep though, didn't want to dream. She slid out a book she had 'borrowed' from Giles and began to learn about Nevlark demons. She had never encountered one and they were believed to be extinct in this dimension but better to be safe than sorry she thought. Before long however the book slipped from her grasp down the side of the bed and Buffy fell asleep.

She was on the beach again watching the sunset. Sand slipping between her toes as her heart washed away with the tide. The familiar presence slowly crept up on her and a moment later his arms slid round her waist to hold him tight against his chest.

"How did you find me?"

"If I was blind I would still see you"

"Not for much longer you won't"

"What do you mean Buffy?"

"Soon I won't be there for you to see, soon it'll be too late, you will look but you won't see"

"What won't I see? What will I be too late for Buffy?"

"Me Angel. You won't find me, I'll be there but I won't be, I'm all broken Angel"

"You're not broken Buffy, it will get better, I promise"

"Oh Angel don't you know by now, your promises don't mean much any more"

"Buffy I never wanted to hurt you, I never intended to break my promises"

"But you did Angel, over and over. You never intend it yet you have the power to hurt me the most and now I'm hurt so much I'm broken"

"Stop saying that" He went to loosen his arms to spin her to face him but she held on tight.

"I can stop saying it but it won't make it any less true and you will still know deep inside yourself"

"What do you want Buffy? What do you want me to do?"

Letting out an ironic chuckle Buffy answered "Now you ask me? Is there any point me even telling you Angel? You won't listen, or you will give me every answer under the sun to make me wrong and to justify your actions"

"I'm trying to do what's right" Now Buffy did pull away and turn to face him.

"What's right for you or for me?" The sadness had infiltrated her tone and her body was slumped as she looked at him. "I'm tired, I'm broken, I don't want to do this any more"

"What do you mean, what don't you want to do any more?"

Buffy had started to walk away and when she turned back a blade protruded from her chest and blood started spreading from the wound.

"Step one Angel, I'm broken, what are you going to do?"

"Buffy, no, Buffy" Angel started forward after her as she faded out of sight. "Buffy! BUFFY!"

Buffy woke up and looked down expecting blood and found none, another dream another restless night. When was it going to end? She only felt alive in her dreams when He was there. She didn't want to feel alive however, that hurt. She had had enough of being hurt. Learning didn't hurt, information didn't hurt, it was facts and information, probably why she absorbed it like a sponge at the moment. The fact her friends hadn't noticed her almost robotic state was a testament to the fact that they had grown apart and they were getting on with their lives. Its not that she didn't care, well actually it kind of was that. She didn't want anything bad to happen to them but the way they had completely ignored how much His leaving had affected her and how they kept pushing her to move on and 'get over it' had put a heavy strain on their friendship. Add that to the fact that neither of them seemed to even notice and things didn't look good. Her Mom still didn't understand the whole slaying gig, always asking her to consider changing colleges and moving away or to stop slaying r look to date a 'normal' boy. It had got to the stage where Buffy didn't want to talk to anyone and listen to them tell her how to live her life. She had only been looking after the world for the last four years, but apparently she couldn't make decisions for herself, He thought so too. That's why she was in this mess. She knew she was in trouble, well some might call it trouble. Inside she had given up, going through the motions she presumed. Not really caring what happened, she only studied and trained so much to fill her days and stop the thoughts that plagued her mind. Broken she thought, and no one able to fix her. Half of a soul that was dying more and more day by day, it wouldn't take long for her body to follow.

Noticing her answer phone beeping she pressed the button.

"Buffy? Its Professor Dawson, your final assessments has been marked, I must say though I shouldn't, that they were excellent work and you can come pick up your qualifications today. I do wish you would let us celebrate your achievements though. Any time before 12 is good. Bye Buffy"

Buffy deleted the message and felt a slight surge of pride before it died away, after all, what good was the bit of paper anyway? She would probably die before putting them to any use.

The phone next to her rang and jarred her from her thoughts.

"Hello?" Even over the phone Buffys voice was flat and emotionless.

"Buffy? Its Giles, could you come over as soon as possible please?"

"Sure, I have to do something for class and then I'll be there"

"I shall see you shortly then. Bye Buffy"

"Sure"

Buffy hung up the phone and got up from bed heading for the shower. Today she had to go pick up her certificates then go make nice at Giles'.

Hours later Buffy sat in the cemetery once again on top of a gravestone waiting for some action. So Angels soul could be bound and he needed her blood. She had found a few references of it but hadn't put much stock into it, especially as she hadn't wanted to ask Giles' advice because then he would know she was looking through his books. Besides they all thought she was over him, right? She knew she would go through with the ritual, give Angel some peace of mind and the possibility of a future with someone else as he obviously didn't want one with her.

At that thought Buffy's eyes started to tear before she pushed them away and noticed a movement in her peripheral vision. Gripping the stake tighter she watched five vampires advancing. Swinging her stakeless hand round she hit three in succession before following with her leg to kick the other two back. Spinning round quickly she staked one directly through the heart. A fist, that she normally would have avoided caught her in the side of her head as she twisted back around to stake a second vamp. They weren't all that old, but not fledglings either. She knew she was distracted and forced her mind to concentrate. Quickly dispatching two more vamps she rounded on the last one. Five seconds later it was dust in the wind.

Heading home she drew on her reserve strength to get her through the next few days. After that she didn't much care, Angelus wouldn't be able to get free, Angel could move on, her friends could go back to their normal life, not that they weren't already and she could finally have some peace.

**A/N I really hated most of this chapter, I needed to start bringing the story in and I wanted to show what had been going on around Buffy and the others and this is what came out. I'm writing this story at work on a Saturday and I got ¾ of the way through last Saturday and had to finish today so I lost the flow abit. I'm trying to get a few chapters done before I upload so you guys can get a good idea of the story before you tell me how bad it is. Sorry about the crappiness but should all go uphill from here. Review Review Review and give me your thoughts!! I'll keep them in a jar! OK well I won't but they will help with my story and your reading pleasure...pretty please??**


	5. Chapter 5

"Buffy, no, Buffy"

"Figures" Cordelia snorted. She was standing with her arms crossed next to Angel who was still asleep on the chair, an empty whiskey bottle on the floor and an almost empty on in his hand. Wesley was standing next to her looking at the sorry sight and the pain on Angels face as he lived his dream.

"Buffy! BUFFY!"Angel shot upright dropping the bottle he had been holding, stopping to stare directly at Cordy and Wes.

"She's not here" Cordy said, dropping to pick up the two bottles. Raising her eyebrows at Angel as she took in the state of him. "Have a heavy night did you? 'Coz that's real champion behaviour, a 200+ vampire getting drunk all alone and passing out where he sits!"

"Drop it Cordy, I didn't ask you to come down here" Angel stood up running his hands over his face.

"No that would have been you screaming out 'Buffy, BUFFY no' that bought us running down here"

He turned to look at her "I was talking out loud?"

"Yes Angel, you seemed quite disturbed from your dream, is there perhaps any chance Buffy is in danger?" Wesley looked at Angel, noticing the slight stiffening in his spine at the mention of Buffy again.

"No it was just a dream, everything is fine"

"Yeah and I'm going to the Oscars next week, Angel you know dreams mean something sometimes, Buffy used to have prophetic dreams all the time. Why don't you call her? Ask how she's doing"

"No Cordy, She doesn't need to hear from me, she needs to move on, she is fine, it was a dream"

"You know what, fine! But I am not going to sit around here all day whilst you brood your life a way because you are too stupid to go and do something about it. I know she's not moved on, but how would you feel if she did? If she met this guy at college and she thought 'hey, what the heck, he told me to move on' and then she sleeps with him and he never calls her again? The gift you thought was so special, thrown away by some chump who didn't appreciate her. How much would that hurt her"

Angel had started growling deep inside his chest the minute Cordy had started talking. "Stop! I don't want to hear it, Buffy is smarter than that, she thinks more of herself than that"

Wesley stepped forward "Are you sure Angel? Yes she is strong and one of the best people I know, but emotionally she has her moments when it comes to men don't you think?"

**_Yeah Soul boy, that's because there shouldn't be any other men in the vicinity apart from us. I'd tear the boy limb from limb for even looking at my mate...that's if we was with her!! Not stuck in some dump of LA atoning for my sins. My sins soul boy, MINE. When will you get that?_**

What? Why are you saying this now?

**_Because maybe then you will get over yourself and get back to our mate!_**

You just want me to let you out. I will never let it happen again.

**_So this is about sex. Not her normal life. Always knew it was soul boy. Can't keep it in your pants. Afraid of little ole' me._**

"Angel?"

"What! Sorry Wes, I didn't hear you, what did you say?"

"What if these dreams do mean something. What if its better you go back?"

"I can't Wes, I can't risk Angelus getting loose"

"Well that's why I came down here to talk to you, despite what Cordy said" He gave Cordy a stern look who just shrugged and sat on the sofa.

"Look, just say what you want to say and then leave because I've had enough."

**_Everyone hitting a little too close to home?_**

Shut up

"Well after some rather extensive research from Mr Giles and I.."

"Giles? You've been in contact with Giles? Is Buffy OK?"

"Well physically yes she is fine why? Hang on that's not the point, we have been researching a matter together for quite some time."

Cordy was getting restless by this point and threw her hands up. "For God sake Wes, spit it out, basically the two book wonder boys have found a way to bind your soul! See Wes it doesn't take that long to say"

At this point Angel had looked up shocked and sat down abruptly on his chair

"What? How? When?"

**_What?? How! When? Never. I'm gonna break your neck watcher!_**

Wes sat next next to Cordy on the sofa before continuing "Well we have been researching for months and yesterday we had a breakthrough but I had to go visit the Host. I just wanted to verify with the Powers any way I could that there would be no backlash"

"And what happened? Is it legit?"

"Yes"

"See Angel you can relax now, see Buffy, Get your soul bound and then go get groiny to your hearts consent." Cordy figured she had it all mapped out along with a few days off for herself to go visit the wonder that is Sunnydale. Wes just closed his eyes at Cordelia's delivery of what he had hoped to tell Angel rationally.

"What? See Buffy? Why would I see Buffy before my soul was bound?"

"Well you can't get your soul bound without Buffy"

"What Cordy is trying to say is that in order to bind your soul, part of the ritual includes well, includes.."

"Buffy's blood" It wasn't a question, Angel knew within himself that's what Wes meant. "No"

Cordy stood up, hands on her hips "No! That's it just no?"

"I won't do it. Not again"

"But Angel look what it means. Your soul will be bound, Angelus will never get loose and you can be happy as you like"

"I don't care Cordy, I won't drink from her again. I didn't want to the first time and I damn well won't do it now for me"

"For you Angel?? For you! Don't you think it will be for Buffy too? Don't you think she wants you two to be able to be together with out fear?"

"I have to agree with Cordelia on this Angel. It is both mine and Giles' thoughts that Buffy would be well prepared to do this. If not just for you and her but also so the risk of Angelus being set free is gone"

"I know she would do it, she was the reason I did it the first time. I wont do it again. I nearly killed her last time. Besides, we still wouldn't be together, that's not the only reason I left."

Inside a part of Angel was rejoicing in the fact that his soul could be bound to him, a larger part was being stubborn vowing never to drink from her. Of course another part of him was Angelus, who in between cursing Wesley 7 ways from Sunday and growling at the thought of being trapped inside the soul for good was reminiscing over the taste of Buffys blood and the feel of fangs piercing her neck. He shook the feelings off and concentrated on his friends.

Wesley looked him over and understood his reluctance to do the spell, the old Wesley would never entertain the idea of letting a vampire feed from the slayer or well, anybody, but things were not just black and white any more and if there was a way to help his friends he would do it. Plus he felt he needed to make amends with Buffy after how things went between the two of them whilst she was his charge. From what Giles had said recently things were not at all well in the slayers world and Wesley was worried. Another plus point to bind Angel's soul in his mind. Giving both the champions some happiness together would be a task he would be proud to help with.

"Angel I at least think you should talk to Buffy about it and think over this decision"

"No! Wes no, don't tell her, please, at least until I have thought about things, promise me"

Cordy felt she had been quiet long enough "Yes because secrets have worked out so damn well in the past haven't they Angel. You need to stop trying to make all the decisions on your own Angel. Buffy's a big girl now!"

Both men seemed to ignore Cordelia but she knew Angel had heard her by the stiffening in his spine although his eyes never left Wes' face who was meeting his stare dead on "I can't do that Angel"

"Can't? What do you mean you can't?"

"Well as far as I am aware Mr Giles will be going through it with Buffy, he may have already done so."

"Good, well looks like we're going to Sunnydale"

"No Cordy, Wes just ring Giles and tell him it was a mistake, the spell won't work"

"I won't lie for you Angel, not about something like this"

**_Just get on your way to Sunnydale already you poof. You've just been handed your happiness on a plate. What's wrong with you?_**

I wouldn't have thought this was something you would want me to do Angelus. You would be stuck inside me with no hope of getting out.

**_Well I'm stuck here anyways, I may as well be able to enjoy Buffy whilst I'm here, better than you sitting here brooding 24/7 getting blue balls! Besides, there's always magic._**

Magic? Magic for what?

**_What do you think Mr Almighty. All this will do is take the clause out, make it harder for me to be free but doesn't mean impossible. I can live with those odds if it means I get to have Buffy, even if it is through you._**

You don't get to have Buffy. Ever.

**_Oh pipe down. You know we're going so why waste time pretending we're not. Besides if she knows there's a way to prevent me coming out she won't accept no. You knew you were going to head to Sunnydale to check on her anyway, just in case the dreams were right._**

God this is so frustrating. I don't know what to do!

**_I'm not your fucking therapist._**

"Fine! Fine, we'll go but only if Buffy wants to do this."

"Well that was easier than I thought it would be. Seriously Angel, you know its the right thing to do. Even if nothing better comes out of this, at least everyone can rest easier knowing your psycho evil twin can't come out to play. You have no idea what stress does to my skin. Wait, if you get back together am I going to lose my job?"

**_One day I'll peel said skin from your flesh and dance on the remains you silly bitch._**

Ignoring Angelus and Cordelia, Angel stood and paced across the floor in front of the two on the sofa. "OK if we are going to do this then Wes you need to ring Giles and make sure Buffy wants to do this. Only then we will leave"

"I would have thought not Angel. I am however sure the slayer will agree this is the best course of action and help put both your minds at ease" 'and maybe get you both out of the funk you have sunk into' Wesley thought to himself. "I will speak to Mr Giles this afternoon and if all goes to plan we will leave at sundown. I'll call Gunn and ask him to come along too, extra muscle can't hurt"

"Well, I'm going home to pack, surprisingly enough I can't wait to see the old gang again" With that Cordy went to walk to the elevator, Wes following. As the left Angel walked to the shower already regretting the decision. Well and almost shaking with anticipation at seeing Buffy again.

**_Told you it was inevitable_**

Only because now Buffy knows about the spell it would hurt her more to ignore it and not go. Besides I wouldn't put it past her to turn up here if it meant locking you away.

**_You just go shower and brood whilst I have a look through some memories. All that talk of Buff's blood has got me hyped. Ah what have we here. She was so hot for it that night. Her body wrapped around us, as we drank down her life essence...mmm can't wait to do it again._**

It's not like that this time. I didn't even want to do it then, I would have happily died. I was weak.

Angelus' thoughts had unwittingly bought the memories back for Angel, despite the soul Angel was still a vampire and the taste of her had been like nothing he had had before. It affected him now and he knew what was coming next and tried to block Angelus out as he started the shower, already knowing it would do no good.

**_Ah you know what else I can't wait for? Buffy's 17th birthday, ah nothing like a virgin in love now is there. Her skin was so soft and she was so willing to please. I could do that over and over..._**

Angel tried to block him out as he stepped in the shower and settled into his own memories, them having there own effect on him, it was going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok so I uploaded those first 5 chapters together and now unfortunately you guys will have to wait as I write lol. I'll try to update quickly as I know what its like to wait. That is if you guys want me to carry on anyway, it maybe that its the same old that's been done a thousand times before, never enough BA though right? Once again I'm writing this at work so who knows what will happen, god I love my job lol.

I'm really sorry to have to do this, but I have gone back to previous chapters and taken Doyle out. I can't think of a way he will add to the story, I love Doyle but I think Gunn would be more beneficial to the storyline than him and I think Doyle's death played a big part in Cordy's change of attitude xx

Many hugs and thanks to Kristen for my 1st review it's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings about this! Perhaps we could start a club lol. Or go to BAA meetings together (Buffy Angel Anonymous btw lol). Hmm I think I'm beginning to ramble again so on with the chapter!

Ok I've been staring at the screen for a full 5 minutes waiting for my brain to do its job...hmm.

* * *

A half hour from Sunnydale Angel's hands tightened on the wheel and his foot pressed down on the gas, speeding up the already too fast car.

"Angel man, I know you want to get there for your girl and all that but I would like to get there in one piece. I unlike you don't have super healing abilities" Gunn was in the front of the car with Wes and Cordy in the back. All three looked slightly nervous at the speed Angel was driving and his complete lack of speech the whole drive so far.

"Angel, Gunn is right, we have already been delayed, an extra ten minutes won't hurt" Wes knew Angel was anxious to get there, once the decision had been made to definitely come to Sunnydale Angel had been restless and impatient to get on the way. Waiting for the others who made them late had not improved his mood.

Finally the welcome to Sunnydale sign loomed ahead and three of the four occupants of the car breathed a sigh of relief. Having already decided it would be too late to go to Giles' that night Angel steered the car towards Crawford Street and his mansion. It was still his although he hadn't been back in months. After he had first left he had come back a few times, for his belongings he had told himself. _Yeh right. It was to see her and you know it._ The line hadn't even come from his demon, apparently he couldn't even fool himself in this case. He had still left furniture and clothes here, mostly Angelus' stuff but his too. He had only returned two or three times before deciding it hurt too much so he stopped coming.

The four got out of the car and stretched their stiff bodies looking at the mansion ahead of them. Angel led the group in but stopped short when he reached the main room. The fire was still empty with soot, ash and memories filling the bottom but on one of the sofas a pillow and blanket were laying there. Angel could sense a trace of Buffy that only got stronger as he moved closed, it seemed she came here still, fairly recently from what he could make out. He moved to put his bag in his bedroom, catching his foot on another bag he knew shouldn't be there. If the main room had smelled like Buffy this room reeked of it. He could see the slightly ruffled bed and in the bag by his foot showed a change of clothes. He wasn't quite sure what to make of this new information.

_**You are such an idiot.**_

Was that just a statement or was there a point?

_**She comes here to feel close to you you ponce.**_

I don't know what to do, why isn't she living her life.

_**Because you were her life. I don't know why you're the one with the controls, I surprised you can tie your own shoes! DO you really think that little of her love? Did you think she would just move on and be happy? Moron.**_

I don't know OK, I admit it, I don't know. I just know I love her and I want the best possible life for her. Plus there's no way in hell I would ever willingly let you out of your cage.

_**Yeah yeah, so you said. The thing is you don't need to be willing.**_

What would you do if you got out anyway? It's not like Buffy would be with you willingly, what would you do try and end the world again? Please!

_**I'd start by killing a little wicca, snapping her neck for that pest Xander to find. I would say I'd turn her but can't be messing with magicks now can we. I wouldn't touch the boys blood if I was starving...oh and the watcher...**_

For God's sake, do you really think I want to listen to your oh so carefully thought out plans of murder?

_**Do you really think I give a shit?**_

So you think Buffy would be happy with your actions? Just happily be with you?

_**Bite me Soulboy.**_

"Ah Angel, has there been someone staying here? Do we need to keep guard?" Wesley had appeared behind Angel in the doorway.

"Buffy"

"Buffy's here?"

"No Buffy has been staying here" The two turned and walked back to the others in the main room.

"Did you know?" Wes asked, looking at Angel.

"Know what?" Cordelia and Gunn had stood up walking over to the pair.

"Buffy has been staying here, not living here but I think she has stayed here a few nights or a few hours. There's a bag of spare clothes in the bedroom and the bed's been slept in. Plus the blanket there" Angel indicated with a nod of his head.

"That sure don't sound like she's over you to me man" Gunn had also seen a small stack of books by the sofa, some similar to what Angel had at his, nice light reading for an 18 year old he thought.

"What if she comes back and see's us here Angel, she's going to freak"

"No Cordy, I doubt she will come here tonight now, I might see if I can find her on patrol though, I don't know if it's best to talk to her yet if I find her, I doubt we will be here long"

"Do you see yet Angel? She is obviously coming here to get away from everyone and to be close to you. I'm not sure how much more proof you need or how many more signs and chances that girl has left to give you" Gunn and Wes stood off to the side watching Cordelia yell at Angel, surprised by what she was saying and nervous of Angel's reaction. "Seriously Angel, what more does she have to do? You were sent here, you were sent to look after her, she loves you, despite the demon, despite your actions, despite you leaving her. You have just been given the chance to be happy. The world's two best fighters, strong together and who both get some happiness. God what more do you need?"

"She's right you know"

All four occupants of the room turned towards the mansion doorway to see who had spoken. A shortish man with a lime green shirt and a bowler hat stood leaning against the door frame.

"Whistler?" Angel started forward.

"Angel, what's happened to you man?" Whistler stood straight and took a step forward. "She's been calling you and you don't answer. Man I hope it's not too late, for all our sakes"

"Too late? Too late for what?" As he spoke Angel had made his way across the room to stand in front of Whistler. "What's going on Whistler?" Anger laced his tone and everyone but Whistler involuntarily stepped back.

"Are you sure ready to listen this time Angel? Does it really take me to tell you what's been going on?DO you have so little faith in her?"

"Whistler I am going to tear your ribcage out and wear it as a hat, what is going on?"

Whistler looked at him and chuckled. "I've heard that one before Angel, how alike you are. Even He is smarter than you in this instance."

_**I'll correct you there, I am always smarter than him. Thanks all the same though.**_

"It wasn't a compliment. Angel you know what's going on, you just don't want to see. Aren't you meant to be looking for something?"

In a blink Whistler was gone and Angels temper went up a few notches.

"Err Angel who was that, how did he know you were going to be here?" Wes thought there was something about the short man but couldn't quite put his finger on it, but was sure more had just went on than they had seen.

"He works for the Powers, he led me to Buffy"

"Ha! See I was right. I was right, right?" Cordelia looked between the two men either side of her and then across the room to Angel.

"I can tell this town is gonna be a whole heap of fun already, I have no idea what just happened, what's going on, who whistler is or anything, no offence but catch me up in the morning, I need some sleep" Gunn turned and walked down the hall looking for the stairs and a bedroom other than Angels.

"Look guys, I don't want to talk right now, go, sleep, I'll catch up with you later." Without giving them a chance to reply, Angel turned and left the mansion. Cordelia and Wes looked at each other and shrugged.

"No one said come back to the Sunny mouth of Hell was going to be easy"

"No Cordy, it certainly won't be that, I have a feeling this was not the worst of it".

Angel watched from far across the cemetery. She was fighting five vamps adequately so but not as well as she could. It was like his dream, but with less instinct than before. He still admired her body during the fight, the sleek muscles and how she moved but it wasn't quite right. During staking them she took a blow to the head that she shouldn't. At that point he started forward but stopped when the last vamp was dust. Watching her walk away he was worried. She was going to get herself killed. Things finally seemed to settle in his brain, she had given up.

_**No Shit.**_

She's barely even trying, there's no life in her.

_**And the award for Mr Obvious of the month goes to...**_

I've got to fix this.

_**Too right you do. Why didn't you listen to me in the first place? Now I'm gonna have to sit and listen to everyone gushing about their feelings, thanks a bunch moron.**_

I don't no why I even bother talkin to you.

_**You and me both. I hate you idiot. Look at her.**_

Angelus was right. He watched Buffy walk slowly away, not aware of anything around her. Luckily he was far enough away that she shouldn't have felt him, just in case he backed away. He wasn't sure what he would say to her. What could he say? He loved her, he never wanted to leave her, he was trying to do what was best? He didn't think that would cut it somehow. A part of him started to get angry. Where were her friends, where was her watcher? They're around her everyday and they don't see this? He was angry at herself too, having little to no regard for her life. There and then he made the decision to help her all over again. He didn't know if it was right or what the future would hold but he couldn't let her give up.

A/N I thank you for your patience and for all you guys who have me on alert, much love and wishes your way. As you can see the story has finally starting to take shape and Angel has stopped being an idiot, well for the most part, we all know how stubborn they are. As you have probably seen the chapters have either been from Angels side or Buffy, from now on they'll be mixed coz well you know, the characters will be all mixed together. Please review the story guys, I need to know if Im going along the right track. I'm out tonight so probs my last update today but I'll try for one tomorrow, :) thanks


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, sorry I know I was meant to update yesterday but I ended being busy allll day. Extreme thanks and hugs to those who have me on story/author alert. Gives me the fuzzys!**

**Btw, what are your thoughts on Angelus? Not him him but the fact that I put in what he's saying sometimes, personally I think he's quite funny but if you think it's affecting Angel too much or not right for the story let me know. After all I write this for you guys. **

**I'm having a crisis, I have a severe case of writes block, but I think its because I want it to be good and I don't know where to start for this chapter lol, or it could be coz I'm being distracted by the tv lol. **

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Cordy and Wes had gone to Giles' earlier on in the day. After doing the general polite catching up they had gone onto more important things. All three were worried about there champions and believed things were about to get extremely complicated. Gunn had opted to stay behind with Angel as he didn't know the group, he wasn't sure how good an idea that was after watching Angel alternating between sitting frozen in place and pacing the rooms like a caged tiger. It seemed the vampire had worked himself up into a bit of a frenzy regarding his ex-hunny. He sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace watching Angel go back and forth.

"Look Angel, things can only get better from now right, I mean you're here, she's here"

"It's complicated Gunn, there are things that have happened or could happened that you don't realise" Angel had answered without breaking his stride.

"OK, look just please stop pacing, you're giving me a headache. The sun is gonna set in ten minutes or so, we'll go to the watcher guy, see what's the what and get some answers"

This Buffy must be something for Angel to get like this. He had never seen it, granted he had only know the group for a couple of months but he was pretty good at reading people. Sure he had his issues with Angel at the beginning, in fact he still did but he also knew he was good people. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but he felt Angel was a good friend who had been dealt a bad lot and was trying to make amend and for that he admired him. No, he definitely would not admit that. He hadn't heard the whole story but he knew the basics, a vampire slayer in love with a vampire. Who'd have thought it.

"Where have her friends and Giles been? I left her and expected him to look after her. It's his job!"

"Sounds to me like she's a bit of a stubborn one like you, chances are if she didn't want people involved, they didn't get a choice in the matter"

"Yeah well things are going to change"

"Do you really think its a good idea to go charging back into her life guns blazing? I think the girl has got a mind of her own and can look after herself"

"Yeah she's sure doing a good job of that, she is going to get her self killed! It can't happen, not again"

By now the sun had set to an acceptable level for Angel to go out in and Gunn practically run out of the mansion after Angel. He couldn't help but think that things were about to get interesting.

"What's happened to her Giles? Why haven't you done anything?"

Giles knew Angel was just worried about Buffy but it didn't stop the anger rising. Him and Gunn has arrived a few minutes ago and Angel had been leaning against the wall with an aura of worry and sorrow around him. It didn't help that he felt guilty that it had taken him so long to notice the depth of Buffy's anguish but he was not going to take all the blame. Cordy and Wes were joined by Gunn on the sofas as the two men looked at each other across the room.

"What do you think I have been doing Angel? You have not been here, you don't know how she has been. Yes it took me a while to notice. At first I believed she was upset due to your leaving, then it seemed as though she was trying to move on. She was finally taking her slaying and studies seriously, I should have realised something was amiss. I began to notice her training for longer, her sudden knack for research and understanding. It would be suffice to say she had surpassed Willow in demonic research, not that she wants anyone to notice. She has become her own person, withdrawn from all of those around her. I look into her eyes and it scares me, they lack the strength and passion that makes Buffy the best"

"I know, I feel it. The way she moves and fights is almost mechanical"

"You have seen her?"

"I watched her patrol last night and....and in my dreams. They seem to start as if I am watching her actual behaviour and then twist into a dream where she talks to me"

"What does she say, you know it would be fair reasoning to presume with your bond and Buffy's prophetic dreams that it may be a sign"

"She tells me that she's broken, that me leaving her has made her give up and that soon I won't be able to find her even when I look. I think that's what's happened, her body will be here, but Buffy isn't, she's so far removed from herself that if we wait any longer we might not be able to get her back"

"I see. How long have you been having these dreams?"

Angel shifted uncomfortably.

_**Ah now there is the million dollar question. Leave it to Ripper to want the fine details.**_

Don't start.

_**Hey I'm just here for the ride. Forgive me for you being a moron. I hate to say I told you so...**_

"I've always had dreams of Buffy, some of them were just dreams, some of them seemed like she was calling to me, I thought she was just upset that I had left and I was trying to let her move on. More recently however they stopped and I thought she had started to move on with her life, then a few nights ago they were worse than ever. I could see the damage and then it was like her soul had manifested itself and was talking to me. Told me how broken she was"

Angel closed his eyes to shield the emotion he knew he couldn't hide at that point. He couldn't believe he had done this to her. He knew she felt like her friends had pushed her away too but he couldn't blame anyone else really. He had buried the bond between them. Not just the bond from his marking her, but the bond of soul mates. Deep in his heart he knew it to be true. What he felt for the petite blonde would never waver and if he ever truly lost her he knew he would greet the sun.

Giles regarded the vampire and the others in the room. They were looking at Angel with a hint of sympathy and respect. He knew what Angel had been like over the previous months from his conversations with Wesley. He didn't truly hold this against him. He had silently agreed with his decision to leave, thinking it for the best. It seemed however they had all underestimated Buffy and her feelings. It seemed she was more mature than he had believed.

"It's not entirely your fault Angel. You had and still have astronomical difficulties in your path and you were trying to do the correct thing for her. I know that and you know that and the past cannot be undone. Now all we can hope is to correct the future and get our slayer back"

_Our_ slayer Giles had said. Angel opened his eyes and looked at Giles. The Watcher was looking him straight in the eye and Angel had no trouble reading the message. Giles was finally accepting him but warning him at the same time. He would sooner stake himself than hurt her again.

Wesley stood up feeling as though the two had said all they needed to say and it was time for some plan of action to be formed.

"Well I think we should first concentrate on binding Angel's soul, if we bombard Buffy straight away it may cause more damage than good"

"I agree we must bind Angel's soul but I believe to wait any longer than necessary to try and help Buffy would be fatal" Now they knew of the problem and Angel was back, Giles just wanted to help his slayer. Mind you, was he back? Before he could ask Cordy spoke up. She was not what he had expected. Wesley had told him how mature she had became and he was ashamed to admit that it had taken seeing it to believe it.

"What about Willow and Xander? I', surprised she can even tie her own shoes without freak boy trying to help her"

Ok he mused, she hadn't completely lost her normal self, he shared a look with Wesley before answering.

"Well it seems they have grown apart over the last few months, although I am not sure to what extent Willow and Xander truly realise. When Xander returned from his..ahem..travels, Buffy already started to withdraw, putting on a front that he didn't seem to notice and then just accepted as he looked for a job and saw her less, what with not going to college with them and dating Anya. Willow, well Willow I find the hardest to comprehend. They now share a dormitory and even one of their classes. I know she has Oz and that Buffy has slaying and they both have different classes but I can't understand how it has become this bad. Buffy doesn't realise I have been watching how she acts for a while now and whilst she is good at pretending she is not that good, we couldn't have found the spell at a better time"

Gunn had been silent so far, he didn't really know Giles enough to make any comments but he did know he wanted to meet this Buffy. He also felt a protectiveness that surprised him. Cordy had gone into his room and told him a 'brief' (If that was brief he didn't want the director's cut) history of Buffy and Angel last night after Angel had left. This girl had the world on her shoulders quite literally and her friends had treated her like crap. Relying on her to be the one to save them but preaching at her how to live her life. That's not what he was about. Everyone is there own person and as long as it doesn't put anyone else in danger then his crew were able to make there own decisions and mistakes. Now it seemed her friends didn't even know her any more or notice the depression she was in. _Over a vampire no less. _A vampire who loved her and she loved in return. A vampire that left her. He had to agree with Giles, Angel was trying to do what was right. Didn't mean it was right though.

"Look, I don't really know you and what y'all do down here and how you roll, but I have to say, I don't think you should be telling this Willow and Xander too much about what we are doing. It seems like they're pretty judgemental and would give her a hard time over it"

"Unfortunately we need Willow for the spell" Although Giles had felt fatherly over all the Scoobies, recently he had felt anger towards them. He knew Buffy wouldn't have wanted everyone to stage some sort of intervention, but would it kill one of them to try and spend time with her. He had suggested it to Willow a few times but she always had somewhere better to be it seemed. He agreed with Gunn though, he had not told them about Buffy's behaviour because he didn't think they would be any help.

"I think you guys are underestimating Buffy" Cordy had got restless and had became annoyed at her former classmates actions. She had never been a big Buffy fan in high school but for her, that had changed. It started when she was hanging out with them, saving the world and all that. The pressure that was put on Buffy was unbearable and they just didn't realise. Lying to her Mum, trying to stay in school and be the perfect slayer, friend and daughter whilst also having the love of her life be her mortal enemy was not the recipe for a happily balanced Buffy. None of them seemed to notice. It had taken Doyle's death to finally take note of her life. She had taken time to look over the people in her life and eventually she had thought of the ones who would have made the same selfless act. Angel and Buffy no doubt, now she thought that Willow and Xander would just look to Buffy as if it was her job.

"She has the world on her shoulders and is obviously a lot more capable than you thought, I think she sees through her so called 'best-friends' good intentions and is quite capable of making her mind up on her own"

"Thank you Cordy"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N hey guys, sooo did I tell ya or did I tell ya, all coming together now. Lots of goodness to you Anna42hmr, I'm glad you are enjoying it and thanks for the reviews. If you would all like to follow Anna's example.... lol just kidding, I'm not fishing, I'm scared of fish. However, if you would like to review I won't stop you. Reviews help me write you know. I'm trying to get this chapter done so much I'm writing in like 15 minute gaps I've got lol **

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"Thank you Cordy"

Everyone apart from Angel swung their heads to look at the doorway and the owner of the voice. Angel had felt her coming and had been watching the door struggling to stay still. As soon as she had opened the door he had drunk her in. From her golden hair, hanging around her shoulders, right down to her boot clad feet. He noticed the changes he had seen in his dreams too, it didn't take away from her beauty but it worried him all the same.

"Buffy" Angel stood straight, away from the wall but didn't step forward when he noticed she didn't even look at him let alone meet his gaze when she answered.

"Angel. Hi everyone. So what exactly am I capable of making my mind up for?" Buffy looked directly at Cordy, she had done a sweep over the room when she entered and had to force herself not to stare at Angel. He looked good, she couldn't deny it. The way he was leaning against the wall caused his dark blue shirt to stretch across his muscles and his black jeans to hug his thighs, encasing his long legs. He knew he had looked straight at her but she had ignored his soulful deep chocolate eyes, not wanting him to see hers either. Her eyes flicked briefly over Giles then Wesley taking in the change in his appearance. She had also noticed a fairly young black guy sitting on the sofa, she knew she hadn't met him before, he was pretty cute she thought absently. Her settled gaze didn't waver from Cordy as she waited for an answer.

"Hey Buffy, it's good to see you" Buffy arched her brow slightly, she wasn't sure what to make of Cordy at the moment. Then she figured she didn't much care the when or how and mentally shrugged. It wasn't her place to tell people how to behave.

"Quite Buffy, I trust you're doing well?" Wesley knew not to let on that they knew she was so far removed from 'doing well' it was scary. Buffy had turned her head to Wesley and could almost sense the difference in him. He was no longer the straight laced by the book black vs white young inexperienced watcher. It seems he has found the grey area and a bit of compassion at that. Deep down a part of her still held the resentment against both him and the council for their lack of assistance when Angel was poisoned and for how they treated slayers in general, especially Faith.

"Can't complain Wes, before we get to the fact that I am in fact quite capable of intelligent thought, I'll introduce myself as no one else seems to be inclined to do so" Buffy stepped towards Gunn and held out her hand "I'm Buffy, I take it you know the details? Vampire slayer destined to live and die alone? All that hoo har?"

Gunn took her hand to shake it and look at her. He had only just met her and could see the hurt and exhaustion on her face, he made a pact with himself to help her out anyway he could.

"Charles Gunn, everyone calls me Gunn. Yeh I know the drill, one girl in all the world and all that, English over there gave me the story"

"I'm sure he did. So Giles, I take it the spell can't be done until the full moon tomorrow yes?"

"Erm, yes, yes quite right Buffy, I thought it best to make sure we are fully prepared for tomorrow and everyone is clear on the ritual" Giles took his glasses off to polish, he was slightly nervous, Wes and Cordy were shocked at how business like she was and Angel looked as if every word she spoke was a physical blow.

"It's not rocket science Giles, we have herbs we have candles we have a spell and we have an all you can drink Buffy cocktail and ta da one no more Angelus ritual" Buffy had moved to lean against the wall opposite Angel and Giles sat next to Wesley on the opposite couch to Cordy and Gunn. Angel had stayed standing, keeping quiet and watching how Buffy interacted. He couldn't stay quiet once he listened to her complete lack of emotion at the fact he would have to drink from her.

_**A bit cold in here wouldn't you say soul boy. Nice work moron. I like the Buffy cocktail though, mmm. I gotta say I don't miss the whiny side kicks, if they're out of the picture it's fucking fantastic. **_

They're her friends and they help her. They have also helped her to survive you know.

_**They have also nearly gotten her killed countless times and look what they've done to her now? Well what you and them have done to her. Idiots. Doesn't look like this is going to be easy to fix. Let me out, I'll fix your mess and my mate.**_

MY mate.

"Buffy, you don't have to do this, I don't want to drink from you"

_**I do.**_

"Look, if it will keep Angelus from being able to get free and give you some peace of mind or whatever, a clean slate to move on and be happy or whatever is on your current agenda then its worth it for a little blood spill don't you think?"

_**Spill as much blood as you like as long as it's not ALL of yours. It won't keep me from getting free though lover, I will have you eventually.**_

Shut up. Move on? Why would she think I wanted to move on?

"Move on-?" Buffy interrupted before he got any further.

"It's not like you haven't done it before you know"

Angel started to move across the room towards her, she didn't move except to arch her brow.

"And I almost killed you! I swore then I would never drink from you again"

_**And yet here we are, face it soul boy, you and promises don't walk hand in hand. Plus who could turn down an offer to drink her blood? You're a vampire and she is your mate. Wake up. **_

"And yet here we are" Buffy said it almost mockingly. After all it wouldn't be the first promise he had broken when it came to her. It was also a form of defence as he was so close to her. All she would have to do was take a step forward and they would be touching. Forcing the thoughts away and still keeping her eyes from Angel's she crossed her arms over her chest.

Angel knew she had thrown up her defences but was still taken aback at her words, not just because they echoed Angelus either. It was of no doubt she had matured and it seemed like she knew the ritual was going to happen and was waiting for him to catch up, or just trying to get through an emotional conversation as quickly as possible. He wanted the chance to keep Angelus locked away but more importantly he wanted the chance to fix things with Buffy.

"This is your decision Buffy"

"I've made it Angel, It's no big deal. Right back to the other matter at hand" Buffy completely dismissed the conversation and turned to Cordy. "So care to share?"

"Basically I was saying you have enough on your shoulders and were capable of making your own mind up concerning your "friends" and whether to tell them about the ritual"

Buffy moved and sat on the arm of the couch next to Cordy. Sighing heavily she looked down at the brunette.

"Thanks, it means a lot that _someone _can notice that I am capable of knowing my own mind. The way I see it, there is no need to tell them anything. It is not their business. They would only give me a hard time and to be honest I can't be bothered with it. _If_ they happen to come by I won't lie to them, I'm not about to do that, but I won't be searching them out to tell them"

"I think you're right, Xander is so pathetic he makes homeless people pity him, I mean you would think by now he would get over it."

"Erm, right. Well as I was saying, unless you need them for something Giles I don't think we need to tell Willow and Xander anything but it's your call" To Buffy she had made her mind up but it was down to the others if they told everyone else, she was just going to do her part and leave as quickly as possible. The walls she had built around her self were under strain enough being so close to Angel. She recognised that all she wanted to do was jump into his strong arms and let him take care of her. To tell him how much she still loved him and here him say it in return. Oh and to tell her he would never leave again. She knew however, not to believe in pointless dreams.

"Well I can't see any harm in keeping it to ourselves for now, perhaps tomorrow we should tell them"

"Well, whatever you think, I'm going to patrol, I'll speak to you tomorrow and be by after sunset for the ritual. Gunn nice to meet you, bye everyone"

"Buffy wait, I think we should talk" Angel wanted to speak to Buffy about things and try and crack the walls she had built around herself. He had seen her do it before, push everyone away so the hurt stopped. He also knew it didn't work like that.

"To be honest Angel, I think we should not"

_**How are you going to get out of this one then? Chain her up, make her listen, I do not want to gallop off back to LA stuck with you brooding 24/7 because you didn't sort your mess out. I would much rather be spending some quality time **_**in ****_my slayer over there._**

Pushing aside thoughts of Buffy in chains in his bedroom Angel cleared the lust from his eyes before looking at Buffy.

"Look Buffy I need to talk to you, before the ritual tomorrow night, I'm not taking part in this without talking to you"

"Look Angel, I've got patrol and school"

"I'll patrol with you then"

Damn! Giles thought, he and Wesley needed Angel for a while tonight in preparation for tomorrow, but he wanted Angel to spend time with Buffy. First things first he thought.

"Angel, unfortunately Wesley and I will need you for a time tonight in preparation for tomorrow"

Angel was annoyed at that but understood it was important and resolved to make time for them.

"Fine, but we will talk soon Buffy"

"Angel, you will do what you came to do and then leave. Why change the habit of a lifetime. Now if you don't mind I have a duty to get to"

Buffy swung to go but stopped when Gunn called her.

"Hey. Do you mind if I come along? Watch a slayer at work and check out the action round this town?"

"Sure as long as you can look after yourself and won't get us killed?"

"I can hold my own"

Buffy flicked her gaze over him quite noticeably before answering. "I'm sure you can. Lets go. Bye"

The others returned her goodbye as Gunn stood and put his jacket on to follow her out the door. He saw Angel's anger, presumably at Buffy's comment and the fact he couldn't go with her but shrugged it off. He had energy to burn and a hankering to find out more about the beautiful slayer.

"Watch out for her Gunn, she's not herself" Angel had waited for Buffy to walk out the door, knowing she wouldn't appreciate hearing that.

"I'm sure she'll cope, she's a big girl now Angel" As Gunn shut the door behind him Angel let out a growl before turning to punch something, the only thing that saved Giles' wall was Cordy talking to him.

"Angel! Calm down, we need to get through the ritual and then you will have all the time in the world to sort this mess out and get groiny with the darling slayer. Don't get your brood on now, things to do"

_**Get groiny? Seriously? I'm going to fuck her brains out, it's not difficult to say. **_

Get back in your box. You will have to settle for fucking yourself.

_**Growing a back bone are we now? That boy better keep his hands to himself. I saw how he was looking at her.**_

She's a beautiful woman people are bound to look. Gunn's not like that.

_**If anyone has gone near her there will be hell to pay. **_

Angel growled deep in his chest at the thought of anyone touching Buffy, silently agreeing with his demon. For now he had to sort the ritual out, so sat down to get this over with. Unfortunatly his mind wandered to Buffy and where her and Gunn were, what they were talking about and how on earth he was going to fix her and get his Buffy back.

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Sorry for the delay, ppllleeeeeeaaasssee review :( xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Yay, its starting to write a little easier now. Ok, I did really like Willow and Xander in the early seasons (well apart from Xanders misguided need to protect Buffy and the Angel hate) but it really annoyed me how much they judged Buffy and tried to rule her life. I know they put themselves at risk and yadda yadda yadda but that was their choice. So I don't want to completely bash them in this fic but Buffy is not going to be a pushover for them. It's mostly Xander with the 'kick his ass' comment and anger at how they kicked her out of her own house in the last season that's bought this on lol. Very protective over my characters lol (not MINE mine before I get sued. This is purely for fun and entertainment, I own nothing) Ohh yeh question....am I allowed to put lyrics in my fic??? If not please don't ban me, I'll just take them out. Hope you guys are enjoying, please review. **

"So how comes you're all knowledgeable on vamps and demons" Buffy and Gunn had walked the short way to the closest cemetery and were currently walking along one of Buffy's routes. It wasn't as awkward as it could have been and Buffy figured she should make conversation. It wasn't Gunn's fault her life was such a mess.

"I've been hunting vamps with my crew for years in LA on the streets"

"What about your parents, your family?"

"Gone. My crew is part of my family and I had a sister"

"Had?" Buffy didn't know whether to ask or not but she figured he wouldn't answer if he didn't want to. She felt pretty comfortable talking to him, which was kind of shocking. She shrugged it off though, she didn't want the hassle of thoughts about herself tonight.

"Vamps, a couple of months ago. They turned her"

"And you staked her" He didn't need to say, she could see the guilt in his eyes and the determination.

"Had to. My sister wouldn't have wanted that. I just can't help thinking I could have done more"

"I doubt it, I've only just met you but I don't doubt you did all you could. Don't blame yourself, if you concentrate on everyone you didn't save, you will go crazy, just remember the ones you did. Trust me"

"It was my sister"

"Yes it was, but I am sure she is proud of you. Was she part of your crew? If so she knew the risks and I am sure you protected her many times before. Think that now she is safe, happy and can't be hurt any more. She would be proud you had the courage to do what you did and to carry on fighting" Buffy was finding it hard to be supportive about something she herself wasn't sure about any more. She had made sacrifices over and over and wasn't sure why she was fighting any more. It got to her though that Gunn and probably most of his crew had been fighting for a long time with no support or supernatural abilities and had lost loved ones but still kept fighting. She doubted it was apocalypse stuff but it was nice to know others were fighting the good fight. It also crossed her mind that there was a whole lot of bad in LA and other places, not just Sunnydale and she wondered who was looking after them. She also wondered if the next slayer would end up in Sunnydale or be sent somewhere else. She was bought out of her musings by Gunn. He had noticed how quiet she had gotten and realised she probably didn't talk all that much any more.

"I know you're right, I just wish she was here so much. I guess you know all about sacrifice and loss though"

"Comes with the job description" Thankfully for Buffy he didn't push, as easy as it was to talk to Gunn, she really didn't want to. She doubted she would be able to avoid Angel but she was going to try. After the ritual he would head of to LA anyway.

"Still gotta hurt, I know you can't save everyone, but you gotta hope you can. You're right, there was nothing more I could have done for my sister, if there was I would have done it, I always did" As much as it hurt to come to that revelation Gunn felt better for it, he realised how hard that was for her in her current state even if she didn't. Remembering his promise earlier to help her, he steeled himself for the next question. "So, what's with the ice treatment to Angel?"

"Ice treatment? So I don't greet him with open arms, big deal" Buffy felt a spark of anger, it really wasn't any of his business and she really did not want to talk about Angel.

"I think it is a big deal. I never witnessed you two first hand, but from what I can make it you guys had the forever storybook love, it makes it a big deal to me and to him"

"Obviously not, he left me, end of story, no happy ever after. How did you end up with him anyway?" Buffy decided to change the subject, she didn't know whether to hit him or cry all over him. Yeh they had the great big love-sure. You don't leave the love of your life alone and broken, fighting for her life every night.

"Had a bit of trouble with a gang of vamps and Angel took care of it. Done a few jobs here and there and it sorta developed from there. It was a bit touch and go at first though and it hasn't come without a price"

"What do you mean?"

"Well for starters I hated him, on some level still do. I've been fighting vamps as long as I can remember and all of a sudden I'm working with one?"

Buffy actually had to smile at this, something in common here she thought. "I was right there with you, imagine being a vampire slayer having vampires as your enemy and having a destiny to kill them and then develop warm fuzzy feelings for one of the worst vampires ever recorded, now that's bad"

At Buffy's smile Gunn nearly stopped walking, she was gorgeous. He could see how Angel fell for her, add her strength and normal personality and wit and he didn't think a man would have any choice but to fall for her. He hoped his friendly protective feelings only stayed on the path of brotherly feelings for his own sake. Her smile didn't really reach her eyes and he imagined what she must have been like last year.

"It was worth it though right?" Gunn could have kicked himself as a shadow passed over her face and her once again dead eyes looked downwards.

"I used to think so. So, what else happened with you?" Sensing the need to change the subject, Gunn answered.

"Well I started working more with Angel, Cordy and Wes and less with my crew. I knew they could handle themselves and as long as I was fighting the good fight I was happy. Unfortunately my gang wasn't. To cut a long story short, I can do more good with Angel so opted to stay with him. I'm sure at some point there will be repercussions but I gotta do what I gotta do."

"Must have been hard, you're friends not accepting your choices and sticking by you"

Gunn winced at the cold tone of her voice, he knew what her friends had been like now and had his own anger at them, he hadn't meant to bring it up now."Yeh it was, but I concentrate on fighting evil and look at the new friends I've got and the possibilities in front of me. My crew know where I am and if they ever need me I would do everything I could to help them. Why won't you talk to Angel?"

The question came so out of the blue it shocked Buffy into answering.

"I can't, it hurts to talk to him" She bit her lip and tried to get herself to shut up.

"Hurts? Surely talking to him will make it better" for some reason she found herself answering.  
"No, I know what he will say and I don't need to hear it, besides you guys will be back in LA before you know it and you can go back to normal."

"And what about you? What happens to you then?"

"I carry on here and probably get killed fulfilling my destiny like every over good little slayer".

Gunn turned and grabbed her arms. "Listen to yourself. You're talking like your going to die tomorrow. No wonder Angel is so worried about you. You sound like you've given up and that's not a good attitude to have"

"Look, I like you really I do but don't act like you know anything about my life. I'm the slayer, I could die tomorrow, I've accepted that, if Angel is worried about me he has a funny way of showing it, I'm just so tired Gunn, I've had enough. If I've given up then all I have to say is I'm surprised I lasted this long. He's my world, the only one who has ever fully understood me and without him I admit I'm not the same, but it wasn't any choice of mine "

Gunn could hear the heartbreak in her voice and it broke his own. This girl had so much on her shoulders and the only thing that improved her life had left her to fend for herself. He also noticed the present tense she used and knew how important it was for Angel to sort this mess out before it was too late. Before he got to answer her they were surrounded by a group of ten vamps and he saw that Buffy had already fallen into a fighting stance so he did the same, bringing out his stake.

"Slayer" One of the vampires were standing further forward than the others and seemed to be the leader, Buffy and Gunn had fallen back to back both with stakes raised.

"Can we not go through the whole you're gonna die, me vampire you slayer speech. We fight, one of us wins OK?"

At this two vamps from the side moved forward and Buffy shifter her balance bringing her arm back to punch them both one after the other, Gunn started on another one as Buffy staked two in quick succession as the others joined the fight. Buffy realised they had finally used there brain a bit to attack her at once rather than give her a chance to take them out one by one. She didn't however want Gunn to get caught in the middle.

The fight went on for another five minutes with only two other vamps getting dusted. Buffy was fighting well but was fending off others so hadn't had the chance to stake any. Buffy was getting tired quicker than usual and realised her heart just wasn't in it. She wanted Gunn to be safe and that was all. Suddenly she saw a swirl of black and recognised the special tingle she had, realising Angel had joined the fight, she should have realised he wouldn't have stayed away. Makes a change she thought. She knew she should concentrate more on the fight but she couldn't help thinking that she had had enough of everyone making her decisions for her and wondered when people would let her make her own mind up. It was one of the reasons she had drawn back from everyone, although it seemed Cordy had realised, it was something she supposed. After taking a few knocks she shouldn't have she tried to concentrate back on the fight just as she heard Angel.

"BUFFY!"

Looking down as the vamp dusted in front of her she saw the sword speared through her chest.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, so what do you think? It's Saturday and I'm at work, my usual writing place lol now before you get all excited I don't know how far I'm going to get. I started off earlier thinking oh excellent I can get loads done at work today but it hasn't quite worked out lol. I had my charity Halloween party last night (It went absolutely excellent btw) and although I didn't even drink it was an extremely stressful day and late night so I feel like I have a hangover so if this chapter sucks, blame that hehe. I finished the last chapter and am gonna try and finish this one just for you guys and coz its the weekend. Plus if the football results don't go my way I need something else to give me a happy! **

**A/N I forgot, I have to apologise for the fight scene descriptions, it sucked I know, I probably could have made it better but I figured you lot can see a fight perfectly well and would rather I just got on with the story. Yeh? I actually ended up finishing this chapter on Sunday lol, sorry guys.**

Angel had finished up at Giles' and gone looking for Gunn and Buffy as soon as he could. Both watchers had expressed their concern oven both his and Buffy's behaviour, although Buffy's more so. He understood and agreed with their worries but to fix things he had to talk to her and he knew she was going to be difficult but wasn't going to give up. He knew he had been an idiot but he still thought it had been the right thing to do. He wanted the best for her, if she thought he was the best for her, he was not going to argue about it any more. He had come to Sunnydale to find her, but her hadn't really done so yet. It was going to take some work to get her back. At this thought he almost stopped walking remembering his dream. She had told him that he would look for her but not find her. Suddenly the rest of his dream came back to him and he set off at a dead run.

_**You better get there in time Soul boy, Make a change from how slow you've been recently. **_

Despite the flippant remarks Angel could feel his demon growling in agitation and he only matched it. Although there was distance between them, the fact he knew she was alive and fighting, he had been able to cope. Now he had sudden terror that she would be permanently taken from him and he had no idea how to even begin to cope with that. He began to realise how she must have been feeling. No-one knew how long they had and in their line of work it was even worse so any time spent with the person you love, you want to take. He couldn't dwell on this any longer as he reached Buffy and Gunn in the cemetery fighting a gang of vampires that had surrounded them. Without a moments hesitation he jumped straight in to the fight. Gunn was struggling under the number and he noticed the fact that these vampires seemed a bit more intelligent than most, attacking all at once. Buffy was fighting but half-heartedly. The worry mixed with anger for her safety spurred him on as well as strength from the demon just as he staked his vamp and turned to help Buffy.

_**Buffy!**_

Less than fraction of a second after Angelus, Angel noticed the remaining vamp had pulled a sword and he couldn't get there in time so tried to warn her.

"Buffy!"

He pulled the vamp back, in doing so pulling the sword out of Buffy and staking him immediately, keeping his eyes on Buffy he followed her gaze down to the wound and her precious blood spilling from her chest.

"Angel?" Her voice was so small his dead heart shrank in his chest. He moved to step forward but she managed to hold up her hand.

"No don't touch me" Buffy's hands moved to her chest and came away covered in her thick deep red blood, her eyes were losing focus as she swayed on her feet. "Gunn?" He knew she only wanted to know he was alive but he still felt the surge of jealousy and possessiveness he always had and had to tamper down the demon inside him. Angelus was growling and panicking at the blood she was losing, he wasn't far behind him.

"Buffy? I'm right here girl, are you alright?" Gunn had moved over as soon as the last vamp had dusted. His heart dropped to his feet as her saw her wound. He nearly cried himself when he saw the devastated look on Angel's face when she told him to stay away. He knew she only wanted to make sure he was alive when she asked after him but he didn't miss the flash of jealousy in Angel's eyes nor the devastation that followed at the seriousness of her wound.

"Never better" Just as she spoke her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she began to lose consciousness. Gunn moved to reach for her but there was no need.

_**Catch her, catch her!**_

Angel had already been moving and was immediately there to catch her. He could smell her rich blood everywhere as it coated him as well, both him and his demon managed to tamper down the blood lust as it was overcome by worry.

"Buffy? Hold on Baby, it'll be alright, it's OK. Stay with me Buffy, wake up"

_**Get her to the hospital, her pulse is dropping, get her to the hospital! NOW! **_

Without looking back Angel headed to the hospital, praying to every god and higher power there ever could be to save his love. He held her tight against him and felt her slow heart beat against his dead chest making him move faster. Gunn tried to keep up but seeing he had no chance he headed to the watchers.

"I need some help here. Someone help me. She's been stabbed, she's lost a lot of blood" Angel had rushed into the emergency room towards what he thought were a group of doctors.

"Sir, what happened"

"I JUST TOLD YOU. NOW HELP HER!"

Immediately he had been surrounded by doctors and nurses. He knew they were trying to help her but he had managed to keep hold of her hand. He had no idea if he was vamped and couldn't care less.

"Sir, you need to step back if we are going to help her. We are going to have to ask you some questions which you need to answer if you want her to receive the best possible care"

Angel took an unneeded breathe trying to calm himself.

"What's her name?"  
"Her name is Buffy Summers, 19 years old. Please doctor, she's my life" The doctor could see the love, devastation and worry in the young man's eyes and held back his previous judgements. People could act in mysterious ways under pressure.

"How did she get injured?"

"She was stabbed, I don't know, a big knife, just help her please!"

"Has she taken anything?"

"What! No, god she would never" Angelus was getting louder in his head, shouting threats of death and torture if the doctor didn't help his mate. He was one question away from snapping the man's neck himself. Luckily for him, the doctor turned and joined the rest of the staff working on Buffy.

"Sir you need to let go of her hand and wait out here" Angel looked down towards the short middle aged nurse in front of him.

"I am not leaving her"

"If you don't let go right now, we can't operate, if we don't operate it increases her chance of dying to around 90%, now do you still want to hold her hand?" Angel looked almost shocked at the nurse. She had guts and if he had the time or inclination he would have admired her no bullshit attitude in a crisis, instead he reluctantly let go of Buffy's hands and stepped away. His soul and demon screaming at him in unison not to leave their mate.

"Please just save her."

"We will do every thing we can for your wife" The nurse looked at him sympathetically before joining her team, it did not look good for the young blonde woman, who knew what this formidable man would do if the worst happened.

"Angel?" Angel didn't correct her about calling Buffy his wife, it was how he had felt since her 17th birthday anyway. At his name being called he turned and saw Gunn, Giles and Cordy running towards him. He ran his hand down his face trying to ready himself to answer their questions without falling apart.

An hour later they all say in the waiting room waiting for news on Buffy. Cordy was curled on her chair, her head resting on Gunn's shoulder. Giles bent forward on his chair, glasses hanging loosely from one hand and using his other to pinch the bridge of his nose. Angel sat slightly apart from the others, his back ramrod straight and his fist clenched so hard his knuckles were white. Every so often a low growl was heard coming deep from his chest but it had ceased shocking the others. He was staring directly at the door willing it to open and a doctor to come through and tell them Buffy was fine. Despite being the middle of the night Giles had tried to get hold of Joyce but it seemed she was away on an art and sculpture exhibition, they hadn't called Willow or Xander and no one seemed inclined to do so.

_**What is taking them so long? She is a god damn Slayer! She is not weak.**_

She lost a lot of blood, it'll take time, she will be OK.

_**I know she will you pansy. She has to be.**_

He knew Angelus was just as worried as him and for some reason it gave him a very slight sense of comfort. He knew Angelus loved Buffy in his own twisted way but dealing with his own worry mixed with the demons sharpened emotions was taking its toll. He took a deep breath and slowly the low music playing in the waiting room penetrated his troubled thoughts, the more he listened to the lyrics the more they pierced his heart. He once again made the vow to never voluntarily leave Buffy again.

_I can't believe it's over  
I watched the whole thing fall  
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall  
If I'd only knew  
The days were slipping past  
That the good things never last  
That you were crying_

Summer turned to winter  
And the snow it turned to rain  
And the rain turned into tears upon your face  
I hardly recognize the girl you are today  
And God I hope it's not too late  
It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone  
I'm always there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
Until the light comes pouring through  
It's when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Babe, you're not lost  
When your world's crashing down  
And you can't bear the cross  
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy  
It can tear your soul apart  
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy but you're not  
Things have seemed to change  
There's one thing that's still the same  
In my heart you have remained  
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone  
And I am there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
Until the light comes pouring through  
It's when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Babe, you're not lost  
And the world's crashing down  
And you can not bear the cross  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost

**A/N The song is 'Lost' by Michael Bublĕ, I love it and it just so reminds me of Angel and Buffy and my story!! Listen to it xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys, I just wanted to give a quick shout out to you lot for your reviews. **

**Anna42hmr**

**Angel1969**

**Indieee17**

**Buffyfan310**

**Troypay-zashley-4ever**

**and a special thanks to Kristen12386, like we were separated at the birth of Buffyverse!!**

**Many thanks to those with me on story alert too, any thoughts?? Please review.**

Angel sat in Buffy's old room in shock. He didn't know what to do, what to think. Buffy was dead. His Buffy gone forever. No amount of CPR would save her this time...

**Juuuuust Kidding...I couldn't resist!**

**Oh and what did I tell you guys about that song..does it fit or what! (unless you did what I do when reading fanfic sometimes and skip the lyrics *hangs head in shame*). Now there was a number of different ways I had to continue the next few parts but this is what I've decided on.. Please review and tell me what you think...**

"Been a couple of weeks since you've come to see me"

Buffy turned towards the voice, slightly shocked at its owner. She was in her hospital room looking over at herself. Angel was in the chair next to her bed, holding her left hand as machines beeped around her. She must have just come out of surgery, was she in a coma or just unconscious though? _God my hair looks awful._ She turned back towards the voice, there wasn't much she could do about her mental state at the moment.

"I know I'm sorry, I've just been busy you know, slaying, school.."

Letting out a chuckle the figure shook her head denying the blondes words, walking to stand next to her. "I know you're not even gonna insult me by thinking I would believe that. I'm not one of your little scoobies who can't see further than their own noses".

"I..I don't, look I didn't even know you realised I was there!"

"I can't comment, I don't really know the deal, I don't know how much time passes or anything, but I heard you when you first came and I have heard you ever since"

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for how I acted the first few times.." Before Buffy could finish she was interrupted.

"No, look you had every right to be like that. I was pissed at first, sure. But the more you came back the more I listened and realised how wrong everything had gotten. What a mess everything is. What's the big guy doing back?"

"Giles and Wesley found a way to bind his soul, needs my blood, then he's going back to L.A."

"I dunno, he looks pretty comfy with you there, what makes you so sure he'll leave?"

"He always leaves"

Suddenly the room shifted and the two found themselves in another room.

"How did that happen?" Buffy looked around recognising the room.

"Don't ask me, it's your subconscious"

"So you're just a figment of my imagination?"

"No, I'm me, I'm not sure why I get to guest spot but still, things work in mysterious ways and all that, perhaps I'm here to help you, after being your diary for the last few months I would say I know what's going on with you, including why you haven't been by recently.."

"I've just been busy"

"You haven't suddenly become busy, you've given up, waiting for something out there to get the best of you and almost letting them do it. You need to stop before it's too late. Let them help you B"

Buffy looked round the room and then to Faith's body, lying in her bed, still in the coma Buffy put her in.

"Are you going to wake up Faith?"

"Who knows, I kind of like it here though, no pressure, no destiny, no one to live up to, I'm 5x5"

"I never asked you to be like me Faith, trust me it's not as good as you think it is"

"I know B, I know, that came from me. That's the thing about this place it gives you a lot of time to think, add that to you're 'Dear Faith' visits and I can see how wrong I was. I don't want your life or the pressures that go with it. Although by the sounds of it, you've been getting rid of them?"

"I just can't take them running my life any more, it was hard enough before, but then without Angel, it's just not worth it"

"Stop it B, stop it. You are the strong one, always doing the right thing. I need you to be there when I wake up Buffy, I can't do this without you. I went down the wrong path, I know it now and god as much as I want to go back in time I can't. All I can do is try and gain my redemption and make my peace with you"

"I made peace with you a long time ago Faith, you're like my sister, I never would have given up on you, I'm just so tired"

"So you've given up on yourself? On Angel?"

"Oh no! Don't you turn that around, HE gave up on ME!"

"Then what is he doing here?"

"I told you, we're binding.."

"His soul, yes I know, but what is he doing _here_"

"I..I..I don't know OK, he wants to talk"

"So talk"

"Haven't I done enough Faith? It's your turn now, mine should have been over a long time ago"

"Buffy I don't have much time left to talk to you, you're going to wake up. You have help with you, I can't tell you what's going to happen to me, I don't know, I want to come back, I do, I have a destiny to face and peace to make. I may be _A_ slayer, but whether you want to be or not, you are _the_ slayer. I need you there for me to do it. Please Buffy, Please don't give up" As Faith finished talking she disappeared.

Buffy stood shocked at Faith practically begging her and actually saying please. At least she had heard her when she had visited. It had started pretty soon after Angel had left. No one else knew she visited and she had planned to keep it that way. At first Buffy had been angry, mad and upset and had taken it out on the dark slayer, starting with the poison. Eventually, with Faith not able to answer back, it had turned into an escape for Buffy's feelings when she couldn't talk to anyone else, it had helped put past demons to rest for both slayers apparently. For some reason Buffy wasn't embarrassed that Faith knew all her secrets and feelings of late, if anything she felt relief. Back looking in at her own hospital room Buffy took note of the changes in her body. 'Even my body has had enough' she thought. A small part of her was trying to fight back, it had listened to Faith and had grasped on to the natural kinship she had originally felt towards Faith. That was also the part of her that wanted to jump into Angel's arms and never leave.

Buffy could see how worried Angel was and that same small part of her melted at the love and concern on his face for her. A bigger part was angry at the upset in her emotional state he had caused and was making her once again deal with hurt. She had pushed people so far away to avoid this, he had been back a day and she was struggling to keep up her façade already. She didn't deny she still loved him, there would be no point. She would only be lying to herself. Admitting it however wouldn't do any good. He would still leave and still break her heart. Again.

Still, it had been nice having him around, the fact he had her back and was there to save her, whether she wanted to be saved or not, had reminded her of times gone by. Back then she had her friends, her school, her watcher, her mother. Her Angel. She had no doubt how he felt, she believed in his words of love and his promise of forever. They hadn't known what was to come, what threat they were to face or what foe thought they could take them, but they had been together. It was all she had ever truly wanted and asked for in her tragic lifetime.

She knew she was going to wake up and took a deep breathe trying to prepare herself for the next few days and trying to think of the best possible way to keep her dignity and the tatters of her heart and soul. Visions of throwing her self at Angel's feet begging him to love her and never leave her danced in her eyes. He knelt before her telling her he loved her and never wanted to leave her and never would again.

Before the vision could continue the environment shifted once again and Buffy found herself in the middle of the cemetery watching Angel fight with a couple of men in dark army type gear. She watched in confusions as the fight progressed, they were definitely human and she could tell Angel wasn't fighting to kill. She noted a lone figure away from the fight with a gun trained on the action. She figured the bullets were to harm Angel and perhaps distract him if the assailants needed it. She began getting closer to the fight when she saw one of the men withdraw a stake from his pocket, Angel hadn't been fully focused on him before and she felt a shiver go down her spine. Her slayer senses warning her something was going to happen. Barely a second later, it did. As one of the men moved for a physical attack, the other got in a position to use his stake.

"ANGEL!"

Buffy ran full speed forward, too late remembering the gunman as she pushed the stake safely away from Angel's chest just as a gun shot rang out. She felt pain spread across her left shoulder before blackness engulfed her.

Angel had been by Buffy's bedside since they had allowed in the room. They had had to perform surgery to stop the internal bleeding but it hadn't been as bad as any of them first thought. Mostly relief had passed through him erasing his fears but they wouldn't be completely dispelled till she was awake and he could look into her eyes.

_**Yeh her cold empty eyes.**_

Angel was mildly surprised to hear Angelus. He had been quiet up until now, his own fear and worry keeping him so. Now he was getting anxious for her to wake up.

_**What is taking so long? What if the doctors are wrong?**_

The anaesthetic has to wear off. She'll wake up when she's ready, besides it looks like she could use the rest.

_**Don't let her hear you say that, she'll probably think you're calling her fat or something.**_

They both shared a smirk at that, momentarily lightening the mood, calling a truce on their usual relationship. Giles, Cordy and Gunn had been in and then gone to get refreshments as it looked like Buffy wasn't going to wake up just yet. Angel of course had stayed, even if he had needed he wouldn't have gone. He just sat vigil by her bedside, one small hand clasped in his own, trying to give her some of his own strength through the contact.

He had no idea how long had passed, an hour or two perhaps, there was still a while until sunrise. That thought shocked him, it seemed they had been in the hospital for days rather hours. He felt a twitch and looked down at the hand he was holding, his gaze soon returned to her face as she whimpered. Her eyes were closed and her heartbeat was still slower as if in sleep. She must be dreaming he thought. He could see her getting agitated and in emotional turmoil which squeezed his heart enough, if it was beating it would have stopped at her next words.

"Please Angel, don't. Don't leave me again, I couldn't take it again. I love you, I did then, I do now. I'm begging you, if you ever cared for me at all don't go. I can't survive alone"

Tears were rolling down both their faces though Buffy's eyes remained closed. Angel had stood up, sitting on the side of Buffy's bed one hand still holding hers and the other trying to hold her to him.

Sobs caught in his throat as he tried to get through to her, whether she could hear him or not.

"I love you Buffy, I do, with all my heart and soul. I never wanted to leave you and I never will again"

At his words she seemed to calm down. Her sobs and shaking ceased and he let out a breathe. Agony coursed through him as he once again recognised what his leaving had done to his mate. Before he had a chance to let his thoughts progress Buffy let out a terrified shout.

"ANGEL"

A few seconds later she shot up in her hospital bed wide awake. Buffy looked down and saw no wound and lay slowly back down. Pain had sliced through her stitches from the sharp movement. She winced and pulled her hand away from Angel's. He decided to forgo mentioning her dream for now.

"Buffy, you're awake, how are you feeling"

"Like I got shish kebabed, how do you think" Buffy ignored the his hurt and worried gaze and assessed her pain and wounds.

"They had to operate to stop the internal bleeding but apparently the wound looked worse than it was"

"It always does"

"Don't act so casual Buffy" Angel practically growled at her, angry once again at her lack of caring for her own safety. "A couple of inches a different way and it could have been a different story"

"We all have our time Angel, this obviously wasn't mine. Mind you even if it was some idiot would probably bring me back"

Angel looked at her shocked but before he had a chance to reply the door burst open and three figures walked in.

"Buffy, I'm so glad you're alright, we were so worried when you needed surgery" Giles walked into the room giving his slayer a chaste kiss on the forehead, ignoring her flinch.

"Hey B, glad you're OK, had me worried for a sec there girl"

"Hey Buff, bet you can't wait to blow this joint huh?" They all knew how much Buffy hated hospitals and could tell she wanted to get out by her shifty eyes and slightly nervous expression. Angel hoped that was her reason for her behaviour before.

"Like you wouldn't believe, so, let's go"

"I don't believe that's the best idea Buffy, at least get checked over first. We will head back to mine and let you rest. We will be back in a few hours to pick you up. We have already out stayed our welcome but we wouldn't leave until you had awoken"

All saying their goodbyes they headed for the door Buffy felt a momentary panic. She hated herself for what she was about to do but weighed up against the alternative, she swallowed her pride and did it anyway.

"Angel?"

"Yes?" He turned back from the door, the others waiting just outside, out of sight but still in hearing distance.

"Will you stay with me?" Her voice was so small an he could tell it was the last thing in the world she wanted to ask, despite this hope blossomed throughout his whole being and he turned to close the door.

"Of course" He saw the other three's wide smiles as he pushed the door shut, hiding his own.


	12. Chapter 12

**Omg, how awful am I! It's been days since I last updated. I'm Sorry :( Oh my god, I was just sorting out some pictures on my laptop from a party the other night and I ended up looking at some pictures I've got of David Boreanaz and got all flustered lol (they're goooooood pictures! Old and newer ones. But especially think...earlier DB, spiky hair, half unbuttoned white shirt, alllll wet and you'll be where I am! Lol)- Sorry for any guys reading the story lol, girls you know what I'm talking about though right! Lol yum! Only thing is, I'm at work!!! lol. Dear oh dear think I better calm down. You lot are a right bad influence you know (Kristen I blame you hun lol), I'm meant to be writing a fan fic here...oh that's right, it was my picture lol anyhooooo on with the story yes? **

**Oh my god!!! I have completely forgotten about about Wesley in the last chapter. Lets say he stayed at Giles' to get things ready for the ritual.**

Once the internal bleeding had been stopped Buffy's advanced healing had kicked in to full effect. To the shock of the doctors she checked herself out a few hours later. The hours spent together in the hospital were strained and Buffy found herself escaping the tension with sleep. Luckily for her, her dreams didn't cause her to call out again. Unluckily for her, in her opinion, was that they were all centred around Angel and the good times they had together, and some good times that she wasn't even supposed to know about. When she awoke she had insisted leaving the hospital before sunrise so it would be safe for Angel and of course then she wouldn't be stuck in the dreaded hospital alone.

They arrived at Giles roughly half hour before sunrise, preventing Angel leaving. At first Buffy had been forced to rest upstairs in Giles' spare room. It was fine with her as it meant she didn't have to make small talk with anyone, make nice and pretend that everything was alright. Unfortunately it also meant, once she had woken up she was bored out of her brain. After a shower she felt marginally better and was just combing her hair through when Cordy knocked and entered the room.

"Hey. I would ask you how you're feeling but considering you got run through with a sword I'm not gonna waste my breathe"

Buffy smiled a little and shifted so Cordy could sit on the edge of the bed. She had a feeling she wasn't going to like this conversation but unfortunately she didn't have the energy to prevent it, and her the walls she had so painstakingly built were falling around her. She knew the minute he left they would fall completely for a while and would take a while to put the pieces back together._ Like my heart...oh wait, that still hasn't been put back together. _

"Yeh, if one more person asks how I'm feeling I think I'll scream. I suppose they're down there talking about what's best for me and trying to make decisions for me?"

"Pretty much. Giles and Wes are debating over the pros and cons. Gunn will go along with whatever you say and Angel is insisting we forgo the ritual after what happened"

"The hell we will"

"He's worried about you, we all are. You lost a lot of blood last night, you could have died"

"I could die every night, doesn't stop me from going out and doing my job. We are doing the ritual tonight" Buffy had made up her mind and wasn't about to change it. Once again she found herself wishing people would respect her decisions.

"Why do you care anyway?" If Cordy had asked that maliciously she would likely have been on the receiving end of Buffy's fist.

"What do you mean? The chance to stop Angelus coming out? Murdering a whole bunch of people"

"There's still a chance he could get loose with magic and stuff and the way things are going, there's no way the curse will get broken any time soon. I think you want to do it for Angel and for yourself too"

"Look Cordy, I know Angelus could still get loose but this reduces the chances drastically. I don't know where Angel stands on the happiness thing so I can't comment on that. You are right though, I want to do this for Angel. By the way if you tell anyone this I'll hunt you, we clear?" Buffy had no idea why she was telling Cordy the truth but since Cordy seemed the only one to accept Buffy had her own mind and stuck up for her she felt she could talk to her. At Cordelia's nod she continued.

"The way I see it, it will give him some peace of mind. He does so much for other people and doesn't ask for anything in return. The sins he's atoning for aren't even his but he fights the fight everyday and for what? The powers are screwing him over and he doesn't even know it. Even if he did he would still keep going because all the people in your visions, they are still innocents so no matter where the message comes from, they still need saving. If just this one act can help him rest a little easier and help him let go of some of his guilt and pain then I would do it a thousand times over. If he can't stop and drains me dry? I'd still do it, I always knew I would die for him in a second. Why change now? I may not be acting like it but I still love Angel, although I hate him, I love Angelus too, he is a part of Angel and I love all of him and I will till the day I die, whether its tonight, tomorrow or next year. I told him that once but I don't think he believed me. That's why it hurt so much, he didn't trust out love and he left me. I am so mad at him for leaving you wouldn't believe. He thinks its for the best but all he is doing is depriving me of what I want most. I've never asked for much but I asked for him and he wouldn't stay. I can't help but wonder if that means he didn't feel the same way for me. If that's right then I love him enough to give him the chance to be happy with someone else"

By the end of her speech Buffy was openly crying and Cordy's eyes were filled with tears. She hadn't been that close to Buffy in high school but had always secretly respected the blonde champion. To hear her talk so unselfishly and witness the love she felt for Angel despite everything that happened she felt humbled and slightly in awe of the woman before her. Past greivences slipped away as she wrapped her arms round Buffy's shoulders to hold her whilst she cried.

"No Buffy he does love you, I promise you that. He thinks of you everyday, it drives me up the wall! He didn't want to leave and I know he struggles everyday not to come back but he thinks he is doing what is best for you. We both know he's wrong but he's male and noble, what do you expect. You need to open yourself up to the possibility of changing things though Buffy. You are going to get yourself killed, you need to give him another chance Buffy"

"I don't know if I can"

Angel, Giles and Gunn stood outside the bedroom door in silence. They had headed up the stairs to see how Buffy was feeling and to talk about whether or not to go through with the ritual. They had stopped outside the door when Cordy asked Buffy why she cared anyway. Despite knowing it was wrong to eavesdrop the three men wanted to hear Buffy's answer to see if they were making any headway. None of them expected to hear what they did. Many times Giles or Gunn had to prevent Angel from entering the room. When he could hear her crying he wanted to hold her. When he heard her confess her love he wanted to tell her the same. When he heard her suggest someone else he wanted to tell her it was only ever her. So many thoughts ran through his head of what he needed to say to her. When the talking inside the room stopped Angel wanted to go and comfort his love, instead Giles touched him on the arm. Telling him later after the ritual. Gunn had stepped back slightly from the other two, feeling guilty for eavesdropping and slightly in awe of the emotions pouring from the slayer.

Giles felt a mixture of emotions. He felt guilty for being against Buffy and Angel's relationship and not trusting his slayer to know what was best for her. He also felt immensely proud of the maturity and compassion she held. To love enough to let one go was an amazing thing. One that Angel had done also he realised. The power of the love between these two warriors was overwhelming and he knew they were doing the right thing trying to fix what had been broken.

Angel could see the mixed emotions on both Giles and Gunn's faces and also knew the same plus more showed on his face. He was in awe at the feelings and lengths Buffy would go for him, logically he knew she loved him but had never felt worthy of his love for her, so had downplayed it, believing nobody, especially someone as pure as Buffy could ever love someone like him that much. Not only did she love him despite Angelus..

_**Hey!**_

She also believed he was innocent of his crimes. He knew he would never let her get away again. If she thought he was what made her happy, he wasn't going to argue about it any more.

_**Congratulations, only took a year and our mate nearly dying. What will you make us give up and nearly lose when you have to decide between wearing a black shirt or ohh right a black shirt! Moron. It was a no-brainer the whole time, you never should have left. How do you function being so retarded!**_

Obviously because I have you to tell me right from wrong!

Angel knew Angelus was just once again covering the effect Buffy's words had on him but the sarcasm was getting on his nerves.

_**I told you she loves me!**_

She also said she hated you. She only loves you because you're a part of me. Although we are separate you are part of me. It's the only reason you can get anywhere near her!

Angel tried to block the rest of Angelus as he followed Giles and Gunn down the stairs. One thing Angelus stated was true though, one time, not long ago, neither man would dare face away from him. He realised they truly trusted him and felt renewed. He wasn't going to argue with Buffy if she wanted to go through with the ritual, it was her decision.

_**Sure you don't want to tie her shoes for her? Brush her teeth?**_

Yeah Yeah I get your drift. I'm done making decisions for her.

An hour or so later Cordy and Buffy came down the stairs. If you looked closely at Buffy's face then you could see a slight trace of tears and puffy eyes. Everyone was too polite to comment on this however, plus the fact they didn't want her to know they had overheard her passionate speech. Wes and Giles were sitting at the table preparing various herbs and ingredients for the spell. Gunn was half asleep in a chair and Angel had ceased pacing to watch Buffy and Cordelia come down the stairs.

"Feeling better Buffy?" Wes had looked up to see the girls and looked over Buffy closely. She needed to be centred for the spell. She seemed stable enough to him though and the sooner they got under way the better in his mind.

"Yes much. Is everything ready?"

"Just about yes. As the others have not come by did you want to inform them of our plans?"

Buffy looked at Wes oddly as if he had just asked her if she preferred vegetables over chocolate. "No. Why would I?" In some respects Wes was glad about this as Buffy's 'former' friends didn't seem to support or believe in Buffy. He did however feel sad for her. So much on her shoulders and her friends had all but abandoned her.

"I just wanted to make sure"

"Buffy, have you contacted your mother?"

"No Giles, she's away, I'm fine. She suppresses all things slaying. It's better she doesn't know. I could do without knowing how bad a daughter I am" _Crap! That last bit wasn't meant to come out. _Buffy noticed someone was going to say something and quickly cut in.

"I'm going to get some food and train for an hour before the ritual starts OK?" With that she turned on her heel and head to the kitchen. The others looked at each other then away lost in their own thoughts. 

Willow walked into her dorm room after class to pick up some more clothes as she was staying at Oz's again. She briefly noticed the room was exactly as she left it when she was home a few days ago. She had been caught up in classes and Oz and hadn't really been around much. Buffy hadn't really been around or sociable either she thought petulantly. She knew she had slaying though and she suddenly she felt a slight pang of worry and reminded herself to check in with Giles when she had collected her stuff. Five minutes later, an overnight bag packed, Willow leant over to pick up the phone to call Giles. Before she could reach it the phone rang. On answering she heard Oz's voice, telling her he was waiting for her outside. A few seconds later Willow was whistling on her way out the door, phone call and thoughts of Buffy forgotten.


	13. Chapter 13

**Great reviews for that chapter, thanks to all my lovely readers, your reviews make me happy which makes me want to write more for you lol. I agree, I didn't like Cordy in ATS, well after season one of it anyway, the C/A scenes made me ill I swear lol, I was shouting at my tv, scarred me for life lol. Right OK, I'm trying to paint the scoobies as really bad guys but I can't be bothered to write too much about them lol, but you know what they did right? I don't need to go into it all. Any suggestions story wise please don't hesitate, I do have ideas for the upcoming but if you've got anything, hit me with it and I'll have a think.**

**A/N, its late, I'm tired and I have just spent bloody ages sorting a translation for the spell etc, unfortunately I got bored, annoyed and couldn't find all the right words so, your getting it in English! Ok revise that, I just decided to not write out some of it but put in the important bit, its in a scrambled Gypsy/Romani/Kalderash translation so many apologies but I'm not a linguist and I worked with what I had.**

Xander rolled away from Anya on the bed, heading to the bathroom to shower. He had work that night, his last night working at the bar. He had been working construction during the day and at a bar in the evening. Luckily one of his drunk uncle's owned the bar and the fact he was not yet 21 had not been an issue. He had been saving for his own apartment and treating his gift loving girlfriend. Now he was trained more on the construction side of things, his wages had gone up. Plus Anya hadn't liked him leaving five nights a week to go and work again. It was one of the reasons he had hardly seen his friends. At least that's what he told himself. They had started college and a whole new life without him. After his failed attempt at travel he decided to do the same, he had bumped into Buffy a few times months ago but had either been going to work or to meet Anya. He had meant to call her to meet up but life just got in the way. Him, Anya, Willow and Oz had double dated a few times, sometimes reminiscing but mostly just hanging out. They hadn't seen each other in a while though as Oz was playing more with the Dingo's at my baby, his band and Willow had been busy with school and a Wicca group she had joined. Anya had often got bored in their company and so their meetings had got less and less.

Away from nightly patrols and upcoming apocalypses he had almost been able to focus more on real life. Family troubles, girlfriend antics and work life and work mates. He felt like he had finally found himself and it didn't include hell mouth activity. He did miss it though he realised, he missed feeling part of the team and putting his input into it. He remembered when Buffy had told him she needed him and suddenly felt guilty for not being there. The fact Anya relied on him so much had given him a confidence boost.

The fact that it was a long time ago Buffy said that had not registered with Xander. It was well before Angelus had been released and before the group had started to separate. He started wondering who was there to watch her back and help her make the right choices and a feeling of self importance ran through him. He then began to feel a little angry, after everything he had done and given up for Buffy she hadn't even called recently to find out if he was OK. He had risked his life to help her and be there for her and she couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone? As it was his last night he was meant to be finishing earlier to celebrate. He decided to make a sacrifice and head straight to Giles' after work.

Buffy tried not to fidget nervously but she had to admit she was slightly nervous. Not about Angel drinking from her, she trusted him whether he did or not. She tried to admit she would not be bothered if he drained her dry, it was true in some ways. She would give her life for Angel's a thousand times over but she did wonder if his soul being bound would make any difference to their relationship. _Do we even have a relationship? _No they didn't she realised and once again firmly told herself that Angel would be returning to L.A. tomorrow night.

No, what Buffy was nervous about was her reaction to Angel. He was standing barely a step away from her clad only his black jeans. When she had walked into the room she had looked over his beautiful face and then struggled not to gawk as she lowered her gaze down his body. She knew she had to have been drooling as her eyes caressed his broad shoulders and muscular chest. Her pulse was racing and her mouth had gone dry. Her gaze slipped down his long firm legs and over his bare feet. This was one of her fantasy type things she realised. She had always had a thing about a guy wearing only his jeans and when that guy was Angel, she was pretty much a goner. Training sessions from the past flashed through her brain, normally he ended up dressed pretty much as he was now and they trained for as long as they could before they inevitably ended up kissing passionately on the floor. Buffy let her hot gaze wander back up his body and tried not to blush as she noticed the now prominent bulge in the front of his jeans. She figured she wasn't the only one to remember. She met his eyes for the first time since they had seen each other again and nearly gasped at the heat in them. It was like he was trying to devour her and she was powerless to prevent it.

Angel had already been agitated when he walked into the room. He was worried about Buffy but determined for once to let her have the final decision. Of course that wasn't what he was agitated about, at the end of the day he was a vampire, souled or not and the thought of her rich potent blood shot through him. Angelus shoving visions into his head didn't help but he had plenty of his own fantasies as it was. He had to have his chest bare for part of the ritual and he felt when her heart rate sped up as she looked at him. He immediately looked at her and watched her gaze travel down his body. As old as he was and as much control as he had, he could not prevent his body reacting to her lustful gaze. Her rushing pulse was like music to his ears and he could smell her want from across the room, it was driving him wild and he shifted uncomfortably as his jeans became too tight. As usual around her he was like a hormonal teenager and he inwardly cursed himself. Their was four other people in the room besides them and he was thankful for the fact that they didn't seem to be paying attention to them, except Cordelia he mused.

_**Mmm now that is beautiful. You can smell how much she wants us. Forget the ritual, lets make with the fucking!**_

The ritual is happening. You may as well shut it, you know it's happening.

_**Then with the fucking?**_

As thoughts of their one night together washed over him Angel met Buffy's heated gaze. It took him a minute to realise he hadn't sunk to the floor and his weak knees were still supporting him. He still returned her gaze, memories of their time together swirling like a vortex around them both and communicating through their souls. After a beat he watched as her shoulders straightened and shutters drop over her eyes and his own lust cooled. He knew she had just upped her defences and blocked off the happy memories of them together. He vowed once the ritual was done they would be talking and sorting things out whether she wanted to or not. He knew she thought he was just going to go back to L.A. but he was done living without her. He may not deserve her love and loyalty but he had it and he wasn't going to waste it.

Buffy finally managed to control the lust and shut off her emotions. It had taken her longer than normal and she prayed she could keep it up. She neutralised her expression, breaking the connection between Angel and herself, now was not the time to get sidetracked.She watched as the others placed herbs and lit candles in a circle around Giles' now empty living room as Angel and herself now stood facing in the middle.

"Are you sure Buffy?" Buffy looked at Angel annoyed and the turned to Giles holding her arm out.

He held a small sacrificial dagger out to her and Buffy took hold. Gunn, Giles, Wes and Cordy then took there positions round the circle. They each exchanged a look and a nod, it was going to happen.

Giles threw herbs over the pair and began the ritual.

"Trito ursitori" _(Three spirits, one good, one evil, one mediator)_

The four then began their soft Latin chant each creating a foundation for the pair. Their chanting grew louder and wind filled the room, calling upon ancient magicks was powerful and each occupant of the room focused on an inner strength to stay grounded. The four arround the circle ended their chants almost shouting before their flames extinguished and they fell to the floor slipping into a brief unconscious state. Buffy slid the knife easily across her hand letting a small amount of blood through before the wound began to close and began her part of the ritual.

"Te lolivrav I phuv mure ratesa" _(May I redden the earth with my blood)_ Buffy placed her hand over Angel's heart and then clenched her fist so drops of her powerful blood fell to the floor at their feet.

"Te aves yertime mander tai te yertil tut O Del" _(I forgive you and may god forgive you as I do)_

"Te shordjol muro rat dikh le mulo, le beng, le doshman gelo" _(May my blood spill to see the spirit of the dead, the devil, the enemy, gone)_

"Te shordjol muro rat dikh le amriya gelo" _(May my blood spill to see the curse gone)_

"Bater" _(May it be so)_

"Bater" _(May it be so)_

"Bater" _(May it be so)_

Angel had been in the middle of the circle, already vamped out from the smell of Buffy's blood around him and the power of the earlier chanting coursing through his veins, as soon as Buffy had finished and tilted her neck he had clasped her arms bringing her body flush against his own. He kissed her neck and her arms came around his waist for support.

"I love you" he whispered before delicately sinking his fangs into her neck, drawing steadily from her, the exquisite taste of Buffy's blood filling his mouth. Unusually his demon was quiet and the spell wove its way around the pair, each pushing to be closer to one another. Buffy ran her hands through his soft hair then held on as her knees gave out as the erotic sensations coursed through her body. The feel of being so intimate with him having its effect. Angel also felt it yet knew he would control how much he took, whether it was the spell he didn't know but as Buffy's pulse began to slow he knew he was approaching the amount he needed. The feel of her against his body and the taste of her blood running down his throat created unmeasurable pleasure and he couldn't help but thrust lightly against her body, barely noticing her own rubbing against him already, their actions and the spell meant neither knew anyone else had entered the apartment.

"BUFFY! GET AWAY FROM HER YOU ASSHOLE!"

As all thoughts in his mind ceased and the ritual neared its completion shock raced across his body as he was pulled violently away from Buffy and his world descended into darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Ok, I know what Xander does now will make sense and he will seem like he was doing the right thing, he saw angel feeding off Buffy and he didn't know, but the point is he hadn't been around so he didn't know and he is still having obnoxious thoughts. Plus I'm trying to get the story moving along a bit. You get my drift though right? Angel good, Xander bad? OMG I watched BTVS earlier, the double meet palace, wig lady demon head, actually veg not meat burgers you know the episode?? It has got to be one of the worst episodes I have EVER seen. I think I thought that the first time I saw it and had blocked it out. Anyhow, on with the fic yes?**

Xander had headed straight to Giles' after work, intending to find out what had been going on with Buffy and to give her some help. He knew she might be upset for him not being around but he would make some jokes and get back in to her good books. Besides he would just tell her about the drinks after work he was giving up to go and help her. He looked through the window to Giles' as he walked up to the front door and felt his heart beat rapidly in his chest, adrenaline running through him as he saw four unmoving bodies along the floor surrounding Buffy and what looked like Angel, or Angelus drinking from her. He tore through the front door, running through at full speed to push Angelus away from Buffy, he was going to kill the bastard once and for all.

"BUFFY! GET AWAY FROM HER YOU ASSHOLE"

Buffy had vaguely heard a noise in the room but had been so lost in the sensations buzzing through her body, had not registered the possible dangers. As Angel was ripped violently away from her she felt pain shoot through her neck, the only pain she had felt. Angel had slid his fangs into her so carefully her slayer abilities had held any slight pain at bay, plus the fact Angel's fangs in her neck was more sensual than painful. She had slipped to the floor when Angel had been pushed away from her and struggled to get her eyes to focus. Despite the blood loss her vision cleared and she saw Xander above an unconscious Angel, stake in hand. She flew across the room and only her quick reflexes saved her taking the stake herself as her hand came up to grab Xander's.

"I've already been impaled with a stake once this week, I don't need it again" She had grumbled under her breathe as she pushed Xander away, immediately disregarding him and turning to Angel, still unresponsive on the floor.

By now Giles and the others had woken up and taken in the scene. Each stood up and turned towards the dark haired man looking at everyone in shock.

"Nice one Harris, looks like you acted without thinking again!" Cordy could feel the anger rising, she knew Xander didn't have the whole story but still, that boy had no brains and he already wasn't in anyones favourite books.

"What are you talking about Queen C! What are you even doing here? He was drinking from her, he was going to kill her, I thought he had already killed you lot, I was saving her"

"Xander, I understand to some extent, why you behaved as you did, but really everything is under control, we were performing a spell..." Giles had tried to immediately calm the situation down and they also needed to check on Angel but he was interrupted by Xander shouting.

"A SPELL? What and you thought it would be a good idea to let dead boy drink from her? He nearly killed her last time! We should just stake him now!"

"Hey! Look kid, I don't know who you are but what exactly has he done wrong that you think he should be staked? You walked in on something that was nothing to do with you and you start shouting your mouth off? I don't think so, not on my watch" Gunn immediately disliked the dark haired male standing in front of him and could see the others getting angrier. He was angry himself, remembering what he had been told about how he treated Buffy.

"On your watch?" Xander almost sneered as he spoke angering Cordy even more. "And who are you? Some other idiot sticking his nose in thinking its a good idea for deadboy to snack on my friend?"

"Friend? Some friend you are!" Cordy didn't give Gunn a chance to answer when she spoke. It was nothing to do with Xander who Gunn was and he had no right bursting in expecting answers either, so she told him so. "you have no right coming in here, talking to people how you are, expecting answers that are nothing to do with you!"

"Xander maybe it would be best if you did leave for now, until things have calmed down" Wesley was trying to diffuse the situation as best he could. Buffy had been crouching over Angel looking for signs of movement and had then moved him to the sofa with Giles, the others had been crowding round Xander getting it a fight. Buffy was looking desolate the longer Angel stayed unmoving and the louder the others became.

"I'm not leaving Wes, oh and nice to know you're all back in town. How long have you been here?"

"Doesn't the fact you even have to answer that question show you something Xander? You haven't been around and you shouldn't be around now, just go"

"No Cordy, I don't just bow down and do what you say any more Cordy. I am staying, someone obviously needs to be here for Buffy as you lot have filled her head with god knows what. I admit I haven't been around much but I am here now and I will make sure Buffy stays safe. How could you let him drink from her? Giles, what is wrong with you? She is your slayer, surely there is something in you that tells you this monster..."

"Shut up" Buffy didn't raise her voice or move towards Xander but the hard, cold tone of her voice caused everyone to fall into silence and turn towards her. She knew how dangerous rituals could be and what could happen if they weren't completed. Angel had still yet to move and she was terrified.

"Did he take enough?" She still didn't move her eyes away from Angel's face as she clutched his hand and stroked her hand down his angelic face. It looked peaceful at the moment but she could still see the slightest frown across his brow.

"Buffy, move away from him" Xander didn't want her anywhere near him.

"I said did he take enough! Was the ritual completed?" She looked up into Giles' eyes and his heart just about shattered at the devastated look on her face.

"I honestly do not know Buffy, we were still unconscious for that part of the spell" He wanted to give her better news, but he couldn't be sure when Xander had interrupted.

"Good. Look Buffy, I thought you had moved on, let his team sort him out and we'll get out of here. I know I haven't been around much recently but I am here to help you now. I don't know what was going on here tonight but I don't like it"

"Get out" again the words were softly spoken but full of steel. Xander looked up shocked.

"What? Buffy? You know it, I know you are angry but you should have told us what you were doing. You could have risked our lives if something had gone wrong. You had no right"

Buffy finally stood and walked across the room to Xander, controlling her strength she slapped him across the cheek.

"No right? Risk your lives? Tell you what's going on? There was a time you were here every night, now its not convenient for you and your shiny new life you're not around. I haven't seen you properly for months and suddenly I have to once again run my life by you? I don't think so, it was bad enough when we were at high school. Any decision I make is mine and mine alone. I owe you nothing do you hear? Nothing. I never asked you to risk your life, I never asked you to get involved in my calling, you insisted. You have been able to walk away and I am glad, but I can't. I can't drop and pick up my destiny on a whim. Whilst you have been off living your life I have still been out night after night protecting it. Making my own decisions! If you had not come by here tonight you would never have known and Angel would still be alrite! Once again your selfishness has probably cost me the man I love!"

"Once again? I was trying to save you Buffy!"

"Oh like you were when you happened to forget to tell me Willow was trying to re-curse Angelus? Remember that Xander? _Willow says kick his ass?_Do you remember Xander? Why would I even need enemies with friends like you! I had to send the man I love to HELL Xander, TO HELL! Not the demon, Angel. The very same Angel that saved your life over and over. That saved my life over and over, that saved countless lives over and over. That means nothing to you though does it. You can't see past your petty jealousy. You hated Angel on principle, it would never have been you Xander. I have standards"

"Oh and look how well that turned out Buffy. One moment of happiness and everyone's suddenly a target. The worst vampire in history is running round killing your friends and you don't stake him? Where was your destiny then Buff? He has killed hundreds but you don't care as long as you have your honey? Did Jenny mean that little to you, does Giles?"

This earned him another slap and Buffy advanced on him with a look he had never seen in her eyes. He backed up and belatedly realised she was herding him to the door. Every one else in the room couldn't help but stare at the pair but wisely staying silent for now.

"Don't you ever, ever say anything to me like that again. I love Giles as is he is my own Father, in fact he may as well be and I would never consciously do anything to hurt him. I have grieved and apologised and hated myself for longer than I can count over the time Angelus was loose, I can't say I wish I had staked him because I love Angel and I have him back. If that makes me a bad slayer then I'm sorry, I'm only human. I care about every being I can't save and I have sacrificed more that you will ever know to ensure the worlds safety. Angel has sacrificed more than you would ever believe. You are such a hypocrite Xander. Anya, the girl your dating? Ex-vengeance demon Anyanka. I read a few exploits recently in one of Giles' handy books. Interesting choice for you Xan, maiming and eviscerating guys, burning to death, dismembering. I could go on but I have a feeling you get my drift. Now she's what, a good few thousand years old? Answer me this. When has she ever shown remorse for her actions? Where is she when the big bad is trying to take over? Where is her fucking search for redemption Xander? TELL ME? Angel was Angelus for a hundred years, and did not even have his soul. Now he grieves and suffers and remembers every life he took. He goes out risking himself night after night to atone for his demons sins. He gave up every ounce of happiness and goodness in his life so he could carry the fight on. He gave up his humanity for me and for the rest of the world. What more do you want from him Xander? You're a hypocrite and too many times I have let you run my life. I miss the Xander from two years ago. You? You I can't stand, I hate everything you are and I don't ever, EVER want to see or hear from you again. Forget me, forget Angel. You seem to have been doing a damn fine job these last few months. Now get out!"

"Giles...tell her"

"Xander, I believe she told you to leave"

"She's upset.."

"_She _is right here. No one wants or needs you here Xander, get out. I can't speak for the others but I can never forgive you and I don't want to"

"Giles-" Giles looked at Xander with anger in his eyes. He had had enough now. The boy didn't get it. He could not forgive the danger he had put Buffy in with his foolishness. He couldn't forgive the fact he had turned his back on Buffy when she had need her friends. He couldn't forgive his constant use of Jenny's memory to guilt trip Buffy. His anger was no where near as profound as Buffy's towards Xander but Buffy needed him to leave and he was happy to oblige his slayer.

"For god sake Xander leave. It is for the best. Try to live your normal life, live each day, just go"

Xander looked once more over to Angel, fire burning in his eyes before turning on his heel and walking out, slamming the door behind him.

The slam of the door echoed throughout the room and Buffy went straight back to Angel, kneeling on the floor next to him. She clutched his shoulders and laid her head on his chest, sobbing above his heart.

"Please wake up. I can't be without you. I love you, I need you."

At first Cordy had been shocked that Buffy knew about the day Angel took back and giving up his humanity, now she was softly crying over worry for Angel, over Buffy and she realised over the loss of the Xander they had all loved but had been replaced by the rude obnoxious selfish version that had just left. Gunn gently pulled her to him into a comforting hug. Giles and Wesley stood next to each other looking over the couple on the couch.

"Wesley, was there any mention of the repercussions is the ritual was incomplete?"

"No, Giles, you know what it is like with these magicks, they are very intricate. One thing wrong could have profound reactions"

"Let us hope they had time to complete it then shall we?"

"Yes. Hope"

* * *

**Quick update for you guys, how nice am I! It's a shame I don't like this chapter. I needed to get out some angst with Xander and get him out the way. Stupid boy lol. It's a bit higgledy piggledy but was it good enough? It got the point across right? Anyhooo, Thank you millions for your reviews. I am so glad you are enjoying it and I get all smiles when I read how much. It really means a lot that you like the way I portray certain characters and that you think I have talent (thank you ang3licstar for that one, aren't you the greatest!!). Did you see how more reviews got you a quicker post? Shocking that isn't it. Lol I'm just kidding you lot are great! Thanks again :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey, so how are we all? OK, when I read fan fiction I sometimes think grrr spelling mistakes or little things wrong. How do they not notice! I normally read through my last posted chapter before starting to write the next one and I have noticed that as I type quicker I make a few mistakes too. I realised it is because neither spell checkers I use check the grammar (I use OpenOffice because my subscription to Microsoft office has run out and its waaaaay too expensive) so if the word is spelt correctly it gets left, for example putting 'if' instead of 'is' or something like that and it is such a mission to go back and edit a chapter and repost, I can never be arsed. So on that note I would like to give my apologies and promise I will try to catch them all and more carefully read through what I write. I suppose I could get a beta but I'm not sure on the whole concept and then it would take longer for the chapters to get posted so if you guys don't mind the odd mistake here and there I will try my best to keep them to a minimum. **

It had been over an hour since Xander had left and Buffy still sat vigil by Angel's unmoving body. The others had tried to get her to rest and go and lay down but she had refused. There was no way she was leaving him alone at the moment.

All she could think about is that she might lose him and he had never got to here her tell him she loved him again. She knew he left because he thought it was the right thing to do, not that she wasn't mad at him for leaving, but he didn't deserve this. Some of the ice inside her finally melted into tears of sorrow that streamed down her face. She couldn't live without him,even though they had been apart, the little hope she had left, the hadn't let her completely let go was that one day he would come back to her. They may not have been together but she had known he was OK and only in Los Angeles. She would swing between knowing that how much they loved each other would bring them back together and thinking that he hadn't loved her much at all. It had made her an emotional wreck and been the reason she had blocked everything out and focused on her studies and training instead. It was clinical and factual and required no feelings what so ever. It had been her saviour like he once was. _Still was._

She let her wounded soul scream out for his, hoping their connection would keep him with her somehow. As long as he came back, even if he was in L.A. She could settle knowing he was here and keeping going. Together or apart she wanted better for him than this. Realising she had spent the best part of two hours gripping his hand and there was still no progress she decided to do something constructive. Surprising the rest of the occupants of the room she stood and finally let go of Angel's hand. Walking directly over to one of Giles' bookcases she barely scanned the titles before leaning down to pluck a book from a lower shelf. Wes raised his brow and looked at Giles who was just staring at his slayer patiently. Cordy was looking surprised at the fact that Buffy had voluntarily picked up a book, Gunn however just waited to see if anything was said as he was unaware of Buffy's normal aversion to all things research.

Giles didn't know whether to feel amused or proud of what he was seeing. Perhaps both he thought. For the last few months Buffy had kept her sudden ability for academic and demonic study a secret, well she had tried to anyway. Giles had to admit, it had taken him a long time to notice the changes and various items moved out of place and to then further find the reason. It seemed she was either too stressed or just plain didn't care that anyone knew that she could find her way around a book. He hoped it was the latter, it would show progress. He hadn't had a chance to apologise to her and he knew that Angel had yet to speak to Buffy but it seemed that just his mere presence and being around a team had seemed to make all the difference to her. The fact that they had paid an interest without her asking he realised.

Wesley looked over the slayer and the ease she flicked through the book she was holding. It seemed she was looking for something she knew to be there. Normally he would be most surprised if she was doing anything but pretending to look by passing the time, under these circumstances though he had a feeling Buffy had been doing a little research of her own. He watched as her eyes seemed to light on the page she was looking for and then skim downwards as if she was just reminding herself of what she was reading rather than reading it for the first time.

As Buffy had stood up to walk over to the bookcase something had seemed to click in her brain and she remembered something she had read. She could have cursed herself for the last two hours sitting around doing nothing if she wasn't so engrossed in finding what she was looking for. At last her eyes caught some of the wordings on the page she wanted and she stopped flicking through the book to quickly scan through the passage. It was so simple she could have laughed, or cried in her current mood. Closing the book so abruptly she was so engrossed in her plans that she failed to notice the others in the room jump in surprise at the sudden noise. None of them had expected her to finish with the book so quickly and then head to one of Giles' cabinets in search for something else. They all watched as she selected a black stone from a shelf and picked up the small dagger they had used for the ritual from the floor. Both Giles and Wesley looked at the stone and could both identify the fracket stone and were mentally searching through their minds for the use of the glossy delicate rock.

"Buff? What are you doing?" Gunn had no idea what was going on, and didn't realise no one else did either. She glanced up briefly before kneeling beside Angel once more. She quickly cut her palm, then repeated the process on Angel, clasping their bleeding hands together around the stone.

"Blood of the sacrifice, Blood of the subject, Blood of the stone. Reveal."

As Buffy finished their hands glowed a golden shine before fading and Buffy open their hands to reveal the previously black stone, softly glowing green through their blood. She stood and grabbed a cloth, quickly cleaning the stone. As soon as all the blood was off the stone it returned to its almost glassy black state and Buffy returned it to the shelf.

Turning to the others, Buffy had a small smile on her face.

"It worked, this must just be a kickback from the spell" A brief flash of doubt went through her. What if something else had gone wrong and he was in this state? Or even worse in some ways, what if everything is fine, he wakes up and actually does go back to L.A? _Of course that is what he is going to do._ She mentally chastised herself, all the thoughts bombarding her were making her antsy. "Huh? Buffy where the heck did you learn that? You're not a witch, you're a slayer. Right? Giles I am right, right?" Cordy was confused and wanted to know what was going on. She knew Buffy had changed and grown up even more so than she was before, but still, just knowing what to do in the situation was pretty damn scary.

"Cordy, calm down, I am not a witch but everyone has a basic connection to mystical elements and magicks through the earth. The original slayer was moulded and formed by magicks, amongst others things, and its continued legacy right through to me and then Faith was also through ancient magicks. It gives me a slight edge in the magical department"

"Huh?" Cordy and Gunn looked both shocked and confused, Buffy would have found it funny if she wasn't so annoyed at having to explain herself again. _This must be how Giles and Wesley feel half the time. Damn._

"Ok, let me give you an example, we all have blood running through our veins right? When it comes down to it blood is blood, yours, Gunn's, Wes' their all the same. Mine however is different. It is powerful, it is strengthened, it is powerful but it is still blood at the end of the day with the same function as yours. Your ability to aid with spells and rituals comes from your ability to draw power from the earth. I do exactly that too, but at a greater concentration and magnitude because I am the slayer. Get it?"

They both nodded and Buffy sighed in relief before turning to the watchers. Wes had his mouth open gaping at her, nearly spilling the tea in his hand. Letting out a small chuckle she slid her gaze to Giles, wiping the smile off her face. She saw the pride in Giles' eyes and the lack of shock. She guessed he had realised her extra curricular activities.

"Does this mean I finally get to look at the handbook?"

Giles smiled and walked Buffy into the kitchen away from the others.

"Buffy, you surpassed the handbook a long time ago. I didn't give it to you because you didn't need it. You are the strongest slayer I have ever known of and I am more proud of you than you will ever know"

"OK, Giles no need to get all emotional, I read a few books -"

"No Buffy, not just that. The oppositions you have faced are phenomenal and for you to be standing here in front of me, as strong and proud as you are is an amazing feat. Your character is a testament to that strength Buffy. The fact you focused yourself on the supernatural, and I am guessing your education the last few months is fantastic"

Buffy didn't want to have a meaningful conversation with Giles, it had been a hard few days and all her hard work seemed to be crashing down around her. She had finally felt like she fitted again with this group around her. She felt her version of normal. Her Angel by her side, her watcher at her back and a team of friends around her. She didn't miss Willow or Xander, she had grown up and changed and she didn't fit them any more. She saw the look Giles was giving her and sat down heavily on the breakfast stool. She had been pushing him away too. Not that he was innocent in all this, finally grasping on to her anger she tried to up her defences once last time.

"I didn't do it for you Giles. I did it because I had no choice. I was abandoned by everyone I cared about and I had no one but myself. That is the way it is supposed to be though isn't it? No friends, no family and an uncaring watcher?"

"Uncaring? You think I am uncaring? Buffy dare I remind you I got fired because of you? That I think of you as my own? That I love you as if you were my own?"

Giles' words alone may not have got through to her but she watched the single tear fall down his cheek and her anger collapsed.

"Then why haven't you been here Giles? I needed you and you were always busy and moving on with you life" Buffy started crying too, not loud noisy sobs but delicate heartfelt tears that caressed her cheeks as they fell.

"I am sorry Buffy, I have to admit, I thought it would be you who no longer needed me when I still needed you. I thought I would get forgotten and instead tried to make my own life and it seemed to take over"

Buffy shifted and grabbed Giles' hand in her own. She knew that recently it had been her who had kept the distance between them, he had tried more over the previous weeks but Buffy hadn't let him get through. She guessed that she hadn't been able to keep her true feelings away from Giles like she had the others.

"I do understand Giles, loneliness is one of the scariest things in the world. Last year I never thought I would be alone. I had you, I had my friends and my Mom"

"And Angel?" Buffy grimaced before answering.

"I thought so. God it was him so much, as much as I love everyone else, it was always Angel for me. Giles I don't know how to convince any of you that my feelings are real and true and always have been. I have tried but no one believed me, not really, least of all him. He completed me in every way, I didn't care that we were restricted, any time spent with him calmed my soul and I was happy. I felt him always and I felt our bond between us and I felt like nothing could ever harm me in the whole wide world. Even if I died I would still be with him and I would live through him until we could be together again. He left Giles. He just left" Buffy was crying harder now and Giles moved forward to take her in his arms. He held her like a child, softly stroking her hair.

"He made a mistake Buffy. You still have him, more than you realise. This is for you to talk about. I am here for you no matter when or what time. I am so sorry for how things have been recently but know this, if I can ever do anything to help you I will and I will support you in any way you need. Including Angel." Giles stepped back and tilted Buffy's chin so she was looking at him and could see the sincerity in his eyes. He took a deep cleansing breathe and prepared to do something he wasn't sure he would be able to do. "Buffy, I see the bond between you and Angel. You are a mature women, older than her years and I believe you know your own heart and mind. You two are meant to be and as your Father figure I accept him as your choice and ... I- I forgive him for his demon's actions. I truly do"

Buffy looked at Giles a beat longer before hugging him again whispering in his ear.

"I love you Giles, I don't know what I would have done without you and you are my Father in every sense of the word"

* * *

In the living room Cordy and Wes had been trying to explain to Gunn the changes in Buffy without offending her. The differences in her attitude was one thing and they figured she would eventually be more relaxed and back to her old self. The fact that some of her character had changed so much had shocked them both. Plus the fact the way she spoke had changed, she was still Buffy but lacking her previous quirky 'young' language and used more complex words and had a clear concise way of talking. It was almost Angel-like, rarely saying more than she had to and what she said normally counted. Whilst neither had thought she was stupid, she had never been one for books. It was a new side of her that was for the better considering her line of work they surmised.

A while later they were still waiting for Giles and Buffy to return, they had heard the low murmur of voices and a few tears but it was pretty quiet otherwise. Angel had yet to move so they had been talking quietly between there selves.

"I wonder if she would want to move to L.A with us, we could sure use her at A.I" Gunn wouldn't mind spending more time with Buffy and he would bet that Angel wouldn't mind having her around. All in all a fantastic addition to the team he thought.

"I don't think so Gunn, she and Angel living in close proximity with- Oh wait that's not an issue any more is it?" Cordelia almost felt foolish. After everything that had just happened, that had slipped her mind. She couldn't help feeling a tad jealous at Gunn's attention to Buffy. She had always been the only female around and had got used to it. Thankfully for the others, that was the side of her old personality that she had been trying to suppress. It would be nice to have another girl around, beside Buffy was a one Angel woman, everyone knew that.

"That aside, it would be more likely that Angel moved here if he and Buffy were to reconcile. In case you have been away too long Cordy, we are sitting on a hellmouth and that has to be guarded by the slayer"

"Angel won't move here man, he has a whole mission going on in L.A and I don't think Buffy would let him give it up even if he wanted to. Have you heard how she talks about him? Hero worship much?"

"She loves him, what do you expect. Besides she is right, he's the best person I know"

"Hey chill, I know he's got his whole redemption gig going on, that's not what I meant I just meant that there ain't no way Angel will move back here" Gunn shifted nervously watching Buffy and Giles walk through the door back into the room. He winced at the thought of Buffy only catching the end of that conversation and mistaking it. They could all see the vague tear tracks down both Buffy's and Giles' cheeks although no one commented. Buffy walked straight over to Angel and ran her hand over his brow then down to hold his hand. No one could miss the love and affection in the gesture and all sent up a silent wish that he wake up soon.

Buffy was trying not to think about what Gunn had said. She knew he would leave, but somehow, despite every effort she had had a the smallest amount of hope things would change. Gunn had only confirmed what she already knew. If she had the choice she wouldn't want to stick around here either. She didn't know if she just wanted him to wake up and go or if she wanted him to stay like this so he wouldn't go and leave her behind again. More than ever she just wanted to feel him hold her and tell her he loved her, even if it was a lie. Then again if he woke up he would want to talk to her and she just didn't know if she would survive another 'sewer' talk. Her emotions began to get the better of her and she began to get restless.

"I need to go kill things" Pushing herself to her feet she grabbed her jacket on the way to the door noticing Gunn standing up and arched her brow at him.

"I could do with some exercise, besides you have lost a lot of blood over the last two days, I would rather not get beaten half dead by Angel when he wakes up if something happened to you"

Buffy was tempted to argue but looked at the resolve on the others faces. It seemed everyone else had learnt how to be stubborn. She really wasn't feeling her best and decided to just let him tag along, he would only follow her if he had learnt anything at all from Angel.

* * *

Not long after Buffy and Gunn had left Angel finally woke up.

"Buffy?" He stirred and came awake more. He took stock of himself and shifted his body to check his movement out. He went through everything he remembered and looked around at Giles, Wes and Cordy.

"She is patrolling with Gunn. She shouldn't be much longer. We were all worried about you" Wes watched Angel as he gingerly sat up, the spell had been painful, he guessed that was why Angel was out for as long as he was, giving his body time to recover, helped by Buffy's blood.

"How do you feel?" Giles wanted to bring Angel up to speed as quickly as possible but wanted to make sure he felt all right. He remembered what he told Buffy and he meant it.

Angelus was switching between being angry at the possibility of him getting out reducing and remembering the taste of Buffy's blood.

_**Lets find her and find out just how well that ritual worked. Over and Over again!**_

"What happened? Where's Xander? I didn't imagine him did I?"

_**Yeah sure, out of all the people in the world you could imagine, you would pick Harris? Nice one bitch boy.**_

The others sat down and told Angel everything that had happened whilst he had been out. Everyone interrupting each other to fill in what the others missed. In the end it was going round and round and getting loud giving Angel a headache. Add that to Angelus and being worried about Buffy and he was struggling not to just go and find her.

_**Yeah with nothing at all to do with her being off with your foot soldier ey? Wait. Somethings not right.**_

Angel listened to Angelus then because he too felt something was wrong. He blocked the others out and walked over to the window looking out. Cordy, Wes and Giles had stopped talking and watched Angel as he practically stalked to the window and then round the room.

"Angel? What's going on?" Cordy stood but didn't walk any closer to Angel.

"Buffy. I don't know. Somethings wrong"

Just at that moment Gunn came bursting through the door. His clothes were ripped and his nose was bleeding. It took him a second to get his breathe back to finally talk.

"Buffy. She's, She's been. Commando guys. Human I think. They took her"


	16. Chapter 16

**How bad am I??? I left you guys hanging for days!! I m sorry though, I've been mucho busy, I graduated today(Woooo Hooooo) So it's all been a little hectic. I will say I am going out later so although I am starting to write this chapter now, I really doubt it will get posted today. I plan on having a little celebration drink or two (I don't drink like hardly ever so god knows how tonight is going to go lol). Thank you my trusted reviewers, as always your comments mean the world. Welcome to the story those of you who have just found it, as I've said before, any requests or ideas or good or bad things about the fic please let me know. Yeah thought I'd put the initiative in after all lol, as I said before, any mention of Riley won't be good. (Corn fed cow loving dodgy hair hard man wannabe Iowa plank!!) Sorry I think I had a finger spasm then...**

**Kristen: Where are you??**

**Eventstar: I know, I half wanted Willow and Xander like this and half didn't. In the end I decided to focus on how much them in the later seasons pissed me off and it will work for the story soon, I kinda like the LA gang. Although I'm gonna like them in this fic because I get to mould them into my own like an evil plan master mwaaahh ha ha ha h......OK I think I need my meds! Or to just get started on the bloody chapter, sorry folks!**

"_Buffy. She's, She's been. Commando guys. Human I think. They took her"_

"WHAT!?!" Angel was in front of Gunn in the blink of an eye, almost hauling him up in the air by his collar. Gunn looked at him annoyed and pushed him off the best he could. Everyone knew Angel only backed off because he wanted to.

_**Where is my mate boy! IF something happens to her you are going to pay and pay dearly.**_

"What happened?" Angel growled out. Angelus was screaming in his head, worrying about Buffy and they both agreed they needed to get out there and find her. Unfortunately there wasn't long till sunrise.

"We were patrolling, there had been one or two vamps but you know how it gets towards the end of the night. Every now and again Buffy would stop and look around her. She said she had been feeling jumpy lately, every now and again she felt like something was watching her. We got jumped by a couple of vamps and Buffy was holding her own against two until she cracked her head on a mausoleum just as she dusted her last vamp. I dusted mine and looked up to see these military type guys around us. I turned around to check on Buffy and went to run over 'coz they injected her with something, before I even got close they knocked me unconscious and just left me there" Gunn took a breathe and sat next to Cordy on the couch. He didn't even want to look at Angel or Giles and couldn't prevent the guilt bubbling up. Wondering if he could have done anything different.

"Have you heard of these people before Giles? Any mention of activity from them?" Wes could see Angel was going to lose it. The tension in his shoulders and the worry in his eyes was prominent. Immediate action needed to be taken. He took a moment to realise he was more worried than he first thought too. He had felt like he had let Buffy down during his time as a watcher and could see how much she had grown and just how badly he had been wrong. In a way he owed her for enlightening him and making him the man he was today.

"No I can't say I have. We have noticed a decrease in demonic activity, a few strange occurrences here and there but nothing significant that had warranted any research. I am ashamed to admit I am not sure if Buffy knows any more or about her thinking she was being watched. As you know things have been cautionary at best" Giles returned his glasses to his face which he had been cleaning as he spoke. He was immensely worried about Buffy and for perhaps the thousandth time, questioned whether his slayer had gotten into something she couldn't get out of.

"Gunn, Wes, take a patrol. Look for anything. Go to where she was taken then get back here before sunrise. Wes you know the cemeteries. Be careful. You find anything you have my cell. Giles, Cordy, research" Angel was agitated and knew he would be better off alone. He was trying to handle it like any other case. Immediately suppressing all his feelings as a method of coping. Angelus would have some leeway with those intelligent enough to recognise him, those that weren't helpful would meet the full extent of his wrath.

"Angel, they're human, what exactly are we going to research?" Cordy wanted to help, but didn't want Angel going off alone getting in trouble. There's always drama in Sunnydale and she couldn't wait to leave.

"I DON'T CARE CORDY! Just do something constructive. Prophecies. Demons, shape shifters, locator spells" Angel was loading up on Giles' weapons, in addition to his own. He hadn't even thought to ask, he was acting purely on instinct.

"Do we need Willow then? If we find the spell we might need more power than we can get. Buffy was a large part of our power source for your soul Angel" Giles was shocked at Angel's take charge attitude before he realised that for near on a year he had been running his own investigation service in L.A. And had been in charge of his own team. In this situation Giles was happy with him taking charge, he wasn't sure he would have the first clue where to start the way he was feeling at the moment. He also recognised the need to get as many hands on deck as possible, especially if there was need to perform a spell.

"Call who you like Giles. I'll be back" Angel walked to the door, not breaking his stride as he answered the next question.

"Where are you going?" Wes looked up from the chest of weapons he was looking in.

"To meet some old friends"

* * *

An hour later, sunrise was worryingly close and Angel still hadn't returned. Wes and Giles had returned without much success. They had found a rough area near the university campus where demons and vamps alike seemed to be avoiding but as they had first thought, this close to sunrise was not an ideal time to be looking for information.

Giles had yet to get through to Willow. He recognised that it was extremely late, or extremely early depending on your perspective but he had tried every number he could think of and left messages at the dorm room, both hers and Oz's mobiles and Oz's house, he didn't know where else to try. Him and Cordy, later joined by Wes and Gunn were attempting research the little they had to go on. He looked up when he heard the door go and watched a grim looking Angel walk through the door. At least he hoped it was Angel and not Angelus. He was covered in blood and had an axe hanging loosely from his right hand. Giles looked him over and doubted any of the blood was Angel's.

"Ever heard of the initiative?" Angel looked over the room. Everyone looked tired, they had been up all night as well as already being drained from the powerful spell performed only hours ago. He noticed Wes look up at the question so focused on him. He didn't have time for pleasantries. His mate was in danger and it was unacceptable.

"There was talk of a government group of that name. It was said that they were ruthless in capturing demons and other supernatural beings for research and national safety obviously" Wes trailed off in thought and moved over to take Cordy's place at AI's laptop.

"So they're good guys?" Cordy frowned looking at Wes and then Automatically to Giles for confirmation" It seemed after all this time away Giles still held seniority over the group.

"Well, not exactly. Not long after it started there were rumours of experiments and power struggles. It seemed the government was denying the whole existence of the project whilst still trying to remain in control. In the end they lost it, it branched off and became independent. The government wrote it off and conveniently forgot it. There has been no further reference to it even still being active" Wes had answered the question as it seemed he still knew more on the subject than Giles. He had been at the watchers council in England later than Giles as he had been here in Sunnydale. It was then he had heard references to the government group.

_**Experiments? Wait, initiative, submarine. You fucking poof, we know who they are. And they've got Buffy! **_

"The experiments? What type? If its what I think, there has been some form of the initiative for at least a hundred years. What kinds of experiments are they doing and why have they got Buffy?" Angel couldn't help but vamp out now. The worry for his mate was overwhelming and as more time passed he could sense her unease growing. It seemed there connection had been growing stronger and stronger. Had he more time to think, or brood in his case, he would think to research in to the ritual and find out why. As it was, Angel just used their connection to focus, knowing she was still alive.

"I..I don't know. Perhaps they were here in Sunnydale, saw Buffy out patrolling and saw what she could do. Perhaps-"

"I don't want your perhaps Wes! Would they hurt her?" Angel slid back into his human visage and began to pace the room. Willy had been the one to tell him about the initiative. After the initial shock of seeing Angel back, he hadn't even needed any threats to talk. Some of the demons and vamps had taken a _little _convincing and a reminder of who he was before they told him anything. It seemed that despite them being humans, even the demon population was wary of the initiative and rightly so. The experiments and research was anything but humane according to them. It did not help Angel's self control in anyway.

"I don't know." Wes looked Angel in the eye and then over to Giles.

"Angel, we don't know anything about this group, if there was a power struggle and it was separated from its original origins, it is safe to say we do not know what they are capable of. How do you know it is the initiative?"

"I have my ways. Did you really think I would just leave and not have some idea of what was going on here? A stop off at Willy's helped too. Did you find a locator spell?"

"No, I haven't heard back from Willow yet, I couldn't get hold of her through the night but now its morning she should receive my messages" Giles sat heavily on a chair next to Gunn. He idly looked over the young man, he knew he was feeling immense guilt over Buffy's disappearance and was keeping as quiet as possible. "It wasn't your fault you know Gunn. One of the hardest things working with Buffy is knowing that things happen to her whether you are there or not and there is nothing you can do to change it most of the time. We can however, be there to help and save her now"

"Angel, I know you're worried but I think it's safe to say they aren't going to kill her any time soon if at all, can we please get some rest? She's tough, but we are no good like this. The sun is up, you can't do anything" Angel couldn't help but growl slightly at Cordy's last comment. He knew he couldn't do anything and it didn't help her pointing it out. Angelus didn't like it either. The others didn't like Cordy's way of putting it either, but kept quiet as they needed the sleep.

"Fine, get some rest, I will carry on researching and find a locator spell, or at least some idea of a location. I might be able to find her myself. I am leaving to find her the minute the sun goes down"

Gunn, Wes and Cordy followed Giles upstairs to rest upstairs and Angel sat at the table pulling books towards him. He ran a shaky hand over his hair and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to control his emotions. After a beat he began to read, unsurprised when Giles came straight back downstairs to sit next to him, also pulling books his way.

A short while later, with little to no headway, the phone rang.

"Hello?" Giles answered praying it was Willow.

_Giles? I had like a tonne of messages from you. I'm on my way to class, what's up?_

"Willow, something has happened. I need you to come to mine. Buffy is missing. Can you miss class?"

_Giles, you're breaking up. Did you just say skip class? I can't just miss class Giles. Perhaps Buffy's just shopping or something._

"Willow, Buffy has been kidnapped! We need your help..-" Before Giles could finish Angel had tore the phone from his hand.

"Willow? It's Angel, if you EVER cared about Buffy you will come over to Giles'. We need your help. If you don't come, don't ever cross my path again!" Angel slammed the phone down and glared at Giles. "I don't have time to convince people to help. After everything she has done, I shouldn't have to. And I mean it Giles, if something happens to Buffy and she doesn't turn up, don't ever let her anywhere near me"

Giles looked at Angel shocked, then warily. He could almost see Angelus under the surface, of course threatening humans wasn't helping. He had never seen Angel like this, even during the whole 'Master' period.

The phone rang again and Angel automatically picked it up, so used to doing it at the office as Cordy seemed to frequently forget how to do her job.

"Angel -" He cut himself of and frowned as he listened to the caller.

_Angel, I'm sorry, I didn't realise, I was rushing. I just wanted to tell you of course I'll be right over, I'm leaving campus now._

"Thank you Willow" Angel hung up the phone and sighed heavily, feeling slightly guilty at how he had spoken to the young redhead.

_**Don't brood over that now you ponce. Besides, where has she been for the last 6 months? Can you feel it? They're doing something to her. She's in pain!**_

_I know_

"Angel? What's going on? I know you're worried but this isn't you. She wouldn't want this" Giles observed him closely. He didn't want to make him any angrier so was shocked when he turned pained eyes, filled with tears towards him.

"They're hurting her Giles" With that Angel went back to his research.

* * *

**ok, I think I don't mind this chapter. It does its job. I have been looking over some other fan fics for different shows n stuff and I think we need to drum up some interest for the Buffy/Angel stories again lol. Or perhaps its just my story isnt good enough for that many reviews :( lol. Anyways, more juicy chapters coming up. R&R xx**


	17. Chapter 17

**WOW, I really don't know what to say. Thanks soo soo so much for your reviews, means the world. So glad you all like it. Special thanks to Jen for her recommendation and that my story is living up to it. Summer, I think I might have to fight ya for Angelus lol, the sexy devil of a scrumptious demon just does it for me too lol (a long with every other character David Boreanaz has ever played lol). Grr its taking me a little while to get started on chaps atm but once I start the seem to go on alright lol. It also doesn't help that I am bloody knackered. I was up till half past seven yesterday morning!!!! Reading _someone's_ fic coz I wanted to read to the end (Jen!!) luckily I didn't have to get up till 10.30 so I got a grand three hours sleep! And just to add, I was up till 5am reading another one today (Jen!) Could u perhaps not write so well in the future lol. For those of you that haven't read them yet check out the author: _Angel's blue eyed girl._ And don't worry 'Welcome to my world' is eventually B/A...crafty miss confused me there too.**

**Yeh this is a deffo B/A fic for those that asked, you have read my A/N right?? Of course its b/a for crying out loud. I couldn't just have them jumping straight into the sack now could I? Where's the story in that...uh oh Angel, bed....naughty thoughts!! On with the chapter!**

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Buffy sat up groggily. Despite how she felt she automatically took stock of her surroundings, nearly panicking because she thought she was in a hospital. It wasn't until she realised she was on the floor and there was no handle on the inside of the door. Of course the mirror, which she figured was two-way didn't help ease her nervousness. She put her hand to her head to try and calm the dizziness. Taking her hand away when she felt the wet stickiness on her head she saw blood covering her fingers. With a grimace she wiped it off on her dirty trousers and bought her knees up under her chin and rested her head back against the wall.

The room was a medium size and all white, so white in fact the large mirror on the left wall was fairly disconcerting. There were no windows and the only view out of the room was a tiny window in the door. That even had wire in the glass. It was fairly obvious she was being held captive. There was a small bed in the corner of the room that looked like it would more belong in a prison cell. From the looks of it the scratchy grey blanket wasn't even worth trying to get comfortable on. There was air vents at various places at the top of the walls and two speakers, on next to the mirror and one next to the door.

Buffy sighed in resignation and thumped her head back against the wall. She then cursed herself because it hurt like a bitch. _Head injury idiot!_ Even with slayer healing she was a bit sore and had a pounding headache. She knew that when she hit her head on the tombstone it wasn't enough to knock her out long enough to get her here, which means she had been drugged or something. She looked down at her body and grimaced at the state of her clothes. Her black sleeveless top, which she had changed into waiting for Angel to wake up earlier, now had a tear across her stomach and her brown trousers were covered in mud. She was sure her hair was more down than kept up in her previous messy ponytail too.

"Great, another outfit ruined".

She shifted the stake she had hidden in her boot and gripped it firmly in her hand, there was no way she was sitting there unprepared. As the minutes ticked by there was no change, no vague noises or any change inside the room. As usual Buffy quickly got bored and her mind started to wander. It wasn't like it was a few nights ago sitting in the graveyard staring emptily at nothing. No, now He was back and her thoughts were centred around him. Had he woken up? Did he know she was missing? Buffy almost winced when she imagined his reaction and she hoped he didn't blame Gunn. If she couldn't have prevented being taken then Gunn sure as hell couldn't have. At that thought Buffy's head shot up, had they taken Gunn as well? Or left him like she originally thought? There was nothing she could do but wait at the moment though.

At that moment warmth spread through her body, almost like how she felt when Angel was near, only this time it was powerful and internal, almost right in her very soul. The warmth then twisted so suddenly she gasped closing her eyes. Rage and Worry settled deep in her body. The only explanation she could think of was that Angel had found out she was missing. Unfortunately for Buffy she was pulled out of her thoughts as a vampire kicked her harshly across the face causing lights to explode in her eyes. Looking up she saw a small glimpse of a man in military uniform as the door was pulled shut and she was left with two very angry and, by her judgement, half crazy with starvation, male vampires already in game face and ready to fight.

Buffy shook the stars out of her head and quickly moved her hand to catch the repeat kick heading for her face from the smaller vampire. Spinning the leg away from her she flipped up from the floor, upper cutting the other vampire and spinning to stake the first vamp with the stake still gripped firmly in her hand. The spinning movement made her already injured head spin and gave the larger vampire a chance to grab her long hair and pull her back towards him. Despite his irrational state he paused when he saw the mark Buffy bore. Buffy felt the intake of his unneeded breath and could almost see his mental shrug when he decided to ignore the mark and lower his fangs to her neck. Enraged that he thought it would be that easy Buffy waited till the right moment before bracing herself for the pain and then flung her head back, head butting the demon hard enough to force him to let her go. She was released so quickly she stumbled into the mirrored wall and braced herself on the glass. She looked up and looked directly into the glass almost seeing through it. Despite having no reflection Buffy could practically see the vamp rushing her and side stepped at the last split second causing him to smash head first into the glass. Which, didn't break. _I was right on the re-enforced glass then. _She was tempted to banter with the vamp but immediately quelled the want, there was no way she was giving anything up easily to whoever had captured her and was watching now. And she knew someone **was** watching.

Stepping forward, she shoved the stake through the disorientated vamp before stepping backwards and falling onto the bed. Which was scratchy and uncomfortable. She was so tired she had to force herself not to fall asleep and decided she was grateful the cot was so uncomfortable. The fight hadn't been too bad in comparison but she was exhausted and her energy levels were already depleted. Again she touched her hand to head and pulled it away looking at the blood wryly. The kicks to the head didn't helped any.

There was something, besides the pain nagging in the back of her head. Recently she had felt like she was being watched. Not every night but on the odd occasions. If she was honest, she hadn't really cared. At the time she figured she would just deal with the threat when it became known, if she could she would, if she couldn't...well, she figured she had to die sometime. Now however her relationship with Giles was back on track, she was actually enjoying other peoples company and well, perhaps, maybe there might be a possibility of _something _with Angel. Buffy closed her eyes and tried to quell the images that popped into her head. Seeing everything that happened on _that_ day was definitely not going to help her now.

* * *

The older woman regarded her captive with keen eyes. A quick scan over the young women took in all her injuries and the monitor to the side of the room was recording her stats. She had to physically force herself to stand still and remind herself it was impossible for the subject to see through the glass when Buffy had stumbled against the glass earlier. It had felt like she looking directly into her eyes, despite it being impossible. It hadn't helped when the vampire had come hurtling into the glass head first either. She however had an image to uphold and every faith in her facilities enabling her to watch the whole thing with a blank face. The subject had dispatched of the threat quickly and efficiently as well as with improvisation. Despite her size her strength was off the charts. _Well until I forge new charts to measure it on._ It seemed her informants were correct, they had indeed captured the current slayer.

"Professor Walsh?" A young soldier looked into the room, forcing his gaze to stay away from the view through the glass, he didn't want to give anything away to his observant superior.

"Yes Agent Finn?" Walsh still hadn't turned away from the glass and if one hadn't met the Professor before it could be very disconcerting.

"One of the Hostiles we captured and neutered has been well, recaptured last night. We caught him trying to sneak in and get his records" Riley couldn't help but look over to the girl being held in the adjoining room. He felt bad for her. She did the same as they did, fought and killed demons night after night. He did however have full faith in Professor Walsh and her plans. Besides, watching her may help them improve their fighting skills. Not their efficiency though, after all he thought, the initiative were the best of the best.

"Very well Agent Finn, put him in main containment then send the next round to our guest in there. After that I want her bought to the examination room" Walsh made a few notes on her clipboard and dismissed Agent Finn with scarcely a nod.

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Buffy once again sat down heavily on the cot. This time it had been a big burly demon. Buffy thought it was from the Miquot Clan, like one of the demons in Trick's slayerfest. It had thick yellow skin and a spiky head, It hadn't been pretty and a pain in the ass to kill. Especially with just a stake. She had done it and in relative silence. It had taken its toll and she sent up a prayer, not to god but ironically to Angel, begging him to find her soon. In the mean time she had more pride and was that pissed off there was no way she was giving any more than she had to her captors.

Buffy looked up and prepared herself for a fight as the door was being unlocked. Her slayer senses wasn't screaming demon but she had learnt to expect the unexpected. The unexpected was so far from what she would have ever guessed she would have fallen if she hadn't already been sitting.

"R-Riley?" She took in his appearance, head to toe in army gear, weapons strapped into his belt and a key card attached to his uniform. He looked like a kid playing dress up. "You have got to be kidding me"

"Buffy, stand up, don't try anything, there are two more guards outside this very door as well as three teams deployed at various places on this level alone as well as other security. You aren't going to escape so don't make me hurt you" Riley stayed by the door and had such a solemn serious expression on his face Buffy nearly laughed. _'Don't make me hurt you?' _Please!

"I guess this is just work on the side, you know, a hobby after college and being a T.A? I always knew there was something wrong with you. Why I never said yes when you asked me out. Over and over and over again" Buffy knew she was taunting him but she had to get a measure at what was going on and people tended to talk when they were angry. She watched him wince and even heard a slight smothered snicker from outside the door causing a high blush on Riley's cheeks.

"You were just a mission, it was nothing personal" Riley wanted to save face, he wasn't having anyone making him look bad. He got angry when he realised he had felt bad for capturing her before, now he tried to suppress it and do his job. He cuffed Buffy's wrists and led her out of the room.

* * *

Hours later Buffy felt like she had been put through a blender. These people may be human but she wondered if they had a soul. She had been put in a lab filled with so many gadgets and tools Angelus would have a field day. She was now strapped to the bed but doubted she could move even if she tried. It seemed they had captured her to find out what was so genetically different about her. She had been chained and faced a vampire, had blood taken, reflexes tested and so much more. At first she had tried to not participate, but she still had the bruises to show how much they liked that idea. In the end she had cooperated to just try and buy herself more time. _And to prevent getting hit round my already injured head! _The worst test had to have been them testing her healing abilities. They had been making cuts using various knifes or sharp objects and seeing how fast they healed depending on how deep the cut was and doing it over and over in the same area to see what difference that made. She had lost far too much blood and knew she would have to sleep at some point. She was not looking forward to it. She looked over at Professor Walsh who was looking intently at the results on a clip board. It looked like she could just be a normal scientist in a lab, well you know except the prisoner, the blood shed and all the weapons.

"I guess you're not takin' my measurements to release my very own Buffy doll then?" Buffy was angry at the total disrespect she was being shown. She protected people, she saved the world and she had been captured and treated like a lab rat for a bunch of wannabes. She had heard some of the soldiers talking before and a report about Riley staking his 17th vampire. On a good week she staked more than that.

"Your attempt at humour will not make your situation any better Miss Summers. You are here and will be here until we have no more need for you. After that, well, we shall see. I do find you most interesting. Just the readings from today will provide excellent data. I can't wait for tomorrow"

Buffy had said nothing about herself personally, resorting only to quips and a running commentary that had made the assistants force themselves not to react. She knew there would be a weakness in the chain somewhere, she only hoped she could take advantage of it in her weakened state. They weren't going to know that it was getting to her though.

"I can't wait till tomorrow either. You know why? _The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow-" _It seemed however her singing voice was unappreciated and her head span after receiving yet another blow from, Forrest, she thought his name was.

"Jeez you could have just said if you wanted to sing the chorus"

Buffy was cut short by a needle going into her arm and she cursed herself for not paying attention. She dreaded to think what they were pumping into her veins now.

"Now this is the final test of the day, as I'm in a jovial mood now I shall tell you what it is. I have administered a drug that will prevent your normal adrenaline release. I want to see how much of your skill is instinct and how much is learnt. It seems some of the demon population have heard of your capture and would like some visiting time. Have a good evening"

"You too Psycho Walsh. I mean Professor Walsh" Buffy could feel her slayer senses altering and watched Walsh leave the room as she was dragged into a larger room. She was left only to be joined by two vamps. "Oh great!"

A little while later all the captives in the main holding cell watched as the blonde slayer hung limply between two guards. They were holding her up under the arms and dragging her back to her cell. One occupant looked up and almost gasped. There was blood everywhere and minimal movement from the tiny slayer. They had all seen about ten different demons or vamps enter the room and not one of them had come out.

"Buffy?-" Was all he managed to say before his world went black.

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**A/N I'm sorry I know this took longer than I thought. Took me a few extra days to finish this chap but I had job interviews and work and stuff. To be honest the initiative bored the crap out of me so I was trying to get across everything Buffy has been put through there without going on and on about it. Hope you like. R&R and all that jazz!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N Lol you know you love these! So I couldn't make Riley into a total retard because, well it would make it weird. He is however still up his own backside and all full of the self importance. As I said at the end of the last chapter, the whole initiative thing bored me to tears, it probably didn't help trying to block every single tiny little reference of Riley and Buffy from my brain, coz really **cringes** ewwww. I can feel a rant bubbling up. Must block images...Naked Angel. Naked Angelus. Naked David Boreanaz....Aahhhh much better. **

**bangellover, sorry I was meant to reply to ure review before, Gunn doesn't hate Angel, he just hates the fact he's a vampire. It's only how good of a person Angel is that lets him overlook it :) xx**

**Oh just for you Summer I'll let you in on a little secret, Angelus is going nowhere yet and the chances of him paying a visit at some point in the near or distant future are very high. **

**Enjoy!!**

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Not long after the phone call there was a knock at the door. Giles got up to answer it and glanced apprehensively at Angel.

"Willow. Thank you for coming over" They both walked back to the table where Angel was sitting.

"Giles, I'm so sorry. I just wasn't thinking. I was in a rush for class" Willow took a tentative step towards Angel. "She'll be OK Angel. Buffy's strong. What can I do to help?"

_**How would you know witch? I'm surprised you even remember her name.**_

Angel ignored Angelus and Willows apology, he didn't have time for platitudes right now. He wanted Buffy back and he wanted her back now.

"Look into a locator spell, we have no idea where they've taken her. It was a group called the initiative, originally a government group but not any more. They capture, torture, kill and research supernatural beings. That's all we know they do, other than that we are going in blind. They probably have protection spells so the spell will need to be strong" With that Angel turned back to the A.I. Laptop.

Willow stood there dumbfounded. Not just at the dire situation that Buffy could be in but the fact that she had never ever heard Angel say that much in one sentence.

"Now Willow!" Angel hadn't even turned around but could sense Willow jump about ten feet in the air and rush over to Giles' bookshelf.

* * *

Hours later they had been rejoined by Cordy, Wes and Gunn. All of whom had ignored Willow's shock and taken a while to be anything but frosty to the red head. None of them liked how Buffy had been cast aside but there was more important things to do now and at least she was there now. They had marked off a rough area that disappearances and strange behaviours had been reported in newspaper and police reports. Unfortunately it was a wide area directly around the campus. Angel was switching between a deep growl and his vamp face for the last four hours, ever since all of Willow's attempts at a locator spell had failed. It had eventually stopped getting to the others.

Angel was struggling to control himself. He needed the sun to set. He knew they were hurting her. He could feel her calling out to him to go and save her. He wanted to take on the sun just to get to her. Clenching his fists he couldn't help but let out a growl, it was quiet at the moment and he didn't know why. If he lost her now he didn't know what he would do.

_**That is unacceptable! Let's just go to the campus and feel where she is. If we have to break a few necks to find out what we need to know then that's no skin off my back.**_

I'm way ahead of you. I am leaving as soon as the sun sets.

"When the sun sets I'm going to the campus. I should be able to feel Buffy from there" Angel stood up pulling his duster on.

"And what if you can't Angel, you just going to go storming around campus half cocked?" Cordy arched her brow at Angel. As usual all sense flies out of his head when Buffy's in danger.

"Then I can be very _very _persuasive Cordy. I'm sure someone will help me find my way" Angel's smirk was so Angelus Cordy barely suppressed a shudder. "All this research isn't going to help, they're not demons. We have found few references of the initiative but what we have found isn't pretty. I'm not leaving her there any longer!"

"Angel, maybe I could try the locator spell again?" Willow felt helpless. She had tried every spell her and Giles could find and even tried forming one of their own. The magicks protecting the location were too strong. Willow had managed to get through all the layers but one, she just couldn't find the key to finish it. She was still trying but getting more frustrated by the minute.

"I can't wait around Willow. Keep trying. I have a cell if you find anything, Cordy has the number but I'm out of here in about two minutes"

"I'll come with you man, not a lot I can do sittin' round here. I want to find her too" Gunn stood up moving away from the table. "I know how much she means to you and I don't want her hurt either"

Gunn was lucky he added that last part. Angel, as well as Angelus, in their unbalanced state hadn't taken Gunn's first comment well. Angel was distracted as he felt a tingle in his gut. He stalked over to the door yanking it open. The occupants of the room all looked up in shock at Angel's actions.

Angel and Gunn could see the figure approach the door protecting himself from the suns dying rays with his coat as he made the dash from a nearby sewer. Gunn was rapidly backing off from Angel as the growls got louder and angrier.

_**Spike!**_

"Spike!" Angel went to yank his wayward childe through the door but realised he couldn't enter anyway.

Spike ran towards the watchers house and almost stopped and ran when he saw his grand sire in the doorway. Unfortunately the suns rays were still a tad to strong for him to be running for his life through them. He figured he was going to have to think on his feet and not lose his bravado.

"Oh fuck me mate. Figures you'd show your ever brooding self. Let me in. Watcher you need to let me in" And make sure the bloody poof doesn't stake me on the spot he added silently looking at the rage Angel's face. He almost had to double take, then figuring that the others were still alive it was definitely Angel.

"Spike, you know I am not stupid. Do you mind why I would forego my intelligence and let you into my home?" Giles took his glasses off cleaning them before returning them to the bridge of his nose.

"I got information on your slayer that's why. Not in the best shape is she. Looking a bit worse for wear" At Angels sharp growl Spike figured straight answers were the only thing going to keep him alive. Or undead as the case may be. "Look I was captured a while back, got captured again and saw the bint in the initiative looking dead on her feet" As much as he hated the slayer he admired her and her spunk. There was no way he wanted to see her stuck in there. Going out fighting, or better yet to his fangs would be much better. He knew what they did to people, demons. Whatever, look what they did to him!

"If you're lying Spike I'll personally put you through every torture you could ever imagine, twice. If something has happened to her that you could have prevented I'll put Angelus to shame and eventually when I'm tired of you I'll dance on your ashes. Got it childe?" Angel snarled the words in a low voice that sent chills down everyone's spine. Soul or no Spike wasn't taking any chances and lowered his head submissively.

"Yes sire"

"Right very well then, come in Spike" Giles had no idea if was making a big mistake but it was too late now.

_**Put me to shame? Please. Don't embarrass yourself you ponce. Nice show their though, about time you fucking grew some.**_

"Start talking Spike"

"OK, jeez a guy tries to do the right thing-"

"SPIKE!" The whole room collectively shouted. Spike cringed and didn't dare look at Angel.

"OK. A few weeks back I was out and suddenly surrounded by a bunch of humans playing army dress up right. Obviously I could have taken them, despite the drugs pumped into their body. Unfortunately whilst I was dealing with a nasty bugger I got tasered by some fucking tosser and his stun gun. When I woke up I was in an underground lab place full of demons and vamps also been caught. I erm..they did some tests and I escaped-"

_**He's lying.**_

I know

"Spike. I will stake you right this second and you will stand there and let me do it"

"Fuck off mate. You aren't my keeper any more!" There was no way Spike was telling them what they had done to him. Especially not his ponce of a sire. That is until he was being held up against the wall with a very pissed of sire in his face, vamped out and looking for blood.

"Chip! A chip all right. Bloody hell put me down Peaches" Angel dropped Spike and backed away. Barely managing to shake his vamp visage off. "They stuck a bloody chip in my head alright. I can't hurt humans any more. May as well be like you you bloody poof. Got the tools but can't use 'em you know what I mean?" Spike gestured to Angels crotch but Angel merely glared at him to continue. "I can't bloody fight or bite or feed or kill. Do you need me to fucking spell it out for you?"

Ten minutes later and several times of watching Spike grab his head in agony every time he tried to hit Giles or Wes whilst they were questioning him they believed him.

"Now, what's happened to Buffy Spike?" Angel had managed to wait through their questioning but enough was enough, he could have been out ten minutes ago and didn't want to waste any more time.

"I went back to try and find a way to get the damn chip out of my head. Unfortunately I got caught before I could find much" Spike dug in his pocket and chucked a computer disc over to Willow. "I didn't see what they were doing to her. I know there were tests and a lot of blood. Too much even for her really mate. Demons and Vamps were going through like it was a bus stop wanting a shot at her. All I saw was them dragging her back to her cell. She wasn't in the best way. Then all I knew it was lights out and I wake up in a sewer half hour later and I headed straight here. I may be evil but no one should be in that place. Not even her. Bint deserves more than that."

_**He always was a soppy fucking poof. More in touch with his humanity than any bloody vampire I ever knew. Oh except you of course.**_

Fuck off. You know he's your favourite. You don't want her there either.

_**Coz she's my mate you ass. Favourite? Don't think I've forgotten about his betrayal with Acathla. **_

"Do you know how to get there Spike?"

"Yeah, but I ain't going back to that place. Not for no-one"

"You will take me there boy! You'll skip and sing Christmas carols on the way if I want you to! Understand?" Angel looked directly at Spike ignoring Cordy and Gunn's laughter.

"Fine lets get it over with" With that Spike followed Angel out the door. Gunn went to follow and turned back at the door, him and Cordy looked at the ex-watchers disapproving gazes.

"I'm sorry but come on. Those two skipping and singing Christmas songs? Classic" Gunn turned and left.

"I just hope Spike has a better singing voice than Angel" Cordy looked at a confused Willow, her previous mirth fading quickly. "Don't you think you should be looking at that disc? I know its been a while since you did any of this" Now they was getting somewhere Cordy figured she could let Willow see how much of a bitch she had been lately.

"Huh? Oh right, yeah" Willow tried to ignore what Cordy said and put the disc into the computer and was surprised to see blue prints for what she assumed was the initiative building. Pulling the spell books towards her she set to work.

Giles looked at Wesley almost pained. He was worried about his slayer but knew Angel would do everything he could to save her. Suddenly a thought struck him and he hoped to god it didn't come true.

"What if Angel gets captured too?"

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**A/N OMG two chapters straight away. How lucky are you guys!! I know this one was a bit of a filler chapter but gotta tell the story ey. R&R. You know u wanna :) **hugs****


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N Hey guys, you lot are never satisfied, I update and you want another one straight away lol. Luckily for you guys I'm in the office today and that's where I first started this fic so perhaps I can do another chapter just for you!**

**  
Jen, you have like THE best reviewers ever, I can't thank you enough for recommending my story. In fact all my reviewers I love you to pieces! **

**Since I read through my earlier chapters and said about the odd typo here and there I have been paying more attention and reading through carefully as I said in a A/N a few chapters ago. Unfortunately I wrote and posted chapter 18 so fast I missed a few and only just noticed when I read through just now. So I just edited and got rid of the mistakes, sorry if it was annoying.**

**I debated on putting Spike in this fic but when there is no mention of Spuffy I quite like Spike in the later series. Well sort of. I never did understand why Buffy didn't just stake him in the earlier seasons and then later just on principle but there ya go. I think he works for this at the mo though and a bit of comic relief is always good. You want me to shut up and just get on with the chapter don't ya? Lol here ya go.....

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**

Gunn was quickly getting tired of the bleached blond vampire. He had a mouth that wouldn't quit and Angel was getting more and more agitated. He didn't trust Spike as it was, just because he apparently had this chip he was still evil and soulless. He wasn't going to let his guard down. He was shocked at how much Angel was letting him go on but looking at the dark vampire he wandered if he was even listening, he seemed far off and focused.

"So Peaches, where's your white night? Find out the little missus was missing and come storming in to save the day only to crush her little heart when you go running away again?" Angel had been quiet ever since they left the watchers and Spike figured he was on thin ice but as he couldn't do anything else, it looked like annoying his sire was going to be his new favourite part-time. Unfortunately it didn't work if he didn't get a reaction so he was upping his game.

"Look Billy wannabe cut it out" Angel might not have been paying attention but Gunn had had enough.

"Oi mate, I'll have you know that arse stole his look from me. I'm over 150 years old for crying out loud. Everybody thinks that. Get no respect because of that ponce" Spike stubbed out his cigarette and slowed his walking. They were nearing where he got taken and he really didn't fancy being anywhere near here. He could feel the tension in Angel and motioned for them to stop walking.

_**She's near I can feel her.**_

I know. I'm going in there.

_**Yeah get us captured and fucking chipped as well why don't you. **_

I've got a plan and as you aren't in control fuck off and live with it.

_**Touchy! And no if I was in control I'd have pulled out his tongue for daring to call me Peaches you bloody great fairy. **_

Angel blocked Angelus off and looked at the other two. He hadn't been listening to Spike before, he could feel them getting closer to Buffy and had been following the pull on his soul. He had an idea of what to do but figured he would get an argument. Well from Gunn, Spike would probably cheer him on.

"Gunn, take Spike and go back to Giles'. If I'm not back by sunrise I'm either dead or with Buffy. If you don't hear from either one of us and Willow can't get a spell you will need him to show you the initiative's whereabouts"

"What? Angel man what are you planning. Look lets just get in and get her out. Besides I ain't going anywhere with you're bleached wonder boy here" Gunn looked over Angel's tense form. He gathered he had some idea in his head.

"Spike will be fine. He will be on his best behaviour and he can't hurt anyone. If I can't get out you'll need him. Plus he's a good fighter. Spike. As my childe you WILL get Gunn back to Giles' and you WILL wait for me there. You will protect every single person in that house or you will be extremely sorry, if I don't get out you will protect my mate until the day you dust. You should know what Angelus wants to do to you after you're betrayal and times it by a hundred. You think eternity seems a long time now? You just wait. Are we clear childe?"

Spike was annoyed at the tone Angel was taking. Since Dru had run off with a chaos demon he had been wandering around having a go at the slayer every so often. Carrying on with this and that, even developed a type of banter with each other. He had the odd minion before but he had been lost. He missed the days with his family and he realised Angel was the only one left. The only one that would give him the time of day with the chip in his head. Angelus had been his idol. Everything he did was to try and please him. Dru had been too crazy to do her job as his sire and Angelus had stepped into the role fantastically. Still, there was no way the git was getting the final word. It just wasn't in his nature. "I am not _your _childe!"

"As the childe of my childe you are mine and will do as I say. Not only that, Dru was never your sire and you know it. You will obey me boy" Angel growled low in his gut. He was wasting time and Spike was just plain pissing him off. He would do what he said whether he liked it or not, but he always had to open his bloody mouth first.

"Sod off and go get yourself killed then. I'll get back to the watchers then save the day. Might get some bloody respect round 'ere then" As Spike finished talking they heard voices near by and all tensed ready to fight. Fortunately it was what Angel had been waiting for. Unfortunately the topic of their discussion nearly got them both killed, it was only because Angel needed them that kept them from getting the beating of their life.

"Seriously man, you know she was more than just a mission. You want a piece of the little blond" The two commando's were doing a sweep of the area, the rest of their team nearby. After Buffy's public rejection of him he was still smarting. It was true he thought the petite blond was beautiful and after a while in the initiative he knew if he was nice to her she would come round and he would get his shot.

"She's beautiful and you know after being stuck here for a while she'll come around" Riley looked at Forrest. He knew he didn't like the blond slayer but he didn't know why. She was feisty but he liked that.

"Dude, its a lost cause. Give it up. She ain't gonna give you any" Forrest thought his friend was getting in deeper than he realised. He didn't say her giving in so easily and with her being Professor Walsh' pet project at the moment he doubted this would end well.

"She will. She might need a little convincing that's all. You did a good enough job of making her take part in the research. It'll be my pleasure to convince her too" Riley smirked and carried on walking. He knew he would have her and he could be patient. His bravado was short lived when he saw a dark figure stalking towards them. He pulled his stun gun out ready to defend himself but just before the figure stepped into the light he seemed to slow his walk and visibly relax. He came face to face with a fairly tall broad shouldered dark haired man.

"I hear you have the current slayer in captivity" It took every ounce of Angel's considerable strength and will power not to break the boys necks after everything he had heard them say. He needed them to take him in though, he could bide his time. Angelus snarling in his head only gave him ideas.

_**Where did I leave those Chinese marble pokers? I am going to enjoy breaking every bone in his body one by one. I wonder if they know how long you can stay alive after various limbs have been chopped off. Quite a while I can tell you. He thinks he could get anywhere near my mate? Not if I cut his cock off and choke him with it. Oh the things I could do to these boys.**_

_We_ could do. The things _we_ could do.

_**Oh please soul boy. Leave it to the professional. No doubt you will have a touch of conscience or some other shit like that. Enough of this. Get us to our mate.**_

"Excuse me? Who are you?"

"I want you to take me to the slayer. I know your boss is quite happy to do it. I think she would be disappointed if you prevented her from seeing the slayer up against a master vampire like myself don't you?" It took a second for Angel's words to register in their brains and then a further second to notice Angel had slipped into his vamp face. Before they could get half way to there weapons he was in front of them stopping their progress.

"I could snap your neck before you could even breathe. I won't hurt you if you take me to your boss"

* * *

An hour later he was being led to Buffy's cell. Walsh was a bitch and as soon as she found out how old he was she was like a bitch in heat. He doubted they had much contact with any vampires other than fledglings and Spike. It seemed she wanted to test Buffy's ability to handle a vampire of his strength and calibre. He doubted she would let him kill her. She was in for a shock. Once again it had taken all his strength and skill, as well as Angelus' to keep his cool and not start getting revenge for his mate. It was a suicide mission that he wasn't going to bargain Buffy's life for. Luckily Walsh had bought his story of wanting revenge because Buffy had staked his sire. It was a slight twist of the truth. Buffy was the main reason he had the strength to stake Darla.

_**She always was a crazy bitch.**_

Yeah, you didn't seem overly upset that she was dead you know. You were together for 100 horrendous yeas.

_**And deliciously evil they were too. She pissed me off one time to many. Leaving me in that barn to face Holtz. Not getting rid of the dirty soul. Shooting at my mate...the list is endless. I'd rather find endless pleasure in-between the thighs of my slayer. **_

Angel tampered down his growl and Angelus shut up too as the commando boy went to unlock Buffy's door. He held his unneeded breathe and forced himself not to barge into the room.

Buffy wearily lifter her head when she heard the click of the door. She was once again sitting on the floor facing the door, hugging her knees to her chest trying to stay awake. She had been back in the cell for an hour or so and had just managed to stop herself passing out after they dropped her in here. She had faced about ten or so demons and vamps in the other room after the drug had been administered and thanked Giles by the minute for every training session they had ever had. They had still sent a young starved vamp into her here too, obviously to see how she reacted when she was ready to fall at her feet. She hadn't slept in two days added to the strain of the spell and the tests here and she thought she was more likely to die of exhaustion than a vampire. She was so tired she could even imagine she felt Angel nearby.

The door swung open and she nearly fainted on the spot. Angel was standing there, behind the guard who jumped a foot when Angel morphed to his game face and snarled low. It was more the narrowing of his eyes she knew not to give anything away. She shakily pushed herself to her feet, leaning against the wall. She run her tired gaze over him trying not to cry. Every muscle in his body was tense and angry. She knew he was struggling not to rush over her and she finally felt an element of safety settle through her. He was dressed in black jeans and a black shirt with his trademark duster encasing his broad shoulders. She drank in the sight of him and once again took in his physical perfection. So not the time or the place but every time she saw him she got breathless and wanted to run her tongue over every inch of his body. She shook off the lustful thoughts, not believing she was thinking that in this place. She watched him walk past the guard and waited until the door shut.

******************************

Walsh was watching through the mirror intently. She watched the slayer look up at the door and look almost shocked. She guessed she remembered the formidable vampire. Almost smirking as Buffy pushed up to her feet she watched her nervously flit her gaze over the vampire. She was thinking this would be one of the better tests yet. She was still undecided on whether to let either kill each other. It could be interesting to watch Buffy at full strength battle a vampire of such age. Walsh almost held her breathe as the two in the room faced each other and the door closed preparing herself for the action as the two crossed the room towards each other. Her mouth gaped open and she thought she must have been dreaming when she saw what actually happened.

******************************

Buffy waited until the door closed and as soon the lock clicked shut and then shot across the room just as Angel did the same thing. She jumped and wrapped her arms round his neck and couldn't prevent the tears leaking out of her eyes. She was so relieved she didn't care that they had issues between them. Angels arms were wrapped tightly around her waist, but she didn't feel the pressure on her injured ribs, she just felt like she was home and finally safe.

"Angel"

Angel held her in his arms tightly but like she was the most prized thing in the universe, which she was to him. He suppressed his anger and concentrated on her. He knew she was injured but he was so relieved at finally having her with him he would deal with that later. He could feel her sobbing into his chest and whispered nonsense love words into her ear trying to comfort her. He picked her up, cradling her in his arms and walked over to the bed sitting down with her on his lap keeping his arms wrapped firmly around her. He knew she was exhausted and lightly stroked her hair.

"It's okay Buffy, I'm here now. I love you"

Buffy heard his soft words and felt the last of her strength drift away feeling safe in his arms. Her crying slowed and feeling Angel's love surround her and his soul comfort her she finally fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N Woo hoo, check that out another chapter. I'm on fire hehe. I am going out tonight so last one for today I'm afraid. One tomorrow if you're good though yeh? Lol R&R **hugs** :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N hey hey guys, OK so three updates in one weekend apparently wasn't enough for you guys lol. But I did wait a whole week just for you Jen lol nah not really. I haven't got writers block for this chapter but every time I go to write more I have attention span problems lol. You knew I wouldn't keep you waiting too long though didn't ya hehe. It's coz I had a busy week and I have been reading fics again instead of writing lol and I have ideas swirling around my head for different stories, you other writers could have warned me about that lol. Is chapter 20 worth reaching 100 reviews? Come on pleeeaaasseee hehe it would make me so happy :D xx**

* * *

Angel sat on the bunk in Buffy's cell thinking things through. He had his elbows on his knees and in between glaring at the room he was glancing at Buffy, his expression softening. Every single bruise and cut on her body would be avenged he knew that much. Angelus was being creative with his methods of revenge but he had a few ideas up his sleeve. He doubted Buffy would be too happy with them despite what they had done to her. It was tighter security than he first thought but he knew given the first chance they could escape. He did however need Buffy at full strength and for that she needed to sleep. He glanced towards the mirror and almost snarled. He knew they were watching. He could feel it. Now they were together he didn't care. Angel had placed Buffy on the bed behind him and sat in front of her protectively. In any other situation he would have been unable to suppress a smile as she had whimpered at the loss of contact and curled herself around his body. He scrutinised her face carefully beneath her natural beauty, taking in how tired she looked, her waxy skin and her stiff composure. Her thin frame was almost hidden by her clothing and slayer muscles but he had felt it when he was holding her. This wasn't just from the last two days held in captivity, this is what he had done by leaving.

_**Taking some responsibility Soul boy?**_

I am not having this same fight with you. I admitted I did wrong, what more do you want?

_**What more do I want? Shit, you sound like we're fucking married old woman. I don't want anything from you Bitch boy except to get out of my body but as that's not gonna happen I want you to quit being such a pansy ass and get Buffy back. **_

I'm trying!

_**Well try harder! You're a master fucking vampire. 250 years old and clueless. Why the fuck she wants you in control when she could have me I'll never know.**_

Angel didn't bother to answer. He could feel his and Angelus' tension throughout his body and for once was grateful for the distraction he was providing. Now was not the time to be going over his mistakes, nor time to start brooding. Add to that the fact he could smell Buffy's blood all over the place and he was in trouble. He was torn between ultimate rage at the acts committed against his mate and the hunger and need he had harboured for her body and blood. He could smell the impending daylight and realised it had taken all night for them to question him and finally get into the room and get Buffy settled. He sighed heavily and knew they were stuck there until at least sunset later that day.

The dreams and past few months started to swirl in his head increasing his agitation. He had seen her getting stabbed and she had. They had shared dreams before but he had no idea if she had seen this dream also. Another thought jolted him as he went back to the dream on the beach.

"_Soon I won't be there for you to see, soon it'll be too late, you will look but you won't see"_

"_What won't I see? What will I be too late for Buffy?"_

"_Me Angel. You won't find me, I'll be there but I won't be, I'm all broken Angel"_

He got what she meant now. She was here in body but not in spirit. His Buffy with her temper and quirks were gone. Her passion for life was missing. There was no spark in her eyes, just a dead, flat expression lacking hope one would more expect to see in a seasoned soldier or long term prisoner or....him. He knew they were making headway though and he held onto that shred of hope. Him and his team had only been in Sunnydale a few days and she had reconciled with her watcher and even started to sound a little more like her old self. She had shown strength and more importantly, had shown weakness. They just needed some time, luckily, he had plenty of that. He took a minute to grasp the feeling of being near her again. Every nerve was standing on end where their bodies touched. If possible his skin would burn off his body at the heat he felt where they touched. His soul was soothed and his demon revelled in the contact too long denied.

He could see them now, laying on his big bed in the mansion. Soft smooth black silk sheets caressing their skin as hands whispered over flesh. He remembered what it was like to be inside her and he wanted it again. He closed his eyes at the sensations, picturing her laying naked and glorious beneath him, wrapping her legs round his waist and inviting him in. He shifted when his pants became too tight cursing himself. Buffy whimpered as he moved and slid closer to him, sliding her arm around him with her hand ending up holding the inside of his thigh. If he was human he would have been sweating and trying to calm a rapid heartbeat. Instead he called himself a hundred types of fool and tried to gather some last shreds of self control. He could feel every part of her hand gripping his thigh and was torn between wanting to move it away or wanting her to slide her hand up.

* * *

Maggie Walsh had been unable to leave the room since they had let the vampire enter the cell. She wasn't sure if she had been in shock or in a rage. She had been played, if it wasn't for the goings on being so outrageous and mystifying, the vampire would be dead. She had expected a battle. The slayer, injured and tired against a full strength master vampire. Nothing like it had ever been done and it would have truly tested the source of strength a slayer possessed. Now her idea was ruined and she wasn't sure what to make of this. They way they had acted showed an obvious relationship of some kind between the two, going back a while she would judge. The slayer had visibly relaxed when the door was shut and they were left alone. They were each across the room in seconds and all Walsh could do was stare in shock as the expected fight did not come to pass. Luckily she was professional and held her composure, none of her staff had seen one iota of reaction from her and that is how it would stay. She could tell Finn was angry and bristling but the young soldier would learn. She had watched the cell with the unemotional eyes of a scientist, observing and taking notes. She watched as the vampire had held and comforted the slayer whilst she cried, no move to take advantage or become violent. Oh she had seen rage in his eyes, but even she saw the immediate softening when he looked at the slayer. _A vampire in love with a slayer? _She couldn't even begin to grasp the idea. She had watched as the slayer finally succumbed to sleep, almost looking peaceful in the vampires arms. Now she was sleeping on the bed with the vampire seated protectively in front of her. She wondered how he would act if in the room with another vampire. Would the relationship still be the same? She knew it was doubtful anyone had ever seen behaviour like this between two supposed mortal enemies.

"Finn, send our strongest HST into the room" The command was brisk and Riley turned to obey, pausing as Walsh continued. She could see the change in the vampire and saw the slayers hand resting on his thigh. _Interesting._ "I wonder as to why you are so emotional about this new development Finn, Summers was _just_ a mission was she not?"

"Yes Ma'am" Riley headed out the door and had to force himself not to stomp his feet. She knew damn well he had plans for Buffy. Buffy must have been so exhausted by the tests and the last few days she is delusional and the vampire is taking advantage. Rage coursed through his veins towards the hostile. He would see him dust before the week was out. He was angry towards Buffy too. How could she seek comfort in a vampire? He knew she must know what he was yet she turned to him like she felt for him. It made him sick and he decided he would break the delusions she had concerning the vampire and he knew she would turn to him for comfort and thank him for saving her. He almost whistled as he walked towards the holding cells, a new spring in his step.

* * *

Spike and Gunn had made it back to Giles' in record time, although both wishing they hadn't after receiving a slap on the back of the head from an angry Cordelia. It seemed she had put aside her trust issues with Spike's chip and let the anger and worry control her. She knew he was going to do something stupid, she also knew there was not a damn thing she could have done to stop it. Where Buffy was concerned Angel would literally walk through the nine circles of hell for her. _Oh right, he's been there, done that._ Working with Angel the last year had made her really look at herself and who she was. Angel was a vampire and had the natural instincts of a vampire. He could do what so many other humans with souls do and just concentrate on himself. Instead he goes and protects people, fighting the good fight. Cordy had been born with all the privileges she could imagine and had thought it the end of the world when they had been taken away. Firstly with Buffy and then with Angel she had found a depth to life she had previously been missing. She didn't want anything to happen to either of them and prayed for a safe return. She could even admit she would miss Sunnydale and Buffy when they left. And they would leave, she was sure of it.

Giles could have cursed himself. _What if Angel gets captured too?_ If Buffy had been there she would have gotten angry and told him he had jinxed it. He sighed and once again removed his glasses to 'clean' them. 'But she wasn't here and that was why Angel had _let _himself be captured' he mused.. He just hoped Angel knew what he was doing. He narrowed his eyes as he looked over Spike, _Correction, Angel had __**better **__know what he is doing. _The blond vampire had returned with Gunn and been surprisingly helpful. Giles was unsurprisingly wary, even after Gunn got a laugh telling everyone how Angel had told Spike what to do.

They were all now sitting round a map of the campus and surrounding area. On top of that was the blueprints for the initiative Willow had managed to print out. Spike had pointed out places he knew and where he thought Buffy was being held. Willow had finally broken through the last of the defences and now they were just waiting for nightfall.

Willow was going to set up at Giles', using the computers to batter through the Initiative's technological defences and over ride the security. Giles had the spell they had completed to get through the magical barriers. Spike was the tour guide and Gunn was the muscle. Cordy wasn't sure what she was doing but she knew she damn well wasn't staying behind.

* * *

Angel raised his head as he heard footsteps towards the door. He cleared all previous thoughts from his head and his body tensed ready for attack. He would protect Buffy and they would not be separated. The door swung open and a vamp was quickly released from his bindings and pushed into the room, the door locking behind him. Angel stood and crossed his arms wearing a smirk that those who knew him would wonder if Angelus was in control. His body was a machine and he knew how to use it, for whatever purpose. In this instance it was to protect his mate. Angel could tell he wasn't a fledgling but he also wasn't as old as him. The vamp almost cowered under the hostile gaze of the master vampire in front of him but stood his ground. He knew who Angelus was but he also knew the presence of the soul.

"Angelus. I have no fight with you. Just give me the slayer, or at least share her and we can get out of this place" He wasn't stupid enough to try and go up against Angelus straight away and figured they would have more luck getting out together than separately.

Angel clenched his fists and just barely managed to keep himself from attacking. He couldn't afford to get in a fight this close to Buffy whilst she was so vulnerable. It needed to be quick and efficient. He started to edge towards the younger vampire and saw his resolve weaken. "The slayer is MINE. I do not share and you will not touch her. Do you understand me?"

The vampire looked at how Angelus stood over the petite blonde and sneered in disgust. "You would kill your own kind for her? What is she that good a fuck? I might have a go myself" Before the vampire could even finish the sentence a stake was embedded in his heart. He looked down in shock before exploding into ash leaving an angry Angel panting unnecessarily. His game face was prominent and rage darkened his features further.

_**Little fuck daring to talk about my mate like that. To question me? I am a master fucking vampire and I demand the respect I deserve. You weak pathetic soul, I used to strike fear into the hearts of the evillest of creatures. The blood of the Order of Aurelius runs through my veins!**_

Yeah and look how well that turned out for the master.

_**Never could stand that ugly moron.**_

"Angel?"

Angel swung round towards the bed walking towards Buffy. She had sat up and swung her legs round to sit on the edge of the bed. Her hands were clasped on her lap and her shoulders slumped. Some of his anger melted away and even Angelus seemed to be appeased with her presence. He still could help but admire her elegant powerful body sitting atop the bed. It had been such a long time he had been this close to her for this long. He had missed her more than he missed anything in the world.

"I didn't mean to wake you. We had a visitor. Are you OK?" Angel went and sat next to her on the bed brushing her hair away from her face.

"I'm fine, thank you for letting me sleep. I don't know how much longer I could have stayed awake. They've been sending vamps and demons in at various times. That is when they're not dragging me somewhere else to fight them or get tested" Buffy went for light-hearted but just ended up wincing in remembrance. She heard Angel's low growl and lifted her gaze to his. "I'm OK". She knew he was worried and probably wasn't even aware he was in 'vamp-face' she had only just noticed. She looked him over and she ached. She wanted the closeness they once shared back. She took in his amber eyes and prominent brow. She could still see his soul shine through making his face, whatever form, beautiful. Lifting her arm she slowly stroked her fingertips over his face. Starting at his forehead, gently stroking each ridge. Her fingers moved lower caressing his cheek and finally softly rubbing her thumb over his bottom lip. His vamp face fell away as the heat in his eyes rose.

They moved closer together as Buffy's gaze darkened even more when Angel's returned to the deep chocolate colour she loved. Closing her eyes her tongue nervously shot out and licked her full bottom lip, they were so close the tip of her tongue caught his lips and Angel purred low in his body before closing the final distance. His lips captured hers in the softest caress before even that wasn't enough. His tongue shot out running across her lips begging for entry. Letting out a moan Buffy opened and accepted him feeling the shots of desire throughout her body, every place they touched feeling like it was on fire. Their tongues caressed and fought for dominance as their hands slid over each others bodies, relearning what was never truly forgotten.

Her body hummed and her soul sang as Buffy revelled in the feeling of his body against hers. She shifted closer to run her hands up his muscular back and run through his hair. Her nipples hardened and ached begging for friction only he could apply. Somehow she ended up straddling his waist, pressing her chest to his. In the back of her mind her slayer senses were telling her to stop before it went too far. They were still being held captive and probably being watched. It was the final thought that caused her to tense.

Angel's mind was completely blank. As soon as her warm wet tongue had caressed his he had been lost. He knew he should stop and had been preparing to when her warm supple body had pressed against his own. He could smell her desire and it only inflamed his own. His hands stroked up her back pressing her in closer to his chest before running his hand through her long silky hair. The different sensations and feel made his head spin. He couldn't prevent purring as his tongue tasted the warmth of her mouth and his hardness pressed against her. It wasn't until she tensed and he realised where they were and became mortified at the fact he nearly lost control and would have taken her right there and then, regardless of everything else. Taking one last taste of her lips he slowly back away, keeping her on top of him.

"Buffy..-I"

_**Don't apologise! Don't you dare fucking apologise. If it wasn't for that bitch Walsh I would be spreading those golden thighs....**_

Stop. Just don't.

"..I..Wow" Angel took in her swollen lips and heated gaze. She looked like she had been thoroughly kissed and he couldn't help the feeling of male pride. He wasn't sorry for the kiss and he hoped she wasn't. He hadn't wanted to rush her but he remembered his vow to stop making her decisions. She hadn't pushed him away and god knows he had thought it far to long since he had kissed her. No he was not going to apologise for that.

_**Good boy. Give the moron a gold star.**_

Buffy shifted off him and settled on the bed next to him. "I'll see your wow and raise you a 'holy cow'"

They looked at each other and erupted into laughter. Angel finally saw what he had been aching for, a true smile from Buffy, he realised it was probably the first one since he had been in Sunnydale. He missed the once so regular occurrence. Buffy was caught in awe at the change in him when he laughed. It was so rare and so precious she was almost dumbstruck. _He should do that more often. _Her giggles slowed and she caught the intense look he was giving her. She knew he wanted to talk and she couldn't run from it. She wasn't sure she wanted to any more. First though. They had to escape.

* * *

Once again Walsh had been surprised. When the vampire had turned to face the slayer, still in game face she had expected some kind of reaction. There wasn't a flinch or a movement. In fact it was like she didn't even notice. The following show made her wonder the exact relationship between the two. It also gave her new direction for her tests. _She didn't know vampires could purr!_ She wondered if she had a rogue slayer captive or if there was more than meets the eye. If the slayer was under the vampires thrall the tests were endless. Control over another's mind was of great interest to her. It seemed Miss Summers and her companion may provide more aid than she first thought. With a smirk she turned and ordered the next visitor.

* * *

**A/N Hey guys, I'm sorry I know I know over a week! Bad me! Trap me in Wishverse for a week! Ooooh Angel can be my puppy any time! hehe, of course I'd treat him better than that skank Willow tho lol. However it is my longest chapter yet I think. Woohoo. Also remember this is my first fic tho so it's not gonna be perfect and I might drop some important things here and there or not be as good in places which I am eternally sorry for but also eternally grateful for your support and comments. It's quarter to four in the morning lol. I get the writing bug at the oddest times lol. I decided to end that chapter there because i'm tiiiiiired lol. I know I know I'm dragging it out in places but hey details people details lol. Least you know what I'm like and you will probs get a new chapter pretty damn quick lol (sorry Jen, sugarplum you know I love you but I just like to update lol)Have a great day anyway guys. I'm hopefully gonna get some sleep...and dreams of David Boreanaz.....yum...yum :D xxx**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N Hey hey, OK you guys know it wasn't really Jens fault I waited over a whooollle week to update right? Lol. I just had RL and some attention span problems lol, it is nearly Christmas you know. I love you reviewers though. OMG I had a little David Boreanaz session on youtube the other night with my mate- total YUM. Type in 'David Bboreanaz topless dancing'. I must have watched it like 8 times, its from a film 'Mr Fix-it' or something. He can fix me all day and all night long..I'm getting slightly off track now aren't I? Right fic! As you guys know I hate the initiative so if this ends pretty abruptly (Not the fic, just the initiative bit) its coz I can't be arsed to write about them any more lol. Oh yeah don't forget, I'm English so if I come out with a random saying or put something Englishly (I love making up words!) instead of American like the show, it's coz its what I'm used to and I'm not thinking. (Eg. Mum instead of Mom- that was just for you red hun, my typos etc getting better right?? :D)**

**Nikki! You were my 100th reviewer! Thank you a million! I can't believe I actually got that many reviews (well its 104 now so yay me with a little scooby dance!) Look what I've gone and done, a huuuuge A/N. I bet you guys just want the chapter right. OK, here you go...**

Angel and Buffy once again sat on the bed, the body of a rather ferocious demon lay dead on the floor on the other side of the room. They sat leaning against the wall, Buffy tucked against Angel's side, his arm slung round her shoulders. Angel had had worse fights, much worse, but he was still angry. He knew Buffy had slept but she had still been through a lot the last few days and he didn't want her having to fight. Each time she had tried to join in the fight he had told her to stay back. In the end she hadn't listened and had broken the demons neck whilst Angel was holding it down.

"I would have taken care of it" He knew it was wrong and she was the slayer but he had wanted to look after her. Use it to prove in some way that he was going to be here now. He didn't resent her being stronger than him, far from it, he loved it.

_**Yeah it's a real turn on that's why. All that power and strength wrapped in that tiny luscious body. I can do what ever I like to it and won't break it. I bet she'd enjoy it. I know you want it too soul boy. Imagine her chained naked body shaking with anticipation, laid out for you to do as you please. Begging you to do what you want to her. I wonder if you'll ever have the guts to do half of those things to her. I know I will.**_

"Angel?" At first Buffy had been both touched and annoyed at what he said. She knew he wanted to protect her after what she had been through but she was also the slayer and would no doubt go through much worse. When he had failed to respond to her annoyed retort she had shifted to look at him. The look in his eyes made her heart rate triple and her skin tingle and he wasn't even looking at her. His soulful eyes burned with desire, losing her in the chocolate depths. "Angel?" Buffy whispered as her hand moved to touch his arm.

Angel turned towards her finally looking at her and she wasn't sure if it was better or worse. She licked her lips drowning in his lust filled gaze. Almost out of her control her hand stroked up Angel's arm and across his broad shoulders, pulling him towards her as she moved to meet him halfway. Their lips met with a fiery passion, fusing to the other as each of them battled for dominance. Buffy felt as though she was floating, when in fact before long she was being pushed back onto the bed by Angel. She shifted under him spreading her legs so he fit against her, their bodies touching head to toe yet still screaming to be closer.

Angel hadn't even heard Buffy calling his name, so lost in the fantasy world Angelus had created, it was only when he had felt the scorch of her touching him did he turn to her. In that instant, all thoughts, except consuming Buffy, had flown from his head. Now he could feel every inch of her pressed against him but it wasn't enough. He slid one hand down Buffy's body to her thigh, bending her leg, spreading her wider for his hips. He couldn't prevent thrusting his hips against hers searching for friction, he could smell her arousal and it was driving him wild. Angelus was both revelling in Buffy's moans and urging Angel to go faster.

Just as Angel was about to slide his hand under Buffy's top he froze. The sound of the lock shifting had pierced his lust filled mind, the sense of danger taking control over all else. He shifted his body to protect Buffy and twisted his head to look at the door, growling low in his belly. Buffy, a few seconds behind Angel, moaned as she heard his growl and felt it vibrate along her body. As the door swung open she also tensed waiting to see what was going to happen. They had entered before to remove the bodies from previous fights but always fully loaded with weapons and she had been too tired to even think about fighting her way out.

Riley and Forrest walked through the door, guns pointed directly at Buffy and Angel. Buffy wasn't sure whether to be glad for the interruption or annoyed. Figuring they were going to take out the body she waited, body tense. Under her fingers she could feel the solid wall of Angel's muscle, she knew Angel was prepared for action and couldn't prevent the devil in her shifting her hips, feeling another part of him that was ready for action. Shaking her head clear she took in Forrest's smirk as he saw their position.

"Guess you can cross frigid off the list Ri" Forrest hated the petite slayer in front of him and hated the fog she seemed to have over his friend. He knew it wouldn't end well and didn't want any trouble for him. Plus the fact she could take him in a fight and he knew it. He looked at Riley and nearly sighed. Riley had a hurt but enraged look on his face, almost disbelief.

Angel growled louder and moved off of Buffy, the possible threat having diminished their previous arousal. They sat, guarded facing the two men by the door.

"Oh don't let us stop you" Forrest smirked at Buffy, hand ready on the trigger as he watched over the pair closely.

"Trust me, one look at you two and I can't help but stop. Like an allergic reaction or something,oh no, you just make me sick!" Buffy had been keeping her head down before, now however she had Angel with her and had been able to rest and she wasn't going to sit and play nice any more. She was almost surprised when it was Riley who answered, not Forrest.

"WE make YOU sick. You were just kissing a demon!" Riley tried telling himself the vampire had some control over Buffy but being confronted with it had shocked him. "Buffy move away from him and we will help you. He has you under his thrall. We'll help you. I'll help you" Riley held out his hand but withdrew it just as fast when Buffy's only reaction was seemingly uncontrollable laughter. Both him and Forrest tightened their hold on their guns and pulled their tasers from their belts when Angel moved to stand.

Buffy stood up next to Angel sobering instantly. "Riley, I am not _under his thrall_ as you put it. I know who and what he is and I am only doing what I want to do" Buff looked over Angel's tense form, she knew he could feel her gaze roaming over him but he kept his eyes locked on the threat. She moved up to his side and slid her hand down his taut stomach, looking into his eyes she noticed a slight returning gleam that had been previously extinguished. "I don't know what it is, perhaps his way with words? Or just his sinful good looks" Turning back to face them she wiped all teasing from her expression and her voice. "Let me tell you something now Riley and listen well. I have never and will never want your help. I don't know what kind of set up Walsh has going here but I will get out and I will shut this place down. If you ever touch me I'll rip your hand off and feed it to you. Just so we're clear. Now. Did you need any of that in writing? If not can you get rid of the body and let us get back to what we were doing, it was just getting good"

"Just?" Angel had relaxed during the exchange slightly, listening to Buffy tell him off rated in his top-ten moments for the day.

"Well, you now what I mean" Buffy smiled and took Angel's hand in her own.

Forrest had hoped Riley would be more focused on the job now and see Buffy for what she was. Unfortunately it seemed their was a thick wall preventing anything from registering in Riley's brain, he almost cringed as Riley spoke. Unfortunately he could do nothing but wait. Riley was his superior and they had orders.

"Say what you will Buffy, but you wait until he is away from you. Then you will come running to me. I know you will. I'll overlook this little indiscretion and show you what a real man can do" Riley puffed out his chest and looked directly at Buffy, ignoring Angels growl of warning.

_**For fuck sake will you just kill the boy already. A real man? Please! Pinocchio was more real. Well you know, when he was made of wood. Take Buff's idea, slice of his hand with a dull blunt knife and feed it to him. Thinks he can go around wanting a go at my mate. Just for that I'd break him in half and make him suck his own cock. The sad fuck would probably enjoy it though. Will you grow a pair soul boy and snap his neck!**_

With a gun pointed at Buffy? I think not.....And he would enjoy it.

"A real man? Riley, no offence...actually every offence, you remind me of an action man" Buffy felt Angel stiffen trying not to laugh and saw Forrest stiffen at the put-down. She was confused when Riley smiled. She wasn't sure if he was trying to be charming but...she thought he looked constipated.

"Riley, its not a compliment. As in you're like an action man figurine. You've got all the tools and gadgets but you're still ya know, missing you're equipment." Buffy indicated to his crotch and thought she deserved an award when she didn't laugh as he turned bright red.

"**Finn! Forrest! When you have quite finished. I didn't realise a simple retrieval job would take this long"**

Walsh's voice crackled through in-built speakers, causing Riley and Forrest to snap to attention. Riley looked directly at Buffy, a look of almost silent determination on his face. All traces of his previously blushing had vanished and in its place was a stony angry mask.

"Just remember this Buffy. That thing won't always be by your side and when he isn't you will wish you had kept your mouth shut. I'll show you, and I will show you without mercy. You won't be such a smart mouthed bitch with me then, your mouth will be too busy with other things. You like it rough with a demon? Fine. Just you wait. Now. Did you need any of that in writing?"

Buffy looked on in half shock and half amusement. '_Does he really think I need Angel to protect me?'_She cocked her brow as Riley took her silence as affirmation and gave a sharp nod before both him and Forrest moved forward to get to the demon. Riley sheathed his taser and moved his gun to reach down to the demon. Forrest looked nervously at Angel before also storing his taser, but keeping his finger on his gun. As they moved a loud fire alarm sounded throughout the building and through the speakers. The lights flickered and went out for the slightest fraction of a second before the sounds of a generator started and the lights returned.

Buffy watched, almost as if it was in slow motion as Angel shifted into game face and moved, using every ounce of his vampiric speed, to cross the room to Riley. Even her advanced senses couldn't make out what exactly happened next as Angel punched Riley. She knew it was barely half his full strength or he would have punched right through his skull. She did realise it was probably more to do with wanting to make his punishment last longer rather than out of not wanting to kill a human. As Riley flew back into Forrest, a shot sounded out startling Buffy forward. She gasped as she watched blood seep out of Angel's shirt. Angel let his game face fall whilst making sure he was still mostly in front of Buffy and didn't move, body still primed for action and every muscle tense. Riley slipped to his knees and pitched forward, Buffy belatedly noticed the blood leaking from his body. He landed, face first onto the body of the demon, a spike piercing straight through his chest. Forrest stood still looking down in shock at Riley's body, his gun held in front of him with his finger still down on the trigger. When Buffy went to move forward Angel shot his arm in front of her, preventing her advancing any further.

"Looks like you need a clean up crew for two bodies now" Angels voice was strong and low, with not an ounce of remorse. If Buffy didn't know better she would have said it could have been Angelus standing next to her. Angel blocked Angelus laughter at the position of Riley's body, almost straddling the demon, as well as his anger at having the pleasure of killing him taken away from him. He moved and picked up Riley's gun. Unnecessarily pointing it towards Forrest who hadn't moved, still staring at Riley.

"We'll be going now. I wouldn't stick around if I was you. Don't know how well your boss would take 'it was an accident' as an excuse" Angel cocked the gun and pulled Buffy close to his back. "Stay close, we're getting out of here. There bullets won't kill me but they will you"

"Angel, how exactly do you plan on getting us out? This place is a maze. Not to mention the teams of drugged up initiative boys aching for a pound of slayer flesh" She ignored Angel's growl and unclipped Riley's 'tool belt', slinging it over her shoulder. At his look she pointed at his newly acquired gun. "What? You get to play with all the toys? You never know when they might come in handy". At that Angel got a look in his eye, turning towards Forrest he used the butt of the gun to knock him unconscious.

"The alarm, hopefully is Spike and Gunn with back-up, which hopefully is taking the attention and our viewers away from us, which hopefully will enable us to escape" Angel spoke as he worked, kneeling over Forrest and Riley.

"There's a whole lot of hopefully in that sentence" Buffy would follow Angel anywhere but this plan seemed to have holes big enough to sink a ship.

Angel stood and turned. "I know, that is why we have a plan B" With that he shoved a commando jacket, hat and pair of trousers into Buffy's arms giving her a grin.

Five minutes later Angel turned towards the door and led Buffy out of the room, scanning the hallways and listening for movement or heartbeats. He could hear Buffy's accelerate and turned around to see her quickly averting her eyes. He shot her an incredulous look to which she shrugged off.

"What? You look hot in a uniform alright?" Trying to salvage her pride she stalked in front of him down the corridor. Just as she was about to turn a corner Angel heard voices and pulled her back hard against his chest, feeling her slight frame against his. He lowered his head to her uncovered scar and gave it a light kiss.

"So do you" He whispered as the voices moved away.

They walked through the almost deserted corridors of the initiative warily. Angel remembered the way he had been bought in and eventually they neared the entrance rooms. There they found Gunn, Wes, Giles and Cordelia trying to hold there own against a group of 10 or so initiative boys. Spike was one on one in a corner, clutching his head every time he connected a punch. Angel and Buffy quickly joined in, taking care not to snap any necks during the fight. Before long they had fought there way back towards the lift to get them out.

"Good to see you guys, we could of taken them but ya know, didn't wanna have all the fun" Gunn spared them a small smile before continuing his fight.

Giles briefly grabbed Buffy's hand, giving it a squeeze before shouting to the others. "We must go, Willow has managed to infiltrate the initiatives system, half an hour from the alarms starting, this place will go"

They quickly shuffled into the elevator, Angel hitting a second fire alarm on the way. As they stepped into the elevator Angel took Riley's belt off Buffy. Removing a pin from one of the grenades he threw it far down the corridor. He wanted at least some small part of the damage. At Buffy's questioning look he shrugged and put his arm round her shoulders. "You were, right you never know. Figured I'd help things along"

Buffy laughed and leant against him. "Least you know how to use your equipment"

The other three occupants of the lift rolled there eyes but said nothing. They were all hoping they could escape the lift _before _any of the bombs went off.

Ten minutes later they were out and had heard the explosions start. They knew a majority, if not all the humans would have left the compound at the sounds of the alarms. Buffy had accepted hugs off everyone except Spike, and they had caught up on what had happened to her. Spike had disappeared unnoticed as soon as he noticed the lack of interest Angel was paying him. No one missed the anger radiating off of Angel as Buffy spoke about the tests carried out on her and Riley's involvement. As they walked away from campus, a thought crossed Buffy's mind.

"Giles, did you say Willow earlier?"

"Ah well, yes we needed her help so we asked and she came. I really had no choice Buffy. You were in danger. I would have asked the devil himself for help had we needed it" Giles looked at Buffy slightly nervous, yet standing his ground. He ignored the speculative looks the others were giving. He wasn't happy about how Buffy had been treated either but they had needed Willow's help.

"It's OK, it would have been much harder and riskier if the alarms hadn't been tripped and the power hadn't gone. I don't know how we would have got out as quick as we did. I understand Giles." Although she did, she also didn't want to see Willow just yet. Angel once again put his arm across her shoulders, drawing her to his side. As she put her hand up to rest on his stomach she felt the wetness and remembered the bullet from earlier. It had gone straight through Riley and into Angel.

"Well I'm glad you're safe and all that Buffy, now wonder witch can run a long home. Alright for some, I guess we'll be sticking around to sort the rest of these commando action man wannabes" Cordy crossed her arms as she walked, a stake clasped in each hand.

"It is only right Cordelia. Who knows what they will try and do next" Wesley knew Cordy wanted to get back to LA and she thought there was no doubt Angel would also be going. He couldn't help but wonder how it was all going to pan out though.

"Er guys, thanks and everything but I'm going to take Angel back to the mansion, I need to get a bullet out of his chest and it's closer. Plus I need a shower and a change of clothes, once again another outfit ruined" Buffy had pulled Angel off to the side, ready to leave the others.

"Shouldn't you stop off at your dorm then Buffy?" Giles looked over at Buffy and Angel. They were standing side by side both looking worse for wear. They both still had the commando gear on but Angel's jacket was open showing his shirt covered in blood. The wound wasn't life threatening but the bullet needed removing before the skin healed around it.

"Erm, no its OK I have a change of clothes at the mansion. A sort of just in case" Buffy fidgeted nervously then stood her ground. She didn't care about the others but she was fighting not to blush now Angel knew she had been going to the mansion. She looked around almost daring anyone to comment.

"Right, very well then. I guess we shall return to mine and tell Willow and try to find a way to prevent the rest of the initiative coming after us" Giles looked Buffy over for injuries one last time. Ripper was very much at the forefront of his mind when he though of what Walsh had done to her. He couldn't say he was sad at the loss of Riley either. He would use every connection he had to see an end to the initiative. At the moment he was just placated by Buffy's safe return. He could see Angel was still angry and watched as his eyes shifted around looking for danger as he stayed near Buffy's side just in case. He noticed almost amused that everyone seemed to be flanked protectively around Buffy. It was a good sight to see.

"Glad you're alright Buff, had us worried for a minute there girl. We'll catch up with you later. Come on Cordy lets go" Gunn took Cordy's arm as he noticed she was about to make a comment. Not knowing what she was going to say he didn't let her start,instead quietly telling her to say goodbye.

"Right, yeh, we'll see you at Giles' when Angel's all patched up. In what an hour? I mean it won't take that long. So an hour or so right" Cordy was being walked backwards by Gunn. She ignored Wes rolling his eyes at her and focused on Angel. She knew he wanted to speak to Buffy and it seemed this 'little ordeal' had opened her up some. For now anyway. She did know however that both of them together alone was doubtful to be good for any of them. She almost surprised herself as she realised she didn't want Buffy to get hurt any more than Angel. '_And I definitely don't want to walk in on them getting groiny with each other!'_

"Or so Cordy. We'll see you later. We have some unfinished business to sort out" With that Angel took Buffy's hand and started walking away.

**A/N I know I know I'm terrible. So long to update. Agh pelt me with tomatoes and teddy bears! (I'm not scared of teddies or anything, it's just they won't hurt lol). Anyway I told you I hated the initiative and that included writing about it. Obviously they're not quite out of the picture yet but near enough. It was making me sick keep typing Riley's name and I decided he's such a worthless character he could have a worthless death too. Which Angel got a small part of hehe. I had so many ideas for horrible or embarrassing deaths for him but I thought it might take a way from my fic by using them. I might write some drabbles for different embarrassing ways for Riley to die. Oooooh the possibilities. Anyhow I promise promise the next chapter will be quicker you have my word. Love you all a million. Thank you for your reviews and patience! =D xx**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N Ok you guys are just a bunch of smut hounds!! (like im not ha lol) As much as I would have loved to (and honest to god I really would have loved to lol ask Jen, mmmmm naked Angel goodness) I couldn't just have them jumping straight in the sack now could I? Where's the story in that? So sorry guys, no PWP here, but you have been waiting ever so patiently. I've tried to give you a couple of teasers here and there but I spose I should reward you properly- at some point.**

**Kristen (my first reviewer, love you for that!) Charmedangelus, Oreato, Kelli, witchywoman, slayerchica, Summer, Kate, Roxy, darkslayer88, Taz- You know what you get the picture, thanks for your support, it means the world, makes me want to write more just for you guys! **

**Jen, sweetheart lol, you're the best! You already know that though right lol. Dunno what it was that made you check out my fic but I am sooo glad you did! =D hugs!**

**I keep trying to make my A/N smaller but I can't help a good ramble! I bet you all skip it and go straight to the chapter, speaking of...here ya go-**

Buffy and Angel walked into the mansion. After leaving the others Buffy had pulled her hand back and they had kept silent for the rest of the way. Angel had let her have her space, as much as he didn't like it, he knew the last few days had been a complete turn around to her recent way of life. He didn't want to push her but he hoped she was willing to listen. Especially after their behaviour in the initiative. At that thought he mentally cursed himself, the memories of Buffy's body pressed against his flowing through his mind.

_**I reckon she would have let us fuck her sideways no matter who was watching. She was so hot, so wet. Mmm. Not that ANYONE would be allowed to see her like that ever. Step up soul boy, why don't you test that little spell out. Have some fun with our slayer, I swear if you don't take this opportunity and go for a case of blue balls instead, I'll make your life a living hell!**_

You already do.

_**Aww now that hurt.**_

Angel was actually thankful for Angelus' distraction. It took his focus away from the sway of Buffy's hips and the still lingering trace of vanilla he could smell. All the action in the last few days had kept his mind occupied so he had missed the little things he normally noticed and loved about Buffy. Now they had time, he basked in them. She was dirty, wearing ruined clothing and looked lost and exhausted, Angel still thought she was beautiful. He revelled in being able to see her, being able to touch her. Working side by side with her he felt alive again. He had forgotten the transition she had bought on him after he accepted Whistler's offer. She had given him a sense of self, a mission, a purpose. Angel knew he couldn't abandon that, nor would she want him to. He also knew it was worthless to him without her.

Buffy had stayed silent on the way back, although her mind was buzzing. She didn't know what to think, being this close to Angel again, kissing him, connecting with him, had thrown her. She knew he had to leave and wasn't sure she could watch him walk away again. She hadn't got through him walking away the first time, now his soul was bound and the only things keeping them apart were his stubbornness and her pride and self preservation. She knew she had to get her defences back up but she just couldn't find the will to try. Deciding to push her thoughts aside, Buffy broke the silence as they approached the mansion.

"I'm sorry, about my stuff, I hope you didn't mind me coming here. It was just..Sometimes...I-I mean patrol finished really late sometimes...I'll take it with me when we go." Buffy knew she was rambling but once she had started talking she couldn't seem to stop. They walked in to the mansion and Buffy went to walk away.

Angel inwardly smiled at her awkwardness as he grabbed her hand to pull her to face him. "Buffy, it's OK. I'm glad you came here, that you felt that you could come here. For whatever reason." Inside he hoped it was to feel close to him. He hadn't told her but Buffy's name had been on the deed since before he left, as well as her being the sole beneficiary of nearly all his belongings and assets should something happen to him.

_**MY assets soulboy.**_

Blood money. At least she would put it to good use.

_**Unlike you, barely touching it, living like a tramp. Shameful. They're dead brain box. What difference does it make? **_

"Right, well. Thanks. Erm lets get that bullet out, I'll go get some bandages and supplies. You just take off your shirt" Buffy scrunched her eyes closed as she turned away. _I really didn't think this through._

_**Oh yeah, there's my slayer. I'll take mine off if you take yours off lover.**_

Angel pulled his shirt over his head and closed his eyes when he heard Buffy's intake of breathe and increased temperature when she re-entered the room. It was bad enough fighting his own arousal let alone hers too.

_**Then don't fight it moron. Smell that? She wants it.**_

We have stuff to talk about first. Things to work through.

_**Could you be more gay?**_

Well if I remember correctly you and Spike-

_**Don't mention that little shits name to me. The childe needed punishing. Besides, Dru and Darla seemed to have an extremely good night-**_

Angelus' ranting was cut short when he felt Buffy's hand on his chest, cleaning the blood away.

_**Oh yeah, lets play doctor.**_

"I'm just gonna get the bullet out, it's gonna hurt coz the wounds nearly closed" Buffy quickly and efficiently used tweezers to pull the bullet out, trying to ignore his wince of pain. Dropping the offending piece of metal on the coffee table she reached for a bandage. She knew he wouldn't get infected and the wound would heal quicker now, but it would make her feel better. At least that's what she told herself, the feeling of touching his bare chest was running through her and despite the fact he was injured, it was getting to her. She cursed herself and concentrated on finishing up. He winced and let out a sharp his of pain as she pressed on the newly opened wound, she looked up in concern.

Angel shrugged it off. "I've been through worse". He watched a cloud of pain descend over the previous lust in her eyes just before she dropped her gaze back to his chest and he cursed himself. She thought he was talking about his time in hell, he could feel her pain cut through his soul. They had never really discussed it but he realised they would have to. "Buffy. Look at me." When she still didn't look up, intent on bandaging his chest he bought his hands to her elbows, stalling her arms. He looked down at her and tried again. "Buffy. Look at me. Please"

It wasn't even him saying please that got her to look, not the tingling sensations from where they touched. The strong sincerity in his voice touched her in a way she couldn't describe and she found herself unable to ignore it. She did not want to have this conversation nor the reminder that she had sent him to hell for a hundred years or so. She looked up and was captivated by his shining chocolate eyes, pleading with her to listen and believe in him.

"It wasn't you fault Buffy. You did what you had to do. I don't blame you and I never did. It wasn't your fault"

All the pain from his time in hell and when Angelus was loose hit her at once and she felt the guilt rise up in her throat as if it was choking her. "It is my fault Angel. IT IS. I cost you your beautiful soul. I let _him _ out and I couldn't kill him. I sent _you_ to hell, and made _you_ suffer. You know the worse part Angel? I didn't want to kill him. I wanted to want to. I couldn't. He is a part of you and if I killed him I killed any link I had left of you and I just couldn't do it. In the end once again, the fate of the world rested on my shoulders and I knew. I knew then why slayers have to be alone. It was only because I knew it would have hurt you more to know I failed because I loved you and I couldn't give you any more guilt. Don't you see Angel? I may have saved the world but I lost _my _world and it was all my fault. You were gone Angel. You were gone" Buffy eventually stopped and realised he had been letting her get it all out.

Tears were streaming down her face, but it was the heartbroken look in her eyes that made his soul scream. He gathered her against his chest, wrapping his arms round her. Inside he was shaking but he spoke in a strong voice. "Buffy, I promise you it wasn't your fault. You did what you had to do and I am so proud of you for that. You put the world ahead of yourself, like so many times before and still thought of me. It wasn't your fault Angelus got loose, it was a curse Buffy. We couldn't have known about it. Slayer or not Buffy you're human, with the biggest heart and brightest soul. You are allowed to think, to feel" Angel went on, holding her as she cried, reassuring her of her actions, eventually whispering soothing words. He repeated things he had said as she went to protest until she believed him, finally pushing some of the guilt she carried, away. "You're not alone any more Buffy. I'm right here"

A few minutes later Buffy pulled back slightly. She looked marginally better, her shoulders lifted. "I'm sorry. I guess I've been carrying that round for a while"

Angel knew they had only scratched the surface but thought Buffy had been through enough the last few days. Thankful they had made a little progress and he decided not to push. "Why don't you go use the shower. I'll go use one in another room" He went to walk towards the bedroom but she caught him with a hand on the arm.

"No. Don't leave me alone?" It came out a question and for the second time in a few days she was asking him to stay with her. She knew it was only short-term but after everything she didn't want to be without him. Their time together was short enough, she didn't want to waste it. All the feelings and memories from before swirling in her head made her grip his arm tighter. It wasn't about lust or desire, she just needed him. He took her hand in his and walked them towards his room.

They went in to the bathroom and Angel went straight over to turn the shower on. He turned around and drew in an un-needed breath. Buffy was facing away from him and had pulled her top off over her head. Her hair fell around her shoulders making him nearly groan aloud. At a second glance his anger rose as he took in the cuts and bruises over her back. He turned to undo his jeans and heard the shower curtain go. Praying for every kind of patience he slipped his jeans off and pushed Angelus to the back of his mind.

Buffy stretched her arm up to reach a bottle of her shampoo she kept here, trying to ignore Angel entering the shower behind her. She suddenly wondered if it was a good idea but quickly pushed the thoughts a way as Angel moved up behind her, his hands briefly caressing her shoulders before sliding sensually down her arms, taking the bottle from her. She could feel his cool skin warm become slick from the water and suppressed a shudder of desire.

Angel lathered the shampoo into her long hair then turned her to face him. Her eyes were closed as he stepped closer, his lips ending a breath away from hers after tilting her head back to rinse her hair under the spray. Their slick bodies stood less than an inch apart, begging to be touched, each almost reaching out for the other as he ran his hands through her hair, their mouths so close he took in her air as his own. Buffy's nerves were frazzled and desire shot through her, she could feel his arousal against her leg and her own growing with every passing second. Opening her eyes she reached out her hand to touch him but Angel caught it halfway, raising it to his mouth he kissed her palm before moving her hand away. Reaching for the loofah and the vanilla body wash she favoured, he began his worship of her body.

Each stroke was seductive and not an inch of skin left untouched as his strong hands moved over her flesh. He had rarely got the pleasure of seeing Buffy in her naked glory and so took his time relearning every curve, starting with each arm before moving on. His big hands slid over her breasts and he steeled himself, searching for a measure of control. His long fingers slid over the firm flesh before rubbing his thumbs over her nipples. Buffy's eyes closed as she let out a small moan and leant heavily on the shower wall, her arms coming up to rest on his firm shoulders. His slick fingers slid over her hard nipples again and again sending shockwaves through her body, right down to her core. He alternated pinching one then the other and she thought she would come right there. Her fingernails gripped harder into his shoulder as she let out a low moan causing his aroused cock to throb. Concentrating on his task he slid his hands lower, over her stomach before slipping to his knees to wash each leg.

Buffy could feel every part of his hand on her skin, they were leaving burning trails everywhere he touched, enhanced by the spray of water, warmly massaging her body. Every look he gave her burnt her to her soul and whispered of carnal promises. She was choked on lust and didn't know if she wanted the slow torturous seduction to continue or for him to stand and fuck her into the wall. His hands moved closer and closer to her mound, almost teasing her as he got closer and then drew back. His fingers slid over her slit with the lightest of touches. She whimpered in frustration as his touch withdrew again before letting out a husky plea. "Please"

Angel couldn't help the purely male satisfaction at her plea, nor the smirk that graced his face. Her arousal swam through his senses as he parted her folds and slid a long finger lightly over her exposed clit. Buffy braced her hands against the wall and pushed her hips forward, seeking more. Angel drank in every cry and moan she let out as his fingers brushed over her flesh, finally he leant forward to kiss and lick the curve of her hip as he pushed his index finger deep inside her wet flesh. Her tight walls clamped around him and his eyes rolled back imagining the feeling around his cock and hearing her scream of pleasure at his intrusion. He scraped his human teeth over her skin and slid a second finger into her warmth revelling in her moans as he twisted his fingers and used his thumb to rub hard over her clit.

"Please Angel" Buffy's submissive beg cut Angel's resolve, pushing his fingers deep inside her he reached round with his other hand to shut the water off. Running his hand over her firm backside and to her knee he lifted her leg to his shoulder. Angel briefly looked up as he slid his fingers out of her depths and saw Buffy biting her lip with an expression of pure bliss on her face causing his cock to throb. At his lack of movement Buffy looked down, they kept eye contact as Angel slowly moved forward, he thrust his fingers deep inside her just as he ran his tongue over her clit. It was only his quick reactions that kept Buffy from sinking to the floor. He pressed her against the wall, flicking his tongue over her hard nub as his fingers pushed deeper inside her.

"Aannngeelll" Buffy screamed loudly as he pressed his tongue hard against her clit and thrust his fingers hard inside her. Angel felt the surge of pride and ownership as his mate screamed his name.

"Mine" Angel growled loudly against her wet flesh, the sound and feel causing Buffy to tip over the edge, screaming as she came against his mouth, his tongue lapping at her juices letting her ride out the sensations. Placing one last kiss on her mound he stood, slowly kissing up her body to look down at her sated face. Leaning down to place a soft kiss on Buffy's lips, Angel once again reached round to turn the water on causing Buffy to shriek and press against Angel when the spray hit her satisfied body. Feeling his hard flesh pressed against her, Buffy smirked up at him and turned them round. Returning the favour she began to wash Angel's hair before moving on to wash his muscled body.

Angel closed his eyes at the sensations of having her freely touch him. They had explored before he lost his soul but never with such abandon she did now. After he got his soul back things were so careful between them they barely touched. She washed every inch of his body just as reverently as he had her. She scraped her nails gently down his soapy chest, catching his nipples causing him to moan in pain and pleasure.

_**God our slayer is hot. Told ya soul boy, pain with her pleasure. Lower, tell her lower! On her knees, mmm, holding her head and fucking her mouth....**_

Shut up, it's her turn.

_**jeez grow a pair, she'd let you, you know she would.**_

Angel blocked Angelus and his lusty moans and suggestions out, growling softly when Buffy ran her hands over his ass, squeezing lightly before getting on her knees to run her hands down his legs.

He couldn't look away at the picture of Buffy on her knees in front of him, every ounce of self control he possessed went into not taking Angelus' advice when Buffy's hands moved closer and closer to his now throbbing erection. He still when Buffy knelt up straighter, moving to barely and inch from his hardness as she leant forward to turn the water off, almost mirroring his actions. Unable to stop himself when her tongue shot out to lick her lip he thrust forward lightly, just catching the tip of his cock on her hot tongue. He growled loudly barely stopping from vamping out. Angel slammed his head back against the shower wall as Buffy enveloped the head of his penis in her mouth, sucking deep. He thrust forward when he felt her hands run up the insides of his thighs to caress his balls. She placed wet kisses down his long length, then ran her tongue up the underside of his cock before taking him back, deep in her mouth.

"Jesus, Buffy" His eyes rolled back into his head as the feeling of her hot mouth around his cock ran through him, sucking him deeper.

_**Fuck, I forgot how god her mouth felt. Was she this good before? Has she been practising?**_

At both Angelus and his own sudden thoughts of Buffy with anyone else, his possessiveness shot straight through him, causing him to fist his hand in her hair lightly, thrusting into her mouth. Buffy pulled back slightly as he got rougher, the feeling of hitting the back of her throat making him tremble. Angel was immediately contrite and went to pull away but Buffy held on and moaned her disagreement, vibrating around his cock. Angel whimpered barely managing to hold onto his control. Not wanting to come in her mouth he went to pull away, once again Buffy held on.

"Baby, I can't hold on" Angel look down and saw the twinkle in Buffy's eyes and her slight smirk, changing the sensations around his hard flesh, once again causing him to throb and moan. The power of making Angel whimper and moan surged through Buffy, she sucked him deep into her warm wet mouth then pulled back, lightly grazing her teeth over his sensitive flesh. At the feeling of her teeth sinking into his rigid thick length Angel's control snapped and he came hard, exploding into her mouth, shaking at the feelings her swallowing his cool seed produced.

Buffy stood and turned the water back on, rinsing them both off. Angel looked over her body, leaning forward he kiss her hard then placed small kisses down the side of her neck before sucking on his mark. He shut the water off and growled deep in his chest as he gently bit into his mark using his human teeth, sweeping Buffy into his arms he stepped out of the shower.

"We need a bed"

**A/N I know I know, it was ages but it was christmas and busy times. Im so sorry :( lol But I hope you all had a great christmas and santa bought u everything u wanted xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

_**JUST REPOSTING WITHOUT THE TYPO'S LOL XX HUGS XX**_

_**I'm sorry for the slow updates you guys, I'm trying to get the chapters out but busy time over Xmas plus I keep wanting to start a new one too lol. Also my dog that has been with my family for 12 years died so been a bit of a delay. Anyway hope you guys had a wicked Christmas and New Year and have a great 2009! **_

_**Jen it's already been suggested we write a fic together, I take that as a compliment! I watched Bones the other day and just drooled the whole way through it. It's just not healthy I know, I just can't help myself though, he's just, just like, just YUM! Like the ultimate man, sexy annnddd funny. Anyway I'm gonna get back to my chapter coz I'll just ramble all bloody night otherwise!**_

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"We need a bed"

Buffy was too far gone to think things were moving too fast or it was a bad idea. All she knew was that she wanted Angel and she was done thinking about the consequences. She knew it would make it that much harder when he left but she had lived for everyone else for so long, she was taking something she wanted. As Angel walked her through into the bedroom she nibbled a path from his ear to his neck making him tremble and growl quietly. He lowered her to the bed and followed her down, hovering over her. He balanced his weight on his forearms, letting his body align against hers, fitting perfectly. Pausing for a moment they looked deep in each others eyes, almost becoming one. In the slowest of movements Angel lowered his head to place a soft kiss on Buffy's waiting lips. It was a promise between them of love never forgotten and never to be lost. Neither knew what the future would bring but they were promising each other that very moment. Simultaneously their tongues slipped out to caress the others, lips barely touching, once again their mood shifting to pure lust and seduction.

Angel kissed a fiery trail down Buffy's neck, back to his mark on her body. He couldn't help his vampiric side feel the rush of ownership and satisfaction as his tongue felt over the raised skin, an almost electric charge passing between the connection. He was so lost in the feeling of Buffy's body pressed against his, the smell of her arousal and his mouth on his mark that he almost missed Buffy shifting to lick over his neck. As soon as her tongue slid over his skin his head began to spin. His neck was one of his most sensitive body parts as a vampire, he thought he was going to come when he felt her small human teeth nibbling at his flesh. He couldn't prevent thrusting his hips against hers nor the low growling, almost a whimper begging for more.

Buffy was nervous but she wasn't stupid. She knew what he wanted but, pushing aside her fears that what Angelus had told her was true, she was going on instinct. His mark on her neck was one of the most sensitive places on her body and just having him touch it was making her head spin at the sensations, she only hoped she was having the same effect on Angel. As the moans of pleasure and the hardness pressing against her thigh increased, she shifted once more spreading her legs beneath him so he pressed against her wet heat. The second she shifted, her wet folds caressed the tip of his hard flesh and his eyes rolled back at the feeling, moaning loudly before biting his human teeth into her neck. Moaning at the sensation Buffy sunk her blunt teeth hard into Angel's neck.

Angel didn't know if he roared her name out loud or the shout was in his head as every thought flew completely from his mind. The feeling of Buffy's teeth in his neck pushed his body to the limit, he thrust hard forward, sheathing himself deep into her scalding heat, the feeling of being inside her and her teeth in his neck washing over him. He knew if his soul was not bound he would be losing it now. Stars exploded as a new sensation registered, Buffy was sucking deeply at his neck, every nerve in his body shook with the force of pleasure that erupted inside him and he would have sworn his long dead heart beat for just a second as his orgasm shot through him. Angel drew deep unneeded lungfuls of air as she pulled away and he slowly calmed. He opened eyes he hadn't realised he had closed and looked down to Buffy staring at him. He could see the lust and satisfaction at her actions and the feeling of being connected but also a look of wonder that was unknowingly mirrored on his own face.

"Did you just-...I mean, did you just" Buffy was sure she was blushing as she tried to force the words out, unsure of how to word her question. So far they had been guided by lust and separation, Buffy's boldness more a cover for her own nervousness.

"Did I just have and orgasm without actually coming? I think so, Baby that was incredible" Now Angel's brain was functioning again he once again marvelled in the petite body beneath him. He kissed the tip of her nose and thrust his hips shallowly causing her to gasp. In all his years with Darla, before her and after her he had never felt like that and barring the night of her 17th birthday, had never felt like he was now. Keeping himself deep inside her he slipped his tongue back into her mouth. There was time for questions and talks later, now he wanted to worship his mate. He slid his hands up the side of her body, brushing the sides of her breasts, slipping his thumbs between their bodies to brush hard over her nipples granting him a deep moan from his love. His hands carried on their journey to her arms, pushing them up over her head and up to her hands, holding her arms high above her head. Buffy's eyes closed of their own accord as her breasts pushed against his hard sculpted chest and his cock pressed that little bit deeper inside her, searching for friction. Unable to move her arms Buffy shifted underneath him, biting her lips as her movements sent pure pleasure through her.

Angel barely managed to control himself as she shifted, squeezing her muscles around him. Still making her wait he kissed her with a mixture of pure sin and love before pulling back once again.

"Look at me" Her eyes were closed still from the kiss but Angel wanted to look into her soul. He never thought he would be here again with her and never thought he was worthy of her. He still didn't but he was done fighting it. He wanted her with every inch of his soul and every inch of his being and for some reason she wanted him too. Letting go of her hands he run one hand through her hair, resting the other next to her head. "Buffy. Look at me Baby".

Buffy finally blinked open her eyes, her body was screaming out for satisfaction but she could hear the emotion in his voice and the pleading from his soul. The look he was giving her made her own fill with tears, overwhelmed by the worship, devotion and love in his eyes, unknowingly giving the very same look to him.

"I love you" He knew she could see it and feel it but he wanted to tell her. He gasped as she squeezed around him and he nearly moved. First he wanted to hear her say it. He was being selfish he knew but he had to hear it.

"Angel" A tear slipped out sliding down her face and Buffy found she couldn't help but let her love for him overflow. Gripping his shoulders and wrapping her legs round his waist she kissed him gently. "I love you. Always"

His heart soared and his flesh throbbed, he kissed her hard on the lips before slipping his tongue into her mouth and finally moving inside her. Their mingled moans ran through the room as hands slid over flesh and Angel thrust slowly into Buffy. The feeling of being deep inside her was unlike any other, so much so he barely pulled out of her before he was pushing deep causing Buffy to moan and thrash beneath him.

He couldn't keep up the slow movements and was soon sliding out leaving just the tip of his cock inside her before thrusting back deep.

"Harder Angel" As much as Buffy loved having him deep inside her, her body was craving him. It had been too long and she didn't want him to hold back, raising her hips to meet his faster thrusts her body sung in ecstasy at the feelings so long denied.

Hearing Buffy moan his name was his undoing, he started plunging into her waiting wet heat harder and faster, feeling her clench tight around him. He switched between moaning her name over and growling low in his throat as her nails scraped down his back. Shifting his hips Angel changed the angle of his thrusts, hitting Buffy's clit over and over causing her to cry out and fall into her orgasm. Her muscles squeezed round his cock so tight he nearly came, centuries of control made him hold on but his game face burst forth. He turned away, ashamed he couldn't hold it back but he couldn't stop thrusting into her willing body.

After her head stopped spinning and her mind was working again Buffy saw Angel turned away, the ridges on his forehead visible and the feeling of his enhanced growling against her chest. She couldn't help the flutter low in her womb at his growling, still finding it incredibly sexy from Angel. Wrapping her strong legs around his waist she held his hips against hers, his penis buried deep inside her. Caressing his face she turned it towards her seeing the shame he couldn't hide and spoke in a strong, passion laced voice.

"Don't hide from me Angel. I love you. I love all of you." Moving in unison they kissed long and hard as their bodies became frantic, moving against each other in perfection. Angel pounded into her harder with Buffy meeting him just as hard, their bodies trying to become one. On any normal person their lovemaking would have been painful. Angel couldn't hold much longer and slid his hand down to brush his thumb over Buffy's clit in hard circles wanting her to come with him. Buffy felt Angel grow inside her and her and felt her own euphoria inch closer, wanting to join them in every way, almost craving the sensation, Buffy tilted her head and looked directly at Angel.

"Drink Angel"

Angel looked at her in shock and felt ashamed at the want that surged through him. "No Buffy, no"

"I want it Angel, the feeling of you inside me and your fangs in your mark. You did it for the spell. I want you Angel. Bite me" Buffy was almost mindless, she was on the edge ready to tip over but needed what she had only felt twice before.

Angel was unable to control himself, despite having locked Angelus down tight since they left the bathroom. He licked a long trail from her shoulder to her neck.

"My Love" He whispered before gently slipping his fangs into his mark, the first touch of her potent blood tipping him into his orgasm. He plunged hard inside her and felt Buffy come around his cock making her blood that much sweeter. He kept thrusting as he shot his cold seed inside her feeling Buffy almost shake in his arms.

Buffy nearly passed out from the pleasure, the sensation of both at the same time unlike anything before. Gripping onto each other tightly they both slowly came down from the high they would never reach with anyone else. Angel rolled them, taking his weight off his tiny slayer and pulled her to his body, still touching wherever possible, neither ready to let go yet unable to prevent drifting off into an exhausted sleep.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" Buffy was almost asleep but had to ask, and just heard his answer before slipping into sleep, wrapped in her soulmates arms.

"Always"

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_**A/N Ok I had so much going on and got interupted trying to write this chap so many times in the end I just ploughed through to get it done, sorry its a bit short,had more I wanted to add to this chap but I'll put it in the next one. Hope you're all great! Sorry bout the delay but I told u bout Tia (my dog) and RL, plus I started a new job so all a bit crazy. Hopefull I'll be back to my proper updating now tho lol (look out Jen) hehe xxxx hugs xxx**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N hey guys, so as I said, I'm sorry about the last chapter being so short and the delays but I'm gonna get new chappies up as quick as poss now, just for you guys! I did re-read it again though, it wasn't as bad as I thought lol. I have just re-posted it without the typos lol. I know I left Angelus out of the last chapter, I missed him too but I felt it was better without him for that one, which is why I said Angel suppressed him, I think he was more interested in Buffy than listening to Angelus lol. Anyhow, hope your still enjoying the fic, I went back and read it from the beginning the other day, well weird lol. **_

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Angel woke first, the warmth against his chest unfamiliar yet sensational. He looked down at his blonde love practically laying on top of him and felt a swell of happiness surge through him.

_**Fucking spell worked then.**_

A rare smile crossed his face as he remembered the night before. They had almost taken turns waking and reaching for each other throughout the night, making love until the early hours. It had ranged from slow and sensual to hard and demanding, either way had finally quelled the ache inside them from being apart and provided healing to the broken souls missing its mate. Angel could swear he could feel both his and Buffy's souls buzzing in satisfaction.

_**Either that or its just been so long since you've gotten laid you've forgotten what it feels like to be satisfied?**_

It hasn't been _that _long.

_**Your hand doesn't count asshole.**_

What's wrong Angelus? Sound a little bitter. Wouldn't be jealous would we?

_**You may have locked me down tighter than ever but trust me, I was there. I could almost feel every stroke of her body, hear every moan and cry from that sexy mouth of hers and feel every time her tight little pussy clenched around-**_

Enough! You may have the memories from me and Buffy together but it will never be you.

_**As long as I'm stuck inside you, it will always be me as well. And if last night was any indication of what's gonna happen, all I can say is it beats rats and alleys. That and your pathetic self getting off on her memory. The real thing is just undeniable. There's still a mark from where she bit down hard, I swear that was so fucking hot, I'd kill Darla a thousand times over just for that. Oh yeah, my little slayer is hot, I can't wait to break her in properly-**_

Angel blocked Angelus' fantasies and looked down at Buffy, taking in her look of contentment he pulled her tighter against him and placed a kiss on the top of her head. He stayed that way, just taking in the feel of her body against his, lightly tracing her upper arm, watching her sleep. It was so rare he had been able to see her like this and he knew she hadn't slept well without him, no more than he had without her. He listened to her strong heartbeat against his chest and was overcome, he didn't know what he would do if he ever lost her now. He had left her before but he knew she was alive, it was what had kept him going. The hope that she was having a better life without him, was getting what she deserved. All he had done was hurt them both, denied them both the love and safety they felt with each other, now he was back and would do everything in his power to make it right. To keep her safe.

Angel had felt the sunrise hours before yet had not been able to leave the comfort of his mates embrace. He could still hear Angelus going through the night before in detail and couldn't prevent his involuntary reaction to the images he provoked. Knowing Buffy needed the rest, he gently slid out from under her and sat with his legs over the side of the bed. Pulling his overnight bag towards him he grabbed some clothes, putting them on a chair and headed for the bathroom. At the door he turned back, his face showing his half smile at the sight of his mate, naked in his bed.

A few minutes later, Buffy woke and sat up, the feeling of Angel's form missing had woken her. She couldn't prevent the initial worry at him not being next to her, despite the numerous times they had woken and made love during the night the fear of something going wrong and Angelus being loose was still lingering. Hearing the shower running she smiled and fell back on the bed. Her body was numb and aching yet she hadn't felt so rested since before Angel lost his soul. Reaching her arms up she stretched and rolled over intending to look at the time, figuring it to be around midday. She paused her movements when she saw Angel's bag on the floor by the bed. That simple item bought everything she had suppressed to the front of her mind. She wasn't still at school, Angel didn't live here any more, they weren't even together. He had left her. His bag held belongings he had bought with him from LA, from home. _The home he was returning to._

Buffy scrambled out of the bed, searching for her clothes. They were torn and dirty beyond use. Grabbing the bad she had kept here since Angel left she pulled out jeans, underwear and a t-shirt. After dressing quickly she picked up any and all of her belongings she could see, stuffing them into the bag. This time she wasn't leaving anything here, she wasn't really sure what she was doing but had the urge to escape as soon as she could. This was the heartache she was trying to prevent. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran her brush through her hair before putting that into her bag too, The zipper was stuck as Buffy tried to shut the bag, almost growling in annoyance as she couldn't get it unstuck. She could feel her frustration growing and the tears forming in her eyes. After a particularly strong tug the zipper broke in her hand and she couldn't stop the tears rolling down her face. Not over the broken zip, but over the fact she knew what was coming next. Angel was going to leave her. Again.

_Stupid stupid stupid._

She cursed herself over and over and vaguely realised the sound of the shower had stopped but she couldn't make herself move. They had told each other they loved each other but there had been no promises to stay together. Buffy was unsure whether she would have believed him anyway.

Angel quickly rubbed a towel over his hair and wrapped it round his waist. He had heard Buffy moving around and when she didn't join him in the bathroom he figured who would go and find her. Walking into the bedroom he stopped short, all lustful and sinful ideas flying from his head. His mate was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed and gripping onto a bag staring at the wall. It was the look on her face that shook him to the core, he didn't need to see the tear tracks down her beautiful face to sense her heartache. He could feel the confusion inside her, wanting him to both go to her and keep his distance.

"Buffy? Baby what's wrong" He kept his voice low and couldn't keep the pleading from it.

_**What have you done?**_

Nothing!

_**Hmm, ooh then who died? Please be Harris! **_

Not helping.

_**Like I want to help. GO sit with her. Stop her crying for fuck sake.**_

Didn't think you wanted to help? Can't stand to see her sad can you.

_**I was the cause of most of her tears and sadness you moron.**_

Was. Now you can't stand it any more than I can. You'd do anything to see a smile on her face.

_**More than your doing! Standing there like fucking furniture instead of going to my mate.**_

Pushing Angelus aside he tried again.

"Buffy? Baby please talk to me. Whatever it is we'll deal with it" Angel took a step forward and was once again stopped in his tracks. Her green eyes were dark and filled with a sadness he hadn't seen for over a year, he was almost glad to see a spark of stubbornness in their mossy depths.

"When are you leaving?" Buffy spoke quietly but Angel had no trouble hearing, nor catching the complete resignation and sadness in her tone.

"Leaving? Buffy what are you talking about? Leaving for what?" Angel stepped towards her and couldn't help the flash of hurt as she flinched away from him. After everything they shared the night before he had been floating on a cloud, the closest to heaven he thought he would ever get. He had a feeling what she meant and his gut twisted. He could just tell this wasn't about some big bad or that someone was hurt. It really only left one thing.

Buffy saw the hurt on his features and mentally braced herself to stay strong. She was being distracted by the droplets of water sliding down his muscular chest, wanting to follow them with her tongue. Freeing her mind of those thoughts and the fact that the previous night was all she would get she asked again.

"When are you leaving?" She couldn't stand not knowing or the hope that perhaps this time she just might be enough for him to stay.

"I'm not leaving Buffy. We'll go to Giles soon and sort the initiative out once and for all" Angel ran a shaky hand through his hair and bent over to grab his jeans from the chair, slipping them on he quickly rubbed the towel over his chest and threw it to the bathroom.

Buffy closed her eyes causing more tears to leak free. She could barely keep her distance or her defences with Angel like that. "After the initiative Angel. When are you leaving?"

Angel felt a shudder go through him as he realised what she meant, he was hoping to put this off for a few more days and talk together properly. He should have known his little slayer wouldn't wait. He knew he had to tread carefully and work to regain her trust and that the upcoming conversation was going to be painful. Fear laced his still veins as he realised he might lose her after this. _If I ever had her back at all that is. _

_**Don't fuck this up soul boy. I am not going to be locked inside you living a miserable existence.**_

"I'm not leaving Buffy" Angel put as much sincerity and love into his voice as possible. He was shocked when she rose to her feet and threw her bag across the room.

"Now is not the time to lie to me Angel. I don't need pleasantries or babying I just need the truth. When are you leaving?" Buffy knew she was using anger to keep her strength but she wanted nothing more than to curl into his arms and let him block the world out.

"I swear to you Buffy I'm not leaving you. Not this time" Angel reached out to touch her shoulder but she pulled and turned away.

"Oh is this the part where you promise me forever Angel? Hmm is this sounding a little familiar to you? Perhaps its just me" Buffy knew her voice was bitter and angry but now she had started she couldn't seem to stop. She felt like he was already walking away and the pain was suffocating her.

"Don't do this Buffy. I never meant to hurt you"

"Oh and that makes it OK? You are the one person that can hurt me more than anyone and you do. What's worse is I let you. Over and over" Buffy started pacing, she didn't want this conversation. She didn't want to put her heart out to get broken again, didn't want to bare her soul and have it crushed again. Unfortunately now she had started she couldn't stop, determined to finally have her say and be treated as an adult.

"I know Buffy but you have to know, hurting you is the last thing on this earth or any other that I want to do" Angel watched her pace and then stop, turning to face him. Her body was tense with emotion and her voice just as strained.

"Then why do you keep doing it?"

"Buffy I was just trying to do what was right. To do what was best for you"

"That's just it Angel. Why do you think you know what's best for me? I am an adult, I am a vampire slayer. Do you think I'm still a silly school girl with a crush that likes to hang out and malls and paint her nails all day? I grew up a long time ago and it's past time you realised that. Who are you to make decisions for me? If you didn't want to be with me you should have just said" Buffy was breathing heavily and trying to rein in her temper. She swore she would handle this with the maturity she had just claimed to have. She had grown up and learnt a lot in the last months and she was going to act like it.

"No Buffy, I have always wanted to be with you. You know that. I know you do. I was an idiot. I didn't want you to waste your life on me" Angel had listened to her words carefully, they were what she had been saying for years yet now he actually listened. He knew what she said was true and how she spoke them made him proud of her strength.

"Being with the person I love is wasting my life? Well thanks. So you will just trot off back to LA, I'll go sleep with a bunch of guys, eventually marry one and have 2.4 children. Oh and sneak out of the house to go avert apocalypses and kill vampires, perhaps getting my family killed in the process. That is of course if I'm still alive past the age of 22" Buffy heard his growl at the thought of her being with other men and threw her hands up in defeat. He couldn't tell her he wanted her to move on and then get jealous about it.

_**The hell there will be a bunch of guys getting a piece of her. You tell her I never would have left.**_

"I told you, I was an idiot. There won't be a bunch of guys you will be sleeping with Buffy. Only me. If you'll have me" The anger at the beginning of his voice slipped into sadness at the end. It was a big _if._

"So I take you back and then what? Your evil twin tries to end the world? You promise me the world and then break my heart in a sewer? You decide you like being a vampire and give it all back? You decide I need a normal life and you don't deserve me? What will it be this time Angel?"

"Buffy I- Wait. What?!" Angel had been so distracted by Buffy's rant he hadn't immediately registered her words. When he had he was dumbfounded.

Buffy realised her mistake and shut her eyes. "I'm just saying how can I trust it will be any different this time. You haven't even told me what you want from me"

"Buffy. What did you mean by giving it all back?" Angel felt dread course through his stomach.

_**Uh oh. Guess the powers really screwed you over this time. **_

She can't remember. Can she?

_**Probably, my little slayer always was special. I'm glad you remembered, all them hot memories to go through. Damn!**_

"Don't Angel, don't play dumb, now is not the time. I shouldn't have said anything" Buffy went to turn away but Angel grabbed her hand and pulled her to face him.

"What did you mean Buffy?"

"You gave it back Angel. That beautiful day and you took it all away. I wasn't enough for you and you gave it back." Buffy couldn't prevent the tears running down her face as flashes of that day run through her mind. It was the happiest day of her life and she had both cherished and loathed it. It was after that the last piece inside her had finally snapped.

"How do you remember?"Angel's voice was strangled as he spoke. If he needed to breathe he was sure he wouldn't be able to.

Buffy felt anger course through her. She couldn't believe that was what he was asking before anything else.

"How do I remember? That's what you want to say to me? Fine. I promised you I would never forget Angel. When have _I_ ever broken a promise to you?"

"Buffy I- I don't know what to say. No one was meant to remember but me" He didn't know if she was angry at what he had done or what he had asked.

"So you get to be the martyr once again. You get to shoulder all the pain for what we could have had. 'Coz your such a bad vampire right? You deserve all the pain and sadness and not one ounce of happiness isn't that right?" Buffy was nearly shouting but couldn't stop herself.

"YOU WOULD HAVE DIED BUFFY. Do you get that? I can't live without you being alive. I couldn't take it if something ever happened to you. I would do the same thing a thousand times over to save you, to give you just an extra day" Angel clenched his fists to stop from reaching out for her. Even now the terror at something happening to her ate at him. He wanted to hold her and keep her safe.

"Angel I could die any day, any night. It's part of the job description. It's been said in a god damn prophecy I would die and I'm still here. You can't take stock in everything you hear. Things happen and there's nothing we can do about it"

"Are you saying you wouldn't have done the same? Didn't you practically give your life for mine when you made me drink from you? I could have killed you and you forced me to do it. The nightmares I have that I didn't stop in time plague me and I don't know what to do. You sacrificed yourself to save me" He was probably saying the wrong thing but he had to make her see. He would do the same thing a million times over.

"I would. I would do anything to save you, my life would be worthless without you. But what we shared that day Angel, God, I don't know whether to be thankful we got to share it, stake you for taking it away or cry myself to death over what we can't have. I told you I would never forget and I didn't. One of the hardest things I ever did was walk out of that office, preying you would call me back"

"I'm sorry baby, you don't know how sorry I am. It was the best day of my entirely too long existence and I cherished it. I held the memory alone and knew that somewhere you still loved me. You could have told me though Buffy. Could have warned me you remembered" The conversation wasn't going how Angel wanted it to. He had already realised his mistakes but hearing them come from Buffy and really witnessing just how much he hurt her, he couldn't help but doubt his ability to make things right.

"No Angel, don't you see. It had to come from you. You had to want to be together enough to make it work. You gave me reason after reason of why we couldn't be together but never looked for solutions. I feel like you were so wrapped up in your guilt, my love wasn't enough. When you left Angel, god I thought I was gonna die. All I ever wanted, all I ever asked for in my miserable existence, was you" Buffy sat back on the edge of the bed. She didn't know what else to say to him. Whether she wanted to say anything else to him.

"Buffy. I know. I hurt you so much it kills me. You're right. You're so bright and so pure you blind me. My life is covered in darkness and I didn't want you to miss out on opportunities for a life you deserve. I know I don't deserve you. The things I've done Buffy, I can't forget them. To have even had your love was too much and I couldn't bear you wasting your life on me. I thought I was doing the right thing letting you go, in reality I wanted nothing more than to take you in my arms and hold you there forever" Angel ran his hand over his face and sat on the opposite side of the bed.

"Angel it was never what you did in the past. Why don't you get that. Angelus did those things, Angelus killed the innocents, Angelus maimed and tortured. They are not your crimes to atone. You are as much an innocent as his victims. Your soul was free and it was forced back inside you to suffer for crimes you didn't commit. Do you think Angelus feels guilt over his actions?"

_**Erm let me think...No! She's right you know. You would never have the flair and imagination for even half the stuff I did. It's been fun watching you wallow in self misery though. **_

"Buffy, I can't just give up my fight, my fight for redemption"

"I would never have asked you to. But Angel, why don't you try fighting because it's the right thing to do. There are people out there with the strength and the means to do the right thing but do you think they do? No. People are selfish and greedy and choose not to help. Humans have souls and it does not mean they do the right thing, the things people are capable of doing to each other chills me to the bone. The difference is what makes you a champion" Buffy knew they had gotten off course but if anything came out of this she vowed it would be Angel seeing things from a different perspective. She may be mad at him or hurt by him but she loved him and wanted his suffering to stop. "You made me a better person Angel. You sacrifice yourself and your happiness for others, putting yourself in harms way like your life doesn't matter, to save others. Does that sound like someone undeserving of love? Of happiness?"

Angel listened. Truly listened to what Buffy was saying. Replaying his entire existence in a second. He knew she spoke to truth but taking that extra step to accepting it was hard. He closed his eyes and faced an inner battle, not with Angelus but with his conscience. He may not have committed the acts but he had the memories of them. He knew he would never have done what Angelus had if he was in control, there was nothing he could do now except help those he could. He thought of the people he worked with, the people he cared about. What they had done to help him or Buffy, the trials they had overcome and the bravery they had shown in the face of danger. All of them, begrudgingly or not had helped him in some way shape or form since he had met them. It was all because of Buffy, he was worthy in her eyes and so accepted by them. Deep inside him he felt something click. The weight from his shoulders lifted and his body drained of tension leaving him lighter and level headed. There was nothing he could have done to prevent or stop Angelus' actions, it was his own he needed to control.

Angel opened his eyes and Buffy held her breath. The underlying sadness, always behind his soulful gaze seemed less, the slight slump of his shoulders gone. It would take time but she was pretty sure he had finally heard her, finally accepted what she had known all along.

"Do you understand now Angel? It's our choices and our actions that makes us who we are"

"I made some bad choices Buffy, did some bad things-"

"No Angel, Angelus" Buffy interrupted him, almost exasperated that he hadn't understood after all.

"No Buffy. **I **made some bad choices. I hurt you when you are the last person in the world I want to. Everything I did was for the opposite. I love you, only you, only ever you"

"I love you Angel. I just, I don't know how to let you in again" Buffy bit her lower lip to stop it from trembling. "When I killed you Angel, god I wanted you to take me to hell with you. I don't know how I carried on knowing you weren't coming back. I get so lost in you and I never want to find myself. It's like all the bad stuff drifts away and no matter how bad things get I know I've got you with me, I know I've got your help. When you take that away Angel I feel like I'm dying"

"I'm through leaving you Buffy. I love you and I'm not leaving. You're my mate and all I want is your happiness, to see your smile, to see your eyes sparkle. I know I was an idiot. I made the wrong decisions, I made the wrong choices, I made _your _choices and it was wrong"

Buffy stood and paced the room slowly, everything spinning round her head. She didn't want to be without him but it would kill her to lose him again after being with him properly. If it didn't kill her this time. "What do you want Angel?" She spoke low and sure, looking him directly in the eyes.

"I want you. I want your love. I want your heart. I want your trust. I want your body. I want your soul" Angel held her strong gaze and took in her shock at his words. He had never spoke so open and possessive but she had asked and he had promised himself to be honest with her from now.

"You have my love, you have my soul. I would trust you with my life but I don't know if I can with my heart" Buffy shifted nervously when he stalked towards her and grabbed her hands.

"I swear to you my unbeating heart and my soul that I'm not leaving you unless or until you tell me to. I know I have to gain your trust back but I promise you I will stay and I will do everything to prove to you it's real this time" He held his entire world in his hands, literally and waited, prepared to beg if need be.

"I don't know how much your promises mean to me any more Angel" Buffy was trying to quell the hope that bubbled up inside her at Angel's words. Once again she wanted to run into his arms and let the world wash away, she had learnt from her mistakes though and was protecting herself this time. "You know one of the definitions of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

"I love you Buffy, please. Give me a chance. I'm not leaving you. I want to be with you. I'll move back here, we'll try long distance. Anything. I just can't be apart from you any more. I maybe over two hundred years old but I'm still learning. I love you" Angel stood dressed only in jeans and held his unneeded breath.

Buffy's heart broke at his pleading, she wanted to say yes, shout it from the rooftops and have repeats of the previous night, she had to thing first. She wasn't jumping head first into anything.

"I don't know Angel. I'm sorry. I love you, with all my heart I do, I just need some time. I need to sort myself out and think things through. We need to get over to Giles' and sort the initiative out.

Buffy turned to walk out the bedroom and let Angel finish dressing. As she got to the doorway she paused at Angel's words.

"You still my girl?"

"Always"

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_**OK how long was this chapter? Shocking! Anyway hope you liked, please R&R. Especially you Jen, I seem to have writers block until I read your review lol. No pressure or anything hun lol. Hugs (Oh and I do believe I updated before you hun lol, what happened their? Come on I'm addicted to ure fics!) Lots of love and best wishes all round. I really appreciate all of you reading this so much and I'm glad you're enjoying it xxx**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N Well it seems Jen is taking ages to review so I have to start writing without it lol. Anyway did u guys check how long that chapter was? Shocking. I just want to say thank you so much for reviewing, it means a lot that you take the time to do so. How's everyone enjoying being back in the real word after the holidays then? Lol sucks doesn't it, I've been working 7 days a week since the 3rd and will continue to do so for a while- joyous! Anyway I'm gonna get going on the chapter.**_

_**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Angel-Buffy17, Jen and to friends both here with us and those we hold in our hearts.**_

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They left the mansion just as the suns final rays were weakly dying. Both were sad and felt miles apart despite being right next to each other. Angel didn't even think to suggest taking the car over to Giles', it didn't seem right to use it being back in Sunnydale. He felt tension throughout his being and couldn't help but question if she would forgive him and take him back this time.

_**I wouldn't take you back.**_

I wouldn't want you in the first place.

_**Nice to see how quickly you gave up soul boy. **_

I haven't given up, I want to give her some space, some time to get to grips with things.

_**What? Are you demented? She already knew about the day. She loves you. She never wanted to leave like the prickboy you are. She doesn't want time, she wants you to prove yourself. She wants you to be here for her. To talk to her like an adult and make decisions together. **_

I'm getting the initiative out the way first then we'll talk. Until then though, I'm not pretending nothing happened. Who are you anyway, Oprah?

_**Fuck off. I just know my mate better than you. Obviously.**_

Hmm somehow not what I was thinking, it was me buried inside my mate last night was it not?

With that Angelus shut up and Angel slipped his hand into Buffy's, ignoring her reluctance and intake of breath. His flesh tingled with the sensation of touching her and he almost smiled when she didn't pull away. He slightly loosened his grip and interlocked their fingers.

Buffy closed her eyes at his touch, half heartedly trying to withdraw her hand. At his resistance she stopped trying. She didn't want to break the contact. As much as things were up in the air she needed his support and his closeness whilst she could get it. She hadn't been lying to Giles or Cordelia when she said about him being her strength and her completion, just having him with her now felt right. She had people after her and things to do but she felt like she could face them with him by her side. Letting her breathing slow Buffy felt almost out of her own body. A part of her couldn't even believe that he was next to her, that she was touching him. 7 days ago he was in LA and she was alone. She tightened her grip on his hand quickly, remembering the feeling of being alone. A thousand metaphors could be said for how she felt when they were apart, none of them could measure up to the aching loneliness and detestation she experienced. She never wanted that feeling back, a big a risk it was setting herself up to get hurt, she would take it. In her heart, she always knew she would. Whatever happy time they could have together would be worth whatever followed, she had never doubted that. It would take time, that she also knew. Trust wasn't something picked up and dropped on a whim, promises had to be proven, as well as words. Thinking over the last week Buffy felt doubt spread through her already. She frowned as she thought of what had happened during the last seven days. College, Angel, Giles, Xander, getting stabbed, getting kidnapped, getting tested and a thousand other things. _When is it enough?_ Attempting to push the thoughts from her mind, saving them for when she could think clearly, Buffy belatedly realised Angel had stopped and called her name.

Angel had felt Buffy tighten her hold on his hand and glanced at her. Her eyes began to almost glaze over as she got lost in thought. Before long she dropped into a frown and he stopped, turning to face her.

"Buffy?"

It took a minute but eventually her gaze focused on his and she looked at him inquisitively.

"Buffy, I just, I don't want to act like nothing has changed between us. I've got a lot to prove to you but you should know. I'm not giving you up" He lifted his hand to caress her cheek, when she leant into his touch instead of repelling it he felt hope swell in his chest. They moved closer, Angel leaning down to rest his forehead against hers. "I love you Buffy"

"Ah isn't this touching. I thought you'd have left by now. It's what you do isn't it? Leaving us to pick up the pieces"

Buffy and Angel turned there heads sharply towards the angry snide voice, seeing Xander they stepped away from each other and stood up straight. Anger immediately flooded their veins and tension riddled their bodies. Each could sense the others raw emotions and strived to ease the burden.

_**Ah lunch!**_

"Xander why are you speaking to me? I told you I never wanted to speak to you again" Buffy looked at the boy in front of her. The damage he had selfishly caused was unreal and he was oblivious to it. She doubted anything she had said to him had registered. "Unless of course you have had a personality transplant?"

"I'm not the one with problems Buffy. You're the one who is in love with a corpse with over two hundred years racked up" Xander had been walking around the town, his angry stride carrying him with no destination in mind. After leaving Giles' a few days previously he had tried calling Willow, got blazing drunk on his parents 'hidden' stash of vodka and been walking around angry at the world and a certain souled vampire all day.

_**Over three hundred actually boy, if you count that little trip to hell and you have to count hell, it's **_**hell****_ for fuck sake. Why does no-one ever remember that._**

"Aren't you shagging an ex-demon with a few _thousand_ years racked up? Did you listen to nothing I said to you the other day? I'm not repeating myself to you. I will say this one last thing to you though. I don't owe you anything. Whatever I may have has been repaid a thousand times over. I tried to keep you separate from this, I tried to tell you to stay at home, I love the boy that you were that would stand by my side. The thing is Xander, you don't get to make my decisions for me, if you can't support them then that's your problem but I am through trying to live up to your ridiculous expectations of being perfect and being able to balance every little thing in my life without making a mistake and without the man I love" Buffy had stood and crossed her arms as she spoke but stormed towards Xander at his reply.

"That thing is not a man though Buff, it's a demon, a corpse. But hey whatever however you want to get your rocks off is none of my business any more" Buffy had been moving closer to him the whole time he was speaking but Xander was so full of self righteous anger he didn't notice the dangerous glint to her eyes until she was directly in front of him. It took him that long to also notice the low growl coming from Angel's tense form.

_**Any time you want to detach his head from his neck would be great. Your such a pussy. No one would dare speak to me like that.**_

"It was never your business Xander. Ever. No matter what sick fantasies you had in your head, the only ones in mine involved Angel. It kills you doesn't it" Buffy noticed the clenching of Xander's fists and his struggle to stay quiet. "Oh and one other thing, don't ever call him a thing or it where I can hear you. Do you understand me Xander Harris? You want to take shots at me, go for it, but he has done nothing to you except save your ungrateful hide and take flack from you because of me. It ends now"

Xander watched Buffy turn away to walk back to her demon lover, the thoughts she created of them two together, and the fact that she was right caused his silence to break. It killed him to know she would rather be with a demon than him. "It's funny you know, I thought you were supposed to kill them not sleep with them. Might have to change your name Buff, something catchy. Buffy the vampire _layer_. Wouldn't have to fight them then just stake them whilst you fuck them, of course then you wouldn't get to finish...."

Before he realised what was going on Buffy was in front of him punching him square across the jaw, cutting off his words and knocking him out cold. When she turned Angel was right in front of her, in game face, barely managing to control his anger. She stepped forward and cupped his cheek, looking into his eyes.

_**Ha, my little sex slave of a slayer had the balls to hit him and you didn't, pathetic. Aww he's still breathing, she didn't kill him. Hmm speaking of sex slaves, I wonder just what sick fantasies she has in that blonde head of hers.**_

"Hey, you are the only one, he's just jealous and lashing out. He's had that coming a long time. There's only you-"

_**And baby, you always finish**_

"-and baby, I always finish"

Angel couldn't help but smirk as Buffy's words echoed Angelus'. Buffy stepped forward at his smirk, thinking it was because he was picturing just how she finished every time. She stood on tiptoes ready to kiss him but he pulled away, slipping back into his human face. Understanding showed in Buffy's eyes and she cupped his cheeks.

"I didn't even notice" Speaking the words she had told once told him so long ago, she closed the space between them and placed a soft kiss on his waiting lips. Just as they were about to deepen the kiss they were interrupted by Angel's cell phone ringing. He pulled reluctantly away and gave Buffy a look of apology before pulling the phone out of his pocket.

"Hello.....I'm fine Cordy......Buffy's fine too" Both Angel's and Buffy's brow rose at Cordy asking after Buffy, shrugging it off he finished the call. "Yes we are on our way now, we just had a little run in with Xander.....Yes he's still alive" He hung up and returned the phone to his pocket. "We better go, they're getting restless"

"Cell phone hey? Never thought I'd see the day" Buffy tried to joke but his next words bought everything crashing down around her, reminding her of everything in the way.

"Yeh Cordy got it in LA, for cases and god only knows what" Angel felt the sudden sadness envelop Buffy and looked at her worriedly, noticing her hard gaze he figured the reminder of LA was unwelcome. He reached forward to take her hand but at the last second she withdrew and began to walk away.

"Buffy-"

"Come on we need to get to Giles'. Can't have them sending out a search party now can we" The joking tone to her voice was so fake she almost cringed, knowing there was no way Angel bought it. He knew when she was lying anyway but she couldn't get into that conversation again.

_**Can you do anything right?**_

* * *

When they walked through the door the tension in the air surrounding them invaded the space of the room. They looked to see Willow and Oz looking on the computer at the table and Giles and Wesley going through books. Gunn was sitting at the sofa cleaning various weapons, whilst Cordy was generally being Cordy, sitting on the other sofa, feet up, reading Cosmo. She looked up as the two champions walked in.

"It's about time you two got here. There's plenty of time to get groiny later, we need to sort these commando boys out so I can go home" She looked at the two and saw Angel look down when she said about them getting groiny and Buffy flinch when she said about going home. Sighing heavily Cordy couldn't help but think they always made things complicated and hurt each other by simply not communicating. It was getting on her nerves. Vowing to actually help,and not get stuck with a brooding miserable boss, she planned to talk to Buffy later.

Buffy and Angel trudged the rest of the way in the room as if the weight of the world rested on their shoulders, which in some ways, it did.

"Ok, we're here. Some things came up that we had to deal with and then we bumped into Xander on the way over" Buffy walked over to the couch and plopped onto the seat next to Gunn, picking up one of the knives he had already cleaned she began to twirl it round her fingers both expertly and absent mindedly. She saw Willow look uncomfortably at her and couldn't help the inner battle.

Angel felt Buffy's mixed emotions towards Willow and did feel guilty at how he had shouted at her before.

_**You would find a way to be guilty about the cost of stamps if you thought about it. Get over yourself, the meddling fucking witch needed shouting at, Buffy had been kidnapped! **_

"Thank you Willow, I'm sorry for how I spoke to you, I was stressed"

"No Angel, I'm sorry I didn't realise. Buffy I'm sorry, I've just been so caught up in college I just-"

"didn't care?" Buffy knew she was being harsh but couldn't help it. Her best friend hadn't noticed in months what Angel's team had in an hour and it stung. In some was Willow had been worse than Xander, always pushing her to date someone else and thinking she was over Angel already. She could just imagine how she would have been if Oz had been the one to leave.

"Buffy, no I did care- do care. I just I had class and I didn't realise it was an emergency" Willow was wringing her hands together in both nervousness and agitation. She wasn't sure it was right to feel bad for enjoying college life, or encouraging Buffy to go out and meet a guy, or for spending time with her boyfriend, or having interests. She looked at Oz for support but her boyfriend wouldn't meet her gaze.

"You didn't think it was an emergency? Willow why else would Giles call you? How often has he called you in the last few months? Thank you for the help you gave them in getting me out but you don't have to stay". Buffy stood and watched Giles, Wes and Gunn leave the room then turned to Oz, she hadn't seen him much recently but when she had, he always asked if she was OK and if there was anything happening that he could help with. "Hey Oz, hows things? I caught some of your set at the Bronze the other night, sounding good."

"Thanks. I saw you, looked for you after but you pulled a Houdini" Oz had turned and looked round the room, Buffy seemed to be comfortable with this group. More at ease than the times he had seen her recently. He had sensed the gaping hole inside Buffy before and tried asking Willow about it but she always said she was struggling with classes and everything was fine. He thought it was more to do with the brooding vampire in the corner. Oz had been feeling the need to get out of Sunnydale more and more recently, he needed a way to be at peace with the wolf inside him and he couldn't find it here. He looked over at Willow, noting the shocked and slightly hurt expression, he mentally shook his head and turned back to Buffy.

"You were at the Bronze? Buffy why didn't you say, I would have come with you. I haven't heard the Dingoes in a while 'coz I have this Wiccan group and we haven't hung out forever-" Willow was hurt that Buffy had gone without her and felt left out.

"I wasn't there socially, I followed a vamp in there and got rid of the pest problem" Buffy was shocked that Willow hadn't seen much of the Dingoes. She looked at Oz and picked up the hurt and distance in his expression.

"Yeah but still we could have hung out, had a drink, you could have checked out the guys-" It wasn't until Angel growled that Willow realised what she had said, forgetting that Angel was in the room. Leaning forward she whispered to Buffy, as if she had forgotten Angel was a vampire and would here every word she said. "Oops sorry, forgot he was here. When he's back in LA we should go out, find you a hot guy to take your mind off-"

Buffy had noticed Angel get angrier, as well as noticing her own rising as evidently once again her supposed 'best friend' knew nothing about her. She also noticed Cordy, who hadn't left the room, watching the events avidly and with a look of disgust on her face directed at the red head. "Willow! No, really I won't be going with you to the Bronze and I certainly won't be looking for some hot guy to take my mind off anything" She looked at Angel and watched him visibly relax as her words washed over him. _Ok perhaps one hot guy, but I doubt I'll have to go looking in the Bronze for him._

**_Baby you don't have to go looking for me, I'll come to you and fuck everything from your mind. You won't even think of anyone else._**

He began walking towards her in a slow steady pace. Buffy watched his muscles ripple below his shirt and his firm legs eat up the distance between them, she almost felt like prey as the gap between them got smaller and a predatory gleam entered his eyes. She knew what was going to happen, she also knew it was wrong yet did nothing to prevent it. Angel stopped in front of her and pulled her close to meet his body, without pausing for a second his mouth crashed down over hers, pouring passion and possessiveness into his kiss.

"God, possessive much" Cordy stood and stalked out of the room muttering under her breath. "One little spell to fix the curse and bam, the Buffy and Angel show starts again" She was actually happy for them both, but there was no way she was showing it that easily, plus she was bored of Willow's complete cluelessness in Buffy's life.

Willow had heard Cordy as she walked out of the room and swung to face the lovers who had finally drawn apart. "Your soul is bound? You did a spell? When?"

The two turned to face Willow and Buffy mentally sighed. "Yes Angel's soul is bound, we found the spell and did it the other night"

"But, why didn't you call? I would have helped, I could have-"

"We didn't need your help, we did just fine, well until Xander turned up and nearly blew it" Buffy took Angel's hand in her own when Angel let out a low growl at the mention of Xander. "I think you should slow down with the magic Willow, Giles told you to be careful and to take it slow, I think you are using it too much. You need to learn control before you lose it"

Willow looked more affronted at this than anything else and raised her head in anger. "I'm not a child Buffy, I may not have super slayer strength but I am a damn good witch and no one can take that from me" She paused and was suddenly hit with a thought. "Where is Xander? You said you saw him earlier?"

Buffy looked a little sheepish but Angel stood his ground, expression unchanging. "I knocked him out, he said some things he shouldn't of and wouldn't listen to reason-"

"What? So you just thought you would knock out your friend? God Buffy! You just left him? It's dark out, he could be dead right now! Some friend you are" Willow started moving around getting her things together, still talking, not realising the anger building in the two warriors. "How could you be so irresponsible Buffy, he's your friend. I guess he was saying something about Angel? Can you blame him, I mean he's probably got a point-"

"ENOUGH Willow I'm not having this conversation again. It's my life and I will do with it what I like for the short time I have it. If you have a problem with it, I don't care. You have your own life now, please go live it. I mean it, live, go have the best life you can, but stop trying to run mine. I have sacrificed everything, kept to my calling and carried the responsibility of the world on my shoulders. I think I am capable of making my own decisions, don't you? Now I think you should go."

Buffy stood with her hands on her hips, drawing strength from Angel standing behind her. She couldn't keep having the same conversations over and over, but it still hurt. She knew they had grown apart but she hadn't realised quite how much was because Willow had changed, not just because Buffy had pushed people away. She watched Willow walk out the door without saying another word and Oz stand up.

"If you ever need anything Buffy, call me. I'm going away for a while but I'll find a way to keep in contact. I need to talk to Willow but I have to find a way to be at peace with the wolf inside me"

"I've got a few names I can give you to help Oz, some old contacts of mine. Call if you ever need them" Angel had always like Oz and respected the boy immensely.

"Thanks. I hope you two make it, really I do. Now I better go after Will. You should know, we've drifted apart too. Partly because of me but not exclusively that. I think you're right about her magicks, it's getting more and more and I see her less and less. She is practising with a girl called Tara from that group of hers. Be careful and be safe"

Buffy walked over and impulsively gave Oz a hug, whispering that she would miss him. He stepped back and gave them a small smile before leaving, the sound of the door closing echoing through the room.

_**A/N I know I know I dunno what I think of this chapter either. I needed to get some things across so had to do this almost 'filler' chapter to do so. I know Xander and Willow weren't that bad this early on in Buffy, I mean they haven't kicked her out of her own house yet! But it just annoyed me so much, just how oblivious they were and how hypocritically judgemental they were! So although I do like that characters (most of the time) for the purpose of this fic, they're selfish characteristics are enhanced. Anyways, more to come soon, on a roll now! Xxx Please review tho guys, I know no big event happened but still part of the story! Love ya xx**_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Hey guys, wow fast reviews! Love it! Just for you guys, coz your fantastic, here's another chapter! I am in a great mood coz I've just got a new little nephew! Sooo excited so as a gift of thanks to the powers that be...here's an update! I could have kept going on this chapter but it was getting really really long so I thought I'd stop where I did and post. It was a good place to stop. Game is on now Jen hun lol....**_

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Angel looked over at Buffy as the door shut. He watched as the shutters came down, blocking her pain and inwardly sighed. Just when he thought they were getting somewhere she shut herself away, whether from him or just herself he didn't know.

_**Can you blame her? Her 'friends' are morons and so are you. I think this is one of the good changes in my slayer. So assertive and aggressive, I can smell the heat. Gets me hard just thinking about being fucked by her in this mood.**_

Angel filed that away for later and watched Buffy turn and walk towards the table with stiff, controlled movements.

"Well that was invigorating. Giles! You can come out now, what have you got on the initiative?" Buffy moved some of the books around on the table, easily identifying some of the demons on the pages as the others walked back into the room.

Everyone was looking at Buffy as if they were expecting some evidence of what had transpired but Buffy just looked as if she was heavily engrossed in what she was reading. Giles and Angel shared a look, each identifying Buffy's emotional defence but deciding to leave it for now, they stepped towards the table.

Cordy noticed the look and the fact all the others chose not to mention what had happened, she didn't agree and was about to speak when Gunn shot her a look to keep quiet. Giving him a look of her own she walked across the room. "Nicely done Buffy, about time too" and with that she sat back on the couch and picked up her magazine.

Buffy didn't reply to Cordy's words but inwardly she lifted a little. She straightened her spine and knew what she had said had been right and way overdue. Just a few run ins with her so called 'Scooby gang' and she had almost returned to her previous state, trying to suppress her natural tendencies and confidence to cater to their needs. Standing tall once again Buffy let her 'Slayer' take over and got down to business.

"Well Buffy, we have been able to identify some of the demons we saw in captivity at the initiative compound. Unfortunately we seem to have a problem with a few. There is a Brachen and a Lychress which are-" Wes was cut off by Buffy, he had forgotten that she was not as naïve to the demon world as he had thought. She had already identified the demons and there traits.

"Peaceful demons. As well as a Teffnarl demon and a werewolf. I know Wes. We will have to find out what the initiative has done to them, if anything had been enhanced, you know the drill. There was at least one human, well I think human in there too." Buffy looked over the blue prints that Willow had left, already planning routes in her head.

"Yes, well, they will have to be released if they are no danger to society. I suspect they had been concentrating on you though Buffy so there is a good chance they will be clean. What do you suggest we do after that?" Giles looked at Buffy, letting her lead for the time being, sensing her need to and her capability to do so.

"Then we blow the joint" Buffy didn't even look up from the map and missed the shocked looks sent her way. Giles immediately removed his glasses and cleaned them on his handkerchief, wondering if he had thought too soon on Buffy's ability to come up with a feasible plan.

"Err Buff, so you're tellin' me we're gonna stroll right back in to the initiative, not get killed by the crazy commando's with guns, poke around, let a few of their pets free and then blow the place to pieces. Without anyone noticing?" Gunn looked to find everyone staring at him. "What? Just so we're all on the same page"

Angel stepped forward next to Buffy and reached for her arm.

"Buffy, as much as I agree with you about the place being destroyed and as much as I would love to not have to say this, most of them boys are just that. Boys. Humans"

_**And? Your point?**_

"Yes Angel I do know that. We go in, set the alarm, get the place evacuated then blow the switch. They have procedures and protocol they will follow to a tee. It'll be fine"

For the rest of the night the group sat going over the plan and mapping out routes and positions, eventually, one by one they started to drop off. Gunn sat sleeping on the couch with Cordy leaning against his side, also asleep. Buffy had fallen asleep next on the opposite sofa. A short while later she had started tossing and turning as if in a nightmare. Angel went over and picked her up, pulling her close on his lap. She immediately quieted and they were now both asleep wrapped in each others arms. Giles had shown Wes to the guest room and then slowly walked into his own room, preying that the next day would go as well as they had planned.

* * *

The next morning Xander was walking through the town after leaving Anya sleeping. He was walking, head down, going over his conversation with Willow. She had found him sitting on a low wall holding his nose and proceeded to tell him about her conversation with Buffy and what had happened leading up to it. He couldn't believe Buffy had asked Willow to leave after everything she had done to help get Buffy out. He was a little shaken about the fact that Buffy had been kidnapped but seemed to forget this when Willow said she thought Buffy and Angel were back together now Angel's soul was bound. Oz had turned up then but hadn't said much. Not that he normally did but things seemed to be strained between the two and he figured the current events had done that too. He blamed everything on Angel, thinking that if he hadn't come back Buffy would still be their friend and wouldn't be shutting them out. Still not looking where he was going he bumped straight into someone, looking up he was startled to find Forrest in civilians. He knew him from Forrest frequenting the bar he worked and was only mildly surprised when Willow told him he was part of the initiative. A plan quickly forming in his head, to finally get rid of Angel he put his arm out and stopped Forrest from passing.

"Oh, Xander sorry, didn't see you" Forrest looked at Xander and noticed the same sad angry expression he knew he must have had. He still hadn't quite grasped the fact that Riley had died and that he was more or less to blame. "You look like you've lost your best friend".

"You could say that. More like Buffy's been brainwashed by her cradle robbing creature of the night ex-boyfriend" Xander looked at Forrest gauging his reaction. He had been unsure how to bring up his connection to Buffy but figured he would just wing it.

"Buffy? Buffy is your friend and Angel the 'creature of the night' is her ex? You know about them?" Forrest couldn't keep the anger out of his voice, not towards Xander but towards the couple and what had happened because of them.

"Yup, that Angel is a house-broken vamp and Buffy is the slayer helplessly in love with the previous mentioned dead-boy"

"I take it you don't share her affection for him then?" Forrest sensed the anger radiating off Xander and began to think about ways they could both get revenge.

"I hate him, if he wasn't in the picture Buffy wouldn't be acting how she is. She isn't normally like this, it's just because he's here. I would give anything to see him dust" Xander looked at Forrest as he said this and smiled when he saw the wheels turning in the other man's head.

"The initiative have left, cleared out of town, pretty much as soon as they got loose. There is still a few of us left that are doing clean up and such who would be happy to get a little revenge for Riley's death" Forrest personally couldn't care less about the slayer's welfare but would settle for taking the vampire out. The pain that would cause Buffy would be payment enough.

"Riley's dead? Sorry man I didn't know. Well I know they're planning on going into the initiative tonight to clear it out. I can tell you the routes they will probably take but you have to promise me Buffy and any of the others won't get hurt"

"OK deal" Forrest stuck out his hand and Xander hesitated before shaking.

"I mean it Forrest. The others stay safe. Knock Buffy out if you need to but they all stay safe"

The two men walked into the just opening Espresso Pump and sat down.

* * *

Buffy awoke slowly, the feel of a hard chest underneath her slowly penetrated her senses. She had slept soundly for the second night in a row, feeling safe in Angel's arms. The previous days activities flew through her mind and she eased out of his grasp, slowing when his arms tightened around her. Silently crossing the room she saw Cordy and Gunn still sleeping and presumed Giles and Wes were upstairs. The curtains had been shut tight, blocking the rising sun. Grabbing her shoes she crept out of the house.

As the door shut Angel opened his eyes. He sighed heavily as the empty feeling in his arms washed over him and stood heading for the kitchen. Grabbing a bag of blood from the fridge he sunk his fangs in and drank heavily. The taste paled compared to Buffy's blood and he worked harder to tamper down the blood-lust for his mate.

_**Should have grabbed her before she crept out Soulboy. Sunk your fangs into her pretty little neck. You know you want to every time you see her. What kills you is that she would let you. I know it, you know it, she knows it. That's what scares you. Dunno why. Luxury feast everyday and you deny yourself. **_

My mate is not an all you can eat. Trust me, that isn't what's on my mind each time I see her. I want to sink my cock into her not my fangs.

Angel smirked at Angelus' silence towards his honesty, then groaned as Angelus gave him image after image showing exactly what he had said. Chucking the now empty bag in the bin he stomped towards the couch and lay back down trying to sleep and not worry about Buffy.

* * *

Buffy walked up the path to Revello Drive, noticed her Mom's Jeep in the driveway and realised she was back from her trip. Hoping she was still asleep Buffy opened the door and headed straight up to her room. Her hopes were dashed when she heard her Mom moving things around in her room. Stopping in the doorway she saw most of the boxes that had been in her room were nearly gone, just a few left that were being moved now.

"Mom?" Buffy stood tentatively in the doorway. She hadn't seen Joyce in two weeks and although their relationship had improved it was still strained. Buffy tended to fill the little amount of time they spent together with pointless chatter about college or in silence.

"Oh, hey honey. I tried to call you earlier to let you know I was back early. I need to talk to you about something. How are you?" Joyce barely looked up from packing away different artefacts into the box as she spoke to her daughter.

"Yeah, I'm fine" _Just got stabbed, got kidnapped, had sex with my vampire ex and let him nearly drain me dry whilst doing complicated magicks. _"You didn't miss much. Passed a thing at college, slayed some vampires." Buffy moved across the room and sat on her bed, noticing that her Mom really wasn't paying her much attention she decided to get it. "and Angel came back to town, so the usual really".

"Oh that's nice. Could you move that for me?..Wait what? Who came to town?" Joyce looked up shocked and watched her daughter move the heavy box across the room with ease. When Buffy was once again seated on the bed Joyce went and sat next to her. "Ok, was I hearing things then Buffy because I could have sworn you said Angel had come back to Sunnydale"

"I did say it, he's here. Well not here here, but at Giles', still has his little allergy problem with the sun. Nice to know you were listening though Mom". Buffy picked up the pillow from her bed and placed it on her lap, playing with the corner. She couldn't help sounding a bit like a hurt kid but her Mom made her feel like it sometimes.

"Buffy please don't start, I don't want to fight with you. I am so proud of you for sticking it out at college and the woman you are because of, and despite, everything you have had to face. I know I have never had a positive attitude towards your calling but can you blame me? My only daughter picked to spend her nights fighting for her life against god only knows what?" Joyce grabbed her daughters hand and held it tight in hers.

"I know Mom but I have accepted it and as much as I know you don't want it for me, you have to accept it too".

"I know, the only thing is, the day I realise that is the day I realise you don't really need me any more" Joyce pulled Buffy to her and hugged her tight. "I don't think I have anything left to teach you but if you ever need to talk to me about anything, you can. I don't..I don't like the idea of you with Angel-"

"Mom-" Buffy went to interrupt but Joyce kept talking.

"No Buffy let me finish. I don't like the idea of you with Angel but I don't like the idea of a lot of things you have to do. BUT I have seen how miserable you have been since he left and how disconnected you've been. I'm not blind and I'm your Mother, no matter how much you try and hide how you're feeling. I do know that when he is with you he can help you fight and can protect you. I can't say I'm not worried though with what happened last time."

"Can I talk now Mom?" Buffy stood and began pacing. "First off, I am the slayer and I have to fight the bad guys. That's as much a part of me as my love for shoes or my cravings for cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip ice-cream, as much as-"

"You're love for Angel?" Joyce interrupted Buffy quietly but surely. She had come to accept that her daughter had to make huge decisions all the time and the pressures that had been put on her had enabled her to grow up before her time. She had a strong confident sure woman for a daughter and she was proud.

"Yes. Like my love for Angel. It's all a part of me and it makes me who I am. It's not something that goes away no matter how much I might want it to" Buffy sat back down and looked at her Mom.

"You want your feelings for Angel to go? I don't understand". Joyce was genuinely confused and figured her daughter's logic would still make no sense to her.

"It just hurts so much. He left me and I don't know how. I couldn't have done it Mom, my life without him is nothing. I love you and Giles and the others but he completes me. With him I _am_ normal and I'm safe and I'm happy, even when I'm sad"

"That's all I ever wanted for you baby. For you to be happy. Don't you think though, that if you thought it was best for Angel, you would have done the same? I know I've done a complete turn around but I have some news and during my hundreds of times of reflection I realised that if he is what you want, you and Angel have my blessing".

"Thanks Mom, but I don't think we need it" At her Mom's offended look Buffy quickly corrected herself. "No I don't mean it doesn't matter, I mean we aren't...we haven't...well we have but I mean..we're not. Together that is" _Nice one Buffy, smooth. _Buffy started pacing, once again flustered in both her emotional insecurity when it came to Angel and the fact she was having this conversation with her Mother.

"Why?"

That simple question caused Buffy to freeze in her pacing. There were a hundred things she could list off like a shopping list but they were reasons that had always been there and she had never let them stop her before. "I don't know. His curse is gone now, that's why he was in town. We found a way to get rid of it".

"So he can't go bad any more?" At Buffy's affirmative nod, Joyce stood and walked over to her child. The fact that she was just a 19 year old girl hit her again and her heart broke for her little girl. "I may regret this in the future but I'm going to say it anyway. Buffy if you love Angel, I mean truly love him and he makes you as happy as you say then hold onto him. Forget everything else and take what time you have together. As much as it kills me to say it, you don't know what's around the corner and I would hate to think you had denied the chance to be happy because you're scared. This isn't some evil thing you can go and kill, yet it's even more scary. Trusting someone with your heart, especially when they have broken it before, is harder than anything, but living with that choice and living apart from who your meant to be with is even worse"

Buffy walked over to the window, looking out at the spot Angel used to be and the tree she had climbed countless number of times. She thought about what her Mom had said and knew it to be true but it didn't make the fear disappear. She knew the path she was on before he came back wouldn't have ended well. Just a week ago she had barely cared if she made it through one night to the next, now the possibility of a future, albeit complicated, with the man she loved was in her grasp. Feeling Joyce's hand on her shoulder she turned to face the older woman.

"Buffy, whilst I was away I had a few meetings with the gallery owners and they want me to run their new gallery"

"Mom that's great. You practically run this one on your own anyway" Buffy hugged her Mom but pulled back as Joyce pulled away.

"Buffy the gallery is in San Francisco" Joyce watched the shock pass over her daughter's face before all the emotions were cleared.

"Wow. Frisco ey. That's great Mom, a real opportunity for you and it's not like you're moving country or anything, I mean you're even in the same state" Buffy started talking faster and faster into a nervous babble.

"I wasn't going to take it, they gave me a week to think it over. When I got home I had a letter from your tutor. Buffy, honey, she told me how well you have been getting on with your studies. All the extra time you have spent in college, completing assignments where you can and the extra classes and teaching sessions you've taken. I never even knew but I'm so proud of you. I always knew you were intelligent, you just had to put your mind to it". Joyce briefly squeezed Buffy's hand waiting for a reaction.

"It was easier. Easier to focus on things that didn't matter to me and remember it than to remember him. Easier than remembering a time when I wasn't fighting for my life and hadn't been abandoned by my Father and then the person I love more than life itself. If I stayed at college I didn't have to go pretend in front of my so called friends. I didn't have to come here" Buffy caught the wince of hurt from her mother but couldn't find it in her to try and comfort her. "Guess I'll spend some more time there soon when Angel leaves and I can add my Mom leaving me too".

"Buffy no, if I thought for one second you needed me here I wouldn't even consider going".

"Then don't go Mom, I do need you. How am I meant to do all this without you? Who is going to look after me?" Buffy was fast becoming an emotional wreck but the changes in just the last few days, as well as this were getting too much for her and she couldn't prevent the tears running down her face.

"You haven't needed me to look after you for a long time Buffy. I'm only a few hours away and I'll still be liaising with the gallery here in Sunnydale and a few in LA. It's more I'll be the regional head for California but my base will be in San Francisco. It's the opportunity of a life time. It'll be hard I know but you have your life and I need to find mine. You ever need anything though and I will be there in a flash but you still have Mr. Giles and Angel" Joyce stood in front of Buffy and cupped her cheek, wiping her tears away gently with her thumb.

"Giles is great but he's not the same and I don't have Angel. I told you we aren't together, he's going back to LA! I'll be all alone Mommy" Buffy placed her hand over Joyce's holding it to her face.

"Oh honey, you'll never be alone. You are so loved by the people in your life. The ones that don't treat you right aren't worth your worry but you have some truly amazing people in your life Buffy, those you treasure as they will treasure you. I know you will be OK and that you can do this and so do you"

"I do know, it's just another thing changing that I can't hold onto. Another thing that makes everything more real. I won't have you to come running to when I'm ill, making me chicken and stars-"

"Ah sweetheart I know your scared but you will be OK. I promise you. Besides, I think you should consider moving to LA." Joyce walked to Buffy's desk, tidying things that didn't need to be tidied.

"Mom I thought you told me you understood, I can't abandon my-"

"Calling". Joyce looked up and looked at the various pictures of Buffy and her friends and one from her prom as she was dancing with Angel. They were looking into each others eyes as if reading the others minds. "I know I know. But I think you need to be with Angel and I think you need to get away from here and get away from the people who are hurting you. Do something for you for a change Buffy and find out all those other things that make you, you. LA isn't far, Mr Giles can always call you back if something happens and you can bring Angel for back-up then too"

"I really doubt that would work. Nice thought though" Buffy couldn't help but sound wistful. She had dreamed or imagined hundreds of scenario's where she and Angel could be together and that was just one of them, unfortunately a dream is all it was.

"Just promise me you will think about it"

* * *

_**Ok, I so did NOT imagine Joyce being like this but this is just how she came out. I think it's a reflection my relationship with my Mum to be honest. On the surface we can argue or not get on and generally snap at each other but underneath it all we love each other and would do anything to see the other happy. Anywayssss, guess what! I found this quote from SMG and I was like YES! We aren't the only ones who thought the writers completely lost Buffy's whole personality when they got her to do some crazy cheating stupidness!**_

**Sarah getting angry at the producers: "I ran into the producer's office screaming 'Buffy would never do this, with all her history with Angel! It's wrong!"**

_**There was loads of quotes from both Sarah and David about how much they loved working together and how much they got on and were there for each other and had a connection both professionally and personally and could read each others feelings and would miss each other soo much when the shows separated and how Buffy and Angel are each others true love through and through. Oh yeah and how much they like kissing each other lol. God, to get paid to kiss that gorgeous man! I can feel the jealousy working my way through my body lol. Actually I wouldn't want paying for it lol. **__** Ohh yeh Summer, Roxy, I will be trying to bring in our fave sinful sexy demon Angelus at some point but it doesn't fit with the story yet, BUT I do have ideas waiting for it! Love all you guys, please review xx**_


	27. Chapter 27

_**Hey Guys, hope everythings good. Don't you just love RL? Grr lol. You know when you just have one of those weeks? To make things worse I had to go and get tonsillitis! So not impressed lol. It was funny though coz I hadn't been to the dr's for 3 years and the doctor made it seem like it was a bad thing. I was like- hello? Anyway, I should really talk about the story shouldn't I? You guys are fantastic by the way, read and reviewed so quick! Makes me smile every time I check my inbox! For you, and those who don't review, thank you for sticking with me and the story, waiting patiently at times for updates lol, it is so appreciated and I am so glad you like the story. **_

* * *

"So then she says to promise to think about it. As if I don't think about it already. Ever since he left it's all I've thought about. But seriously I thought she had been brainwashed or something. Turns out she's just feeling guilty about moving away. She's not going far though and to be honest, I'm glad she will be off the Hellmouth" Buffy paused in her tirade and turned to look at the unconscious brunette whose room she was pacing. She had showered and changed at home and then come straight to the hospital. For the last hour she had been ranting to Faith about the last few days and her earlier conversation with her Mother. "Any pointers or guest dream appearances you want to give would be great ya know?" As Buffy walked back towards the bed she bumped into the table,

knocking the flowers she bought off the table, only her slayer reflexes stopped them hitting the floor as she caught them halfway.

"Great now my co-ordination is off whack. I'm gonna go ask a nurse for a vase. Be right back, don't go anywhere now". Smirking at her bad pun Buffy left the room to find a nurse.

When she returned a few minutes later she dropped the now vased and watered flowers directly onto the linoleum floor and cursed herself for jinxes on the Hellmouth. Faith's bed was empty.

"Oh god oh god" Sunnydale being Sunnydale Buffy let her sanity leave her for a minute and searched under the bed and pushed her hand over the bed covers, _just in case._

"OK I know you needed my help but B, I think this is kinda out of my comfort zone ya know" Faith smirked and crossed her arms over her chest, leaning against the doorway to the toilet. She watched the petite blonde pause her hand in mid-air over the bed before turning with a half sheepish, half shocked look on her face.

"Faith?" Buffy was across the room and hugging Faith before she could blink. More than slightly uncomfortable at Buffy's display, Faith stepped back.

"Seriously, need to breathe B, don't put me back in a coma I worked so hard to get out of" Faith knew Buffy was looking at her too closely and shook it off. She knew they had made up some when Buffy had visited and Faith had got an insight into what Buffy's life was truly like. She could safely say she did not want to step in her sister slayer's shoes. No searching for greener grass for her. There was still actions she felt guilty for and had spent a lot of time thinking about her life and she wanted to do the right thing. She was just unsure if she could convince the others she was for real.

"I know Faith" Buffy could see the wheels turning in the brunette's head and didn't blame her really. She had felt Faith's remorse when they had shared a dream and believed in her desire to do right and her lack of confidence now she was actually awake. She also knew however that the bond they had was back and it had only grown as Buffy had confided in Faith and found out that Faith had heard. "There is a lot we could say to one another now but it would just bring us back to here. Water under the bridge Faith. I know you want to change and you regret what you did. I know I regret putting you in a coma and not being able to help you"

"No B, I didn't give you a choice, you were nothing but nice to me and I abused it. I tried to.."

"Faith this is exactly what I mean. I know what you did, you know what you did. What matters is now and what we do. I've got a lot on my plate right now and I need you. Who knows, the way my Mom's talking, you will have the Hellmouth to yourself before you can blink". Buffy looked closely at Faith. There was one other thing she wanted to say but wasn't sure how well it would be received. Shrugging she turned and faced Faith full on. "I just have one other thing to say and then let's blow this joint. You ever and I mean ever, threaten or try to kill Angel again, you won't wake up next time". With that Buffy went off to search for a nurse.

Faith knew she deserved it and had nearly cringed at the hard promise in Buffy's words. She had taken advantage and hurt her sister slayer in so many ways she wondered why Buffy had even visited her. It was the innate goodness she carried and the supreme levels of guilt for everything that Buffy had, Faith realised. Walking over to the window and looking out at the snatch of Sunnydale she could see, Faith stretched and smiled slightly, things would be different this time, she would be the slayer she knew she could be and a person to be proud of.

* * *

Buffy walked out of her class and saw Gunn and Cordy sitting on a bench across the quad. She had stayed with Faith whilst the doctors were there and dropped the dark haired slayer at her Mom's. The doctors had been amazed and wanted her to stay but they were no match for two determined slayers. She was glad she already knew the material from her classes because she could safely say she didn't remember much from the past few hours in college. She had heard the professors voice but hadn't registered the words. Instead the time had been spent going over the last 8 days and the way forward from here.

She watched the easy friendship between Cordy and Gunn as he walked towards them and felt a twinge of jealousy. She used to have that with Xander and Willow, even with Cordy for a while. Then her friends had crossed the line and it hadn't been an equal partnership between them, she had become a puppet they tried to control. Buffy watched Cordy laugh at something Gunn had said and give him a playful shove on the arm, she smirked thinking there was a little more between them than she first thought. On Cordy's side at least. They made quite a pair, Gunn's muscular frame was covered in dark combats and a hoody whilst Cordy was dressed in stylish Jeans and a yellow V-neck top, he long hair loose down her back. They looked young, free and right at home.

"Hey guys, whatcha doing here?" Coming to a stop in front of the pair Buffy couldn't help but feel at ease. Even with Cordy who had mellowed over the last year, she still had her brash tactless mannerisms but they were mixed with good humour and genuine concern. Add that to Gunn's easy going but straight way, it creates an atmosphere Buffy couldn't help but be drawn into and feel comfortable.

"Thought we would come check out your neck of the woods Buff" Gunn stood and smiled, before turning slightly embarrassed at Cordy's words.

"Yeah that and Gunn wanted to check out all the hotties at UC Sunnydale" Cordy rolled her eyes at Gunn and stood next to Buffy. "How are you doing anyway Buffy?"

"I'm good, you know good as can be. What are you really doing here?" Buffy started walking and Gunn and Cordy fell in beside her. "Not that I'm not happy to see you of course"

"Well we thought we could hang out for the afternoon. It's been non-stop since we got here, the initiative are going buh-bye tonight so we figured we would get some down time in Sunnydale whilst we could" Cordy strolled along chatting and looking around the campus, completely missing Buffy's wince at the time reminder. She watched the students walking, talking and laughing with each other and remembered a time she was just as naïve as those around her now, slightly missing the time when she didn't have to worry about what went bump in the night. She shook the thoughts away, she worked with people to protect others and keep the bubble around their normal life and she was proud of that.

"In other words you want to go shopping" Buffy hadn't been shopping for fun for as long as she could remember and thinking about Cordy around the shops made her actually look forward to going.

"Shopping? Your kidding right, you can't torture a guy like that. You said we would hang out Cordy, not go shopping" Gunn couldn't believe his ears. He was in between two beautiful women, ready to spend the afternoon with him. Shopping.

"Aww Gunn it's alright, we'll pick you out a really nice hat. And get a milkshake, that is unless you want to check out more hotties?" Buffy teased Gunn and patted him on the arm. He grinned at her and slid his arm across her shoulders.

"Well as you put it like that girl, I'll take chocolate and make sure my hat won't make me look stupid. I don't think I'm gonna find anyone to top the present company so lets roll"

Buffy was going to reply when she stopped and went to turn around, unfortunately Gunn's arm across her shoulders prevented her. Preying nothing would happen Buffy began walking, purposefully looking out over the green.

"B are you OK?-" Gunn was interrupted and turned to see the culprit. A tall dark haired boy stood in front of them. He smirked like he thought he was god's gift. Gunn thought he looked like a dork. He felt Buffy tense under his arm and heard her angrily utter something.

"Buffy. Not so frigid after all? Guess you weren't kidding when you said I wasn't your type. Shame everyone else thinks your easy, maybe that's why this one is with you"

"Hey man, what the-" Gunn felt his anger immediately hit his limit and went to defend Buffy. He hadn't known her long but he really didn't like people insulting her. He was saved the trouble when Buffy stepped forward and punched the guy on the jaw, not knocking him out, just sending him on to his ass in front of them.

"I have so wanted to do that in like forever. Parker you never could just accept 'no' could you. You couldn't handle the fact that someone wouldn't want you so you try and force it and when that doesn't work you go around naming me the slut of the year? God your pathetic, I've been trying to let it go, keep out of your way so I didn't do something I regret. Unfortunately for you, you've got a big mouth. Do me a favour will you? Fuck off!" With that Buffy walked off and Gunn followed before he did something he would regret.

Cordy looked down at the guy on the floor and plastered a fake smile on her face. Leaning down to help him up she looked at him sweetly. "Parker is it? Are you OK?" As he was half way up he gave an affirmative nod. "Good, coz I wanted to tell you something. You make me sick" With her last word she kneed him hard in the groin and let him drop back to the floor. Stepping delicately over him she caught up with Buffy and Gunn. "Eww, come on. I need to wash that creep off me".

Buffy and Gunn stared slack-jawed as Cordy walked away and looked at each other and laughed before following the brunette.

* * *

"You think they knew we were coming?" Buffy looked out at the empty initiative. It didn't seem possible that just a few days ago it was full of activity and held her captive.

Buffy, Cordy and Gunn had gotten back to Giles' just after sundown preventing much talk between Angel and Buffy. He watched the closeness between the three, especially the easy banter between Buffy and Gunn and couldn't help but feel jealous.

_**What is she doing? My slayer better watch it before I get my hands on her beautiful neck. I'll make her watch me drain his life away extremely slowly if he even thinks about touching my mate.**_

The uncertainty of his relationship with Buffy made pushing Angelus' ideas away even harder. Not that he would even hurt Gunn but it was killing him to see her act so close to another man when she wouldn't give him an answer. They had spent the afternoon together, where he couldn't go, in the sun.

_**Oh don't you fucking dare. If you start spouting shit about going out in the sun-fucking-shine and little picnic's you'll be sorry. Stop being a poof and make sure the boy stays away from our mate.**_

Buffy hadn't ignored him as such. In fact she had given him a kiss hello. A chaste kiss, but a kiss none the less. He had taken it as a positive sign and had had to force himself to not grab her and take it further. They had briefly gone over their route one last time before getting to work. Cordy and Wes were still at Giles' giving directions and technical aid on the initiative. They had soon found out the camera's were down and other than making sure they could get in and out of doors, Wes and Cordy could do nothing but wait.

Buffy, Angel, Gunn, Giles and surprisingly Spike had all crept into the initiative primed and ready for battle only to find it empty. Spike, after spending the day chained to a chair in Giles' apartment was ranting and raving pushing various buttons on computers. Giles' was quickly looking through papers that had been strewn across surfaces. Gunn just watched Buffy and Angel as they stayed tense and alert.

"We're not alone. There's still people here" Buffy had closed her eyes and let her senses extend.

"At least one human and a werewolf. I'm not sure but I think a Brachen" Angel couldn't feel any other presence but felt the sadness of Doyle's death hit him again. Almost as if she felt his pain Buffy turned and laid her hand on his arm.

"Hey, it's OK. Let's go save who we can, then I think it's time to put my plan into action and blow this joint"

"Now your talkin' Slayer. Knew I liked you for more than your body!" Spike had perked up at the idea of explosives and immediately backed off with hands raised as Angel turned and growled warningly at him. "It was a joke ya wanker. Jeez, I know she's yours but ya can't blame a guy for lookin'. Right Charlie boy?" Spike had discovered throughout the day that annoying those around him had perks that helped take the sting away from no longer being able to eat them.

"Ignore him Angel. He just left the bleach on his head too long and let it seep into his brain. He can't help it". Buffy walked out of the room and began reading through the charts on the walls outside the cages. She told Giles to ring Wes to let him know which doors to open. Angel stood and almost snarled as he looked between two different rooms. His whole body was tense and alert and her barely kept Angelus under wraps.

"What's with him?" Gunn stood next to Spike watch Angel. His boss' behaviour was strange enough he would make conversation with Spike but he kept his hand firmly on his stake.

"Those are the rooms the chit was held in and tortured in if you must know. Oh and by the way, I would have that rammed down your throat before you even blinked so play nice Charlie" Spike moved away to explore the other rooms, looking for the room he was chipped in to try and find a way to get it out.

They had finally got down to the last door with the unknown inside. The other captives had run off as soon as Giles had spoke to them but they had saved this room till last.

"He smells human but, different" Angel had trouble identifying the difference but knew it didn't feel threatening or evil.

"I'm not getting any bad vibes. Lets just open the door and be ready" Buffy stood poised and ready to strike as Giles gave the room number down the phone to Wesley. The door clicked open and Buffy pulled it aside. Inside they found a slightly beaten up male sitting on his bunk. He looked at the newcomers warily, his body tense and ready to fight.

"Who are you?" The man on the bunk looked over the intruders in the doorway. Sensing a colourful but not evil bunch in front of him he relaxed.

"We're here to let you out. You don't smell entirely human" Angel couldn't help but mention it. He was intrigued at the mixed signals he was getting from the man in front of him.

"Neither do you. I'm Leo. I'm a whitelighter" He heard the older gentleman with him gasp and was glad he wouldn't have to explain everything entirely alone.

"I'm Buffy, this is Angel, Giles and Gunn. Oh yeah and that's Spike". Buffy pointed to each person in turn but kept her eyes on the man in front of her. She had heard of whitelighters and the Charmed ones during her reading sessions but was unsure how much to believe the stranger.

"Really? I mean I had heard things and read things but to know it is true is tremendous" Giles quickly went over everything he had read about whitelighters in his head before noticing everyone but his slayer was looking at him. "Oh right sorry. You see there are other types of witches and demons that have there own warriors. It is more innate magic and power than what Willow had been dealing with and much more natural. There are good witches and bad, or warlocks as they are known. The demons can normally only be killed with magical means. Whitelighters are people who have died. After doing good during there life they are chosen to go on and become whitelighters to look over good witches"

"Yep, that's pretty much it. We can orb to anywhere and have healing powers" Leo sensed the goodness in the petite blonde in front of him and felt her struggles and battle she had faced. Sighing inwardly at the hardship warriors had to go through he focused on the rest of the mismatched group.

"Why didn't you just orb out?" Buffy looked at the handsome man closely. She knew he could do more than what Giles had just said but felt oddly comforted in his presence. She noticed the wedding ring and decided whoever had its pair was a lucky woman.

"There was something blocking my magic and orbing out. When they cleared out throughout the night it was like they just forgot about me. I really need to be getting back, my wife won't be happy with me".

The group turned to walk out of the initiative, Angel and Spike stopping to leave presents behind on the way as Angel watched the whitelighter talk closely with his mate.

"I know it's hard Buffy but what you could gain is worth every moment of uncertainty" Leo was hoping he wasn't stepping over the line but after everything him and Piper had gone through, he figured it couldn't hurt to help.

Buffy just looked at him for a few seconds. They were ahead of the others on there way out of the initiative. Neither had spoken until that point and Buffy found it disconcerting that Leo could pick up so much from so little. "You sound like you speak from experience. You and your wife got a little forbidden love going on?"

"You could say that. My wife was one of my charges and just happens to be one of the three most powerful witches for good." Leo knew he hadn't kept the pride out of his voice.

"Your married to a Charmed one?" Buffy didn't know why it was so easy to talk to Leo, up until a few days ago it had been hard for her to talk to _anyone_ let alone a stranger.

"Yeh, it was unprecedented but our love is strong and true and nothing could keep us apart." Leo watched as Buffy went quiet and contemplated his words. As they walked away from the initiative Buffy turned to watch the others follow. When they were once again altogether she almost rolled her eyes as Angel stood in between her and Leo.

"Fire in the hole" Buffy whispered as she flicked the switch and watched the upper base shake as the explosions went off underground. "If only every problem could be solved that easily"

"Trust me slayer that's not quite the end of that problem"

The entire group turned at the voice, his approach had been covered by the explosions. Forrest stood with an entire initiative group behind him. Immediately falling into fighting positions the two groups collided in attack. Spike was pushed of to the sidelines unable to help, as was Leo who was ignored by the men in commando gear. They watched as the fight was made worse for the supernatural group who had to work twice as hard so they didn't kill their opponents. Buffy ended up paired against Forrest and getting separated from the group. She had knocked another member out but between dodging weapons and holding her punches she hadn't been able to get Forrest out of the fight. After a minute more she finally found her opening and upper cutted Forrest, probably breaking his jaw. She couldn't find it in herself to feel guilty and turned back to survey the scene. If she hadn't taken a second to look over the fight she would have missed it. For a brief second the moonlight reflected off a visor for sight on a rifle. A rifle that was aimed straight at Angel. She knew that normal bullets wouldn't kill Angel but she also knew the initiative and the chances of them being normal bullets were slim. Before all her thoughts were processed she was running towards Angel who was closer than the soldier. Angel was too busy concentrating on his fight and the stake that seemed to swing without direction around him. She watched the soldier's finger start to move and threw herself infront of her mate.

Buffy heard the shot ring out and heard her name called from two different directions before pain once again spread throughout her body and her world began to dim. In her last thoughts she couldn't help but think it had been a really really bad week.

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**_Hey guys, Well Jen was getting a bit flash with her updates so I thought I had better jump on board before I get in trouble lol. Remember the Buffy getting shot dream? Well just getting that out of the way lol. So what you think? Finally getting rid of the initiative from the story lol, thank god!! Anyway thanks for reading. Please review. The little button and a minute to write a few words? If you don't mind that is. Anyway, won't be long for the next chappie, promise! xxx have great days everyone xx_**


	28. Chapter 28

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Hey guys. Well it seems Jen is bribing her musie these days. She's on a right roll so I've been trying to crack right on too. Least you guys benefit from it all. Just in case any of you readers haven't yet seen or read them, check out 'Angel's blue eyed girl'. Great fic and reccomendations. Check out the stories on both our favourites or story alert list for some right cracker fanfic! Anyway, on with the chapter.

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Angel quickly knocked out the last commando he was fighting and turned towards Buffy with dread filling up his dead heart. He had heard the shot and seen her go flying across him, now he smelt her blood and it made him crazy. He unknowingly slipped in to game face, not due to blood lust but through worry for his mate. He growled at anyone that got to close and held Buffy's still form in his arms.

_**Buffy? Wake the fuck up Buff! This isn't funny. No one gets to kill you but me. Buff?**_

"Buffy? Baby? Wake up. What did you do that for! Bullets won't kill me baby. Why did you do it?" Angel was getting hysterical but Buffy's heart beat was faint and her eyes were barely focusing.

"Initiative. Wooden Bullets" Buffy managed to choke a few words out but couldn't help think that her time was up. The pain was worse around her heart, but she briefly wondered if that was heartache at missing the chance for her and Angel to finally be together. "Love you"

_**Wooden bullets? They aren't that clever. Keep your eyes open Buff! It's right above her heart. Don't you let her die Soulboy. Don't you fucking let her die. Turn her. Make her ours forever, it's better than the alternative. **_

Angel watched as more and more blood seeped from the wound in her chest, soaking the white tank she wore. He couldn't see the exact position or entrance wound but he did pick up on the utter resignation in her voice. "No Buffy, you're not going to die, not tonight do you hear me? I love you and you aren't leaving me" The thought of her dying and leaving him behind terrified him and he preyed for a miracle. Angel heard the others move closer and twirled around snarling. "_**Back the fuck off**_".

Gunn, Giles and even Spike all stopped walking, they heard Angelus in his words and all got apprehensive. There was a sadness on all their faces that Angel didn't want to see. It was like they were waiting for the inevitable. Only Leo kept walking with a pensive look on his face. Holding his arms out in a non-threatening way he ignored Angel's low growls. "Can I just come a little closer, I might be able to help"

_**Come any closer and see where it gets you Whitelighter. Wait! Whitelighter! Let him fucking near her, he can heal. He can save Buff. Hurry the fuck up retard.**_

"Heal her. You can help her right? That's what you do. Come on then. Please. Please help her" Angel dropped back but kept a firm hold on Buffy's hand. He couldn't prevent the low growl when Leo held his hands right above Buffy's chest.

_**Hands off Dudley Do-right!**_

Everyone watched as Leo's hands began to glow and the wound disappeared, the air shimmering with magic. Buffy sat up coughing and sent a thankful smile towards Leo before meeting her mates half terrified and half angry gaze.

"Hey honey?" Buffy knew that if Leo hadn't been there she most likely wouldn't have made it, she also knew Angel was petrified at the thought and pissed as hell for putting herself in danger for him. "Thanks Leo, I might have been in a bit of trouble if you hadn't been here. Handy tool for a slayer to have around. Hey guys"

"A bit of trouble?" Angel stood up and began to pace nervously, adrenaline seemingly pumping through his still body. "Buffy do you realise how close you came to... I mean jesus Buffy, a gun! A fucking gun and you jump in front of me. A vampire!" He turned and grabbed her shoulders, hauling her up to her feet. "Your life is worth more than mine. Don't you get it. Without you there's no point. If you ever-"

Angel was cut off as Buffy's own anger rose to meet his. "If I ever what? Don't even go there Angel. If that was a wooden bullet or an arrow you would have been dust. You were too busy trying not to kill the ass holes and worrying about everyone else to think they might have a back up plan or some brains between them. I didn't know what they were going to soot you with and I would damn well do the exact same thing again if I had the chance. I love you"

Angel grabbed her shoulders once more and pulled Buffy flush against his body. The rest of his worry joined his anger and he couldn't prevent shouting his words out. "I love you too Buffy but this has gone on long enough! If you will take a fucking bullet for me you will damn well stay with me! No more time, no more thinking things over. Its you and me together and we will face whatever we have to face but we will do it together. Do you understand me?"

"Yes. Ok"

"No Buffy I know I've hurt- wait did you just agree?" Angel slightly loosened his hold on his petite slayer and looked down at her. He saw the love shining in her eyes and her clear gaze.

"Yes. I love you Angel and I don't want to be apart from you any more" With that Buffy cupped his cheek and pulled his head down to hers for a searing kiss. The world fell away as his tongue sought entrance into her mouth, the slow kiss full of feelings soon fell away to their passion.

Those around them felt they were intruding on a private moment and turned away to give the couple some privacy. After a minute when it seems they weren't looking to stop any time Spike turned back and screwed his nose up in disgust. _Those two will be in love till it kills them._ He distinctly remembered his own words and knew it to be true. He was more annoyed that once again his sire was coming out on top.

"When you've quite finished you bloody poof. We are surrounded by unconscious soldier boys here and your sucking face with the slayer"

Angel kissed Buffy one last time, keeping her in his arms he turned and smirked at his wayward childe. "Now now Spikey. Don't forget your place. Your just jealous you didn't get to beat up any of the nasty humans and I did"

"Wasted is what it is. You with your poncey soul can kill anyone you want but you don't. I'm evil. Evil and I bloody well can't eat now!" Spike turned and stalked off. He wouldn't go far, truth be told he had missed his family since Angelus had lost his soul. Things weren't the same after that, now Darla was dust and Dru had left him, Angel was all he had left. As that thought depressed him he headed off to Willy's.

_**Yeah about as evil as Willow chasing me with a cucumber. Childe needs to watch his mouth, which we could arrange by taking his eyeballs out and turning them around you know.**_

Angel gave a small smile at Angelus' words and turned back to Buffy noticing a strange look on her face. She was looking out into the bushes, searching for something. Gunn, Giles and Leo all turned to look around them, but were unsure what was happening so stayed quiet.

"Buffy what is it?" Angel took Buffy's hand and looked around them. He sensed another presence and tensed.

Buffy dimly remembered two people shouting her name before she got shot, Angel's voice was easily heard but the second she was having trouble placing. She felt someone near and looked around, suddenly placing the feeling and the voice she smiled and relaxed her stance.

"Faith, you don't need to hide. You shouldn't be out tonight you know". Buffy ignored the shocked gasps from Giles and Angel and watched her sister slayer slowly reveal herself and walk forward. Her eyes darted nervously between Giles and Angel, briefly flicked over the strangers and then settled on Buffy. Smirking slightly she spoke.

"B, shoulda known you would know I was there. I'm 5x5, all healed up with nowhere to go. I figured you would be getting in some kind of trouble. Hey big guy, Mr G". Faith knew she was covering her anxiety with bravado but she had no idea how she would be received by the group. She couldn't give a toss about Xander or Willow and her and Buffy had sorted there differences. Angel however, had only tried to help her and she had abused his help. Once again she felt like sinking under her actions, looking at Buffy's encouraging smile made her stand tall.

"Angel. I know it doesn't mean much but I really am sorry. There's a lot I have to say but now isn't the time or the place. I just wanted to say that" Not giving a chance for anything else to be said, Faith turned to the now stirring bodies on the floor. "How did they know you were going to come back this way?"

"What do you mean? They would have known we would go back to the initiative, there is no way in hell I would have let that place stay functioning" Buffy turned in Angels embrace, keeping his arms linked around her waist, leaning back against his chest.

"Buffy I think she's right. There must be lots of different ways you could have gone after leaving the initiative, how did they know you would come this way?" Leo had been thinking the same thing as the previous drama was taking place. He didn't know the area and he definitely hadn't heard of the initiative before they captured him, but as they had cleared the whole place out, it seemed unlikely this was a chance meeting.

"I guess they could have followed my patrols, got to know my routes" Even Buffy didn't believe what she was saying, she went different routes each night and although they were on a set path they had know way of knowing her destination and which way she would choose unless someone had told them.

"Either that or your boy decided to make with the talking" Gunn spoke quietly and indicated his head slightly to the side. Buffy made a show of scanning the area to look where Gunn meant, she turned back towards the group eyes wide.

"Xander" Her expression was dark and was instantly matched by her soul mate. Gunn and Giles looked angry whereas Leo looked slightly confused. Angel had slipped into game face and was struggling to stay still. "I am going to kill him".

As Buffy went to turn around Giles stepped forward. "Wait Buffy, we don't know he's a part of this. It could be a coincidence". Everyone looked at him sceptically and he had to admit it seemed highly unlikely. Buffy turned and grabbed one of the guys from the floor. Hauling him up she spoke in a low angry voice.

"Who sent you?"

"Buffy" Angel approached cautiously, back in his human face. Anger was simmering under the surface mixed with the dread of what could have happened taking every moment of control he had learned in his long life, not to let it boil over.

_**Don't stop her dickhead. She is stunning. I hope she rips his arm off and beats Harris over the head with it.**_

"No Angel, you could have been killed. I won't stand back any more and let him get away with it. Now, I'll ask again before I get really cranky. Who or why are you here?" Buffy puled the mask off and realised she was holding Forrest. Forcing herself to not throw him away from her in disgust she tightened her grip.

Angel noticed who it was and decided his reasonable side could jump off a cliff. Angelus was growling in his head wanting to tear the boy apart. "Oh look who it is. Shot any more of your team recently?" He sauntered towards the frightened soldier and adopted an Angelus-like smirk. He grabbed him by the neck and away from Buffy, slipping into game face. "I think the lady asked you a question"

"She ain't no lady. Fucking a vampire" Forrest rasped out as Angel slightly loosened his grip. He regretted his bravado as Angel hauled him up face to face snarling in rage as his amber eyes shot sparks.

_**That is my mate boy! I'll rip your fucking tongue out. **_

"I'd watch your tongue boy or I'll rip it out. I may not kill humans but I can make you wish I would. Are we clear?" At the boys affirmative nod Angel shook his head in disgust, realising the commando had wet himself. "You got room for a diaper under all that get up? You disgust me, now how did you know we would be heading this way?"

"Xander" Forrest yelped as Angel's grip tightened dangerously close to breaking his neck.

"You shot my mate. She nearly died, give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you right this second" Angel dropped him on the floor and watched as he scrambled back a few feet in fear.

_**There isn't one. Kill him, snap his neck, rip his head off. Don't drain him, human or not I don't want his fucking blood tainting my body.**_

My body.

"She wasn't meant to get hurt. It was aimed at you". If Forrest thought that would improve his situation, he was mistaken. Almost before he had finished his sentence Buffy had swung round to deliver a hard kick to his jaw sending him back into unconsciousness.

"Oh and that makes it OK does it?" Buffy mumbled as she turned and looked at Xander dead in the eyes. Before she even made it halfway to him Angel stopped her, pulling her against his chest as she struggled to move forward. "No Angel he nearly got you killed"

Angel leant in to Buffy's ear and kept his voice low. "No baby, he nearly got you killed. If you think I'm letting that go you're wrong but now is not the time or the place. You're too angry, I'm too angry. I don't want you to do something you might regret".

"I won't regret it" Buffy had stopped struggling and instead focused on Angel's low voice in her ear and the feel of his body pressed against the length of hers. Anger was pushed to the side for desire at being so close to her mate. She could feel the connection spark between them where they touched.

"Come on baby, we can deal with him later. He's not worth it. There's something I would much rather be doing" He emphasised the last bit with a slight thrust of his hips causing desire to shoot straight through Buffy and settle between her legs. Turning in his embrace she whispered huskily back.

"I'd much rather you do that. Over and over again" Buffy kissed him pouring all her emotions into it before kissing his jaw line and nipping his ear, rising on tiptoes she whispered in his ear. "Come on Lover, make me scream". Angel groaned and pushed Buffy slightly away from him. After taking a minute to compose himself he turned back to the others. Buffy stood and sent a hard angry glare towards Xander, almost daring him to move.

Angel extended his hand to Leo, shaking it in thanks. "Thank you, if you hadn't been here.." He trailed off not even wanting to finish the sentence.

"I'm glad I could help, thank you all for getting me out. Especially before you blew the place up. Perhaps our paths will cross again. I really need to head back now though". Leo looked towards Buffy to say bye and noticed her still staring at the boy. He watched Angel turn to her and cup her cheek. The love between the two was obvious and made him feel his love for Piper. He missed her and couldn't wait to see her. He thought that perhaps the two in front of him had faced their own problems to be together and hoped it worked out for them. The boy walked away, seemingly angry and as Buffy turned towards him he was once again struck with the power she held and the goodness that seemed to seep from her, like so many before him, he wanted to help her and keep her safe. "It was great to meet you Buffy, I hope we'll see each other again".

"I'll say, your a handy person to know. Leo, thank you, I wouldn't be standing here without your help, if you ever need anything, look me up". Buffy felt the peace coming from the whitelighter

"Likewise, I'll try and arrange a way so if you call, I'll hear you. I think those of us that fight the good fight should be able to help each other" With that Leo nodded goodbye to the others and orbed away.

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Xander had turned away in disgust as Angel had turned Buffy to face the stranger and had missed Leo orbing. He was walking angrily away going over the events he had witnessed. He couldn't believe Buffy had jumped in front of Angel, nor that Faith was awake and apparently OK with Buffy. When Buffy had turned towards him he had been genuinely afraid, he had seen Buffy angry before but tonight seemed different and he had retreated in fear when she had started towards him. His expression then turned from one of fear to one of anger as he watched Buffy pulled back by Angel. He watched, sick to his stomach as they whispered to each other and then kissed in a way that made his blood boil and his jealousy rage. Xander watched as Buffy shifted her hard gaze back to him, he quickly became uncomfortable under the weight of her gaze and turned to flee, noticing that Angel, once again, got her to turn around. Suddenly thoughts and events twisted to shift his frame of mind and Xander quickened his pace, certain that Angel had some kind of control over Buffy since the ritual he interrupted a few nights previously. Pushing all rational thoughts aside of love and soulmates, he knew he had to break the hold Angel had over Buffy and knew just who could help him. He walked a way with a purpose, determined to get his best-friend back from the demon he was convinced had her.

The other four had started walking away as soon as Leo had left, wanting to get away from the soldier boys and away from the ruins of the initiative. Buffy and Angel kept their hands clasped and kept sneaking glances towards each other. Buffy knew Angel could feel her pulse increase each time their bodies brushed together and 'accidently' kept doing it. Gunn and Giles walked a little ahead until Gunn turned to face the couple.

"Look its been a long few days and a longer week. Why don't you go chill at the mansion for the night, I'll crash at Giles' with Cordy and English and we can hook up in the morning". Gunn hadn't missed the declaration Buffy and Angel had made earlier, nor the sexual tension that seemed about to burst any moment. Letting them have the mansion to themselves seemed the least he could do.

"I dunno, Giles? You need me for anything? Want us to walk you home?". More than anything Buffy wanted her and Angel to be alone but her sense of duty prevented her going without at least offering.

"No Buffy, go. I think we have done enough for today. I shouldn't think any of us will be much good without some sleep. We shall reconvene in the morning. Stay safe". Giles and Gunn walked away heading towards Giles'. As soon as the pair was out of sight, Angel spun Buffy round and backed her against the wall, pushing his body hard against hers and slipping his tongue into her mouth. Finally when Buffy needed to breath, Angel placed light kisses up the side of her jaw and nipped gently on her ear.

"I believe you said something about making you scream?" Angel whispered huskily in Buffy's ear and felt the tremor shoot through her at his voice. Grabbing her hand he turned to quickly head back to the mansion.

_**Fuck the mansion. Here and now! God you could just part those pretty thighs and slide right in....**_

"Yeh I want to try out that four poster bed of yours, see if the posts are as sturdy as they look".

_**Mansion it is! **__**

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**_A/N Hey guys, woo another chapter! a tiny bit shorter than the others but least you get a nice Smut fest next chapter! Hehe. Anyways, hope you liked and are all having a fantastic weekend. Ohhh yeh that just reminded me, Summer & Roxy, you are bad influences but you're going to love me soon lol. Anyways, must dash! xxxx_**


	29. Chapter 29

_**A/N Hey hey, OMG I cannot believe Jen updated right after me lol. Shocking. Don't forget to check our favourites for other great BA stories! Just a minute to thank you all for your support and reviews- you guys all rock and I would have given up without you! Anyway, as promised here's your smut-fest lol, our heroes deserve it don't ya think? Ohhh yeah, Amy isn't a rat any more, the spell wore off or something. I don't care, she's an annoying bitca (hehe bitca) but she's useful for this bit of the story.**_

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They didn't even make it through the doors of the mansion before Angel slammed Buffy against the wall and followed with his own body. Dragging his hand through her hair he hauled her mouth to his, pressing a hard kiss on her welcoming lips. He licked and nibbled her bottom lip before seeking entry to her mouth, groaning as she sucked lightly on his cool tongue. Angel could feel her hard nipples pressing into his chest and shifted her legs wider apart to settle his body even closer so she could feel his reaction to her.

At the feel of Angel's hardness in between her thighs Buffy moaned into his mouth and boosted herself up to wrap her legs around his waist. She wriggled her hips slightly against his, creating friction between them, their clothes the only barrier preventing them being any closer. Buffy left his mouth and trailed light kisses up his jaw to nip his ear. "I want you Angel. I'm so wet for you baby".

Angel leant slightly away from Buffy, taking in her flushed cheeks, swollen lips and her desire filled heated gaze. A surge of possessiveness shot through him at the thought of anyone else ever seeing his mate like this. She was his and he was the only one who would see this. Ever.

_**Anyone even thinks about touching her and they won't make it through the night. She ever even has the inkling to think about being with anyone else and I'll make her suffer. She is mine and she better know it.**_

Angel settled one hand on her ass pulling her closer and bought his other hand up to lightly trace his mark on her neck. Buffy met and held his gaze, understanding what he was feeling. There was never a question for her, it had always been Angel and no-one could ever change that. "Only for you Angel. I'm yours".

Angel and Angelus were in sync as they growled in desire and satisfaction. Angel's eyes briefly flashed amber and he thrust his hips against her. He tightened his grip in her hair and leant down to sink his human teeth into his mark. "Mine".

Buffy moaned loudly at the sensations against her neck and her sex, she shifted trying to get closer, she wanted more. She gripped his shoulders and slid down his body when his teeth left her flesh. Using his shock at the lack of contact, she shot into the mansion in front of him, barely a second later he was hit with her top as she threw it at him.

_**Oh playing games are we slayer. Later. Right now I just want to sink my cock into you and make you scream.**_

Angel caught up with her in the bedroom and stopped in his tracks. Buffy was laying on the bed in just her pink thong panties and matching bra, her clothes thrown in the corner. "Buffy-".

"Come on baby, I need you" Buffy ran her hands down her sides and over her hips, meeting at the apex of her thighs before settling them back on the bed. Her skin was tingling and her soul was buzzing with sensation. She had no idea where her confidence came from but something about reducing a master vampire to incoherent mumbles and trembles made it soar.

Angel took another step and pulled his black jumper over his head, exposing his smooth muscled chest. Buffy's breath caught in her throat as she was lost in the pure beauty of her mate. She licked her lips as he walked closer to the bed, unzipping his jeans carefully over the hard bulge pressing against the denim. She got up on her knees by the edge of the bed and ran one open palm up over his chest as he shed his jeans leaving him deliciously nude. She brushed her fingers over his nipple and he shuddered in pleasure as Buffy was hit with the same possessiveness he had felt earlier. She had only ever been with him and was his utterly and completely. She couldn't prevent the feelings of jealousy and anger at the thought of everyone who had touched him and been with him before her. Her eyes flashed and she caught his shoulders in a tight hold. She looked him dead in the eye and spoke in a low firm voice.

"Mine"

"Always" Angel could feel Buffy's emotions and the claim she was making on him as he had on her. He had had countless bed partners both as a demon and before but all were forgotten and paled in comparison to just a kiss from Buffy. "I've only ever felt this way for you Buffy. No one else could ever make me feel at peace like you do. I'm yours".

_**Fuck sake! Will you just get on with it? I'm dying here!**_

She still stared at him, eyes swimming with tears. Waiting a second more the master vampire dropped his head submissively to one side.

Buffy ran her tongue over his neck and whispered to him huskily. "I love you" With that she sunk her teeth hard into his neck, she made the motions of a vampire, sucking at his skin, wanting to mark him as he had her. It wasn't like the last time, that had been purely out of passion, this was each staking a claim on the other, promising always. It did however, still have the same effect on Angel, both him and his demon howled in pleasure as he went with Buffy back onto the bed, ripping her panties away and guiding his cock into her warmth in almost one movement. Buffy shouted his name as he settled deep inside her, finally pulling away from Angel's neck

Keeping himself inside her Angel leant back to look down at her. The peace he felt from just being inside her overwhelmed him and he figured if he was going to lose his soul, it would be now. A year ago he never thought he would ever be here again, he wouldn't have blamed her for not letting him back into her life, as she had, he wasn't letting her go again. Leaning down he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you".

Buffy's eyes swam with tears but she smiled teasingly, wriggling beneath him. "I love you too but if you don't start moving big boy I'm gonna stake you myself"

_**Big boy? Oh yeah baby you know it, but the only one getting staked around here is you. **_

Angel pulled back a few inches and slid slowly back in, teasing her and himself trying to slow the pace. He leant down to nuzzle her breasts, drawing one nipple into his mouth as he kept up his shallow thrusts. Running his tongue round her nipple, he let it go to move on to the other, sucking hard then biting gently. At her loud moan he flicked his tongue over her hard nipple, smiling as she held his head to her breast, running her hands through his hair. He sucked in a breath as her nails scraped over his scalp and slightly quickened his pace inside her.

"More Angel, please, don't tease" Buffy moaned and thrust her hips against his trying to push him deeper inside her as he kept his weight on his arms.

_**Yeh Soulboy, don't tease. Pound her into the mattress, you know you want to fuck her hard and she wants it too, look at her.**_

Angel tried to ignore Angelus but when he looked over his mate, he found he couldn't. She was playing with her tits as she moved her hips against his. Taking hold of her hands, he kissed the inside of her wrists and pulled them up towards the head board. "Don't let go Buffy, I mean it baby, don't let go." Angel watched as she looked at him but held on firmly, he groaned at the site of her and pulled out so just the tip of him rested inside her, with a smirk he thrust hard back into her. She was wet and tight around him and he growled as she squeezed her muscles around his shaft.

"Baby, you keep doing that, I'm not gonna last much longer" Angel growled out and opened his eyes to look at her as she squeezed him hard again.

She smiled at his accusing look and squeezed him again. "What? You growled, I like it".

_**God, slayer the things I'm gonna do to you. Growl again. It's like a vice round my cock, so tight.**_

All games and teasing forgotten Angel started moving hard and deep inside her. Buffy wrapped her legs round his waist and pulled him harder into her as he set up a pounding pace. She repeated his name like a mantra as she felt every hard inch of him thrust in and out of her wet centre. He caught her mouth with his and delighted with the small moans and gasps he caught. Her hands fell from the headboard to grip the sheets but he slid them back again. "No baby, don't let go, not yet" Angel was mesmerised by the sight of her, almost restrained yet not and how her tits bounced in this position.

He tilted her hips to get a better angle, knowing he wasn't going to last much longer, he began to plunge deep and hard into her willing body preventing any coherent thought from either of them. Sliding his hand between them he stroked his fingers over her hard clit, again and again pushing her over the edge. He felt her clench hard around his cock as she screamed his name, pushing him over the edge. He gave two more hard, deep, uncontrollable thrusts as he emptied his seed inside her. He felt her convulse around him again and again, almost milking him.

Exhausted he collapsed on her until the world righted itself. He went to slip out of her but she help her legs tight around him.

"No, wait, you feel so good". Buffy stroked her hands up and down his back then idly traced his tattoo. He nuzzled his face in her hair and began to practically purr.

_**I'd feel better lover and I'd make you come over and over unlike this idiot.**_

Who says I'm finished?

_**Oh, yeah sure, but remember, it's my expertise your using, my expertise that will make her scream.**_

It'll be my name she's screaming though.

Angel smirked when Angelus didn't say anything else and finally rolled off Buffy, pulling her against his side. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she slid her leg in between his and laid her arm on his chest, idly tracing his nipple.

"Angel, I'm sorry I took so long. I know I had to think things through, but I think even I knew I wasn't letting you go again. I've been so cut off from everything, when suddenly something I had always wanted was put in front of me, I didn't know what to do"

"Shh beloved, I'm thankful you're even giving me the chance now. I've done so much to hurt you and all you've done is love me. I don't deserve you but as long as you want me, I'm yours"

"Always" Buffy looked up at him and slid her body on top of his to place a hard kiss on his lips. She felt him harden against her and smirked down at him. "Oh I love vamp stamina". She kissed down his chest, alternating nipping and licking at his skin as she got lower and lower until finally running her tongue up the length of his now throbbing cock.

Placing his hand on her head, Angel groaned. "Something to be said for slayer stamina too" he muttered before all words were robbed from him as Buffy closed her mouth round the head of his cock and sucked hard. Watching him she slowly slid him in as far as she could, smiling around his length when one hand grabbed the sheets and the other fisted in her hair, she loved making him lose control. Unable to stop himself, he started to rock upwards into her mouth, slipping more of his length down her throat as he thrust gently. His hand started to run through her hair down to her neck as she slid him in and out of her mouth, on one stroke, his fingers brushed his mark and Buffy moaned, vibrating around his cock causing Angel to growl her name out and slip in to game face.

She pulled back and slowly ran her tongue along the underside of his shaft, smirking when he whimpered in frustration. Taking pity on her mate, Buffy wrapped her hand round the base of his pulsing member, drawing the head back into her mouth as she pumped him slow and hard. She flicked her tongue over the tip, delighting in his almost incoherent moans.

"God Buffy, your mouth...Jesus, so fucking hot...I'm not gonna last much longer baby" Angel was seeing stars, Buffy wasn't the most experienced bed partner he had ever had but the feelings with her surpassed all others, as well as the heat, almost burning him from her hot little mouth. HE shouted her name when he felt her teeth gently scrape against the head of his cock. "Buffy!..so good baby, do that again".

_**Fuck! Her mouth is like a hoover! Grab her head and fuck her mouth, slide right down that hot little mouth! To think, I tried to send the world to hell to get away from her!**_

Buffy used her teeth on him again then soothed the spot with her tongue, after repeating this several times, with Angel moaning her name over and over, she sucked him hard and deep into her mouth, delighting in his roar of release as he held her head still and pumped his shaft down her throat, releasing his cool seed.

As Angel came down from his high, Buffy stayed nuzzling his thighs and placing soft kisses on his body. When he could move again he pulled her up his body and planted a deep passionate kiss on her lips, tasting himself in her mouth.

_**Figures you would like that!**_

Fuck off.

Angel pulled her against him, ending the kiss slowly. Rubbing his nose against hers, he grinned sexily. "You know I don't think we're going to get out of the bedroom for a very very long time"

"Well ya know we do deserve a rest and- and we work nights so extra time in bed is deserved, don't cha think?" Buffy grinned, ignoring the fact that if he went back to L.A. their time together would be limited to the weekend. She wasn't sure if she could cope with that. "Angel? Can we make a promise to each other?"

"Buffy, you have everything that I am, I promise you that" Angel looked at her and wondered what was going on in her mind.

"Can we just promise that we are going to be honest with each other? Always. Let nothing come between us, no making decisions for the other person, just honesty. We put each other first" Buffy held her breath, she figured she wasn't being outrageous in what she asked but she was still unsure. Angel had a habit of making decision in an effort to protect her and she didn't know if he would be able to prevent himself doing that.

"Of course baby, it's you and me. You're right, just the truth with each other. You're my life Buffy. Now, I believe in honour of our re-found relationship of equal parts, I think I should be returning the favour don't you?" With that Angel slid down the bed, kissing a fiery trail across her golden skin, basking in her squeals and moans of pleasure.

* * *

Across town, Xander sat in Amy's apartment watching as she added various ingredients to a bowl. His anger had lessened but his resolve hadn't, he was convinced Buffy had been over Angel, now suddenly with the ritual they performed and him back in town, they were together again. He had gone over to Amy's, not trusting Willow to help him, to get her to find a spell to break whatever hold Angel had over Buffy, whether it was from the spell or something else.

Amy mixed the ingredients a little apprehensively, Xander hadn't been overly forthcoming with details and the spell had been slightly custom made. All Xander had been able to tell her was that a ritual on souls had been done and caused an unwanted attachment causing one to have a hold over the other. From what she could make out, Buffy was under the thrall of a demon. She had been practising more and more magic and welcomed the excuse to venture into the unknown, thankful for finding Rack and getting the extra buzz of power.

"Okay, it's finished. Don't lose this stone though Xander, if something goes wrong, you'll need it". Amy sunk the stone into the mixture, coating it before placing it in a patterned design she had drawn on the floor.

"I beseech thee to work thy will, infuse power and separate these entities. Withdraw the light from the dark, the souled from the demon, the tainted from the pure and the hold over the innocent. Store

in this vessel the tie between two sides". Drifting on into Latin, Xander watched as Amy's eyes and hands seemed to glow with power and was hit with a brief flash of uncertainty before the room was still and the spell was over.

"It's done"

* * *

Back across town in the Crawford Street mansion, Angel was lying behind Buffy, her body spooned against his and his arm wrapped round her protectively. He suddenly shot awake, scared at the pain and feeling going through him, the disbelief pushed away as terror for Buffy coursed through him. His eyes flashed a deep amber and his body convulsed. He barely managed to get out of the bed before he collapsed face down to the floor unconscious.

Buffy woke to the sound of Angel's body hitting the floor. Jumping from the bed she shook him hard trying to get a response, kneeling next to him. "Angel? Angel wake up your scaring me". He stirred beneath he hand and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Angel what happened? Angel? Answer me dammit". She leant over him as he groaned a little and started to turn over, she was shocked when she was suddenly pulled over him to straddle him and looked up into his face. Her face drained of colour and she shut her eyes in disbelief.

"Hi Buff"

* * *

_**OK guys, this was for Summer and Rox, so blame them lol for the guest spot of Angelus lol. It wasn't gonna be for a while and it was something else I had in mind but alas, they review and requested ideas and I complied (See that's what I said all along, give me ideas and requests and I'll try and cater to you). Dun dunnn dunnnnn. Hehe, anyways sorry for the delay, a majority of this chapter has been written but been a busy little bee working on a little something something with Jen so got delayed a tiny tad, for which I am eternally sorry for. To make sure it doesn't happen again, hit that little button and review hehe. Please, if you don't mind lol. **_


	30. Chapter 30

_**OK, so you guys really liked the appearance of Angelus!! What has Summer and Roxy done to everyone! (Love you two hehe). Anyways, quick reminder, don't forget Xander didn't intentionally release Angelus, he was trying to break the hold he had over Buffy (Yeh righto, like he needs magic with THAT body!) ...it's all in the wording you see.**_

_**Oh yeah I need to offer mixed congratulations to David who is expecting his second baby! I say mixed because a) I am very happy for him...really! But b) seriously who wouldn't be jealous!! I'd have his babies! And immense fun trying for them! I'm gonna stop before I get distracted and forget my whole chapter lol speaking of, let's crack on shall we? Chapter 30 I'm so excited! Thank you to those loyal readers out there! It means a lot you like the story and review. From my very first reviewer (Kristen! Hi chic, where you been??) to the very last....big thanks!!**_

_**Big shout out to Roxy, starting her very first fic (Okay I know this is my very first fic too hehe) so check out Angel-Buffy17 fic 'My Saving Grace' and Brandi! Also AngelusdarkAngels (Jen's co-author name!) Has a new fic with Jen...Oh and co-authored by...well Me! Hehe. Anyway, it's called 'To Tame A Demon' so have a peek.**_

* * *

Buffy woke to the sound of Angel's body hitting the floor. Jumping from the bed she shook him hard trying to get a response, kneeling next to him. "Angel? Angel wake up your scaring me". He stirred beneath he hand and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Angel what happened? Angel? Answer me dammit". She leant over him as he groaned a little and started to turn over, she was shocked when she was suddenly pulled over him to straddle him and looked up into his face. Her face drained of colour and she shut her eyes in disbelief.

"Hi Buff". Angelus looked up and stared at his mate. He had been just as content after witnessing the vigorous activities when he had felt the searing pain go through Angel and the loosening on his binds. He had no idea how he was getting free but he pushed against his restraints harder than he had for a long time. After a brief slip into unconsciousness he had turned to find his naked mate leaning over him. Without thinking he had settled her straddled over him, already hardening at the sight of her. He watched now as she shook her head, eyes still tightly closed, her hands digging into his chest. His already hard cock throbbed at the pain from her grip and her naked sex pressed against his.

"No..no no, we did the spell, we made love before! No..no..." Buffy mumbled to herself willing it not to be true as she balanced herself on his chest, digging her fingers in. She could tell the difference between them even in that brief flash she had looked into his eyes. She had felt his member get hard against her and couldn't prevent the rush of desire that shot through her at the thought of her mates aroused body. When he lifted his hands to grip her hips she finally opened her eyes, the sight of his eyes, empty of his beautiful soul, broke her heart.

"What's the matter lover? Didn't you miss me?" Angelus smirked at her flinch when he called her lover. Where he once enjoyed seeing the hurt on her face, now he would rather see her in the throes of an orgasm screaming out his name. In light of this he bought his hands up and caressed her body, running his hands over her curves to learn them for himself. The sparks that shot through him at the contact where no longer dimmed by the layers of a soul, the combined pleasure and danger knowing she was the slayer was intoxicating. "You're beautiful Buff, I never told you that did I?"

Buffy was keeping stone still trying to ignore the feelings both his hands were provoking as they slid over her skin and his hard cock as it throbbed against her. His words and the fact she hadn't made herself move away from his caused her anger to spark. "No you were to busy telling me how lousy I was in bed". She sounded bitter and she knew it, those words had cut deep still leaving her questioning herself despite Angel's reassurances.

"Ah now now Buff, what can I say. I never was one for the morning after". Angelus smirked, inwardly pleased to see her anger. He had a brief flash of doubt that she would curl into herself and retreat but then he felt her get angry and smiled to himself, realising he should have known his mate was stronger than that.

"Or the month after either apparently" Buffy shifted, finally trying to get off him but he held her tight. Sighed in annoyance she tried again, his grip staying firm on her hips. "Are you going to let me up? After all, I can't see you wanting to repeat a mediocre experience". Buffy didn't know why she wasn't more scared, it was still her mates body lying beneath her and she, more than anyone knew what Angelus could do but he hadn't made the first move to fight and she wasn't prepared to do so.

"Lover, haven't you realised yet?" Angelus shrugged, there was no way he was admitting anything about his feelings, he could barely admit them to himself. He just knew he didn't want to kill her and if anyone hurt her they would face him and not live to tell the tale. "What can I say, I was trying to hurt you"

"And now?" Buffy looked down at him regarding him carefully. There was something different about him but she couldn't place what, apart from the lack of violence so far. His eyes were still empty of his soul, yet not the cold abyss they had been before.

"Now I pretty much just want to fuck you"He leered up at her and shifted her hips once again, seeking the wet centre he felt against him. He watched the anger spark in her eyes but it only sparked his lust further.

"You're a pig Angelus" Once again Buffy tried to push off him, going against what her body wanted. Again he held firm, using her momentum to roll them over, using her smaller frame against her, pinning her arms above her head with one hand. With the other he carried on stroking his hands over her body, paying attention to the spots he knew she liked.

"But you love me anyway" Angelus had brief flashbacks of her arms in this position as Angel pounded into her not a few hours ago before pushing it aside to look down at the real thing. He could feel the slight fear seep into her emotions, a part of him enjoyed it but not as much as he once would have.

"No Angelus. I don't" A segment of Buffy was thrilled at the reaction she could get from this strong fearless demon, especially after what he had said before. She thought she had gotten to know him pretty well when he was free before yet now she swore she saw a flash of pain at her words.

Angelus pushed aside the feelings she provoked with her words. He knew she loved him, she was the only one that did accept him as a part of Angel. Getting her to admit it to him would be difficult but telling himself he didn't like things easy, he swore he would get her to admit it to him, he almost felt as if he needed to hear it. He could feel her heart racing and perspiration break out over her skin as she was forcing her body not to react to his ministrations.

"Buff, why lie? I know you do, you might not admit it to me, you may not even like me but you love me." Angelus watched the battle inside her mind, but before giving her time to reply he manoeuvred his body so his cock just slid into her opening. Her eyes widened in fear yet she didn't struggle, surprised at this, he waited.

A thousand thoughts rushed through Buffy's mind, first and foremost was _why_ she wasn't escaping him. She knew she could, it would be a struggle but she could do it. He was right, she did love him, she couldn't love Angel as fully as she did if she didn't. Angelus was part of what made Angel him. She hated Angelus yet she loved him. Her body didn't know the difference between them and she was aching for the feel of him inside her yet dreading it, he was keeping her waiting, just inside her and she hated him for it.

"I hate you". She whispered the words, using them instead of the pleading for him to thrust inside her.

Angelus smirked, feeling the mix of emotions battling inside his mate. The self hatred for wanting him, yet wanting him all the same. "Just say the word Buff and I'll take that ache away. I'll make you feel so good. I'll make you come again and again, more than He ever did. I'll make you scream my name in pleasure over and over".

The mention of Angel sparked her anger again and she bucked her hips to shove him off, only succeeding in pushing him deeper inside her. Angelus hissed in both pleasure and restraint. Buffy briefly shut her eyes then glared back at him. "Not your name, never your name".

"Don't push me Buff! I'm in a forgiving mood with you for fucking me free but it won't last forever. Why ruin it fighting when we could do much more pleasurable things hmm?" He finished the sentence thrusting fully inside her, his eyes almost rolling in pleasure at the hot molten wetness, engulfing his cock. "Fuck Buff!"

Buffy closed her eyes and found herself unreasonably upset at his words, almost disappointed at the fact he only wanted her because she had set him free again yet couldn't prevent herself responding to the feel of her mate deep inside her. She quickly got frustrated at his lack of movement and looked up at him to find him staring down at her, humiliated she tried to throw him off.

"Now now, none of that Buff. You want this I can smell it. Fuck you could bottle it. It kills you that you want me but you do. Just say the word Buff". Angelus was waiting, it was killing him but he had centuries of patience to draw on. She squeezed her muscles around him and he realised his patience would mean nothing if she kept doing that. He dropped his head and flicked his tongue over her nipple before drawing deeply on it.

Buffy squirmed, struggling to keep quiet. She knew he was toying with her, playing with her to get a response, unfortunately for her, it was working. She wriggled her arms trying to get them free but he wasn't budging, instead he just moved to her other nipple, giving it the same attention he had the other but refusing to do anything else.

Hearing her finally moan in pleasure, Angelus raised his head and plastered a sinfully sexy grin on his face. Pushing his hips forward he waited for more.

"Please....there I said it.....god dammit....Fuck me" Buffy was past her pride, she just wanted him to move.

Angelus moved back and thrust slowly back, moving in slow shallow thrusts. "Close baby but no cigar. Not what I want to hear".

A tear leaked out of Buffy's eyes. She thought it was a new form of torture he had cooked up just for her. "What else do you want from me? Haven't you done enough? Taken enough Angelus?"

"No where near, but I just wanted you to say my name. I wanted you to know who was fucking you". With that Angelus released her arms and pulled her thigh up high against his hips thrusting into her hard and deep. He was past waiting, past analysing why he felt how he did, he just concentrated on the feel of his mate writhing beneath him. He was unused to the feel of her so clear, him normally locked behind the soul, he couldn't help but think about all the time he wasted trying to ignore this connection when he could have been taking pleasure in her body.

Buffy shut everything out apart from the sexual fireworks shattering her nerve endings as his cock filled her again and again. Wrapping her legs round his waist she gave up the pretence she didn't want him. She did and she hated herself for it. She knew no one else would understand, she didn't really understand it herself, yet she clung to the last link to Angel she had.

Angelus slipped his hand between their bodies, to rub her hard nub of desire. When she had wrapped her legs round him, the change in position caused them both to moan. Angelus knew he wasn't going to last long this first time round, he had been denied the pleasure for too long to make it last, he upped his tempo, slamming in and out of his mate at a pace shattering to a normal human. Buffy just gripped him harder, using her legs to pull him deeper and her now free arms to pull his head down, kissing him hard on the lips. He traced his tongue down to her neck, licking his mark intending to bite but instead she bit him hard on the neck, pushing everything from his mind. Rubbing hard over her clit he felt her come around him, her wet sex clenching hard round his dick, milking his release from him after two deep thrusts as she withdrew from her bite. He roared her name as his seed shot inside her, slowing his pace to a stop, unnecessarily breathing heavily against her ear.

As Angelus came down from his high he became aware of two things. Firstly he was shocked, he had just come without blood. Angel had and could do it but he hadn't ever come without biting for as long as he could remember. Brushing it off, using the fact she had bitten him as an excuse he concentrated on the other thing that was bothering him. After her initial compliance to him, she hadn't spoken since, a fact that irked him. She had moaned, albeit loudly, yet she hadn't spoke or even looked at him. Angelus was angry yet kept his body relaxed as he traced his hand up her arm, waiting to see his slayers reaction. He had lied before, she hadn't caused his release, he didn't know what had but it wasn't the same as last time and until he figured out what was different, he needed to treat carefully.

Buffy lay still in his arms, almost fooling herself that everything was okay. She knew it wasn't Angel, yet she almost wanted this one last moment with him before reality crashed in and she realised Angel had gone. Again. A sob caught in her throat as the implications of just what that meant hit her and the fact that she had just had sex with Angelus. She felt the nausea rise and closed her eyes, her tears leaking from her lids. Angel would never forgive her. He was gone.

"Now now Buff. Don't get all guilty and pathetic now. You wanted it.....practically begged for it. It was music to my ears".She didn't respond and he got worried, wondering if he had finally broken her when it was the thing he least wanted to do. "I mean it Buff, open your eyes". She still didn't move and Angelus panicked, he didn't want another Dru, he didn't want his slayer with no fight in her. That wasn't his mate. "Come on now Lover, it was better than last time. Could still use a bit of work but I'll have a hell of a time teaching you".

Nothing. Angelus gripped her shoulders and shook her hard, making her teeth rattle. "This isn't funny Buff. You're not some pathetic child that can't face facts. You are a slayer. You need to snap out of it now. I've still got some punishment to dish out. A little trip to hell to get even for? Remember?" She finally opened her eyes and looked at him, they were so resigned to hopelessness he inwardly cringed, but he had a reaction so he carried on. "That's right. Payback. You stuck a sword through my chest, gotta say lover, I didn't think you had it in you".

"Not you. Angel" Buffy whispered, the guilt of that day still overwhelmed her even with Angel insisting he understood.

"I was there Lover. I'm always there. But you knew that. You know I am part of Angel, he has to live with me everyday. It's why you can't help but love me. I was there going through just as much as him".

"I'm glad"

Angelus chuckled at this and in relief that she wasn't lost completely, just got a little overwhelmed.

"I bet you are Buff. Just so you know. I don't want to send the world to hell any more, no need for swords through the chest, no big weapons...well apart from _my _big weapon"

Ignoring the self-satisfied smile on his face that was so sexy it should be illegal, she pulled away from him. "This won't be happening again Angelus. I will find a way to get Angel back"

"Oh it will happen again, count on it. I don't think re-cursing is going to work this time Buff, something feels....different. I'll kill the witch just in case though, and the rest of your white hat friends. Hmm are they still your friends? Gotta say, I hope not. All that whining and moaning. I don't know how you stand it. I'll kill them just for how they treated you". Angelus was practically talking to himself as Buffy looked at him in shock, not expecting him to be annoyed on her behalf. When it registered he was talking about killing people she moved away in disgust, grabbing a bed sheet from the bed to wrap around her.

"If I can't get Angel back, you won't be killing anyone. I've killed you once and if I have to, I'll do it again or die trying". Once again she was shocked at the reaction she got. He leapt to his feet and grabbed her arm.

"You will not kill me Buff, you know it and I know it. Hell even my ponce of a soul knows it. As for dying, guess again. I don't want you dead and anyone that tries to do the job will suffer for it. You are mine Buffy. My mate"

"Angel's! I'm Angel's! Even if he never comes back, I'll always be his. _Always_!" Buffy didn't see the well placed punch, knocking her into oblivion.

Angelus caught her unconscious form before it hit the floor and lifted Buffy into his arms. "Not how I wanted to do things babe, but hey, I can go with the flow, I'm that kind of guy". Angelus carried her through the mansion, making his way to the chains still attached to the wall. "I wanted hours of pleasure in your hot little body on a nice soft bed but nooo you had to open that trap". He knelt, laying her on the floor to attach the chains. "You need to learn a lesson and accept some things but first I'm gonna find that little whelp Harris and take care of things that bitch of a soul should have done a long time ago". Leaning back he took in her sleeping form, hit by a moment of tenderness he brushed the hair from her face and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Soon".

* * *

Xander ducked his head down heading straight towards the mansion. He had left Amy's in a hurry, determined to be there to protect Buffy when the spell kicked in and whatever freaky hold Angel had over Buffy was broken.

He was so lost in thought he didn't see the body in front of him before he crashed into it, his momentum paired with the solid unmoving chest sent him to the floor. Xander stood brushing himself off, irritation lacing his voice. "Hey! Watch where you're going why don't y-". Xander finally looked up and swallowed his words as he recognised the person in front of him. The look in his face made him swallow nervously, drowning the sneering comment he was about to make. "Dead-boy?"

Angelus couldn't believe his luck. He had been heading out to find the little shit when he sensed his presence nearby. After a few minutes he saw the whelp rushing his way and had stood firm, almost unbelieving when he smacked straight into his chest. Angelus watched as the nervousness set in at his silence and the hard look on his face.

"Harris. Carry on and you will be sharing that nickname with me". Angelus spoke in low clipped tones, deliberately keeping his voice even.

"Wha-? You know what, don't even bother. Buffy wouldn't let you-" Xander started to let his hatred of Angel give him courage but was once again cut off halfway through his would-be tirade by Angelus' laughter.

Angelus cut his laugh off and let his eyes flash amber. "You think Buff could save you? Hmm you know what, maybe the question you should be asking is whether Buff would _want _to save you. I know I wouldn't after everything you've done." Angelus stood comfortably in his body, confidence exuding from every pore, his eyes hard and angry yet his mouth pulled into his trademark sinful smirk. "You Harris are about to get what's coming to you".

Angelus watched the scowl drop over Xander's face and the hatred light his eyes. "Oh and whose going to do it? You? Thought your soul stopped you from killing humans. I knew we couldn't trust you, you're just a demon".

"I never said I was going to kill you. I never said I wasn't going to either so don't get too comfortable". Angelus lazily started to walk forwards as Xander retreated, his body fluid and graceful yet armed for attack. "I'll give you one thing, the soul might have a problem with killing a human, although I think even that pansy ass might make an exception for you. Me however? I don't have any limitations"

Xander's face was pale as he backed straight into a wall, finally realising the figure in front of him was not Angel. "Angelus?". At Angelus' answering smirk he slid his hand into his pocket, grabbing the stone Amy had given him hard in his hand, correctly thinking something had gone amiss. Before he could use it Angelus appeared in front of him, quicker than he could follow and seized his arms.

"You and me boy, have some unfinished business!" Grabbing Xander by the throat, he enjoyed watching the life start to drain out of him and the fear increase in his eyes. With an evil chuckle he slammed Xander's head back against the wall making him the second person in an hour to knock unconscious. Unlike the care he had taken with the first body, he grabbed Xander by the wrist and dragged him behind him as he walked back to the mansion, whistling as the thoughts of torture, pain and pleasure ran through his mind.

* * *

Back at the mansion, Buffy stirred in her binds as she heard a door close. Sitting up and leaning against the wall, she felt numb. Angelus was back and her soul mate was gone. Again. _Oh yeah and I'm chained to a wall. _Buffy shook her head trying to suppress the hysterical laughter that threatened to surface. She presumed it was Angelus that had entered the mansion, figuring it was getting close to sunrise. What she didn't expect was to see Xander being dragged unconscious behind him.

Angelus walked into the main room, subtly looking at Buffy to gauge her reaction. He raised an eyebrow when she merely looked over him and Xander and turned away. He kept walking, straight through the door to the dungeon.

"No way I'm keeping you in the same room as Buff. Mind you she didn't seem too bothered for you did she?" Angelus taunted Xander even though he couldn't hear him. Inwardly he was shocked at Buffy's lack of interest in his activities, chaining Xander in a much harsher fashion than he had Buffy he decided to see his mate and let Xander stew. He walked back in to the room and leant casually against the wall, one leg cross over the other. Buffy sat turned away, her head resting on the wall. When she heard him enter she slowly turned to face him.

"What are you gonna do to him?" Buffy was still mixed up in her head but knew she had to say something to help Xander. She didn't like him much but she didn't want him dead, she did however, know Angelus was unlikely to change his mind.

"Thought I'd sit and have a game of cards with him, discuss the pro's and con's of you in a mini-skirt. What do you think I'm gonna do with him Buff?" Angelus pushed away from the wall and slowly approached Buffy, gently resting his hand on her cheek when he reached her. "The boy needs to learn a lesson I am only too happy to teach him". He growled when she yanked her head away and grabbed her chin in his hand, turning her to face him. Leaning in he kissed her hard on the mouth, his eyes flashing golden. "You know what I am Buff, you didn't turn away from me when I was pounding into you an hour ago. The boy has overstepped the mark too many times. I'm not Soul-boy and he will not trespass on what's mine. He will not put you at risk and get away with it. He got you shot or do you not remember that?"

"What do you care?" Buffy didn't understand why Angelus cared either way what happened to her, or the anger he felt.

"I care Buff. You are my mate. Do I need to make it any clearer? You are mine and the little whelp will not put you at risk. I also won't stand for the disrespect that Soul-boy did. I could snap his neck in a second..I won't of course, where's the fun in that?" Angelus smiled and Buffy was so caught up in it, she almost smiled in return. It was only when it registered what he had said, did she stop herself.

Buffy understood what he was saying and she almost hated herself for it. She was a slayer, her destiny to protect. She was also sick of Xander and the danger he kept causing, she was sick of his name calling and treatment of Angel, she was sick of his controlling attitude and petty jealousy. If she was Angel she knew she would have most definitely reacted by now. As much as she searched for the guilt at feeling this way, she barely found it. There was one thing she wasn't going to back down on though.

"Don't kill him".

Angelus nearly choked, a difficult task for someone that doesn't breathe. He watched her and found no trace of a lie. "Is that it?"

"Nothing I say is gonna stop you so what's the point? I mean it though Angelus. I will get free and if you kill him I'll make you suffer".

Angelus couldn't prevent the laughter at the thought. "You Buff? What you gonna do? You'll get free when I want you free".

"I'm not the same girl I was when you were out last time Angelus. You did that for me". Buffy stood on shaky legs, leaning her back against the wall, arms hung loose at her sides.

"Well I'm not the same demon I was when I was out the last time Buff. You did that for me." Angelus stayed silent for a full five minutes, deliberating his next move. "I won't kill him".

"Just like that? You won't kill him and I should just take your word for it?" Buffy diddn't know how to take what he said, so decided to ignore it for now.

"When do I lie Buff? I won't kill him, but I won't just let him go either".

"What's the catch?" Buffy remembered Angelus' like for the truth, his motto being why lie when the truth can be much worse. She still didn't trust him to give in as easy as that.

"No catch" Angelus smirked. "Well I might want a reward of some kind later". Angelus raised his head, listening intently. "Think I'm gonna go and see how our little visitor is faring. Don't miss me too much".

"I mean it Angelus, don't kill him, no loss of limbs or eyes or anything".

"Why Buff, I hadn't even though of that. Thanks" Angelus winked and moved closer to Buffy causing her to back against the wall. When she could go no further he dipped his head and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Not used to this style of kiss from Angelus, Buffy responded. The minute she did, Angelus shifted into a deep passionate kiss, slipping his tongue inside her mouth, letting her warmth spread to him as he used all his years of experience to draw her in and make her forget everything else. When he pulled away to change the slant of his kiss, he basked in the whimper Buffy gave before he covered her mouth again with his. Annoyed at his feelings, he kissed her fiercely, ravaging her mouth with his tongue. He resented the softness he felt towards his slayer, yet at the same time accepted her as his mate. He didn't understand how he found her innate goodness so appealing or how she calmed the blood-lust he had always known. Finally pulling away and willing his erection down he walked over to the sofa. Chucking Buffy a huge blanket and a handful of pillows he made his way to the basement, throwing his final words without looking back.

"Get some sleep, I'm gonna be a while."

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**_A/N Okay, I know. I'm a terrible person. Took me like 2 weeks to update...BUT in all fairness, I was giving Jen a chance to catch up hehe. Nah not really but look how big this update was to make up for it! Over 5,000 words. So don't be too upset will ya? Hehe, anyway, as always, thanks to all of you who are still reading and still enjoying it. Drop us a review and let me know what you think and what you think of the direction the story is going in compared to how 'Broken' started. You know what, just review to feed the musie lol. If you want to anyway. _**

**_Don't forget to check out my 'favourites' or Jen's to find some excellent stories! xxx =D_**


	31. Chapter 31

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A/N Okay so I'm starting this note, with not a whole lot to say lol..I'm tired and in my last hour of work with a my work done so I figured I would get started. Unfortunately it seems my Musie has taken a vacation on this fic this week so we'll have to see what comes out lol.

_**As always thanks to those of you that review, Jen my bud, as always, you rock! Roxy n Summer....well you know you two terrors kick ass! Jenni (Helmi) love your fics hun, glad your loving this one! I'm not gonna name you all but I love all you who review my story and give your support!**_

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Cordy walked into Giles' kitchen and groaned as she sat down next to Gunn. "Are those two working or just being nerds and discussing Star Wars or something?" She nodded her head towards the other end of the table, indicating Wes and Giles who were in a heated debate using words she didn't understand.

After taking a sip of his coffee, Gunn poured a cup for Cordy then looked over at the two men who had lowered there voices slightly. "Well before I stopped listening to them they were arguing over how many heads some demon or other had. Now they're trying to work out who would win in a fight between a cave-man and an astronaut. English blokes are trippin'".

Cordy screwed her nose up in disgust and poured herself a coffee. "God, my life is too weird. Didn't think I would be back in Sunnyhell any time soon for starters".

"I don't mind it. The quiet life. If you don't count the demons, vamps, kidnappings and crazy ass soldier boys that is. I like Buffy too, damn that girl can kick ass". Gunn smiled as he remembered watching Buffy fight. "I wouldn't have been able to leave her".

Cordy felt a frisson of something very close to jealousy pass through her and shook it off. She lowered her voice, concious of the two watchers at the other end of the table. "Don't even go there Gunn. You don't stand a chance of getting between them, trust me. Her and Angel will be in love till it kills them, which it most likely will. Plus if he finds out you wanna get groiny with Miss Saves-the-world, he'll kill you".

"What!" Glancing quickly to see if they had attracted the attention of Giles or Wesley, Gunn leant in and lowered his voice. "I don't wanna sleep with her Cordy!". Gunn took in Cordy's raised eyebrow and smirked. "Okay, let me rephrase. She's fine what guy wouldn't? BUT I mean I like her as a person. Even if I wanted to, I would never get between her and Angel. I think she would be great in L.A. with us. Now there's nothing stopping them, don't you think Angel deserves a bit of happiness? Don't you think Buffy does?" Gunn stood and put his cup in the sink, as he walked to the door he smiled taking in Cordy's pensive look. "Besides, I like brunettes".

Cordy looked up in shock at Gunn's retreating back before a slow smile spread across her face. She sat there lost in thought for a few minutes until she realised Wesley was trying to get her attention."What!?"

"No need to get prissy Cordelia. I was merely wondering who you thought would be victorious-" Wesley was cut off abruptly by Cordelia.

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence Wes! I don't care. I don't care if the astronaut had a space monkey on his side firing acid bananas. How two grown intelligent men can reduce themselves to arguing over this crap is beyond me. Now, when can we go home?" Cordy was curious as to what was going to happen next. They couldn't stay in Sunnydale indefinitely and with the initiative compound blown and the ritual complete, there was no real reason to stay.

"Well, there isn't anything to stop us leaving tonight".Wesley and Giles both looked uncomfortable. They were unsure as to the developments in Buffy and Angel's relationship, Giles was worried that all the positive changes Buffy had made would be reversed.

"Good, I can't wait to leave this place. No offence Giles, but I left Sunnydale behind for a reason".

"Yes, well. Some of us don't have that privilege Cordelia".

Cordy stood and put her hands on her hips. "Just what do you mean by that? You make it sound like I've left the fight and living some high life in L.A. Giles. Allow me to correct you. I don't. I go out and help Angel and the guys save people. I suffer and I sacrifice. Maybe not to the same extremes as Angel and Buffy but I'm still there. I've still lost people I care about". Cordy swallowed the lump in her throat at her thoughts of Doyle before carrying on. "I get mind-splitting painful visions that give me front row seats to the pain and fear innocents go through. So don't sit there all high and mighty in your tweed and judge me like I'm the same girl I once was. I'm not her any more, although I still dress just as well!"

Giles looked taken aback and slowly stood. "You're right. Forgive me. I misjudged you and was thoughtless".

"Too right you were English senior". Gunn had silently returned and was leaning against the doorway, his arms folded across his chest in a slightly foreboding way.

"It's fine Giles. I'm sorry too, I don't blame you really. I've changed though, I guess losing all your money to the IRS makes you take a look at yourself". Cordy sighed and sat back down, idly wondering what her life would have been like with Buffy or Angel.

"Yes well, I am truly sorry. Now, do you think we should give Buffy and Angel a call?" Giles addressed the rest of the room.

"Nah, come on Giles, there's nothing they can do here, Angel can't travel back till sundown. Lets give them some time together". Cordy had taken stock of what Gunn had said, about them deserving some happiness and figured the afternoon was the least they should get.

"I think Cordelia is right Giles. There's nothing to gain from getting them over here". Wesley had been turning a few ideas over in his head but was unsure whether to broach them with Angel first.

Giles took his glasses off to clean, as he worried about his slayer. "Quite right. I do worry that once you have returned to Los Angeles Buffy will regress again. Perhaps even more-so knowing there isn't a risk of Angelus any more".

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Angelus stood leaning against the wall at the top of the stairs to the basement for a full ten minutes, trying to dispel the image of Buffy chained to his wall. He wanted full control when he dealt with Xander and lust filled thoughts would make him impatient to finish. He wanted to enjoy this.

Finally making his way down to the basement he let every injustice and ill feeling towards Xander come to the surface. A predatory gleam entered his eye and he saw Xander visibly gulp as he walked through the door. He stayed silent and sat on a low red arm chair, his hands behind his head in a picture of relaxation.

Xander looked on in confusion and fear. He had seen the evil look in Angelus' eyes before, but never directed at him with such focus. He wasn't fooled by the relaxed pose and forced himself to not show fear. "Are you just gonna sit there?"

Angelus actually threw his head back and laughed. "Jesus boy, you've got guts sometimes, I'll give you that". In the blink of an eye Angelus shifted and was playing expertly with a knife in front of him, twirling it around his fingers. "No I'm not going to just sit here as you put it. Ye see boy, I've had this idea in my head of how this is gonna go. I'm a patient bastard and I do things properly. At the moment the stench of your fear is like an appetiser. There's no one to save you this time Harris".

"Buffy won't let you do this. No matter how mad she is at me". Xander tried to hold onto some confidence but his eyes kept wandering to the knife still moving effortlessly in Angelus' hand.

"Scream loud enough boy, she'll hear you". Angelus neglected to tell him she was chained to a wall and almost laughed at the shocked and fearful look that crossed the boys face as he thought Buffy was leaving him there to die. "Don't worry too much, she made me promise not to kill you, although before I'm through, you will wish I would".

Angelus stood, his powerful figure dominating the dark room. There were candles lit across each wall and a fire burning brightly on an outside wall, romantic in some settings but foreboding and ominous in this one. Xander watched as Angelus slowly stripped his black silk shirt off his shoulders leaving him clad in his black leather pants and white wife beater. He watched as Angelus turned away to hang his shirt on a metal hook on the dark stone wall, the light flickering across his pale toned skin, as soon as the shirt was hooked Xander visibly jumped as Angelus spun around in full game face, amber eyes searing right through his soul.

"I don't care what you did to me, I truly don't. You're going to pay for them, but I really don't care. What I care about Harris and what is going to make you scream, is what you did to my mate. You disrespected her, undermined her, made her miserable, made her feel guilty, judged her, _lusted _after her. I could go on but even they are just the proverbial icing on the cake. What your stupid jealous insignificant feelings did was nearly got my mate killed. The bullet meant for Soulboy? Nearly killed Buffy". As Angelus had been talking he had started pacing the room then had moved over to a table, throwing off a cover sheet. As he said each crime against his mate he had stroked his hand down a different item, almost marking each as the punishment for each transgression.

"I never meant to hurt her"

Angelus was in front of Xander in a flash, the knife he still held, up against his throat. "But you did boy. I nearly lost my mate because of you!" Angelus let the very tip of his blade embed in Xander's skin and run it down his throat and through the cheap material of his shirt leaving behind a thin trail of blood before pulling the barrier out of the way.

Xander forced himself not to cry out in pain but knew it was only the beginning, his body was already trembling in fear and sweat was running down his skin.

Angelus once again regulated his voice and moved back to the table. "The way I see it, is on one hand you hate me with everything in you. Not because I'm a vampire but because Buffy loves me-"

"She doesn't love you!"

"Interrupt me again boy. See where it gets you. Now where was I. You don't hate me so much because I'm a demon. You hate me because I have what you NEVER will. Do you understand me Harris? She will never be yours. Even if I was dust in the wind she would _still _never be yours. You hate yourself too because you don't know if you want to _be _me or if you want to inflict every kind of pain on me possible. Luckily for you, you're incompetent".

Wandering if he was signing his own death wish, Xander couldn't help but speak again. "That's lucky for me?"

"Yes. Extremely. You see boy, I am a master at torture. I am the Scourge of fuckin' Europe you half wit, notorious at just a hundred years old. Legendary. How do you think I became so? The pain, the cries, the blood, was art. I've been over every scenario over and over of what I would do to you and for now, I settled for what you would do. Here's where you're incompetence comes in. Do you follow now Harris? Holy water, crosses, I could go on. Original. Boring. You".

"That stuff won't hurt me?" Xander could have kicked his own ass when he saw Angelus smirk evilly.

"Ah that's where you underestimate my intelligence boy. Let's just say they're custom made to suit your human inadequacies". Angelus walked over to the fire and kept his back to Xander, blocking his movements. After a few minutes he turned around and Xander began struggling in his restraints.

Angelus stalked towards him, his face back to it's human guise yet looking even more dark and sinful if possible. "I wouldn't waste my energy struggling boy". With that he raised the glowing hot cross shaped metal poker, square into the centre of Xander's chest, his scream music to his ears.

Pulling the poker away he watched detached as Xander's body went limp and started panting harshly.

"I've only just started boy". Twisting the metal he placed the slightly cooler poker back on Xander's skin, the scream of pain just as loud and just as enjoyable to Angelus.

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Upstairs, Buffy sat with her knees pulled up to her chest and her back against the wall, tears rolling softly down her cheeks. At Xander's first scream of pain she had closed her eyes, mourning the friend he once was and wandering how she a slayer could sit there and not ever try and get free. Gripping her fists into the blanket Angelus had thrown towards her she started banging her head back against the wall, soft and slow at first but as the minutes rolled by and Xander's screams continued, so did her force. When it was quiet for small stretches of time, Buffy stopped and instead concentrated on the pain, ignoring the anguish inside her at her failure as a slayer, her failure as a friend and mostly her failure to Angel. Despite what Angelus was doing that very minute, she couldn't find it in her to hate him, just herself.

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Angelus was in his element. Each time he inflicted pain on the weak human in front of him, he relived a sneering comment the boy had given him when he was trapped under the soul or a time he had seen Buffy visibly deflate at the disapproving and judging comments from him. He had now moved on to 'holy water'. At first Xander had been relieved at the thought of water on his burns, not mentioning that blessed water would do nothing to him. He had once again underestimated Angelus as the first touch of the clear liquid had sent a burning trail of pain after it as it had rolled down his skin.

"I'm not an idiot boy. It's a very special blend just for you. Acid Harris. It's a bitch. Burns doesn't it? Can you imagine me, screaming in pain at the effects of holy water like you are now? At least try and take it like a man". Angelus looked over his work so far. Xander's torso was covered in different size and depth cross shaped burns. Small cuts laced his arms for every time he had called him Deadboy and now there were trails of acid burns sliding over his skin.

"I'm gonna be dancing on your dust Angelus" Xander ground out between his clenched teeth. His body was taut with pain and every muscle screamed. His skin felt like it was on fire yet the rest of his energy was still spent on hating the figure in front of him. "I knew you would show your colours Angelus. You can fool the others but I know this is the real you. Buffy is just too blind to see it. The way I see it. Your welcome to each other".

"Big words for such a small boy. All this anger and false bravado. It's not too late you know. I doubt it would take long for me to convince Buffy to let me kill you. All I have to do is touch her just the right way, I'll feel her dripping with need for me. For me Harris. She'll scream my name and agree to anything I want. The feeling I get when I slide deep inside her, it's like no other. Where only I have been and only I ever will".

"Is that what you think? Ask her who Parker is". Xander smirked at the scowl on Angelus' face, past worrying about what he was going to do to him next. His body was on the verge of collapse, the chains literally holding him in place. "Your wrong if you still think I'm after Buffy. After she's touched you? Keep your slut Angelus".

Before he had even finished his sentence Angelus was against him, the knife that seemed to disappear and reappear at will, pressed against his throat. Amber eyes met scared yet angry brown ones. "Have you got a death wish Harris. Is this your version of begging for release. Begging me to end the pain? For all your talk of helping and fighting the fight you never do get your hands dirty do you. Always got Buffy or even the little witch to protect you. I'm not through with you yet Harris but your going to wish you had learnt to keep your mouth shut about my mate. Do you understand me boy? DO YOU?"

Xander folded in on himself, nodding slightly. He realised Angelus had been merely playing with him up until now. He had meant it and had wanted revenge but he had been doing it for pleasure and enjoyment. The look and tension in the master vampires body screamed death, murder and mayhem and Xander feared for his life. A part of him had expected Buffy, Willow or even Giles to burst through the door to save him and he had been buying time. He now realised none of them were coming. No one knew Angelus was free. He vaguely felt the stone in his front jeans pocket and hoped at some point he would get the chance to reach it.

"I have better things to do with my time today. Don't get me wrong, this is up there but I could be making my mate scream with pleasure right now. I was going to leave you for today and pick up again tomorrow. I can't go to my lover with all this rage boiling inside me now though can I boy? Guess I'll have to just carry on for a while". Angelus walked over to the table Xander had come to hate, looking over everything as if window shopping.

"Am I right on the money so far Harris? You would burn me with a cross, cut me with your words and then burn me again with holy water? Let me guess, after you have- ahem- inflicted your torture, out comes the stake. Big man Xander to the rescue right?" Angelus stood with two ornate marble stakes in his hands and began spinning them round on his hand as he spoke. When he was standing back in front of Xander he adopted a sombre expression and gripped the stakes tightly.

"Angelus.....don't....please...I'll do anything" Xander for once truly saw the difference between Angelus and Angel. He knew no matter how pissed off Angel got, he would never have this look on his face towards a human. Unless_ something happened to Buffy. _With a start he finally registered that something _had _happened to her. Xander had nearly inadvertently gotten her killed. "You're scared!"

Angelus was shocked into silence for a mere second. "I'M scared? Err, I know we've been going at this for quite a while but are you that delirious?". He thought he had been quite restrained so far. Granted Xander's torso was barely recognisable, covered in burns and cuts, his blood painting the floor below him, but compared to some of his work- tame.

Xander used the last of his strength to stand firmly on his feet but used the chains to hold his balance. "You're scared. You're scared of losing her. That's what this is about. She nearly died and it scared you. You love her."

Angelus growled low in his chest and without thought speared both stakes straight into Xander's shoulders. Blood ran down his arms as Xander screamed and collapsed into his restraints. Angelus grabbed his chin and hauled him back up right. "Don't you? We had this conversation once before didn't we boy? Buffy is MY mate. She is mine utterly and completely in every way. I don't want her dead".

Angelus went back over to the chair and sat on the edge looking up at his work. "I could go one of two ways here Harris. I had planned to keep you here for a long time. Torture you regularly, get full control over you, be worse than your nightmares, make ye listen to Buffy's screams of pleasure as I fuck her for hours. Instead I find m'self wanting you out. Your presence taints the air and I don't even breathe. I wouldn't touch your blood if it would save my dead heart. Buffy doesn't care as long as I don't kill you. That makes you pretty worthless to me. You're about to pass out now, I can see it. A limp lifeless body is no fun to torture. It may just be your lucky day".

Angelus slowly strolled back over to Xander and twisted the stakes in his joints. "These have been mine for a long time. Beautifully made and expertly used. I've never gotten the satisfaction I have today when these caused you to scream in pain. I got them in China. Inventive lot aren't they. Clever people. You know why? Because, they are designed so they hurt more being removed". Barely half a second later Xander let the blackness engulf him as the pain overwhelmed him and his scream died in his throat.

When he woke again Angelus was slowly wiping over various knives and the marble stakes he had used before placing them back in a chest. Angelus lifted a few previously unseen items out and smirked looking at Xander, promising a meeting between the two before returning them to the chest and wiping his arms and hands free of blood. Xander withdrew in fear and preyed for the nightmare to end. He shrunk into himself as he watched Angelus stalk towards him when he stopped suddenly. Lifting his head, he changed directions and bolted up the stairs with a fierce growl.

Angelus tore into the main room as if the devil himself was chasing him. The smell of Buffy's blood had made it's way to him and he had cursed himself for getting sidetracked. He slowed his pace when he saw Buffy banging her head back against the stone wall. He placed his hand between her head and the wall, stopping contact. He growled when he felt the blood caked in her hair and noticed the vacant look on her face. "FUCK! Buff what are you doing? Stop it. STOP IT!"

Buffy finally stopped trying and looked towards Angelus as he withdrew his hand, noticing the blood still covering his top. "He bleeds, I bleed. Bad slayer. Bad bad slayer. A slayer in love with a vampire? Bad slayer. Bad Buffy". Buffy went silent and went to hit her head against the wall again.

"ENOUGH! Do you hear me? Enough!" Angelus grabbed her arms and pulled her away from the wall. "You will not hurt yourself any more. You will not bleed for that pathetic human. You are not a bad slayer. Yes you are mine but I am yours".

"Mine?" Buffy sounded almost childlike at first but at Angelus' affirmative nod she gripped his face in her hands. "Make me forget. Make me not feel. Take it away. Take it away. I know you can. I know you can fucking do it. Before it was like he was still here, like I was still me. Do it again. DO IT AGAIN!"

Angelus knew what she wanted, she wanted him to fuck her into oblivion so all she could do is feel the heady sensations that came from their joining. The sight of his mate in chains, ordering him to fuck her was having it's effect on one part of his anatomy but Angelus was reluctant to comply. "Snap out of it for fuck sake Buff. You're acting like your mentally challenged".

Buffy pressed her body against his, feeling him pressing hard against her. When he still didn't respond she turned her face and sunk her teeth hard into his neck.

"FUCK!" Angelus felt his legs nearly give out from under him and used the wall as support, pushing them both up against it. His eyes closed of their own accord and he ripped any barriers away between them. Hoisting her higher up against the wall, she was pulled away from his neck with a moan of protest from both of them before he plunged deep inside her. "Is this what you wanted Buffy? Me to fuck you so hard, so deep it's all you know? You don't want to think about the human downstairs, tortured and bloody because you did nothing to help him. You don't want to remember that you are lusting after a soul-less demon now Angel is out of the picture. What did you want to pretend I was still him?"

"Stop...no Angelus..." Buffy shook her head as well as tightening her legs around his hips. He was right, she wanted him to take her thoughts and pain away, instead he was throwing them in her face whilst he made her scream with pleasure.

"You won't use me like that Buff. I am what I am and you know it- fuck your tight. You'll scream my name in pleasure louder than Harris screamed in pain and he will hear it". Angelus could see the devastation mixed with the pleasure on her face and pressed a hard kiss to her lips. Foregoing any more talk he moved his hand down to cup her ass and pull her harder on to his cock, growling deep in his chest as her slick heat surrounded him. Nuzzling her neck to the side he licked over his mark.

"Please Angelus. Bite" Buffy squeezed her inner muscles around his cock wanting to hold him deep inside her, feeling empty when he withdrew. Her nails clawed into his back as she shivered under his touch.

"Louder Buff". Angelus lightly bit with his human teeth, his control wearing thin as her moans and whimpers increased.

"Please Angelus. Drink. I need it".

Angelus felt his control start to crumble, his face changed involuntarily and he growled louder, fucking her harder into the wall. "Louder Buff. I want Harris to hear it".

"JUST FUCKING BITE ME ANGELUS!" Buffy was beyond rational thought, the sensations too much, beyond caring who heard her.

Angelus smirked and sent a silent thanks to whatever higher power had enabled him to hold on. He sunk his fangs straight into her neck, sending them both straight over the edge. Blackness invaded his vision as he thrust wildly and shot his cool seed deep inside his mate. He nuzzled her neck and sealed the two puncture wounds with a long sensual lick.

"Life with you sure isn't gonna be boring Buff".

"_BUFFY!"_

Buffy and Angelus turned towards the basement, hearing Xander's shout.

"Bad slayer. I'm a bad bad slayer".

Angelus pulled sharply away from Buffy's body, letting her sink to the floor as he righted his pants then stomped towards the basement. "I'm going to fucking kill him!"

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_**A/N I know I know I'M SORRY! RL has been a pain and musie decided to go on vacation for this chapter lol. You guys need to review and keep me interested hehe. From all us authors, it takes a long time to get our chapters done a good for you to read and only a minute to review and we really really do appriciate your thoughts and comments. **_

_**Long chapter to make up for the lateness lol. & I so loved the irony..Giles ....no risk of Angelus...haha if only he knew!**_

_**Sorry again for the delay :( won't happen again! Hope you enjoyed....who doesn't love Xander getting what's coming to him hehe! Hit the green button and review guys. Have a great Easter!!!! xxx**_


	32. Chapter 32

_**Hello hello....okay I am so sorry it has taken FOREVER but there has been a very very good reason. My laptop BROKE utterly and completely as in the motherboard snapped and I was completely lost, having to borrow my Mums computer when I was over her house and have hardly been online, you just ask Jen! SO had to wait ages and finally got a new laptop- Yay! Only thing is I haven't been able to get a data retrieval done in the last two weeks so now I have been reduced to re-writing the WHOLE update that I had written already but lost on my hard drive.....soooo annoyed and upset and pissed off that you guys have had to wait...hope it's worth the wait anyway. You know you want to review and make me feel better right?**_

RECAP: Xander chained in basement being minorly tortured by Angelus who he inadvertently released with a spell. Buffy chained upstairs, knowing Angelus was torturing Xander and having a bit of a funny five minutes. Angelus smelt her blood and ran up stairs and proceeded to ...well; fuck her against the wall basically. The Xander shouted Buffy's name, causing Buffy to go all mad hatter again, pissing Angelus off so he headed for the basement.....

* * *

Angelus stormed down the stairs into the basement and hauled Xander up by his arms, ignoring the shout of pain from Xander. "You're lucky I don't snap your neck boy". Angelus threw him to the floor and watched in satisfaction as Xander's body crumpled and twitched in pain, clenching his hands trying to reign in his temper and remember his promise to not kill him.

Xander twisted on the floor and winced as the cold stone grazed his already bruised and bloody flesh. "What's the matter; did I interrupt a romantic moment between the two of you?"

Angelus raised an eyebrow and clenched his jaw, nearly piercing his own flesh with his fangs. "Jealous Harris? Did you want Buff screaming your name in pleasure? Feel her wet pussy around your pathetic excuse for a cock? In your dreams boy",

"Maybe a long time ago, now more like my nightmare. I wouldn't touch that sl-" Xander didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before Angelus had pulled him up and threw him into the wall, snapping one of his chains in the process. He had no idea if he was signing his own death warrant but he was trying to buy some more time and dispel the images of Angelus pounding into Buffy.

"Are you retarded? Don't insult my mate ever! EVER! Do you understand me? Why she wants to keep a pathetic excuse for a human being alive I'll never know, but I figure if I kill you, I'll be able to win her over. You heard her screaming my name right? Begging me to bite her and drink her blood. Buffy, the super slayer begging a master vampire to bite her". Angelus walked away and smirked, sinking back onto the red armchair, looking the picture of relaxation as his hand stroked up and down his muscled chest.

In truth Angelus was analysing, one of the things that made him so notorious in such a short time compared to other vampires was his patience and effort in planning things out. He didn't just enjoy the bloodshed and carnage; he planned for the most hurt, devastation and destruction. He often acted in anger and passion but he knew he had to tread carefully where his slayer was concerned.

Xander watched Angelus sit, deep in thought and took a few seconds to take stock of his injuries. He was hurt all over and had cuts still bleeding but he couldn't help but feel grateful to be alive. He had read countless passages of Angelus' antics, his hate for the demon and resentment towards Buffy growing with each one. The fact she could let this demon touch her was beyond him. However, being in these chains at Angelus' mercy had truly opened up his eyes to the difference between the demon and the soul. Angel would take his rudeness and insults as if he deserved them, only giving a reaction when Buffy was put in danger. As she was tonight. The realisation ran through Xander, whether the bullet was meant for Angel or not, Angelus had said it nearly killed Buffy. He hated her for wanting the demon but he loved her still and didn't want her dead. He slid his hands into his jeans pocket, each movement agony until he let out the tiniest breath or relief when his fingers closed over the smooth stone. He slowly made his way to his feet, dragging his tired body off the floor as Angelus finally looked up to monitor his movements.

A shuffling across the room caused Angelus to look up at Xander struggling to his feet, each move full of pain and a feeling of satisfaction ran through his body- perhaps he would keep the boy around a little longer. "Want some more already Harris? You surprise me, I thought you would be long gone by now". Angelus didn't specify what he meant by 'long gone' and Xander pretended he didn't notice, taking stock in the fact Angelus could have done a whole lot worse to him.

"What can I say, I'm a surprising guy, You don't know how much I want you dust, right now I'd settle for dead-boy" Xander closed his fist round the stone, trying to gather his last shreds of strength.

Angelus chuckled and stretched languidly. "You know I might just keep you around for pure entertainment purposes, if you didn't annoy the shit out of me that is. Build you a nice little cage"

"As you seem to like cages so much, how I about we put you back in yours?" Xander took a breath and launched the stone against the far wall sending it's pieces shattering across the room, the glow dying out before the fragments hit the floor.

Angelus shifted his head to the side as the stone whistled past but kept his eyes on Xander, missing the glow. "Missed. Guess your shot isn't as smart as your mouth. What you thought you were going to achieve I –" Angelus's words were cut short as pain shot through his body and he sunk to his knees on the floor. "What have you done"?

Xander watched thankful Angelus was no longer heading towards him with torment in his eyes. He prayed to whatever god was listening that it worked and watched suspiciously as Angelus' body writhed on the floor in pain, growls echoing throughout the basement. At last he was still; if Xander didn't know better he would have thought there was an actual dead body a few feet from him. He sank to the floor, unable to hold himself up, waiting to see what would happen

Angel fought the darkness around him, wincing in pain and confusion, unsure as to why he was in agony and what had happened. He rolled onto his back as the fog cleared from his brain and the pain lessened, he almost wished it would return as the memories for the last day ran through his mind. "Oh god"

"Angel?" Xander's voice was weak and unsure yet Angel picked up the tension straight away, right along with the memories of Xander's actions and the rage bubbled over, pushing all guilt and brooding away.

"What did you do Harris?" Angel pulled himself to his feet, standing stooped with his hands on his knees, trying to dispel the images of Angelus pounding Buffy into the wall, tormenting her with his words, ignoring the tears rolling down her face. "You don't realise your actions cause consequences that are just incomprehensible to you. No matter what you think of me, do you not think that you cause Buffy more hurt thank you try and save her from?"

"Says the guy that left her for a happy life in the sun."

"You're right, but I did that for selfless reasons, to give Buffy a better life. What were your reasons? Justify your actions anyway you want, underneath whatever excuses that let you sleep at night, you pretty much hurt the one person in the world that least deserves it. Put her at risk and put countless innocent lives at risk, all because you're a selfish little boy. I'm through trying to prove myself to you kid, you don't deserve it". With that Angel headed out of the basement, throwing the keys to Xander's chains behind him without looking back, missing the look of disbelief that slowly slid over Xander's face.

* * *

When he reached the top of the stairs Angel stopped for a minute, taking the time to sort through his emotions and organise his thoughts of what had happened whilst Angelus had been in control. His eyes raked over Buffy's still form, curled up by the wall in a restless sleep and his heart ached. Moving soundlessly across the floor he cradled her head in his strong hands, pulling her body up closer to his chest.

"Buffy, baby wake up. It's me" Angel slightly shook her, praying to god that she would be okay when she woke, that he hadn't finally ruined things between them. She stirred in his arms and he looked down, concentrating on her, outing all the love and emotion into his eyes.

Buffy looked up, smiling as she encountered Angel's gaze, he watched in sadness as the shutters fell down and the happiness almost physically drained from his love's face. "No Angelus, get away from me. Haven't you taken enough? Done enough?"

Buffy started struggling and Angel held firm, hating using force, but seeing no other option. "Muirnín, I promise, it's me. Just look at me, I promise"

"You're promises don't mean shit Angelus, don't throw Angel in my face. After everything, give me that or I'll stake you so fast-" Buffy was cut off as Angel's lips pressed firmly to hers.

Angel raised his head, immediately contrite. "I'm sorry Buffy; I just need you to listen to me".

Buffy leant back and regarded him closely; registering the care he was taking holding her, the sincere set to his face and finally looking into the warm soulful depths of his eyes. "Angel?" The question came out a whisper as she raised her hand to cup his cheek, her heart almost stopping as he pressed into her touch, slowly nodding. "My Angel?" She shot up, kissing him on the mouth in desperation, clinging to him, wrapping herself around him like a snake.

Angel pulled back. "I'm sorry Buffy, I shouldn't have"

"Don't you dare apologise Angel. I kissed you too; I just can't believe it's really you. What happened?" Buffy twisted them round so she was seated in Angel's lap, her chained hands resting on his shoulders.

Angel undid one of the chains and rubbed the marked skin, berating himself for causing her pain once again. As if sensing his thoughts, Buffy gave him the softest kiss on the lips, filled with more love than any other and bringing his emotions to the front. "How can you just forget so easily Buffy? What I did."

"I haven't forgotten Angel, but I know the actions you control and I know the ones you don't. It may all be part of you, but it's not always you in the driver's seat. I mean would you have tortured Xander in your basement?.......Don't answer that". Buffy smirked and did a happy dance in her head at the smile that crossed Angel's face, amusement twinkling in his eyes. The look on his face right that second took her breath away.

Angel pulled back at her sharp intake of breath. "What?"

"You're beautiful. You just looked- ya know, I can't even describe it. You should smile more often".

"If you're around you give me every reason to"

"You seem different" Buffy regarded him closely, he still had the same loving look he reserved especially for her but the brooding shadow that seemed to follow him around was less.

"I feel different, like a weight has been lifted. I guess I know what happened wasn't me and I don't feel guilty for it. I guess I'm starting to listen to the gorgeous woman I'm madly in love with".

"Speaking of. What happened?" Buffy raised her eyebrow and Angel sighed, knowing he had no choice but to tell her yet loathe to spoil the light teasing they were sharing.

"The curse didn't break, if that's what you're scared of. It was a spell that went wrong, Xander"-

"Xander? What? I'm gonna kill him. Please tell me Angelus kept his promise and he is still alive, just so I can kill him" By the time she had finished shouting, both her and Angel were on their feet, Buffy straining against her one remaining wrist cuff.

"No Love, it's not worth it, he's not worth it. What's done is done and I'm here now, with you. We can deal with him later. Please sweetheart" Angel smiled as he felt her relax in his arms, gathering her close.

"Fine, I'll let it go for now, I'll hit him later", Buffy met Angel's mouth as it descended to hers, getting lost in the feel of him and forgetting everything else. The world fell away as they explored each other, tongues caressing and lips meeting.

"Ahem. Sorry to interrupt"

Angel growled slightly and Buffy tensed, pressing one last kiss to Angel's mouth before turning to face Xander, she kept her face emotionless as she inwardly winced at his wounds. "So you should be"

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about the spell. It wasn't meant to go down like that". Xander kept himself upright, almost forcing the words out.

"So how was it meant to go down Xander, huh? Enlighten me to your infinite wisdom. You obviously know best".

"What do you want me to say Buffy? It was meant to separate the two of you. I thought you were getting over him! He shows up and suddenly everything is great between you two? I walk in on him draining you? I thought it was a spell or something, I don't know. I was trying to help you".

Buffy kept a tight hold on Angel as Xander spoke. Her own emotions were intense enough but she could feel Angel's inner turmoil too, terror at what _could_ have been. "Great, who needs enemies with friends like you? In the future don't try and help me. You have no idea what you did, what harm you caused!" The fight went out of Buffy as she watched him. "I don't know why you can't just accept that I love him and that Angel doesn't control Angelus' actions and decisions. They are just not the same and if you can't accept my decision and show some respect, I don't want you in my life."

The sentence hung in the air with a sense of finality as everyone waited. Finally Xander spoke. "I think I finally do see the difference between the two. I don't understand the two of you; you're like my hero Buff and to see you willingly let him drink"-

"Harris!" Angel growled out in warning.

"Right, what I'm trying to say is, I know I'm not going to come between you and I know you really do love each other. But it doesn't mean I can watch it".

"I didn't ask you to. I wasn't looking for your approval Xander".

"Always knew you had a kinky side Slayer, seems I missed the party".

All occupants of the room swung towards the door, to see Spike leaning against the frame, cigarette hanging from his hand.

"Bite me Spike" Buffy spat at him, holding her hand out to Angel so he could release the remaining cuff.

"Be happy to luv, keep the chains on eh pet?" Spike backed up a few steps in mock surrender when Angel swung to him in game face, snarling in warning. "Kidding, jeez you poof touchy much. Thought the mighty Angelus had popped for a visit then". Spike raised his eye brow as Xander choked, Angel's game face fell away and Buffy stiffened. "I smell a rat. What's been going on here then, chains, blood, tension, emotion, cuts and scars? I would say is Angelus in the house but the boy wouldn't be walking".

"Enough Spike! What are you doing here?" Angel bit out, rubbing the bruised flesh on Buffy's wrist.

"What a fella can't even visit his family anymore? What is the world coming to?" Spike leant casually against the wall, enjoying the drama in front of him. "So seems we all have a little secret, shag the ponce free after all slayer?"

"Shut up Spike. Fuck off and watch passions why don't you"

"Such language Buffy, what would your mother say? What would your watcher say? I bet they would love to hear about what I walked in on".

"You won't say a word Spike". Buffy crossed her arms, her patience wearing thin.

"Oh yeah? What's it worth?"

"Your useless undead ass. Take Xander to the hospital, make yourself useful, it's not like you can bite anyone".

"Low blow slayer! Why do I get babysitting duty? Why can't the poof do it?"

"Because I don't want you fucking me till I scream" Buffy enjoyed the look of shock that crossed all three of them. Xander recovered first, heading towards the door.

"I don't need or want him anywhere near me. I'm just gonna go".

"You'll be a walking meal with all that blood over you. May as well go with you, gimme something to do rather than watch these two make me sick" Spike clapped his hand onto Xander's shoulder, a little harder than necessary, swiftly followed by a sharp pain in his head as he walked out the door. "Oh son of a bi-"

His voice drifted off, Xander looked over at Buffy, peaceful in Angel's arms. Waiting a beat more he turned to head out the door. Stopping momentarily as Buffy called out to him.

"Xander? We're not okay"

"I know. I'm sorry". With that he walked out the door, following Spike, he really didn't want to die and he wasn't sure he would make the walk to the hospital.

"We should get to Giles'. He'll be worried". Buffy walked over to the sofa and bent over the back to reach her bag, squealing in delight as Angel came up firmly behind her.

"I distinctly heard you mention something about fucking you till you scream". Angel rolled his hips, hearing her heart rate accelerate and smelt her arousal.

"That was just to shock them, we- uhh, have to ...get to Giles. He will be worried" Buffy stood up and turned, pressing her body to Angel's. "Later okay?"

"No Buffy, I need you right now" Angel had become uncomfortably hard and the need to claim Buffy as his own was overwhelming. He didn't want Angelus to be the last one to love her and it suddenly became important he knew she was his. He lifted her to sit on the back of the sofa and eased himself between her legs, easily ripping her clothes away and his own with vampiric speed. "This is going to be hard and fast baby, I need you so much".

Buffy wrapped her legs round his waist, pulling him closer. "Okay, Giles can wait. I need you Angel; god knows I need you too".

Angel moaned and flicked his thumb over her aching clit, growling at her low moan then plunging into her till he was buried to the hilt, her muscles squeezing him. "Squeeze me baby, that feels so good. You're mine!"

Buffy squeezed his cock tight as his growl caused waves of arousal to flood through her veins. "Yours Angel, only yours. Now move baby, I need you. Make me yours".

Angel pulled out and felt the loos deep in his soul, quickly slamming home, over and over he pounded into his slayer's hot depths, eyes rolling back at the sensations she provided him. He knew his release wouldn't be long; the feel of her around him, moaning his name over and over was testing his restraint. "Come for me baby. I want to feel you".

"You too Angel, with me, come with me" Buffy raised her hips, meeting his hard thrusts, shaking when his hand slid between them to pinch and tease her clit. "Angel! Love you". Buffy bared her throat as he plunged deep, sending her over the edge as his mouth latched onto his mark.

"Mine!" Angel bit down gently, her blood immediately kicking off his release, thrusting deep and jerking inside her as he shot his cool seed. "I love you baby". Angel sealed the small puncture wounds on her neck with a loving lick and rested his head against Buffy's.

"Don't leave me again Angel" Buffy's voice hitched on a sob, the last days finally catching up with her as she clung to him. Angel kissed her forehead and held her tight.

"Always. That's the whole point"

* * *

_**OK OK In the end I had to re-write this whhooolllee update coz I still haven't got a data recovery on my old hard drive grrrr. So just so you know I'm not entirely happy with this chappie but hey! I'm just glad to be back!! So much so I decided to change the end of this chappie and give you some minor smut.....what can I say, musie's a slut. Anyway, review! Welcome me back lol! **_


	33. Chapter 33

_**Hey guys, so just a quick shout out to my pals Jen, Roxy, Red & Summer......you girlies rock and BA wouldn't be the same without you. Thank you everyone for your reviews/alerts/interest in the story..it means alot and really makes writing worthwhile!! Check out my profile for amazing BA stories!!**_

Buffy felt like she had never ran so fast in her life. She was panting and her heart was racing as she pushed to avoid her pursuer. It was a strange concept, running away rather than being the one doing the catching but the thrill of the chase still shot through her veins. She could feel him getting nearer, her slayer senses picking up the advancing vampire with ease. Slipping down the alley by the side of a house the much larger vampire finally caught up, turning her to face him, he slammed her lithe body back against the wall.

"Took you long enough", Buffy tried for flippant but her breath caught in her throat as she registered how close they were. "Getting old?"

"Don't they say you're only as old as the woman you feel Slayer?" The vampire moved even closer so their bodies were touching from chest to thigh. "Guess that makes me about 18 then?"

"19 you Jackass, you forgot my birthday!" Buffy went to push him away but he held firm.

"I didn't forget, I wrote you a letter, I got you a present, I just didn't send it". Angel pressed his lower body against Buffy, the closeness affecting him as he dotted light kisses of apology over first her cheeks, eyes then nose and finally mouth.

"Present? Really? What kinda present?" Buffy relented, punctuating each word with a kiss of her own and boosting herself up to wrap her legs round his waist.

"A good one. I would give it to you but I think I threw it out" Angel shrugged in nonchalance and went to kiss her again.

"Angel! You threw it out?" Buffy bucked her hips forward trying to shove him off but only proceeded to make him groan as the rubbed together intimately. "You better still have it buster, I want you to give it to me"

"Oh, I'll give it to you alright Sweetheart" Angel rumbled out in a sexy seductive voice, causing her to quiver in excitement.

"Angel, we can't. We're late already, and we are in an alley outside Giles' house!" Buffy moaned low in her throat as Angel nibbled on his mark, his hands stroking her burning skin.

"You're like a drug; I can't get enough of you. I don't want to get enough of you". Angel kissed her long and hard, when she opened her mouth his slipped his tongue in, in victory, thinking he had won her over. When she was getting short of breath they pulled apart, foreheads touching. Angel reached down to undo Buffy's pants, shocked when she hopped down and pushed him away. "What?"

"Sorry Lover, just gonna have to wait, Giles is waiting". Buffy smiled and righted her clothes, ignoring the growl coming from Angel that was slowly weakening her resolve as he pulled her back against his body.

"Right and what am I meant to do with this _Lover_" Angel enforced his sentence with a slight thrust of his hips, causing Buffy to gasp at the contact.

"Aww, Honey, you seem to be having a little problem"

"Little?" Angel smirked suggestively at Buffy's slight blush, glad she was being so open despite being shy.

"Good point, definitely not a little problem. Well, we need to go in Angel, so sort it out". Buffy laughed at the look on his face, stepping away from him.

"It's your fault love what are you going to do about it. If you come here we can 'sort it out' as you put it". Angel advanced towards Buffy, taking a step forward to her step back till they were near the opening of the alley.

"Okay I'll sort it out for you right now...naked Giles, naked Xander, and naked Giles" Buffy laughed outright as the smile fell of Angel's face, replaced with shock and disgust.

"Buffy! I have to go sit in a room with your watcher, who already has issues with me by the way and now I'm going to struggle not to remember 'naked Giles'!" Angel rubbed his head in exasperation.

"Eww, Angie, that's just wrong. Naked Giles?" Faith was standing a few metres away after being sent outside to look for the pair.

"Faith! Erm, it's a long story, can you just, well, not repeat it" Angel spoke in earnest and swung a hard look in Buffy's direction then a pleading one towards Faith. "It's not what it sounded like".

"Riiiight. Whatever floats your boat big-guy. B, Watchers a 'wondering where you are". Faith smirked at Buffy still laughing at Angel, who in turn had a scowl so deep it looked comical.

"Hey Faith, sorry, we're on our way, just got sidetracked. It really wasn't what it sounded like". Buffy finally stood up straight, grabbing Angel's reluctant hand and pulling him out of the alley after Faith.

"Really? Coz it sounded like you were trying to control yourselves by using images of a naked watcher, but hey, what do I know? I think Giles is hot". Before anyone could respond, all three turned in unison to a vicious growl from the alley.

"Jeez, can't we catch a break. We're late already! And Faith? Ewwwww" Buffy was annoyed and charged towards the demon, ahead of the other two, greeting it with a sharp punch across the face. It roared in rage as it hit hard against the alley wall and swung back in anger, swiping Buffy across the stomach with its claw. Buffy shouted out in shock and pain but reacted quickly, kicking out then jamming a stake into the demons arm. She quickly shifted to the left as Angel and Faith joined the fight, leaning against the wall for support and slipping down watching her lover and sister slayer fight. Angel was in game face, snarling in rage and showing no mercy as he attacked the demon with punishing blows for harming his mate.

With the power both Faith and Angel were using, Buffy felt no need to join back in the fight, instead choosing to watch her soul mate in action. She rarely got the chance to do so, usually in her own deadly battle, so now she admired his sleek and precise movements. The pure power running from her mate, called to her, enticing her with its richness and she became lost in him. It was as if she was fighting with him, guiding each blow and feeling the triumph as he avenged her, it was exhilarating.

Faith had also dropped back from the fight after landing a few decent blows of her own, leaving the demon to Angel's mercy. Although she fought well, considering she hadn't long woken up from a coma, she understood that she and Angel didn't fight in synchronisation like he did with Buffy. When they fought it was like art, already knowing the others movement and where to be, she would never admit to anyone else that she was in awe of them. Faith had power and she knew it, she also knew how to use it but somehow she still found herself a few paces behind Buffy. It was only through the hours of hearing Buffy talk that she understood it was inspiration from the people in her life that gave her strength. Looking at Angel now, she saw proof of that. Breaking out of her reverie she walked over to Buffy as Angel snapped the demons neck. Holding out a hand she help the blonde up from the floor, "Shit B, laze around and let your honey do the hard work why don't ya?".

Buffy smiled, still holding her stomach. "What can I say, I like to watch". Faith snickered but moved aside as Angel came barrelling past.

"It's not funny Buffy, you can't get too cocky and run off like that. You have no idea what it was, why couldn't you have waited for us?" Angel had jerked her towards him, brushing her hand aside to lift her top and look at the deep gashes across her chest.

Buffy bristled in embarrassment and pulled away sharply. "It's my job Angel. I dunno, I guess I'm just used to being on my own".

Angel backtracked at the sharp yet true words and run his hand over his face. "I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. When I saw him cut you I panicked, a bit higher Buffy and it could have got your heart, artery, organs, anything".

Buffy screwed up her nose at Angel's blunt mentioning of her innards but stroked her hand up his arm. "I'm fine Angel, I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself. He couldn't have got my heart though, 'coz you have it".

Faith rolled her eyes as the couple began to kiss. "Oh man! Really? Did the last quarter hour never happen? You're still late!"

Buffy and Angel pulled apart and headed out the alley smiling. "We're coming we're coming" Buffy called.

Angel leant down and licked his mark, whispering "Not yet Love, but later".

Buffy shivered with lust, but suddenly got hit with a wave of nausea and felt her knees buckle. Using Angel for support she managed to keep herself from falling.

"Buffy? What's wrong Baby?" Angel looked down at her concerned, stopping their progress.

Buffy tugged him along, sending him a reassuring smile. "Nothing! I just ..can't wait till later". Buffy kept her smile till he turned away , leading her into Giles', then letting it fall she pressed her free hand to her stomach, over the partially healed wound.

no this isn't the end of the update BUT I _so_ bet some of you are wondering something right now lol.....tell me what you think/thought it was when you review lol hehe evil I know

"Giles can we use your first aid kit?" Angel tugged Buffy over to the sofa and pushed her gently to it, not bothering to say hello to Wes, Gunn or Cordy. He didn't dare look at Giles, scared of what images might work their way into his brain thanks to Buffy.

"Oh, of course. What happened?" Giles stood and grabbed the nearby kit handing it to Angel as he looked over his slayer, looking for injury. He noticed the blood on her shirt and frowned, there didn't seem to be enough to warrant the worry in Angel's voice so he stayed quiet and observing.

Angel went to pull Buffy's shirt off but started when she smacked his hand away and blushed furiously. "Angel!"

He looked up finally taking note of the others in the room and turned back to Buffy. "Fine, hold it up then but we need to clean the wound".

Buffy sighed but took in his determined gaze and resignedly raised her shirt to just below her breasts, looking anywhere but at the people in the room, who thankfully made themselves look busy, even Cordy. Angel knelt between her legs to see properly and she quickly became aware of just how close they were. With each swipe of cotton wool he got closer and closer to the soft fullness of her breasts until finally he stroked the underside causing her to take a sharp intake of breath and her nipples harden to diamond.

She clenched her inner muscles, tightening her knees on her hips so he looked up at her, also taking in their proximity to each other. Buffy closed her eyes against the sensations as he repeated the action, trying to remember where they were.

"_**Ah Buff, What I wouldn't give to rip them pants away and bury myself deep inside you again, fucking you till you scream".**_

"Angel!" Buffy's eyes shot open as she jerked up tugging her shirt down, looking around the room as she went red from top to toe.

"What? Love what's wrong?" Angel looked at her in confusion. He gripped her thighs and took in the heat in her gaze. Smirking he leant forward and kissed her softly on the lips, "Later Sweetheart".

As he walked away Buffy stared at him for a second then looked around the room slightly puzzled. Shaking her head she rose from the couch. "I think this week is finally catching up with me", she whispered to herself, missing Angel look over as he heard her mutterings. "I'm gonna go change" , Buffy headed up the stairs, deep in thought.

"She has clothes here?" Angel briefly looked at Giles then turned away. Faith smirked at him looking away and raised her brow.

"Sometimes patrol is a little messy, it was just easier. She hasn't really used them much recently what with"-

"Cutting herself off from you all?" Angel questioned. The topic serious enough he could finally face Giles.

"Yes, well. Things appear to be going much better now?" Giles took his glasses off cleaning them, with all the activity recently it was easy to forget the state Buffy had been in before Angel had come back to Sunnydale. However, therein lay the problem, he hadn't come back, he was visiting. "I think we have all been wondering what you plan to do now, now...now there is no reason to stay".

Angel's eyes flashed, "She is every reason to stay!" Forcing himself to calm down he looked at Gunn, Wes and Cordy. "I know I have to go back. I have a duty in L.A. A team of my own to work with".

"_**Who gives a shit soulboy! I cannot fucking believe I am stuck here again! Fucking Harris is gonna pay. You could have at least snapped his neck, instead you send MY childe to babysit him!"**_

"Look Angel, no disrespect man but you can't leave your girl here" Gunn stood held his hands up. "You obviously belong together and she ain't fairing all too well here. No offence G".

"No, you're quite right. I've noticed it for a long time now. To put it bluntly she's dying without you Angel". Giles returned his glasses and looked down in shame as he saw his charge descending the stairs.

"_She_ can speak for herself. _She _doesn't need anyone trying to convince Angel to be with her". Buffy gripped the stair rail looking at Angel's pained face. "It's okay, I know the drill. I really could do without having my heart broken in a sewer this year".

"Buffy I"- Angel started and closed his mouth as he watched Buffy's eyes close.

"_**I wouldn't leave you".**_

"You managed just fine before Angel, don't say things you don't mean" Buffy descended the rest of the stairs and plopped onto the sofa, crossing her arms, now dressed in black pants and a long sleeved blue top. She really didn't want to have this conversation in front of everyone but she was really tired for some reason and couldn't find the strength to stay standing.

"I'm not leaving you Buffy"

"_**Gonna stay and fuck you for hours"**_

Once again Buffy's head shot up and she stared at him in shock. "OH MY GOD I cannot believe you just said that! In front of everybody!"

"That I'm not leaving you?"

"No Angel. After that"

"Buffy, I'm confused, I didn't say anything" Angel's brows drew down in worry, all eyes were now on Buffy. She looked at Giles, Wes, Gunn and Cordy as if for a reaction. She put her hands to her head and rocked slightly.

"_**Wait, can she hear me? **_

Buffy looked up sharply, staring at Angel. "Angel, what's going on?"

"I think everything is catching up with you Sweetheart". Angel went and knelt in front of Buffy, taking her hands in his. He briefly looked around the room and everyone looked away, keeping quiet. Cordy raised her brow, pointedly staring until she huffed at Angel's look and turned away. "I promise you always Buffy. I don't know how it's going to work or how we'll figure it out. I just know that we will. I am not giving you up again, you're mine". Angel breathed her in as she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms round his shoulders in a strong embrace, tears smoothly running down her cheeks as she ignored the pain in her stomach. Angel kissed her hair and inhaled her scent. "That is if you want me".

"_**Are you really that dense soulboy? There was never any doubt on her part, just you being you're noble jackass self!"**_

"Angelus!?" Buffy gasped and pulled back, every body in the room once more turning to face the pair by the sofa.

* * *

_**Dunn dunn dunnnn lol, well....who gets whats going on??? Who thought something else was going on? Who thinks something else could be going on?? Sorry its a teeny bit shorter than normal but i didn't want to have to end in the middle of something....plus its nice to leave a few things in the air don't ya think hehe.....in fact come on tell me what ya think, only takes a sec to review xx**_

* * *


	34. Chapter 34

_**Hehe, oh some of you are clever little sausages it has to be said. I had a feeling some of you would think she was pregnant, as soon as I wrote about her holding her stomach and that I was like, hmmm. Lol, anyway some of you may remember at the beginning of this fic (although it's okay if you don't coz that was a LONG time ago!) that I said 'earshot' hadn't happened. Well this is my take of it. Thanks for all the reviews guys, keep it up!**_

_**Just a little heads up before I start....as some of you may know there is a poll on ew dot com for tv's sexiest vampire and currently our favourite dark sexy vampire is third!! 3**__**rd**__** I tell you!! What is with people I don't know, pasty pattison is at the top spot! What the heck is the world coming to? He really really isn't hot at all! There's no manliness too him! Okay I could go on for a really long time here but I won't, we all know DB is the ultimate sex god so could you guys do me, Jen, Rox, & Taz a favour and go vote, and leave a comment for the poor deluded people that think RP is hot! Also....DB is winning the sexiest crime fighter poll as Booth (Hallelujah) so go vote and make sure he wins by a mile! Okay....on with the chapter!**_

_**Jen & Rox, love ya girlies...Summer I miss you!! **_

"Angelus!?" Buffy gasped and pulled back, everybody in the room once more turning to face the pair by the sofa.

"Buffy, what are you talking about? Angelus isn't here, that's Angel. Aaaan-gel" Cordy drew out the last word, scrunching her nose up. "Did she hit her head or something?"

Angel nervously scanned the room, everyone's eyes on them as he held Buffy's hands in his own. Giles once again removed his glasses, cleaning them thoroughly as he regarded his slayer closely. Faith, Gunn and Wes just looked confused and sought out the others for clarity.

"_**What the fuck is going on?"**_

Buffy jerked her hands away from Angel and stood. "Are you telling me none of you just heard that? It wasn't Angel, his lips didn't move!" Buffy gripped her head as a headache threatened to overwhelm her.

"Buffy, no one said a word. That I can promise you". Giles spoke low and sure even as his mind raced to explain the strange events.

"None of you heard it? I'm not crazy!" Buffy flustered, looking at Angel for support, willing him to believe her.

"I heard it. I hear it all the time. I've just had a lot of practise at blocking it out, I hardly notice it now", Angel gripped Buffy's hand, fear for her racing through him as he felt Angelus' excitement at the possibilities. Buffy's eyes ran over Angel's face, immediately calming her fears. Angel was with her and he had told her he wasn't going anywhere.

"Good Lord!" Wesley sat down in shock, his clever mind working fast to come to the most obvious answer, Giles had also paled, staring at Buffy as he went to put his teacup back on the table, completely missing it and sending it shattering to the floor.

The crash made Cordy and Gunn jump, their heads swinging from the pair on the sofa to the watchers.

"Okay what's going on? Why do I feel like Xander all of a sudden? Last one to catch on and all that?" Cordy raged, completely at a loss and not liking it.

"_**Jesus, do me a favour and fill that trap of hers with her ugly shoes"**_

Buffy looked at Angel in shock, they both turned to look at Cordy's shoes then back to each other. A beat of three seconds passed as Buffy's mouth twitched and Angel's eyes glittered in amusement, they couldn't contain it anymore and burst into laughter, giggling as Buffy pulled Angel next to her on the sofa, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Faith raised her eyebrows at Gunn, who shrugged, and settled back in her chair, not having a clue what to say so keeping quiet as the drama unfolded. Cordy stared at them then followed their look down to her feet, clad in purple strappy high heels. Taking a minute to admire the way they matched her outfit, she shrugged and glanced at the still slightly laughing pair on the sofa. "Clearly they're having a breakdown. One too many knocks to the head and all that. We should have seen it coming really".

"Is someone gonna fill me in? You guys are trippin'" Gunn asked.

"It seems to me, from what I can ascertain that Buffy is able to hear Angelus, inside of Angel. Is that what you have concluded Giles?" Wes asked, ignoring the couple now kissing softly, whispering quietly to each other.

"It seems so. A side effect of the spell perhaps?" Giles asked, heading to his book case and handing Gunn, Wes, Cordy and Faith a book to research. He looked over to Buffy and cleared his throat. "A little concentration here if you don't mind. My couch is not the back seat of some car at the point". Giles left the room to fetch a dustpan and brush, clearing up his broken cup.

Buffy balked and sat back from Angel, looking at him in fear. "Giles knows about the point? Gross!"

"_**That's gross? Isn't she the one that put images of the watcher start bullock naked in our heads?"**_

"He has a point" Angel whispered as Buffy's widened. "Buffy I don't know what's going on, how you can hear him. I'm sorry Love".

"What are you sorry for Angel, you didn't do anything. I won't lie and say I'm not a little wigged but I'm sure we can figure out what's going on. He doesn't say much anyway".

Angel snorted inwardly, wondering what his demon was up to. He could feel him thinking and began to dread what was going to happen. Buffy was squeezing his hand so tightly, he knew she was scared. Her last meeting with his demon hadn't gone so well. His mind quickly thought back to the demon in the alley and he grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, quickly sketching a picture of their attacker. "Giles, you might want to research into this. It was fairly strong, not overly intelligent but liked to attack with its claws, oh and it didn't have a mouth".

He turned back to the sofa and saw Buffy leaning back, eyes closed and breathing deeply. Another shot of concern flashed through him as he took in her taught features.

"_**What's wrong with her?"**_

"What do you care? Will you shut up for a while, you at least owe me that" Buffy snapped quietly looking at him and rubbing her temples. Angel took a full minute to realise she was talking to Angelus not him and another minute to believe that Angelus was doing what she asked. The others glanced briefly over but quickly returned to the books. "I don't like the whole no mouth thing, except at least it didn't have any teeth".

"Ignore him baby, he's not worth it" He moved to stand behind the sofa, replacing her hands with his own cool ones to massage her head. "Baby you're burning up".

Buffy started to rub her stomach, the wounds becoming itchy. Giles walks over with an open book placing it in front of Buffy. "That's the demon in question?"

"In the disgusting flesh" Buffy grimaced as Angel nodded in confirmation. Faith stood up and looked over Giles shoulder as he looked once again at the book reading the passage.

"Looks even worse in the real life, wicked gross" Faith pulled her jacket on and picked up a few stakes. "I guess I gotta patrol, vamps aren't gonna stake themselves. If you need me I'll be around. Feel better B".

"Mind some company? I'm not great with the books and I could do with a bit of violence" Gunn asks standing and pulling his jacket on. At Faith's nod he turned to Angel. "I've got my cell, you need anything, call. You want any ice-cream or anything Buff you say the word and I'm on it" Gunn laughed patting Buffy on the shoulder as he walked past and out the door, closing it behind him.

"_**Keep your paws to yourself boy!"**_

Buffy huffed and slapped Angel's arm. Angel grabbed his arm and looked at Buffy incredulously. "Ow, Buffy?"

"Oh right, sorry" Buffy smiled a little sheepishly realising it wasn't Angelus she was chastising.

Cordy huffed and followed Gunn across the room and watched him and Faith walking past the window laughing. "Well if we've found the demon, I'm gonna go paint my nails. Buffy I think I've got some painkillers I take for my visions in my bag, you can't get any better than them. Call me if the worlds ending". With that Cordy walked out the room.

Buffy and Angel had practically ignored the others, watching Giles as he read the book then walked over to Wes to show him the page.

"Well? What is it?" Buffy asked, her patience finally gone.

"It says it infects the host" Wes replied offhandedly.

"Infect? ...Infect?...GILES, INFECT?" Buffy ended up shouting, not feeling Angels hands tense in worry.

"Oh um sorry it says it will infect its host with "- Giles started.

"Aspect of the demon" Angel finished for him. His mind racing to any encounters he may have had in the past that might help. Buffy shrugged his hands off and grabbed the book from Giles.

"You mean like a part of it? How many aspects? More than one?" Buffy ignored her pain, instead worrying about what might happen to her. "I hope it's not an outside part!". Buffy limply handed the book back to Giles and walked over to Angel. He took her in his arms and smiled softly.

"Hey, I won't let anything happen to you if I can help it. No matter what I'll always be with you from now on. And hey, I'd love you even if you're covered in slime"

"It might be a different story if I suddenly grow horns, a tail and like you know bigger fangs than you!" Buffy chuckled and stood on her toes, pressing a soft kiss to Angel's mouth, soon getting lost in the feel of him.

Wes looked at the pair, amazed at the strength and resilience they showed, no matter what was thrown at them. "Ahem. Sorry to interrupt. I think it's just the one aspect that gets passed. If you think about it, the demon has no mouth so they probably communicate telepathically".

"Quite right Wesley, the demons use thoughts to communicate with each other, so you most likely have the ability to hear demons thoughts, that's probably why you can hear Angelus". Giles looked at Wes, shocked at the man he is now but seeing him as an equal and more importantly, a friend.

Buffy and Angel stood in silence absorbing the information and weighing up the pros and cons.

"Well I guess this could work, you'll be able to know what's being planned, what they're gonna do next. This could be a good thing" Angel tried to reassure his mate but was shocked as suddenly Buffy's eyes widened.

"Keep Spike away from me!"

....................................................................................................................................................................

"Why is he so quiet?" Buffy and Angel were holding hands as they walked down the street having gotten fed up of sitting at Giles whilst they researched.

Angel shifted uncomfortably and tried to sort through his and Angelus' feelings. "You asked him to be?"

"_**What can I say; I thought I would cut you a break. The way your moods have been changing and the amount of break downs you've had over the last week seems you need it. Can anyone say therapy?"**_

"Oh yeah, listen to him. The big bad Angelus is gonna listen to me is he?" Buffy looked at him like he's lost his mind.

"_**Hey! I resent that!"**_

"See"

"_**I listened to you when you were begging me to fuck you harder"**_

Angel stopped walking and closed his eyes, gripping on to Buffy's hand. He tried to rationalise that he couldn't beat himself to a bloody pulp.

"Shut up Angelus". Buffy scathed, looking at Angel and realising this was only going to get worse before it got better.

"_**What? It's the truth and soul-boy knows it. He remembers Buffy, every little sordid detail!"**_

"Sordid? Angelus it's time you realised something. For all your smart ass words and cocky attitude you're obsessed with me as much as I'm in love with Angel. Unfortunately for me being in love with Angel also means loving you too. I just don't like you". Buffy was talking fast trying to both shut Angelus up and get through to Angel. "Angel, I'm sorry. I thought you were gone and I was out of my mind I just, he's a part of you, he's just not you. Do you understand?"

Angel opened his eyes and looked at his love, the tears unshed shining in her eyes and the love pouring out of her for him. A thousand words passed between them and not one was uttered. He could feel her sincerity and her plea for him to understand as he remembered what had happened. He had the memories as if he was there, as if it was his hands touching her, pounding her into the wall.

"Buffy it's okay. I remember it all. I know what you're saying, I'm not Angelus but he's me. Or a part of me at least. You're the only one that's ever understood that to love me you have to love him too".

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief, not just for herself but for the fact that Angel was finally starting to forgive himself. It had been showing more and more over the last week. Buffy had noticed and basked in his playful banter, acceptance of events and his distinct lack of brooding.

"_**Who the fuck brought love into the equation? Why do you people always bring in emotions? We fucked Buff, get over it!"**_

"Trust me Angelus, I'm over it. I'll be even more over it when I'm screaming Angel's name when I come as _he's _fucking me into the wall".

Angelus growled and Angel tensed at the sudden arousal that image provoked.

"_**Knew you liked it rough Buff, bet if soul-boy had realised that it would have saved him a few cases of blue balls"**_

"I like it anyway _Angel_ wants to give it!" Buffy had no idea where her confidence had come from but she was sick of Angelus playing her and treating her like a child. She inwardly reasoned that her bravado probably came from the fact the Angelus was safely tucked away inside Angel.

"_**Careful Buff, he may have a soul but at the end of the day he's just as much a vampire as I am. Same urges, same feelings and same desires, where you're concerned at least".**_

Buffy smirked and looked at Angel, pressing herself up against him she felt his desire for her harden even more. Standing on tip-toes she pressed a hard kiss to his mouth, slipping her tongue in she tasted his mouth before biting his lip gently as she withdrew. Angel held her hips, keeping her pressed against him as he smiled, knowing what she was thinking. "I'll take that as a compliment Angelus".

"_**What? How?"**_

"Because Angelus, I know how much Angel wants me, desires me, _loves _me"

"_**Now wait a minute Slayer that's not what I meant and you know it"**_

"Isn't it Angelus? Hadn't you been telling me for months that we had to come back to Sunnydale, back to Buffy?" Angel kissed Buffy gently on the nose, enjoying winding Angelus up as much almost as much as he enjoyed having Buffy pressed against him. He lightly ran his hands up and down her arms and took in her shudders of desire.

"He did?"

"_**Fuck off soul boy. Buff don't you go getting ideas in that deluded head of yours. I was sick of his damn soul hurting and listening to you calling out for him that's all".**_

"Okay Angelus if you say so", Buffy laughed and kissed Angel right above his heart. "Love you too"

**Angelus ignored the stirrings he felt in his gut hearing Buffy say his name and tell him she loved him. He got annoyed with himself for liking the sound of it, denying how right it felt. She was his, his to do with as he pleased but he wouldn't admit to it being anything else. No matter how true it was.**

"He is obsessed with you Buffy, I don't know if he can love but he see's you as his mate just as much as I do. He wanted to come back to you, to come back _for _you" Angel didn't like his demon but Buffy deserved honesty and if it made her feel better, he was happy to do it. He knew Angelus wasn't impressed by the constant growling he could hear inside him.

"_**You know what. You're right. That's the reason. 'Coz I'm so in **_**Love **_**with you Buff. It had nothing to do with the fact that I thought if we came back Prick boy here would finally give in and let you shag me free- again! Giles got a new girlfriend yet?"**_

Buffy reared back like she had been slapped, eyes wide and hands shaking.

"Buffy-" Angel started, hurt when she backed away from him. She looked up at his sharp intake of unneeded breath as her tears spilled over.

"Angel, no baby not you, I just..I...um I just need a minute okay. I can't be around you right now."

"_**Buff.."-**_

"Don't! Just don't". Buffy backed away, turned and walked away, shoulders slumped and her arms wrapped round her middle.

Angel watched her go, shaking with both hurt and rage. He wanted to stake himself just to shut Angelus up and wanted to shout at her for blocking him out, when it was out of his control. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"_**God damnit. Women! What does she want from me? I'm a demon for fuck sake!"**_

"How about a little respect. I know how you feel about her even if you won't admit it. She's everything, the other half, the light and dark and you know it whether you admit it or not. You claim she's your mate as much as mine but you still treat her like a victim. It's why she loves me in spite of you, not because of you"

"_**Without me there IS no you! Seriously, why did she have to turn the water works on, play the martyr and all that shit? Does she expect me to feel bad or something?"**_

"Well you're going on about it like you care. Couldn't you have kept your mouth shut for once god damnit!" Angel started walking in the direction Buffy had taken, intending to follow her and make sure she was okay.

"_**I don't care. I don't. She could be crying bloody tears and cursing me to hell and I wouldn't care"**_

"She sent your ass to hell but you would rather be hearing her tell you she loved you though wouldn't you. You would rather have her act like your equal, like your mate. You would rather she looked at you like she does me rather than in hate and anger all the time. Deny it all you will but I felt it, I noticed it!"

"_**Erm, are we forgetting something? She sent your ass to hell not me, okay well both of us 'coz I felt all the pain. But still, you're crazy, did someone spike your blood or something- wait. Blood. Buffy's!"**_

Angelus loud growl shocked Angel even though he had noticed the same scent a split second later. He ran forward hearing the sounds of a fight, rounding the corner to see Buffy pinned to the floor, her own stake pointed towards her chest. Her face was streamed with tears and she was shaking her head.

"You fucking touch me and my mate will rip your head off!" Buffy's voice was suddenly laced with anger as she pushed the vampire of her with a sudden burst of strength.

"Mate? Where is he now then slayer?"

"Right here". Angel greeted the vamp with a hard punch to head, sending him flying into a gravestone. Leaning down he helped Buffy up.

"Nice to know it's not just human males that are retarded with their pervey thoughts!"

"What are you talking about Buffy?" Angel and Buffy turned as one to the once again standing foe.

"Fashion statement over there decided to try and be 'punny' by talking about staking me with my own stake and then proceeded to think about 'staking' me with his own stake first!"

Angel turned and he and Angelus spoke as one. **"Can't you see she's marked? She belongs to me! You dare over step and threaten **_**my **_**mate!"**

Before he had even finished speaking the vampire was dust in the wind.

He turned and cupped Buffy's cheek as he hauled her to him. "They can say what they want but you're mine Buffy, no matter what".

"It's about time you realised it, I've never wanted it any other way".

"_**Look, Buff...Putting aside the fact that I'm a soulless demon and I fucking hate everyone. I...I um. For fuck sake I'm sorry alright. I put you through shit and in actual fact you're the only being from hell and back I see as my equal. Sort of".**_

They met in a fierce demanding kiss, fighting for dominance as their tongues explored each other's mouth. Buffy gripped Angel's shoulders and pressed herself against him, suddenly desperate to feel her mate, needing his reassurance.

"_**I'm pouring my –ahem, heart out here and you start making out like teenagers? And I'm the one without a soul. Wait, bit of teeth their slayer, aggressive little thing aren't you. Mmm closer, no need to be shy now".**_

Angelus' rambling was cut off when he groaned as Buffy squeezed his firm ass and moaned into his mouth. Angel's control snapped and he lifted Buffy off the ground so she could wrap her legs round his waist.

"_**Now this is more like it, squeeze your legs round me Buff, mmm, I can feel how wet you are, smell it. It's sweeter than fear. The feel of you grinding on my cock drives me insane. Get your clothes out the way. Come on soul boy don't let the side down now, she's begging for it".**_

Angel tried to pull back, thinking Buffy would be put off by Angelus but she moaned in protest and slipped her tongue back into his mouth, squeezing her legs round him. Each of Angelus' words sending shivers up her spine. He briefly scanned their surroundings, seeing nothing he walked forwards, returning his mouth to hers as he slammed Buffy back against a tree.

Angel reached in between them, his hands curving over Buffy's breasts and his thumb flicking over her nipples. Buffy moaned and slammed her head back against the hard wood. "Now Angel, no games, just you and me."

"_**And me!"**_

Buffy smirked and looked at Angel, slowly leaning forward she ran her tongue along the tense muscles in his neck, enjoying the low growl he emitted. She nipped and licked at his neck as his body started to shake trying to hold its control.

"_**Fuck! Bite Buff!"**_

Angel barely held his control as her blunt white teeth scraped the skin of his neck sending tremors direct from his neck to his aching cock. He knew what she wanted and tilted his head in submission, silently begging. Buffy tightened her legs round his waist and started grinding her hot dripping core against him, moaning at the friction and ripping his shirt apart sending buttons soaring but still didn't bite down.

"Please Buffy, I need you" Angel moaned, lost in the pleasure pain her torture was giving him. He pulled her top apart, uncaring as it ripped and hissed as the heat from her breast pressed against his bare chest. Suddenly he realised it wasn't him she was waiting for.

_She wants you to do it._

Angel felt the growl of annoyance and defiance and mentally groaned unsure how long he could take his mates hot body grinding against him.

_Just do it, you will anyway. You've never had it so good have you!_

Buffy got impatient and held her mouth a whisper away from his neck, each breath like a caress then unmercifully sunk her nails into his shoulders and rubbed against his cock.

"_**You are gonna pay for this Buff...Bite me....Bite...Please...hard"**_

Buffy smiled then ran her tongue along his smooth neck and sunk her teeth hard into his neck, thrills washing over her as her lover shook and sunk to his knees, keeping her on his lap. Mimicking feeding she sucked hard on her bite, vaguely aware of Angel's hoarse shout as she reached between them to tear open the rest of the clothes separating them, Angel's hard cock sprung free and Buffy finally let go of his neck. Positioning herself above him she impaled herself on his aching shaft, shouting out as he filled every inch of her.

Angel's focus came back as he slipped inside his lover's molten core, gripping her hips as his control snapped. He barely kept his game face in check as she bought her hips down hard, meeting his upward thrusts, he growled as his cock hit the mouth of her womb over and over. "That's it sweetheart, ride me".

Buffy clenched her muscles round him, feeling every inch of him as she shouted his name like a mantra, uncaring if anyone could hear. Angel covered her mouth with his and gripped her hips so he was still, deep inside her, slowly slipping out he angled his thrusts, brushing the sensitive nerves over and over. Buffy shouted out, going tense as she fell headfirst into her orgasm.

"_**Fuck you're beautiful when you come Buff....If I were in control I'd be fucking you senseless right now"**_

Barely a second later Angel had flipped them over so he was on top and started deep driving thrusts, getting harder and harder. "So tight baby, made just for me"

"_**Piss off with the nice words; you're as bad as Spike. She's come already, fuck her brains out!"**_

Ignoring Angelus, Angel felt Buffy tense once more and barely held his own release. "That's it Buffy, I want you to come again. Come for me babe".

Buffy shouted out as his words knocked her over the edge and he thrust deep and hard, squeezing her muscles around him. Angel tensed and thrust erratically as he came, pushing hard into her as she milked his release from him.

Collapsing on the grass Angel pulled Buffy on top of him and kissed her hair. "I love you"

"I love you too. I think I gave you a hickey" Buffy laughed and pushed up to look at Angel and smiled. "And I made Angelus say please!"

Angelus stayed silent.

Much later after going back to the mansion to shower and change, the gang was sitting in Giles' living room, each skirting round the subject of how to proceed. Buffy was nestled in Angel's lap, running her fingers over the back of his hand absently. Giles, Wes and Faith sat at the table and Gunn and Faith on the couch.

Finally Buffy had enough. "I want to go with Angel".

Everyone turned to look at her, and then the door as it burst open. Willow stumbled in the room, with Oz on her heels.

"Xander's dead!"

OK I know it's been a while but you know how it is!!! Forgive me, it's my birthday and I thought I'd treat you all and update!

It made up for it though right?? He he cliffies....please don't hate me, it really is my birthday!

Ohh yeah, I should probably let you know, there's only like 3 chapters left of this fic! (Ducks and runs for cover)!

Love you all, thank you so much for reading and reviewing and your continued support, it really means a lot. xxxx


	35. Chapter 35

_**Hey you guys, okay well erm. I don't quite know how to say this but....you know I said 3 more chapters? I'm thinking more like maybe 1 or two including this one. (Ducks and runs for cover!) I know I know it's been ages and I am so sorry to keep u waiting. A part of me has put off writing it because I didn't want it finishing lol, this was my very first fic and I'll be sad to see it go **__****__** . It has however put me in touch with some really great people and hopefully entertained you all and helped keep the b/a love alive! As always a huge thank you for your reviews and support...this is for you guys! **_

_**Big hugs to my girl Jen....I've been slack in communication and reviewing recently...hangs head in shame...had a few personal issues and family issues but it's all sorted now and I'm back with a vengeance....oh yeah...and a new fic on the way sometime soon!**_

"Xander's dead!"

"_**I didn't do it!"**_

Buffy tutted and rolled her eyes at Angelus then turned to Willow who was shaking, tear tracks marring her worried face. "Willow what are you talking about? We saw Xander just after sunset; Spike took him to the hospital. He just needed checking over really. Sort of. Oh God!" Buffy paled and looked at Angel.

"_**No way Buff, I know the boy is a wimp but I didn't hurt him enough to kill him."**_

Buffy looked at Angel seeking confirmation. "He promised you he wouldn't Love, he was hurt but not enough to kill him".

Willow stormed across the room. "What are you talking about? Why did he need the hospital and why did you leave him with Spike? What did you do to him?"

The last question was directed at Angel, everyone in the room looked a little shocked as Willows eyes got darker and her hands crackled with energy.

"Nothing, Angelus decided to pay a visit".

"_**Don't bring me into it, that bitch is crazy. Can you feel the magicks on her? Time to get Buff and get out of town!"**_

"Angelus?" Willow sneered. "Thought his soul was all bound up tight. I guess that'll teach you for relying on second rate magicks and not calling me"

"Actually Willow it was a spell Xander did, with our old buddy Amy. Remember her. Guess he didn't want to ask you either". Buffy spoke low and without malice, although she felt it. She still hadn't forgiven Willow for their previous conversation and realised their friendship was over a long time ago. She briefly glanced at Oz who had crossed the room to stand with them.

The fight seemed to leave Willow and a sob tore in her throat. "GodI'm sorry I just- I can't, I mean. He's gone Buffy".

Buffy made no move to comfort the sobbing redhead, Angel's restraining arm was unnecessary as she was wary of the power Willow had just radiated. She was shocked when Oz made no move to comfort her either. Instead her eyes bugged as a long mousy brown haired girl stepped through the door and wrapped Willow up in a hug as she cried. Buffy swung her shocked gaze to Oz who has averted his gaze.

"Oz? What's going on?" Giles asked, pulling his glasses off to clean them.

"I was heading out of town, saw Xander walking down the road covered in bandages. I saw Spike behind him and stopped to see if I could help. Spike said he had checked himself out of the hospital and Buffy would have his ass in a zip lock bag if he left him to his own devices so was following him home. Xander shouted, slammed his parentage and run across the road without looking. He got hit head on by a 'Krispy Kreme' lorry". Oz's stoic expression was the only thing that made everyone believe he was telling the truth.

Angel focused on Buffy, ignoring Angelus' cackling laughter in his head. He couldn't find it in himself to feel grief at the boy's death, only sadness at the effect it would have on Buffy.

"_**Gives a whole new meaning to Harris' donut run ey!"**_

Angel winced as Buffy swung towards him.

"_**Shit I forgot you could hear me Buff".**_

Willow's sobs echoed throughout the otherwise silent room. Giles sat at the table in shock, Faith and Wes looked down in silence, having no love for Xander but still not wanting him dead. Even Cordy was crying softly, being comforted by Gunn on the sofa.

Buffy advanced on Angel and whispered harshly. "Angelus, you need to do yourself a favour and keep quiet. I may not be able to get to you physically but I'm sure I can dig up a Barry Manilow CD from somewhere".

"_**Bitch".**_

Angel looked at Buffy in shock and a little hurt. "Hey! I like Barry Manilow".

"I know you do Baby, I love you anyway though" Buffy laughed and pressed a light kiss to his lips. They were suddenly flung apart, each hitting the opposite wall with a crash from the force of their collisions.

"HOW DARE YOU! How can you laugh and joke like nothing's happened? Like my world isn't crashing down around me. Xander is dead Buffy. Can you get that through your selfish head?" Willow had pulled away from Tara, her arms out wide from separating the two, her eyes completely black as she ignored the shocked shouts from Giles and Faith. Gunn, Cordy and Wes had moved over to them, forming a unit but staying back. "Oz has left me but you're having smoochies with your creature of the night ex boyfriend?"

Buffy stood and looked over to Angel reassuring herself that he was fine. She sent him a look warning him to stay back and then walked resolutely over to Willow. She shot a look to Oz to see if he would try and interfere but he merely raised his brow and took a step back. Buffy nodded and carried on until she was standing in front of Willow, she waited a moment, silently watching then firmly slapped the red head round the face.

"Let's just be clear here shall we. After today I suggest you keep out of my way permanently. I loved Xander too but he wasn't perfect, he was selfish and arrogant. I'll grieve for the boy he was, for my friend Xander but that's it. I won't have you tell me how to act or judge me. I wouldn't be here without both of your help over the last few years but there is only so long I can pay for that and feel like I owe you both. To be honest I don't blame Oz for leaving you, he owes it to himself. You've changed Willow and you're so wrapped up in your own deluded world. You drove Oz away and yes it hurts I know. I had to kill the person I love and send him to hell! Apparently that's ok though right? You wanted me to be ok and start dating right away. You know what? That's not even the point, at the end of the day you chose to stay, you chose to help and sometimes you made things more difficult for me"- Buffy grabbed Willow's moving outstretched hand and held it firm. "Don't interrupt me for once, just listen. I let you treat me like you did, make my decisions for me because I felt guilty but can you comprehend for one second how much I had to reduce myself to do that. I am _the slayer _Willow, I was born to be strong, determined, clever and in charge. It falls on _my _shoulders when it comes down to it. Everyone looks to me and I lead and I save the day. I'm not arrogant or misguided enough to say I never had help but at the end of it, as I once told Angelus, all I've got left is me".

"_**And that's definitely enough. Can we go fuck now?"**_

Angel stood at Buffy's right shoulder and Giles walked over and stood proudly to her left. Gunn, Wes and Cordy all followed suit and stood behind them. Faith, although had a small part of her bristle at Buffy saying 'the slayer' understood her point and stood next to Giles.

Willow swung her gaze to Oz, her eyes wide as he shook his head at her and stood by Buffy. Buffy briefly glanced at her family and then looked back at Willow. "I didn't ask them to choose".

"The hell you didn't".

"Nice speech pet, my we have grown up slayer haven't we". Spike strolled in to the room and stood next to Faith. "Seems to me you're not on your own like you once was and people are finally giving you the respect you deserve".

"HIM? After what he did, you let him in here? It's his fault and if you won't get justice I will!" Willow advanced on Spike but stopped in disbelief when Buffy stepped in front of him. "I'll go through you if I have to Buffy". She ignored Angel's growl of warning but stepped back when Oz stood in her way.

"Will you go through me too Wills? Have you lost yourself that much?"

"Oz- I... Please I- I need to do this, he has to pay".

Oz still didn't move and stayed stone still, he was silent but would have sworn the whole room could hear his heart shattering in his chest.

"Move Oz"

"Leave Willow. Just go".

Tara grabbed Willow's hand and pulled her out the door. Oz turned and looked at the group, nodded once to Buffy and walked out to the kitchen. No one commented on the loud crash and Giles never commented on the fist shaped whole in his kitchen wall.

Buffy turned towards Angel, her knees giving way as sobs racked her body. Angel caught her and cuddled her to his chest as she was finally able to let her grief out. He caught Giles' eye and nodded towards the stairs, he scooped Buffy into his arms and effortlessly carried her upstairs, mumbling soothing love words in her ear.

"So got a drink Rupes? Vampire could die of thirst round here". Spike flopped onto the sofa and turned Passions on.

"Spike you're such a pig. Ok that was like the longest I've been quiet like, ever! God what is Willow's problem, and did you see that wacko eye thing? I always knew she was no good. Now even though he was a complete moron and I hated him, Buffy was right, at one time I cared for him so I'm going to go have a good cry, make myself look beautiful and go see his no good parents". Cordy grabbed her bag and walked towards the door.

"You already look beautiful girl, but you're not going out alone at night, I'm with you. I didn't know the guy but I'm sorry, losing a member of the team is never easy, no matter what they've done". Gunn grabbed a stake and headed out the door.

Faith regarded the two watchers and internally debated on what she wanted to say. She was unsure of her place despite having Buffy on side but something about what Buffy said struck a chord. She was also a slayer and the same rules applied.

"Yo watchers. You two heard Buffy before the witch got here right? She wants to go with Angel".

"Yes I seem to recall her saying something of the sort. I should imagine she has wanted it all along but Buffy has a duty".

"So do I Giles".

"Faith you couldn't possibly think coming to L.A. with us will do any good for your relationship with Buffy". Wesley sputtered out. Faith raised her brow at Giles who just shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"Wesley I don't think Faith intended to fulfil her duty in L.A. Am I correct in saying you want responsibility for the hellmouth Faith?"

"I'm not sure that's how I'd put it G but yeah I guess I do".

Wesley chuckled, a little embarrassed "Oh. OH right, sorry, it's been a long few days. I must say Faith, I'm impressed. You've been through a lot and to end up where you are now takes a lot of character".

"Well gee thanks Wes, great pep. So Giles, what's the verdict? Does the stray get to stay?"

"Well, obviously I would have to talk to Buffy but it seems getting away from here may be the best thing for her. If she chooses to go, I guess I'll have no choice, having you will be better than no slayer at all".

"Ouch"

"Forgive me Faith, my words were poorly chosen. I just imagine it will be hard for me to say goodbye to Buffy She's a very unique girl and"-

"And you love her like your own. I know. I may not be Buffy but I'm still gonna need some watchering and I'd be psyched if you would do the honours but I get it if you don't trust me".

"Faith if Buffy trusts you and forgives you, I do. I will gladly stay on as your watcher, although I would expect the same amount of respect and co-operation from you as I do Buffy." Faith quirked her brow and Wesley sputtered in his coffee. "OK, but you are well aware of what I mean".

"5x5 G, this is the start of a beautiful relationship".

"Quite, and don't call me G".

....................................................................................................................................................

Upstairs things were finally quiet. Buffy had alternated between crying, shouting, arguing with Angelus and talking with Angel. The shattered pieces of Giles' decor lay littered across the floor where Buffy's emotions had taken their toll and vases and trinkets had been handy weapons. The room was in disarray apart from the now calm two figures lying spooned together on the bed, Angel's arm protectively round Buffy.

Angel was unable to prevent the purr escaping him. Emotions had been high but now, feeling her body pressed against his and their souls entwining sent a rush of contentment through him. Angelus was thankfully keeping quiet, relieved that Buffy had stopped shouting at him

Buffy ran her fingers across Angel's smooth skin, up and down, revelling in its coolness. Just being near him, feeling his body pressed against hers managed to take her to a place she felt safe and secure. She stilled her hand on his arm, gripping him as she suddenly remembered what it was like to live without him. An unfounded fear filled her veins, they put themselves in deadly situations nightly yet Xander's purely accidental death once again reminded her of the fragile nature of life.

She turned in his arms, keeping his arm round her. "I love you Angel". Buffy pressed a soft kiss to his lips and let his purr wash over her, surrounding her in his love as his arms tightened their hold. "I don't know what I would do without you. If I lost you again I wouldn't survive it".

Angel looked down at his mate, feeling her sudden turmoil and matching her desperate feelings. "Buffy you are everything, my heart, my soul, my love. I would give everything for you to just keep you safe for even just a minute longer. It terrifies me to know that one day"- Angel swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his watery eyes as he tried to get the words out. "It terrifies me Buffy, to know that...that you'll leave me here. One day, sooner or later you'll leave me here alone and there's nothing I can do to stop it".

Buffy was openly crying as Angel crushed her to his chest, burying his face in her hair. "I'll greet the sun the day you leave me here alone, I swear I will".

"Angel no!" Buffy pulled back and kissed the tear of his cheek. "Angel you need to promise me you will carry on, for me. You are a champion and you are needed here. I hope to god and I wish I could promise you that I'll die old and happy laying next to you in our bed but the chances of that are minimal. The one thing I can promise you is that I'll never leave you. Even after I'm dead I'll stay with you, I'm yours Angel, forever. Promise me".

"I promise". Angel wasn't sure it was a promise he could keep but preyed to the depths of his soul that he wouldn't let her down again.

Buffy nodded her approval and moved away from Angel, leaning over she grabbed a bottle from the dresser drawer then lit the two candles that hadn't been destroyed in her earlier outburst. Turning back to Angel she undid the buttons on his shirt and encouraged him to take it off. He raised his brow at her when she gestured for him to turn over but complied, laying face down on the bed. Buffy straddle his hips, sitting at the tops of his thighs, undoing the bottle she poured some massage oil on to her hands.

At the first touch of her warm wet hands Angel shivered. "Buffy what-?"

"Shh, you're tense. You looked after me before now I'm looking after you" Buffy ran her hands up and down his back, spreading the oil over his skin, which gradually warmed under her touch. Her fingertips teased the hard lines of his muscles and her nails scraped down his tattoo. The scented candles permeated the air adding to the mood, restarting Angel's low purr. The sound shot straight through Buffy and she leant forward as she reached to slide her hands over the curve of his shoulders and down his arms. The motion bought her body down to his back, the cloth of her silk top just caressing his skin. The contrasting feelings caused Angel to jolt in satisfaction, his body jerking up and pressing into Buffy's.

Buffy suppressed her moan and repeated the motion, her slick hands smoothing over his muscles as her chest caressed his back. Buffy shifted, grabbed more oil and pulled her top off over her head. She leant further down and let her braless body press into his back, her hard nipples caressing his skin causing Angel to thrust his hips sharply into the bed. Over and over Buffy repeated the action, covering her breasts in the oil until Angel couldn't stay still and longer.

He turned on the mattress below her, keeping her straddling his waist, now pressed against the hard bulge in his jeans. Not losing a beat Buffy started to massage his chest, this time her nails scraping down over his male nipples, each touch causing him to thrust his hips into her. Angel threw his head back and closed his eyes as Buffy lent forward once again, slid her hands down his arms and lightly nipped his neck, pressing her hard nipples into his chest causing him to growl.

Buffy sat up and Angel immediately reached for her, cupping his hands over her breasts and rubbing his thumb over her sensitive peaks. "Jesus lass, I love your titties. I could spend hours playing with them mo chroi".

His ministrations and the fact she had caused him to let the Irish brogue out in his voice caused Buffy to clench her thighs round his and moan. Angelus however didn't agree.

"_**For fuck sake you sound like a tramp".**_

Buffy stilled her movements and looked down to Angel. "I need _you_ to make love to me Angel. Show me everything is going to be alright, at least for now. I need you".

Angel bought her face to his and kissed away the tear tracks, "You have me beloved. Always"

Buffy reached between them, slid the zipper down and helped Angel shimmy out of his pants, enjoying the hiss he let out as her hand brushed over his erection. Angel in turn, merely ripped Buffy's away from her body.

They both knew this wasn't the time for teasing, for their uncontrollable lust for each other. This was reaffirming their bond, reassuring each other of their love. Buffy leant over Angel, letting the tip of his straining cock touch her dripping opening and met his gaze. Angel gripped her chin in his hand. "I love you".

"I love you too Angel, god knows I love you too". Buffy slid down slowly, letting him fill her inch by inch, moaning lightly when he was firmly embedded inside her. Angel leant up and captured Buffy's lips with his own, bringing her down flush against his body.

His mouth moved over hers in a slow and sensual kiss, exploring every crevice with his tongue before finally mating with hers. Angel gripped her thighs, holding her wet centre against him before finally shifting his hips, finding the perfect rhythm between them. Their oil slick bodies moved in tandem against each other, sliding and caressing with each stroke. Angel purred as Buffy clenched her inner muscles around him and rubbed against his chest, her hot little mouth once again nipping at his throat. Angel shifted and angled his hips, hitting that spot with every stroke.

Buffy bit his neck hard at the new sensations causing Angel to cry out. "Buffy baby, don't. I want to come inside you so badly, I won't last". The feel of her skin, the oil, the candlelight and the feel of being deep inside his mate was overfilling his vampire senses and only years of control had prevented his release.

"Good Angel, let go. I want to feel you. I want to feel you as you get even harder right before you come".

Angel clenched his eyes shut and quickly slid his hand between them, getting slick with the oil; he ran his fingers straight over Buffy's clit. Buffy moaned loudly as he alternated between circling her clit with his thumb and flicking it lightly. "Come for me baby, fly for me beloved".

Buffy thrust hard down onto Angel's shaft and he felt his balls tighten with his impending release, pinching Buffy's clit hard they both tumbled into oblivion together as he emptied himself into her waiting heat with hard erratic strokes.

Lazily kissing, the lovers curled up together, a tangled mess of arms and legs. Buffy moaned as Angel's softening cock slipped out of her. "Mmm I'm thinking I like giving Angel massages".

"Hmm, I just think I like the happy ending" Angel smiled and kissed the tip of Buffy's nose. "Speaking of, why is there massage oil here?"

Buffy shrugged. "Giles has it here for me".

"WHAT?!" Angel bolted upright, game face in full force.

"Jeez relax baby, it's from the first aid kit. That's why it smells a bit funky; it's for muscles after training and stuff. No happy ending for Giles from me". Buffy laughed at the downright glowering look from Angel before kissing the smile back to his face. Looking at him seriously, she took a deep breath. "You know you're not leaving me right?"

"I do"

"You know you can't stay here right?"

"I know"

"You know I'm coming with you right?"

"I want you to"

"We'll work something out?"

Angel looked at his slayer. The strongest yet. Right now she was just a woman in love, needing reassurance and once again he felt blessed at having her love. "We will".


	36. Chapter 36

_Ok, there's nothing I can say at all to make it up to you is there? It's been ages and I can't apologise enough. Unfortunately there has been real life, work and a missing musie to comprehend with! Plus as this is nearly finished...I didn't want to write it coz I didn't want it to end __L__. But alas, here we are, better late than never right? Right? _

_As usual, shout out to my gal Jen and my pals Roxy & Summer! I miss our terrible foursome of doom and delicious Angel yummyness chats! As always, check out my profile for amazing authors...Helmi1 & Angelsblueeyedgirl (Jen) in particular!_

_You just want me to shut up and get on with it don't you? OK OK!!.._

* * *

**Xander's funeral had been brutal. Willow had stood separate from the group with Tara, not speaking and barely moving. The sky was beginning to cloud over, with a promise of rain but it was still bright and not for the first time Buffy had resented the sun keeping Angel from her. She needed his strength but had managed to hold her composure. She felt him watching from the shadows of a nearby crypt. Instead she had Gunn and Cordy either side of her, Giles, Wes and Oz nearby. Straightening her back she went to walk forwards to stand next to Willow at the grave. Willow looked up at her approach and turned away with a sneer, walking away without looking back. **

**Buffy's shoulders slumped but she kept her resolve. Willow had done too much damage to repair their friendship but at times like this grudges didn't seem too important. Buffy looked at Xander's grave and traced her hand around his name.**

_**Alexander Leville Harris**_

_**He loved, He laughed, He lived.**_

**She had said everything she needed to in her head, taking a breath she let the tears fall for the friend he was. One by one the others moved forward to say goodbye and then walked away but Buffy wasn't sure if minutes passed or hours as she stood there and contemplated whether she could have done anything to change things, whether he would still be alive if it wasn't for her. She didn't notice the clouds finally blocking the sun or the rain that had started slowly and was beginning to get worse. Buffy was lost in what could have and should have been, once again resenting her calling and her involvement of friends. She felt someone approach and was actually mildly surprised to find Gunn next to her and not Angel. **

"**I know what it's like, to lose a member of your team. No matter what, you blame yourself, but don't. They enter into the battle by choice and it was their decision to stay in it. Don't cheapen his life by taking that away from him. It is a battle Buffy, it's not always going to turn out well but chances are you saved him a hundred times and in a hundred ways and he got lost along the way. People make the wrong choice and go down their own paths and you have to let them. You can't shoulder everything, you just have to use it in your fight and let them live on in your heart. Wasn't it just a few weeks ago you told me 'Don't blame yourself, if you concentrate on everyone you didn't save, you will go crazy, just remember the ones you did'".**

**A fleeting touch to Buffy's shoulder and Gunn walked away, giving Angel a nod as he passed. He had said what he wanted to, his own memories of his sister and crew falling down on him as heavy as the rain.**

**This time Buffy knew it was Angel coming and with each step he took closer to her, she felt her strength rebuilding and Gunn's words doing their job. Wiping her eyes she gave a final goodbye to her friend and turned to face her future.**

"**Can we get out of here?" Buffy held her hand out to Angel, walking towards him. He bent and kissed her forehead.**

"**Of course, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you beloved".**

"**You were".**

**They turned and walked away, heading back to Giles'. Angelus was quiet and sulking, they had discovered Buffy's ability to hear him had faded and was becoming more and more infrequent. It pleased Angel to no end and put Angelus in a foul mood.**

**Buffy thought over their conversations recently and sighed heavily. She knew there was no other choice but the solution they had come up with but that didn't mean she liked it.**

"**So I guess I'll see you next weekend now right? I mean you guys have to go back and my Mom would have moved by then so I can come spend the weekend". Since the shock of Xander's death had died down, Buffy had realised it would be impossible for her to go with Angel and leave the hell mouth unattended. It put her in a bad mood.**

"**I do have to go back. I know I don't want to be apart from you, but what I'm doing in L.A., it's a good thing Buffy, it's...I'm helping people".**

"**Your **_**charging**_** people" Buffy huffed quietly, momentarily forgetting his enhanced hearing until he froze beside her. "Oh Angel, I'm sorry, it's just...It's a hard day and it just slipped out".**

"**But you meant it though right? You don't agree".**

**It was only the fact that he was looking down at her, genuinely wanting to hear her answer that she complied. "I'm sorry Baby, I just can't get my head round it. We have the ability to protect the innocent, it's my calling to do it, and to charge them for saving them is just foreign to me. Who else are they going to go to? And what? If they don't pay, you don't save? I get that if people come to you with a silly case or a bodyguard thing, but if it's a serious life threatening demon or whatever…to charge them for something beyond their control? How is that right?"**

"**Buffy, don't ever be afraid to tell me your opinion or how you feel. It was Cordy's idea to charge people, I wasn't comfortable with it either. I hate asking for money".**

"**But you do it Angel".**

**Angel stayed quiet, unsure as to how to answer. He knew she was right and charging people for help with the supernatural was wrong. "I don't know how I would change things. If Cordy would **_**let**_** me change things".**

"**Wow. I didn't realise". Buffy looked down at the ground and started walking again, untangling her fingers from his.**

"**What? Buffy what didn't you realise?"**

"**I just didn't realise Cordelia had such an influence over you". Buffy knew she sounded jealous and hated herself for it.**

"**Buffy she just sort of bombarded my life. Invited herself along if you will, I didn't have much choice and in the end it worked out well".**

"**Right. So you can let her have her way and insinuate herself into your life but-...you know what. Forget it, I'm being crabby and starting a fight over nothing. But I'll say now and I'll say it clear. When I visit you, I won't be taking any money off anyone and as much as I get on with Cordy at the moment, if she tries throwing her weight around, there will be trouble."**

"**I wouldn't expect anything else" Angel shot her the half grin she loved so much and leant down to kiss her, frowning when it was barely returned. "Look Buffy-"**

"**No Angel, I just have some issues. I know we've been through everything over and over, I'm just emotional today. I've honestly been getting on so well with Cordy these last couple of weeks. I'm just...it's just...I'm jealous goddamn it".**

**Angel's shocked expression would have been comical in any other situation, however all it did was grate on Buffy's nerves. "Jealous? Buffy how could you possibly be jealous of Cordelia? I love you and only you".**

"**But you **_**left**_** me Angel. You couldn't let me be part of your life, couldn't talk to me but you let her. She has a whole part of your life that you didn't want me a part of"**

"**Of course I wanted you a part of it Buffy. I missed you everyday. Having Cordelia around helped me. It made me remember that you were real, that what we had was real. It hurt but I needed that reminder to convince myself you weren't a dream. I wanted it to be you there everyday but it wasn't safe and I loved you too much to allow it." Angel shot her a half grin and once again leant down to kiss her, this time getting a response.**

**Buffy half heartedly grimaced and chuckled. "Well if that choice comes up again, could you love me a little less?"**

"**Not a chance beloved". Angel entwined their fingers and they continued the walk back to Giles.**

* * *

**As they got closer to Giles', Buffy began to panic slightly. Her pulse quickened and her breathing shallowed.**

"**Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Angel pulled them to a stop, looking intently at her.**

"**Promise me Angel, promise you're coming back for me. You're not leaving me".**

"**Buffy I swear to you, I'm not leaving you, we're no where near over and I'm never leaving you again. We just have to live apart for a while". Angel's un-beating heart broke for his beloved and he pressed a desperate kiss to her lips.**

**Buffy wrapped her arms round his neck, deepening the kiss, pulling him into the familiar alley behind Giles'. Angel's large hands slid down either side of her waist to grip the back of Buffy's thighs, holding them firmly he lifted her, wrapping her legs round his waist. They both groaned at the friction as Buffy ground her heat on his firming member, her fingers digging in to his rippling muscles. **

**Angel released her mouth so she could breathe, placing small licks and bites down her neck to her collarbone, thrusting lightly against her.**

"**Please Angel, I need to feel you, I need you to show me" Buffy managed to moan out, her hands pulling apart either side of his shirt, luckily saving the buttons. She shivered as he nipped her neck, fully aware of the ability he had to sink his fangs into her and drain her dry. Instead of fear, lust shot through her already heated veins at the thought of Angel's fangs piercing her neck. She rubbed her hard nipples against his chest and squeezed her legs together trying to alleviate some of the tension.**

**Angel growled and slammed his slayer against the rough brick wall, absorbing her breathy cry into his mouth as his lips took possession once again. The raw need passed from Buffy to Angel in an instant and he reached between them, easily working her button free, yanking her jeans from her legs.**

"**Wrap your legs around me lass, I'm going te take you hard and fast. I'm going to fuck you so hard against this wall you'll never forget you're mine". Angel couldn't prevent his game-face appearing as Buffy's lust-filled scent hit his senses, he released a low growl as he positioned his hard weeping tip at her opening. "So wet for me lass, so hot ye almost burn me. My cock fills you like you were made for me".**

"**Just for you Angel, always for you". Buffy had nearly come apart at the dirty words falling from his sinful mouth, all the more decadent where he had once again slipped into his Irish brogue. Thrilling her with his lack of control.**

**Angel kissed her with unrestrained passion before slipping his tongue into her mouth, exploring her as he thrust forward, firmly embedding his cock deep inside her waiting pussy. Angel swallowed her keen of ecstasy like air and began a pounding pace as he thrust into her over and over. His tongue mimicked his movement, fucking her mouth, claiming her as his own in everyway.**

**Buffy braced her arms on the wall, the slight pain from being pounded into the wall unnoticed as she focused on Angel's dick filling her, clenching her inner muscles round him when he was fully inside her. **

**Angels eyes rolled back as Buffy tightened around him over and over. The need to bite her rose, in an almost desperate way he needed to mark her before he left. Needed the security of knowing everything in their world knew she was his. Angelus just egged him on, wanting Buffy's potent blood, wanting the maximum pleasure as he enjoyed the current claiming of their mate. **

"**Yes Angel! Right there baby! I'm going to come so hard round your cock baby". Buffy's arms tightened round his neck.**

**Both Angel and Angelus barely held onto their control as Buffy's words hit them, mildly surprised at her ease in talking that way. "I'm going to bite you baby, you're mine and I want everyone to know it". Without a second thought, Angel roughly thrust his cock into her and slipped his fangs into her throat, her blood hitting him instantly. **

**Buffy's head swam as she was hit from every sense, the feeling of both Angel's cock and fangs in her pushed her screaming over the edge, a million stars bursting behind her closed lids. The sudden bombardment of Angelus' input had her tightening hard round Angel's swelling shaft, ripping his release from him. A vampiric roar muffled against her throat as he shot his load deep inside her.**

_**Come over my cock baby, that's it, cover it with your juices. You're mine. Your blood is mine. That's it, fuck her hard against the wall. Take her like she deserves to be fucked. Fuck soo good Buff, I'll never get enough. So tight around my cock Buff, squeeze me….Mine!**_

Angel slowed his thrusts as he finished emptying himself inside her, resting his forehead against hers.

_**Well, we should say good-bye more often!**_

Angel ignored Angelus' satisfied smirk automatically and was surprised when Buffy hit his shoulder. "Hey?"

"Oh sorry baby, that was meant for Angelus, interrupting pig"

_**You loved it Buff- you know soul boy couldn't have fucked you that sinfully and thoroughly in some dirty alley, that was me in their too. I mean it, you are mine.**_

"Says the one in the box?" Angel raised his brow before turning his attention back to Buffy. Wait, beloved, you can hear Angelus again?" He felt Angelus' excitement at the possibility.

"Oh! Yeah, I guess I can. That's weird, I had been getting used to the quiet again". Buffy whimpered as Angel's now softened penis slipped from her hole. He lowered her onto shaky legs and pressed a loving kiss to her forehead.

"_**Alright for you Buff, you don't get left with a whiney ass soul to drive you crazy 24-7! Least there is a possibility of getting my cock sucked from you. Mm and a taste of your sweet blood Buff."**_

"Hmm, blood. I wonder if that's why. I mean the aspect was all about the demons blood so I guess you could say you drinking my blood reactivates it?" Buffy's brow furrowed as she straightened her clothes.

Angel redid his buttons and looked over to Buffy. "You know that'll take some getting used to".

"Huh? What will?"

"_**You not playing the dumb blonde we know and love to fuck Buff. Always knew you had a few more brain cells than they all gave you credit for. That's why I didn't underestimate you. You haven't got yourself a stupid demon here either baby."**_

"You, being so clever. I knew you were always smart but you never realised your potential. I'm sorry for what you had to go through but I'm so proud of you Baby. You've done so well at school and what you've picked up and learnt just by reading is amazing".

"Yeah well, I've had a lot of time on my hands. I don't like what happened either, but I'm glad in a way. The stuff I've learnt Angel, it's amazing. I really believe knowledge is power. I've always felt a frustration that I wasn't making the best of myself, using any excuse to not apply myself. Now I feel like I deserve to be who I am".

"_**Well as much as this so called pillow talk is giving me the warm tingles, I'm bored. Soulboy you know going back to L.A. is pointless, lets just stay in Sunnydale….or even better, stay **_**in**_**Buff, in Sunnydale".**_

Angel observed Buffy's slight blush with wonder, yet Angelus' statement rang true. It was time to go.

"I love you with everything I am Buffy".

"I love you Angel, Always, forever".

"_**Ahem"**_

I guess I'm warming to you Angelus. We'll talk later. Oh. Wait, well I guess we'll have to wait for the weekend".

Their mood rapidly deflated and no words were needed as they reached out and automatically entwined their fingers, walking out of the alley.

* * *

After spending more time than expected saying a private goodbye outside Giles' door, the supernatural pair walked solemnly into the living room.

"Finally! Jeez I thought you two were gonna stay out there forever". Faith sat up from her lounging position on the couch. Cordy was flicking through a magazine, Gunn was watching 'Passions' with Spike all the while pretending to hate it. Giles and Wes were sitting at the table drinking tea, books surrounding them. Giles quickly shut his and stood, embracing Buffy in a brief hug that said everything.

"Sorry, we were just, erm, saying goodbye" Buffy blushed and Angel couldn't resist her pout, leaning down to give her a brief kiss.

"Without words?" Faith's eyebrow raised in question.

"The best way ain't it Peaches?" Spike smirked, raising his mug before crunching another 'Weetabix' in it.

"Look we're sorry, I know you guys need to get going, you'll still make it back with plenty of time before sunrise, plus if it's raining like today, it won't even matter". Buffy had resolutely ignored the stacks of bags by the front door, another reminder that the love of her life would be leaving her. Again.

"Depends how long it takes you to pack I guess" Gunn smirked.

"Pack? Ah really Giles? Are you and Wes doing a whole big resource swap thing? Can we leave the last section from the bottom shelf. I've not finished with them yet. The new material will be handy though, I guess I'm still gonna have a lot of reading time on my hands". Buffy let out a sigh and made her way over to the bookcase, picking up Giles' book from the table.

Giles started and took the book back, causing Buffy to look at him. Keeping a firm grip on the book he removed his glasses. "Erm, perhaps you have the wrong idea Buffy. You see dear girl, you need to pack your stuff. Your Mother is leaving Friday-"

"She's kicking me out? Damn can't I catch a break?"

"Buffy for Christ sake, pull yourself together. Here we are trying to do a good thing, trying to tell you that you're coming to L.A. with us and all you can do is flit around like you've been drinking Mountain Dew for three hours straight." Cordy shoved her hands on her hips, pointedly glaring at Buffy. Until she noticed the stares from the others and Buffy's open mouthed gape.

"I'm going to where? Wha-? I don't, I mean. As much as I'd love to Cordy it's not gonna happen. I mean I have the hell mouth and, and, and well school. Responsibilities".

Cordy shrugged at the others and figured she may aswell be the one to take this conversation. "Faith is here".

"Cordy, I wouldn't call Faith a responsibility". Buffy shot an apologetic look Faiths way, shocked at the brunette smirking at her. "I mean she's been through a lot, but we're okay now, better than ever. I trust her."

"Do you B?" Faith asked joining with the conversation finally.

"Of course Faith, I don't know how it all happened but I know you've changed. I know I've changed. You're my sister in all this and I know you'll always do the best you can"

"I will. It might not always be the right thing but it will be as close as I can get it. But, do you trust me?"

"Yes Faith, Jeez. How many times".

"Do you trust me with the hell mouth?"

"Yes Faith, of course. I hope we're close enough now that if something wasn't right you'd be able to come to me. But you know what, I'm so proud of you. At the end of the day I shouldn't be here, it's your duty as much as mine and I have to give you the chance to prove to yourself that you can do it".

"So leave then"

"What? Faith I can't-"

"You just said it was time for me to learn that I can do it, that I can be a slayer. I can. And I'll have help from the G-man, even Spike and hey, I'll have a whole line of defence waiting a phone-call away. So blondie, are you going with your Honey?"

Buffy stood, open mouthed looking round the room. Her gaze flitted over a smiling Gunn, Wes and Cordy. A hopeful yet shocked Angel and a stoic as always Oz. She settled on Giles. "Giles? What? I mean. Is it possible?"

"Buffy, my dear girl. We have been through different possibilities and as much as I'll miss you, you deserve it. I think you'll enjoy it and Faith is right. The slayer line rests with her, how will she ever reach her full potential with you here? I'm happy to stay on here as Faith's watcher and I'm sure our visits and communications will be plenty. You'll only be a few hours away after all. As for school. Buffy, do you think I haven't noticed your recent concentration on your studies, your sudden aptitude to research and maturity. You know you will pass the early courses this semester which opens you up to anything. Buffy you've completed your studies a year early. It's extraordinary".

"So, I can go? I can just up and leave Sunnydale? I can go with Angel?" Buffy's voice broke on the last word and looked up at Giles with tears in her eyes.

"Yes Buffy. Go live your life with the man you love. You won't be able to ignore your calling but I shouldn't imagine you would want to". Giles sent a look over to Angel, noticing the thankful look at Giles use of the term 'man'. They shared a look communicating a thousand things, from the Father to the Lover, a warning and a promise. Satisfied, Giles turned back to Buffy.

"No it's part of who I am. What about the council?"

"Let me deal with the council Buffy". Giles kept that particular worry to himself. He owed it to his slayer to make this as easy as possible. He would fob them off as long as he could.

Buffy turned to Angel, her eyes bright with unshed tears as her mind ran with the possibilities. "Angel? What do you think?"

"Buffy, I want you with me more than anything but only if it's what you want. If it's too fast or you want some time to think I understand. I don't expect you to give up your life for me".

"_**Shut up you moron! Yes Buff of course he wants you. If he doesn't, let me out and we'll never leave my bed. Soul boy you are pushing away a nightly supply of slayer blood and fucking our mate. Can you lose your mind as well as your soul??"**_

"Angel. Silly man. You _are _my life". Buffy shot across the room to Angel's arms, boosting herself up to wrap her legs round his waist, causing the other occupants to turn away (except Spike) feeling intrusive of the couple.

"Looks like we got ourselves some hot muscle joining the crew" Gunn smiled, stepping back when Angel growled. "Aww man come on. She's hot but it doesn't mean I would touch her".

"_**Too right Charlie boy. Like you would have a shot".**_

"So you guys would be ok with me coming with you?" Buffy looked uncertain to Wes, Gunn and Cordy.

"We orchestrated this whole thing Buffy! Well Faith, Wes and Giles did but we all approved and helped! I can't wait to get back to L.A. so can we go already. We all know you're going to come with us". The trip to Sunnydale had been a little too emotionally charged for Cordy and she couldn't wait to see the back of it.

"Yeah man, we need to get back to L.A."

"Ok, well you guys head back, I'll stay overnight with Buffy. Then you can pack, say your goodbyes and see your Mom off, ok Beloved?"

"Sounds perfect".

"They spent the next hour chatting, making plans and arrangements before the L.A. crew finally left. Giles watched the couple go with a mixture of emotions before returning to the table, and reopening his earlier book. Pouring himself a healthy shot of whiskey he continued his research alone.

* * *

Buffy and Angel ended up staying in Sunnydale till the Friday, spending quality time with her Mom, Giles and Faith.

Saying bye to her Mom and helping her put their personal possessions in storage had been hard for both Buffy and Joyce but renting it out provided an income and still let them hold onto the house that had seen so much. Buffy had given her details to the college and they had been reluctant to let such a good student go, her professors and advisors had all wished her the very best, shocked and awed by the positive change and happy glow that surrounded their previously withdrawn yet brilliant student.

Joyce was now on her way, a visit to Buffy's new home and vice versa already planned. Buffy had completed a heartfelt patrol with Faith the night before, re-affirming their bond and a quick stop-off warning to Spikes. Only to discover Angel had already dropped by with his own.

Oz had left with the L.A crew, planning to stay with them for a week and then moving off to get back to basics and learn about himself. No one had seen Willow and Buffy silently wished her old friend a goodbye, preying for the best possible outcome for the situation and worrying over how Willow's use of magic would turn out.

The hardest for Buffy was Giles. She gripped him a little tighter into her hug, pulling him away from the research he seemed to have been buried in recently and mindful of her strength. "You're like a Dad to me Giles. The best I could ask for. I'm gonna miss you. I love you Giles".

"And I you child. But don't think you're getting rid of me that easily or that I won't be checking up on you".

"I wouldn't expect anything less oh, watcher mine. I spoke to Leo earlier, just letting him know I was moving. I think things are going well for him. Him and Piper are expecting a baby! I can't wait to meet her. The Charmed ones Giles! Although good luck fighting evil with a baby, I feel so bad for them Giles. It's gonna be tough. Agh look at me having a good ramble, Angel's waiting in the car. Don't change your favourite to Faith OK, I don't think I could take that. I'm only a few hours away." Buffy's sudden rush made her miss the pained expression on Giles' face. He quickly masked it and said bye to his slayer.

"Never Buffy. I'll see you soon".

"Bye Giles, I'll call you when we get there".

Buffy got into the car besides Angel and took one last look back.

"Ready Sweetheart? Are you sure?" Angel knew that if it was possible his soul would have left him a thousand times over in the last few days. Buffy loved him enough to move with him, to leave her life behind. He just had to be sure to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He knew he didn't deserve it but until she changed her mind, he would have her anyway and for as long as he could. His heart felt like it was beating again, just in anticipation of having her with him but he had to be sure.

"Never been more sure of anything Angel. I love you" Buffy pressed a loving kiss to his lips and smoothed over his furrowed brow. "Angel, honestly I'm so excited. It's only because I keep expecting to wake up that I'm not bouncing around in my seat. As long as we're together we can face anything. Now take me home Lover" Buffy ended with a saucy wink.

"I love you Buffy. I can't wait to live with you, to have you in _our_ bed".

"Angel, take me to bed or lose me forever" Buffy grinned, running her hands up his thigh.

Angel started, gunned the engine and sped off heading out of Sunnydale. "What the lady wants".

….

Back inside, Giles slammed a book shut in frustration. His research not easy, he was trying to double and triple check information he already only had the bare information on. Deciding to give up till morning he shot back the rest of his whiskey and circled the last line he had translated.

_And from the two halves which become whole, does life create._

* * *

**A/N: Hey guys. Well erm, I don't really know what to say here, This fic is finished! I hope you have all enjoyed it. I'm not overly enamoured with this finale but musie had left me and I figured you guys deserved an update. Nice little opening for a sequel there don'tcha think? Any guesses on what might happen hmm?**

**A big thank you to all those who reviewed and had me on alert. I couldn't have done this without you, your support has meant the world, and I can't believe how nice you all are about my writing. As always a huge thank you goes to my pal Jen, she took me under her wing and I'm so glad I found her! (yes you too Rox & Summer lol, angelus ho's lol).**

**So once again, thank you for coming along for the ride, I hope it lived up to your standards and you all enjoyed it. I'm a little sad to let this one go….but as I said….sequel perhaps?**

**Check my profile for amazing stories and authors. Much love, happiness and best wishes to you all. xxxxxxxxxxxx**


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